Title: Without You Part Eleven

All other disclaimers, etc in part one.

Enjoy!

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May 19, 2002

A'lie Inn

Roswell, New Mexico

2:05 a.m.

Mulder steadily breathes. I watch as his chest rises and falls. Just twenty-four hours ago we were boarding a plane against medical advice. Well, actually, without medical personal knowing and in turn I guess it was the worst thing to do. Taking a man that shouldn't even be alive out of the hospital, but it was no or never.

After going through so much in the past few months I fear that I have inherited Mulder's insomniac nature. I can't sleep now. Even though I want to.

Maybe, it is the kinetic forces of knowing that my child is so close, yet still so far away from me that keeps my eyes open and the thoughts running through my mind.

All I need is to feel the weight of his body in my arms again. To look at that drool filled face, grinning at me like any toddler would and to know that he's finally safe. Not dead in the ground, but rather finding out that the whole entire death was a mistake. They were never dead. They weren't taken from me by the cruel forces of God or of something else that even God has no power or control over.

He should have been walking by now. I can only imagine the scene. Mulder letting him wobble on his own to legs and then slowly, but surely walking towards my out stretched arms, giggling as he falls into my arms.

I turn over in the bed and face away from Mulder placing my hand on my abdomen. I have just about reached the halfway point of this pregnancy and I still can't truly believe it. Two lives move within. Two little miracles.

Protectively I rub the swell of my abdomen, trying to soothe myself and these babies. They meant too much to me and to Mulder. All we need is to find William and we'll have our family. Our perfect family.

I think that this is the time that I want to settle down and live a normal life. No more conspiracies, no more aliens, or being from another world. I don't want to deal with it anymore...I don't think that I can.

Turning back over to stare at Mulder I realize that at one point in our lives we started out as two different people. But over the past decade we became one soul, and mind. We searched in vain for a truth that maybe, we were too afraid to see. A truth that was right in front of us the entire time.

Getting up slowly I slip on a sweatshirt and head out into the cool night that rarely finds the New Mexico desert in the middle of May. Its odd all right.

Walking out the door I stare up at the perfect sky. Stars twinkling, giving their light off to spectators on Earth as well as other places.

I close my eyes and remember a time not that long ago when Mulder was painfully close to finding his sister.

Walking out of the diner after hearing Mulder read from Samantha's journal is almost too much to bear. I can't believe that of everything that he has searched for and believed in might not be that at all.

He stops abruptly and looks up towards the starry night sky.

"You know, I never stopped to think that the light is billions of years old by the time we see it. From the beginning of time right past us into the future, nothing as ancient in the universe. Maybe they are souls, Scully. Traveling through time as starlight looking for homes. I wonder what my mother say. And I wonder what she was trying to tell me."

I shake my head at the possibility, "Get some sleep."

I walked away from him that night as he was still staring up at the sky, wondering about his sister. I fear that that was the night he started to let go, knowing that she was long gone to the world. I hope to God that he didn't feel like a failure because of the endless search he put up that ultimately ended in disappointment.

But if he wouldn't have had that desire, that kind of drive there would have been countless other lives that would have been lost, lives that he saved...that we saved together.

Blinding headlights pull into the parking lot and my gaze is averted to the tall figure stepping out of the car.

John Doggett walks towards me, his poker face not even remotely showing the reason that he is here.

"Agent Scully--"

"--what have you found?" I interrupt before he can even begin.

"Is Mulder sleeping?"

"Yeah. What did you find?" I ask persistently.

"How are you feeling?" he inquires again avoiding my question.

"Fine, damn it. John quit beating around the bush. What the hell have you found?"

Mulder walks out of the motel room door, looking confused as to why Doggett was standing there in front of him.

"Agent Doggett, isn't it a little early for work?" Mulder asks trying to humor us, but the tension is too great.

"Mulder, John's found something," I tell him quietly.

"What have you found?" he asks now wanting to know as badly as I do.

"County sheriff thinks they found a one-year old boy off the highway 'bout half a mile--" John Doggett says grimly.

"Is it William?" I inquire staring at him, wanting to and needing to know more.

Doggett only nods his head, tears already glistening in his eyes.

"Dana, Fox, they...uh...he's..."

"What? John?" I yell at him, already sensing the worst.

"I'm so sorry," he whispers, "I...I"

"Oh my God," I whisper, starting to sob uncontrollably. Mulder places his arms around me balling with me.

Three FBI agents stood outside the ridiculous A'lie Inn crying that night for my son, our son, and even in a way John's son.

Bright rays of the sun never come up that day, rather it started to pour rain. Pour rain in the desert for three days straight, something locals just couldn't figure out.

All hope was dashed, and in a way it was the end of something for me. The end of a day when I knew innocence was lost. Indivertibly we lost a part of ourselves, and our innocence that could never be replaced.

TO BE CONTINUED

Stay tuned! R&R