Part Six: Betrayal
//Betrayal comes easy to us, as humans by nature are fragile and flawed. But what constitutes betrayal is as changeable as what constitutes love, truth, and reality. 'The dictionary defines 'to betray' as 'to fail or desert especially in time of need.' That doesn't sound too horrible, does it? Thou shalt not betray' is not one of the Ten Commandments, nor is it one of the seven deadly sins.
But it is a sin. One of the most devastating that can be committed.
What makes betrayal the ultimate is that it can only take place in the presence of true love and trust.//
Shirou Kamui lay awake.
//What the dictionary cannot tell you is that betrayal, true betrayal, only takes place between the closest of friends, comrades, or lovers. Of course it happens other places, but never to the same degree, and it never has the same effect.
What is betrayal?
It is a lie.
It is a smile that isn't genuine.
It is words unsaid, and words said to the wrong people at the wrong time.
It is spite.
It is hatred.//
He had been lying awake all night, tears slowly trickling down his cheeks and soaking into his pillow.
//It is being unloved.//
****
Subaru stared at his sister. "Neesan, when you told me I was going to get to meet a relative, you didn't say it was going to be the Fourteenth Head!" He fiddled nervously, straightening out invisible wrinkles in his shirt.
"Because I knew you'd freak out," Hokuto said calmly. "Oh, obaasama wants to see you too. She says she regrets having never met you except when you were a baby."
Subaru stammered incoherently for a few seconds, then the door opened. "The former Head will see you now," the man there intoned.
Subaru gulped nervously, then allowed Hokuto to propel him through the door.
"Konnichi wa, Obaasama!" Hokuto said, cheerfully ignoring all protocol, bouncing across the room, and embracing the elderly woman.
Subaru stopped to bow at the doorway, then take a few steps closer hesitantly, recalling Hokuto's words from earlier.
'I used to be scared of her when I was a kid,' she had said matter-of-factly, 'but surprisingly, she mellowed a lot when your namesake died. I think she cared for him a lot, and it really hurt her when he died. Anyway, she's really really really old, so don't startle her.'
"Come closer, child." The former Head's voice was dry and crackly, reminding him of old paper. "I don't bite. Not anymore, anyway."
Subaru kept walking forward until he was a few feet in front of the matriarch, then she beckoned him closer. Shifting uncomfortably, he came right up to her. She took his chin between her fingers and looked right into his eyes. "You do look terribly like him," she murmured.
Subaru swallowed nervously.
She released him. "Sit down, both of you. It's good to see you again, Hokuto, Subaru. It's been too long."
Hokuto chattered for a while about how Subaru's schooling was going and her job and how the two of them were getting along and other things. The elderly woman said very little, simply watching Subaru with sorrowful eyes.
"Obaasama, sorry I'm late," a young man's voice intervened. He walked over and sat down, folding his legs underneath him. "Oh, you must be Hokuto and Subaru. My name's Takahashi."
"N-Nice to meet you," Subaru said.
"Now tell me," Takahashi said, "how did you two escape all the formal training? Not enough magic to really make it worth it?"
"I know I don't," Hokuto said with a laugh.
"I guess I must not," Subaru said nervously. "But I don't think they ever did any tests on me or anything."
Takahashi glanced at his grandmother and said nothing. "Well, let's see if I can't teach you that spell."
He spent about a half hour working with Subaru, until the younger boy could do the barrier spell adequately. The rest of their time was spent in idle conversation, except for a few more questions Subaru asked for his report. They had tea together, then the siblings left.
"Ano . . . Obaasama," Takahashi said uncertainly. "What am I missing here?"
She raised an eyebrow at him.
"His magic . . . it's far stronger than mine. His well of energy is unlike anything I've ever seen before. He's worthy to be Clan Head, if not more. Why was he never trained?"
Her eyes softened a little. "It's complicated, Takahashi."
"It's him, isn't it," Takahashi breathed. "It's the Thirteenth Head. Sumeragi Subaru."
She nodded. "I suppose . . . after watching how miserable he was . . . I didn't want to ruin this for him. If the universe was kind enough to give him another life, I'm not going to be the one to give him any standards or restrictions. He deserves to be happy this time."
Takahashi looked away for a second. "You really cared for him, didn't you."
She nodded again, slowly. "I made many mistakes with him. I wasn't meant to raise a child at that age, but I was the only parent he had. I tried . . . but it wasn't enough. So this time I'm leaving well enough alone. You never knew him very well, did you?"
Takahashi shook his head. "I was only seven when he died."
"When he was a child . . . well, he was very much like he is now. Sweet and shy and kind. By the time he died . . . he was bitter, a shadow of his former self, full of hatred and despair." Her voice faded. "And I shudder to think how much of it was my fault. I was never there when he needed me; I condemned him for what he was and who he loved."
Takahashi, fourteenth Head of the Sumeragi Clan, reached out and put a hand on his grandmother's shoulder. "I'm sure he forgives you."
"I know," she said. "But I don't think I can ever forgive myself. By doing this -- by letting him live this life in peace -- I'm making up for my sins. I just hope once, before I die, I can see that forgiveness in his eyes."
****
"Are you coming?" Fuuma asked, half-turning to Kamui.
"Nah." Kamui had been moping all day. "I don't really feel like being around anyone right now. I think I'll go eat in the library."
Fuuma grabbed him by the arm as he started to walk off.
//"i'm not finished with you yet, 'kamui.'"//
A shudder ran through Kamui's body, and Fuuma quickly let go. "Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."
"Don't worry about it." Kamui looked away. "What did you want?"
"What happened between you and Seishirou? You've been depressed ever since then."
"Nothing."
"I know you better than that."
Kamui let out a weak laugh. "Yeah. I guess you do."
"Kamui, please tell me."
"I just said a lot of things I shouldn't," Kamui said. "And . . . I guess it made me realize it's really time to let Subaru go. And I don't think I'm ready to do that."
He realized from the hurt look on Fuuma's face that he had once again said more than me meant to. He flinched away.
"I'm just . . . going to go . . ." Far far away, maybe to live in a hole someplace where I'll stop hurting the people who care about me. Kamui turned and half-ran for the stairs, heading up to the library.
He slumped at one of the tables and ignored his lunch. He wasn't really hungry anyway.
It wasn't until there was a slight cough that he remembered why he'd been meaning to come to the library for lunch for days now. He looked up suddenly to see a blond boy about his own age sitting at one of the other tables, meticulously eating rice and reading what looked like a history text.
"Ano . . ." Kamui cleared his throat nervously, and the boy looked up. He had huge golden eyes.
Definitely Kakyou.
Kamui wasn't in the mood to do this. He wanted to mope and be bitter and depressed, not try to befriend someone who was probably just as bitter and depressed as he was. "What are you reading?" he tried.
"Homework." Kakyou looked back at his book.
Great start, Kamui, Kamui thought to himself, rolling his eyes. There was at least one good thing, though -- Kakyou didn't recognize him. Apparently the Dreamgazer didn't have any past life memories.
"My name's Kamui," he tried.
Kakyou glanced up at him, then nodded a little, but didn't introduce himself.
Kamui groaned inwardly. This was not going well at all. "Why are you eating lunch up here?"
Kakyou looked at him. "Why are you?"
"Just didn't feel like dealing with all the people," Kamui said, truthfully enough.
"Maybe I don't either." Kakyou went back to his book.
Kamui ground his teeth. "Well, why not?"
Kakyou finally looked at him fully. "What do you want, Kamui-san?"
"You just . . . you looked lonely," Kamui said softly.
"I prefer it that way." Kakyou went back to his book.
"Why?" Kamui challenged.
Kakyou didn't even look up. "That was a hint, Kamui-san."
"I don't take hints."
"I can tell."
"Then answer my question."
Kakyou glared up at him. "I prefer being lonely because than I don't have to deal with people who try to force you into being their friend. There, was that hint blunt enough for you?"
Kamui flinched. "I'm sorry," he finally said, voice dull. "I was just trying to help. You looked really sad, and I thought . . ." His voice trailed off. "I don't know what I thought. Never mind. I'm sorry I bothered you."
He got up and left the library, leaving his book untouched on the table. Kakyou's eyes followed him out, but the other boy made no move to get up and follow him.
He wandered around on school grounds, hoping no one found him. Fuuma would just try to comfort him and that would make it worse. His stomach turned at the thought of seeing Subaru or Seishirou -- they were bound to be together, and probably being extremely cute. He didn't really feel comfortable taking his problems to Keichii -- no point in rubbing salt into Keichii's old wounds. And he was obviously not going to be able to talk to Kakyou.
He settled under a tree and spread out his lunch, then stared at it. He wasn't hungry at all. What he really felt like doing was having a good cry. Not that there was anyone to hold him. Subaru didn't care, and he was too unsure of his own feelings for Fuuma to use him that way.
"Hey, you look like you're moping."
"Wah!" Kamui scrambled to his feet as a dark-haired head and shoulders dropped, upside down, from the tree. The girl was hanging from her knees on a branch, her skirt carefully tucked around them. "You scared me!"
"Sorry!" The girl dropped to the ground and pushed her hair out of her face. "You okay? You looked pretty sad."
"Just having a few problems," Kamui said.
"Wanna talk?" the girl asked. "Most of my friends tell me I've got a pretty good listening ear. You know, you're familiar! What's your name?"
"Shirou Kamui . . ." The girl was familiar to him, too, but he couldn't quite place her.
"I guess I don't know you then. My name's Arisugawa Arashi."
Kamui nearly choked. Of course, it's Sorata, coming to let me talk out my troubles. What else is new.
Arashi plopped down at the foot of the tree, smoothing out her skirt. "So what's wrong? If you want to tell me, that is. It's funny, I feel like I really know you even though we only just met."
Kamui took a deep breath. "You really . . . don't mind if I tell you?"
"Nah, go ahead."
"Well . . ." Kamui paused for a minute. "There's this person that I like. And I've liked her for a long time." He decided not to mention the fact that Subaru was a man. Or Fuuma, for that matter. "But she likes someone else, and I think they'd be really happy with each other. And I want to be happy for them, but it's really hard. And there's someone else who likes me, and I'd really like to return her feelings, but I don't think I'm over my friend yet. And I feel really bad for both of them."
"We-e-ell," Arashi said slowly, "your other friend -- the one that likes you -- does she know about the girl you like?"
Kamui nodded. "Yeah."
"Does it bother her?"
"Well, she really likes me, so she says it's okay."
Arashi shrugged. "Then it's okay."
"But it feels like I should be doing something!"
"About what?"
"About . . . I mean, she doesn't like me, shouldn't I be giving up and getting over her or something?"
"Sure. But there's no rush. You're only -- what, sixteen?"
"Almost seventeen," Kamui said.
"Then what's your hurry? First heartbreak is the hardest to get over, ya know!" Arashi laughed. It was Sorata's loud, boisterous laugh, and it sounded completely bizarre coming from delicate feminine lips. Kamui had to fight to hold back a smile. "Just make sure that the one who likes you is willing to wait for you. If, that is, you think you could ever return his feelings. Because if you can't, you shouldn't string him along like that."
"I know I shouldn't."
"So what do you say?" Arashi asked. "Could you love him?"
Kamui thought about it, closing his eyes and letting the sunlight seep into his body. Thought about Fuuma's gentle smile, the cute little glasses he sometimes wore, the way he felt safe and sheltered in the other boy's arms. The determination he'd felt to get Fuuma back, and the devastation at his own failure.
"Yeah," he said softly. "I guess I could."
"Then don't worry about it! You worry too much; I can tell just by looking at you. Just tell him how you feel and you'll be okay."
Kamui suddenly frowned. "Wait, you said 'him.'"
Arashi burst into laughter again. "I've been saying 'him' since halfway through the conversation and you didn't even notice."
Kamui flinched. "Am I that transparent?"
"Yeah. No offense, but you are. Besides, I've seen you around. You like that pretty green-eyed kid, and the guy who likes you is that new transfer student. So don't get too offended -- I just notice stuff like that."
Kamui half-smiled. She's Sorata, all right. Perceptive as ever.
"So you all set now?"
Kamui nodded. "Yeah . . . thanks, Arisugawa-san."
"It's just Arashi. Hey, speaking of people we like!" Arashi perked up as a solid, stern-looking boy walked by. "He to your taste?"
"Nah. Too serious."
"Good, 'cause he's mine. He just doesn't know it yet. See you around, Kamui-kun!" Arashi sprang to her feet. "SORATA-KUUUUUN!" She waved to Kamui and ran over to attach herself to Sorata's arm. The other boy gave her a disdainful look.
And that's Arashi, Kamui thought, his bad mood entirely cured.
Arashi glanced back to see that Kamui was lying on his back, howling with laughter, and she wondered what he could possibly find so funny.
****
"Kamui? Kamui, wait!" Subaru half-jogged until he reached Kamui, then fell into step beside the younger boy. "Look, Sakurazuka-senpai told me what happened -- I'm really, really sorry, Kamui, I just didn't think about the fact that it would hurt you. It's so easy for me to talk to him that I don't really think about what I'm saying."
Kamui wanted to be angry with him, but couldn't quite manage it. "Don't worry," he finally said with a sigh. "I suppose it's his right to know, since he's interested in you."
Subaru blushed. "I really don't think he's interested in me that way," he mumbled.
"Yes, but that's because you're in denial," Kamui said calmly.
Subaru muttered something, then said louder, "Where were you at lunch?"
"I ate up in the library. I had a headache."
"Oh. Are you okay?"
"Yeah. I'm fine now." And he was. Arashi's words had done a lot to lighten his heart. He couldn't help the way he felt about Subaru, but with time and patience he would get over it, so why worry? As long as Fuuma was willing to wait, and he obviously was, there wasn't really a problem.
"Good. Hey, how was our presentation today?"
"Really good. The little spell thing you did was a nice touch." Kamui added privately that he was surprised that Subaru still had his magic. Then again, he was still a member of the Sumeragi Clan. Kamui still had his magic, though he never used it, but he thought it was because he was the Kamui. This new development made Kamui nervous -- did Seishirou still have his?
And, worse yet, what about Fuuma?
"I can't believe no one would throw something at me to prove it," Subaru grumbled. Seishirou had finally had to start the ball rolling by tossing a pencil at him. After it had harmlessly bounced off the barrier, the rest of the class had gotten in on the act, causing mayhem until Keichii shouted to put a stop to it.
"We just don't want to see you get hurt," Kamui said.
"No faith in my magical abilities."
"Until today, none of us knew you had them," Kamui pointed out.
"True. Very true."
"So are you doing anything with Sakurazuka-senpai today?" Kamui asked. "You've been getting together every day to work on the project."
"Yeah, but that was for the project. So I guess we aren't. I mean, why would we?"
Kamui looked at his friend's faintly blushing face and grinned.
Because he could come up with a suitably snide reply, they heard a voice behind them. "Subaru-kun!"
Subaru stopped and turned, blushing fiercely. "Eheh . . . hi . . ."
"Why'd you run off?" Seishirou asked. "You aren't going to start that again, are you?"
"No . . . of course not . . ."
"Then come on. Want to go out for ice cream?" He turned to Kamui. "You're invited too, of course."
Kamui smiled, sensing the not-so-subtle apology for what had happened the day before. "Thanks. We'd love to."
Subaru stammered for a minute, then gave in.
"Can we take a detour?" Kamui asked. "Fuuma was getting his bike. We can ask him along."
"Sure," Seishirou and Subaru agreed in unison, then Subaru blushed and Seishirou smirked.
They met up with Fuuma, who was perfectly agreeable to the idea of ice cream.
"What are we doing tomorrow?" Fuuma asked as they all sat down at a small picnic table with their cones, Seishirou a bit closer to Subaru than propriety would normally dictate and the Sumeragi not looking displeased at all about this. "It's Sunday; we should do something."
Silence fell while they all thought about this.
"We should go on a picnic," Subaru said. "The good weather won't last much longer. Neesan will make us some food." He glanced at Kamui. "Your mother will too, won't she?"
Kamui nodded. "Sure."
"I can bring some stuff," Seishirou volunteered.
Fuuma nodded. "I can beg Kotori to cook."
"In that case, I'd better go," Subaru said. "To give Neesan some advanced warning. And anyway, she wanted to show me some stuff. Should we meet at noon tomorrow?"
Kamui nodded and suggested a park as far from Ueno Park as was physically possibly without leaving the confines of Tokyo. This was quickly agreed on.
"Can I walk you home?" Seishirou asked Subaru.
The younger boy blushed. "Um, sure."
"See you guys later," Kamui said, waving as the two of them walked off.
"Where'd you go at lunch?" Fuuma asked him.
"Up to the library. I just didn't feel like dealing with people. Of course, I ran into Kakyou and that just made it worse."
"How so?"
"He's very . . ." Kamui searched for a word and came up with, "bitter. He doesn't have any memories, so I guess it's all subconscious, but I think he knows he was hurt really badly last time around . . . so he doesn't want to let anyone in."
"Understandable," Fuuma said.
"Yeah, but how are we going to help him if he won't even talk to me?"
Fuuma frowned for a minute, then snapped his fingers. "Kotori."
"Kotori?" Kamui echoed, surprised.
"Yeah. She was friends with Kakyou, too. And she has much better people skills than us. And he couldn't feel threatened by her. She's in the same grade as him; she might have some of the same classes. I'll ask her about it."
"Okay." He felt better, having come up with a plan. It took some of the weight off his shoulders.
"Never thought of myself as a matchmaker," Fuuma said with a laugh. "But it's almost like we were all paired off."
"Well, we are, sort of," Kamui said. "Me and you, Subaru and Seishirou, Sorata and Arashi, Seiichirou and Karen, Yuzuriha and Kusanagi . . ."
"Kakyou and Hokuto, Satsuki and Yuuto . . . though I'm glad they're the same age this time, that gave even me the creeps, and I don't think Yuuto liked it much either. Hm . . . I think that's everyone, but there's someone being left out . . ."
"My side's done," Kamui said.
"Nataku," Fuuma said. "I don't know what was supposed to happen to Nataku. It didn't even have a gender."
"Hm, the only other one left is Kotori," Kamui remarked.
The two of them blinked at each other, then burst into laughter.
****
"Do you want to come in?" Subaru asked hesitantly. "Neesan says I should have you come over more often so she can make sure you eat properly . . ."
"I do eat properly," Seishirou said. "But I'd love to come in."
"Neesan just thinks that no teenaged male is actually capable of taking care of himself," Subaru said, opening the door. "Tadaima!"
"Okaeri!" Hokuto bounced into the front hallway.
"Sorry to bother you," Seishirou said.
"Yay! You brought Sei-chan!" Hokuto glomped onto her brother. "What do you two want for dinner?"
"Anything's fine, neesan. What did you want to show me?"
"Oh, right!" Hokuto snapped her fingers. "Come in here."
They followed her into the living room, where she had a photo album sitting on the table. "This was Mom and Dad's," she said. "I found it while I was cleaning yesterday. It's got a photo I want you to see."
She flipped open to a photograph of the inner Clan. It contained about ten people. "This is from a family reunion about . . . oh, almost thirty years ago, I guess," she said. "See?" She pointed to the two people sitting front and center. "It's us!"
"Huh?" Subaru asked.
"It's the original Hokuto and Subaru," she said. "See?"
Subaru peered at the picture. "Oh, yeah . . ."
"He looks an awful lot like you," Seishirou observed. "And his sister looks like you," he added, directing the comment at Hokuto.
"It's weird," Subaru said, running his fingers over the picture. He shivered a little. "Obaasama did say I looked like him . . . I wish I knew why he died . . ."
Hokuto picked up the photo album and shut it. "Don't worry about it, Subaru-chan. It's all in the past anyway."
"It's not finished yet," Subaru said. "I know it's not."
Seishirou impulsively reached out and took his hand. "You worry too much, Subaru-kun."
Hokuto giggled. "I'll just leave you two alone . . ." she said, running out of the room.
Subaru looked down at his hand in Seishirou's and swallowed hard. "Uhm . . . I . . ."
"Subaru-kun . . . I . . ."
Subaru looked up and their eyes met.
// "i could break your arm right now, and it would mean nothing to me"
"i love him. i realized when he lost his eye to protect me . . ."
"you'll be killed by the person you love most"
"kamui, please forgive me"
blood and sakura petals thick in the air//
Subaru jerked back as if Seishirou had burned him. "What was that?" he gasped out.
"I don't know," Seishirou said, his voice a tiny bit hoarse. "It was weird, whatever it was."
Subaru shivered, freeing his hand from Seishirou's and looking away.
"Let's talk about something else," Seishirou said quickly.
"Yeah, let's," Subaru said, and between the two of them, they managed to lighten the tension some. Seishirou left soon after dinner.
"Have you told him you like him yet?" Hokuto asked.
"No . . ."
"And why not?" she asked imperiously, tapping her foot.
"Because I'm scared?" Subaru guessed, hoping it was the right answer.
It was. Hokuto deflated. "Don't be scared, Subaru-chan . . . he's a really nice guy; I think he'd be really good for you."
"That's what everyone says," Subaru groaned. "I'm just nervous. It's like . . ." He paused, trying to find the right words. "It's like I see something out of the corner of my eye, but when I turn to look at it, it's gone. My whole life feels like that right now. I'm missing something really big and I just can't put my finger on what."
"Something about Seishirou?" Hokuto asked.
He nodded. "But it's more than that. Seishirou-san and the original Sumeragi Subaru and the dreams I have and the weird feeling I get when Seishirou-san touches me and . . . what?" He broke off as he saw the strange look Hokuto was giving him.
"Oh, nothing. That's just the first time I've ever heard you call him 'Seishirou-san.'"
Subaru paused. "I did?"
She nodded. "Yeah. You didn't mean to?"
"No. I just wasn't thinking. It sounds . . . familiar, somehow . . ."
Hokuto shivered. "Stop it. You're giving me the creeps."
"I'm giving myself the creeps, neesan! I don't know what's wrong with me!"
She gave him a hug. "There's nothing wrong with you. It's just . . ."
"Just what? What is it, neesan?"
"Okay, I don't know," Hokuto admitted. "But you're getting way too worked up over it."
"You don't have to live with these dreams, neesan," Subaru moaned. "They're awful. They never leave me alone, not even during the day anymore. Seishirou-san is the only thing that makes them go away."
"You just did it again!" Hokuto was by now completely freaked out. "Quit calling him that!"
Subaru cradled his head in his hands. "I don't know what to do . . ."
"Try admitting your feelings to him and see if it helps," Hokuto suggested. "If seeing him makes the dreams better, then so might other stuff."
"I'll try," Subaru said with a sigh. "But no guarantees."
Hokuto shrugged. "When in life is there?"
****
//there is a new dimension to the dreams now. before it was only the blood and the pain, but now there is more, an added element that subaru cannot place among the myriad images.
sheets wound around him
weight pinning him down
hatred --
and passion.//
****
