Title: Without You Part Three

All other things in part one

Enjoy!

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March 11, 2002

6:45 a.m.

Walking through the door of the X-files' office has gotten harder and harder every day that I've done it. I expect to see Mulder hunched over a file reading intently, expertly cracking his sunflower seeds. But for the past week, nothing.

Today is no different. The office is quiet and not even Agent Doggett is here this early in the morning. I know that it isn't the best thing to do coming in this early in the morning, but my apartment is so lonely.

Of all the people that go in and out of my life everyday the only two that I want to see aren't here any longer. All I have to keep me going is the unborn child that I now carry.

"God-damn it, Mulder why'd you have to leave me again?" I whisper into the darkened basement office. "I don't have the strength to do this on my own."

Nothing.

As I expected he wouldn't respond. Sitting down at Mulder's desk I let out a long sigh. I open the desk drawer and pull out his name plate, running my fingers over his name.

'SPECIAL AGENT FOX MULDER'

I can hardly see his face any longer and its only been three weeks. Three long weeks that I barely drug my self through. I remember his deep hazel eyes and the intense stare that he would always have when he had the greatest theory.

He was always searching for a truth, for his truth and he never found it. But maybe we did find it.

Holding onto our tiny infant son in my arms I proceed closer to Mulder. His grin widen as he pulls back the blanket covering the child's face. Carefully he takes our child into his arms, looking at him in awe.

"What are you going to call him?" Mulder inquires whispering softly as he continues to look at the small child.

"William," I say pausing, "After your father."

"You know he has your coloring and your eyes, but he suspiciously looks like Assistant Director Skinner," Mulder says playfully.

I laugh at his joke, but I stop to watch the two of them. A bond already forming between father and son and I realize what I...what we could have lost.

"I don't understand it Mulder. They came to take him from us...why the didn't" I say quietly watching the love of my life and my infant son.

"I don't quite understand that either except that maybe he isn't what they thought he was...but that doesn't make him any less of a miracle, now does it?" Mulder inquires looking up at me.

I shake my head, "From the moment I became pregnant I feared the truth about how...and why. And I know that you feared it too."

"I think that we feared the possibilities--the truth we both know."

"Which is what?" I inquire staring into his beautiful eyes.

Mulder leans in taking me in a romantic kiss with our son in between us. Some how, some way our child was our miracle, Mulder and mine not any one else's.

"Agent Scully?" Doggett's voice says interrupting my thoughts of Mulder and William.

"I'm sorry?" I say shocked that he was standing there in front of me.

He stares at me intently for a moment, sensing that something isn't quite right.

"Are you okay, Agent Scully?" Doggett inquires.

"I'm fine..." I tell him, trying to put on a smile, but I don't succeed.

As hard as I try to hold it back, tears well up in my eyes. I could blame the emotions on the hormonal changes in my body or I could just face the facts that I'm not fine.

Doggett continues to stare as I stand up quickly trying to show him that I'm fine. But my knees turn to jelly and my head starts to spin as I try and hold myself up.

Within seconds Doggett is at my side, helping me back into my chair.

"Agent Scully, You're not 'fine'" he says.

I bite my lip and nod, trying to hold back the tears that have formed in the corners of my eyes.

"I'm just tired. I couldn't sleep last night," I tell him pathetically.

"Why don't you go home, get some sleep and see how you feel when you wake up," Doggett states.

I nod in agreement and stand up again, slower.

"On second thought, Agent Scully, why don't I give you a ride home. I don't think you should be driving."

"Really, Agent Doggett, I'll be fine," I respond knowing deep down that I wouldn't be.

"Dana, you can't even stand up without feeling dizzy, I couldn't imagine you driving home," he says already grabbing his coat and ushering me out the door.

"But I need my car, John. I have a doctor's appointment this afternoon," I say wearily.

He continues to usher me towards the elevator, hitting the button and stewing a plan over in his head.

"Agent Doggett, I really appreciate this, but--"

"--No buts, Agent Scully, I'm giving you a ride home and I'll come and pick you up for your appointment. I am sure that I can get away from the paperwork for a few hours," Doggett says forcefully.

The elevator door opens on the main floor and look at him defeated.

"Fine."

On the ride home I must have dozed off along the way because before I knew it we were sitting outside my apartment building.

"Agent Scully, wake up," Doggett says as he gently shakes me awake.

I blink away the blurriness and stare at Doggett for a moment, realizing that if I would have driven home I probably would have found myself wrapped around a tree.

He gets out of the car and helps me out. The dizziness hits right away. During my pregnancy with William I don't ever remember being dizzy, I remember the morning sickness that lasted all day, but the dizziness was something I didn't have.

And then it hits me--when was the last time I had something to eat? Have I really neglected myself that much in the past few weeks.

As all this is going through my head Doggett continues to help me up to my apartment. He stops at the door and I get out my key. Agent Doggett takes it from me and opens the door.

"What times your appointment at?" he inquires still stubborn about driving me to the doctor.

"Really, John, I could get my mother to come and give me a ride. You don't need to do this," I tell him as I find my way to my couch.

"It isn't any trouble," he assures me.

"Two o'clock," I say finally giving in.

My eyes continue to get heavy and I'm so tired. The door clicks behind Doggett as he leaves.

"Scully, you've got to stay strong," Mulder says in the darkness of my mind.

"I know, Mulder, but its so hard."

"Fight for this child, Scully. It's the only piece that you have left of me and of William."

Mulder fades away quickly from the dream world as it turns to total darkness.

KNOCK, KNOCK, echoes through the apartment and I pull myself up off the couch groggily looking at the clock.

1:30.

"Agent Scully, It's Agent Doggett," Doggett yells through the door.

I stand up and head for the door, feeling a little bit more refreshed, but still very dizzy.

Doggett's face tells it all. He's horribly concerned about me and I know that I'm an ass for always assuring everyone that I'm perfectly fine.

"How was your nap, Agent Scully?" Doggett inquires, trying to break the tension.

"I feel a lot better," I pause and then open the door wider, "You can come in."

I head for the kitchen and grab a banana to eat.

"Ready to go, Agent Scully?" Doggett asks.

I just nod, realizing that I'm lucky to have been paired with such a considerate person, but it should have been Mulder taking me to our first appointment. It should have been Mulder being concerned with the dizziness and the nausea, but he's not here.

It finally hits me after just walking around in a daze for three weeks--Mulder is never coming back. He's gone.

He's no longer alive.

Dead.

At that point I start to sob uncontrollably, trying to hold it back, but I reach the point where the sobs shake my body.

Doggett reaches out and I hold back for a moment before I collapse, crying on his shoulder. He knows what I'm going through, but I start to cry harder knowing that like Doggett slowly let go of his son, in time I'd have to let go of Mulder and my own son and start to live again.

I don't think I'm ready for that. But as the child grows within my womb I will have to start to live again--for this child and for me.

TO BE CONTINUED

Stay tuned for part four and beyond! Please read and review