~*+*~

The alarming sound of an incoming message pulled Deanna out the trance-like state she'd been in. 'Mother' The thought to simply ignore the message crossed her mind and she took it under serious consideration. Hitting the 'accept' button on the screen she made her choice.

Dea? What happened? Blinking Deanna studied the screen.

"Chandra?" The face, hair and voice were definitely Chandra's but she had been so sure it was Lwaxana that she couldn't quite believe it was Chandra instead.

That's my guess. Why? Who were you expecting? The empathy smiled at her friends quick-witted response.

"Well, Mother for one."

Ah, well don't worry about her. Frowning Deanna waited for her friend to continue. I told Beverly I'd convey the message to Lwaxana. Sighing she relaxed, at least she had some more time to prepare facing her mother now. Now, why did you cancel the wedding? Beverly refused to tell me. Rolling her eyes Deanna took a deep breath. She was glad Beverly hadn't informed Chandra, though she would admit that she wouldn't have minded it either.

Look Deanna, if you did it because you're scared I can assure that that is perfectly normal. I was scared too and I'm sure Beverly told you that she was scared as well.

"She did." Self satisfied Chandra locked her eyes on Deanna's. The two friends studied each other for a while when suddenly Chandra's face became serious and she leaned forward. Dea? What happened? The tone of the blonde woman's voice made it clear that she wouldn't give up until she had a full explanation. Deanna also knew that Chandra knew her well enough to tell when she was lying or hiding something or was hurting without empathy or telepathy.

"We had a fight last night."

Sounds normal to me. Chandra replied smiling.

"He said some *very* hurtful things. I went to see him early this morning to make up…"

Wait a minute, the fight was so bad that you didn't spend the night together?! Deanna knew why *that* particular question was raised. She had never shied away from making up a fight with Will instantly before.

"Yes, the fight was that bad." The eyes of the woman at the other end of the link widened at her admission. "I went to see him this morning, and walked in on him and some woman…naked." She was grateful for not beginning to cry again.

Chandra's mouth fell open and for a while she didn't know what to say. Deanna laughed and teased her. "My, my, the great Chandra Xerx doesn't know what to say! This should be officially recorded." In response the woman rolled her eyes and tried very hard not laugh…but she did. Yet she did not forget her question.

I'm so sorry for you.

"Everyone is. But that doesn't ease the pain." What was it with tears? They always came when you could use them the least.

No, it doesn't. Somehow, in the silence that followed both women found some solace. Have you decided what to do now? Deanna shook her head, her dark curls danced on the movements.

"No, not really. I can't go with Will to the Titan but I can't stay here either."

You know that you're always welcome here right?

"Yes I do. Shlarka Dzi Chandra." The Betazoid greeting said so much more than the old English one. The differences between the language was something she still was made aware of every day. The Betazoid language could convey so much more with words than the language that the Federation used. Perhaps it was because Betazoids were telepathic, or more spiritual than humans, but the fact remained that the difference was great. At times, she had found, too great.

Ara Tzi Deanna. Giving her an assuring and comforting smile Chandra closed the commlink and the screen turned black. For about two minutes Deanna simply stared at the screen, not thinking about anyone or anything.

~*+*~

"Doctor, I need your advice." With raised eyebrows Doctor Crusher turned around.

"Why am I not surprised?" Guilty he looked away. He realized that the anger and sarcasm in her voice were justified.

"I don't want to loose her Beverly."

"You have an awkward way of showing that Commander." Bowing his head he nodded, knowing full well that that was an understatement.

"How can I make it up to her? I'll do *anything*, *everything* to win her back."

"I don't think you can Will." Startled he looked up. The minute their eyes met Beverly started talking. "You know very well *why* it took Deanna so long to accept your proposal. And although neither of us know how much she was hurt when you left her on Risa we both know that it must've hurt a great deal. You've seen her reaction when she caught you with another woman the first time. And now you have, in her eyes, made the very same mistake *again*."

Having no defense against her words he patiently listened to them. "Deanna is the most gentle, caring and *trusting* person I know. She has a big heart and the gift to see something good in *everyone*. In addition she is...naive in her own way. That naiveness and trust caused her a great deal of pain before and it took a lot of courage and selflessness to put her fears aside and trust you again. She has learned her lesson Will."

"But I *love* her."

"And she knows that, but at this point the hurt is fiercer and stronger than love. There's only so much hurt one can take and I think that Deanna is well past her limits." Beverly's words only confirmed what he already feared. And although he didn't intend to let his Imzadi go like this, he now realized that if he didn't he would only cause her more pain.

That she wouldn't join him on the Titan was logical, and he wouldn't ask her to. Right now Deanna would need all her strength to rebuild her life. He was willing to acknowledge and accept that he wouldn't be part of it in order to keep himself from hurting her more.

On his turn he would use his transfer to the U.S.S. Titan as a new start for himself. After all, he too was hurting. Only his hurt was overshadowed by feelings of self-loathing, guilt and remorse, for now. One day that hurt would be all that was left, because he knew for a fact that the hurt would never go away.

~*+*~

Picard to Riker. Will's head shot up and his eyes quickly scanned the air above him as if expecting to see the Captain's face floating somewhere above him.

"Riker here."

Commander could you report to my Ready Room, now? Riker shut his eyes and responded.

"I'll be there in a minute Captain." Tapping his Badge, out he walked to the closest Turbolift.

~*+*~

Funny how the suitcase her mother had given her when she left for Starfleet Academy had seemed so much larger then than it did now. No matter what she tried she couldn't close it. Eventually she gave up and replicated a second one. Filling that one as well with clothes, books and some personal sculptures and others things. After one and a half hours of packing she was finally ready.

Captain Picard had told her she could use a shuttle rather than having to wait for a transport ship to cross their route. She had just received word from Starfleet Academy on Earth that she could start in two weeks. Years ago they had offered her a standing invitation to teach psychology and now that seemed a perfect solution.

The Captain had reluctantly agreed to let her go, but fortunately he understood her reasons and didn't object. Jean-Luc had assured her that she could return to the Enterprise anytime she wished and knowing that offered some kind of comfort. With her suitcases packed she was ready to go, all that remained was saying goodbye to her longtime friends.

~*+*~

"She *WHAT*?!" Commander William T. Riker literally jumped out his chair, his movements so brusque and sudden that they may have caused a Klingon to back away. But Jean-Luc Picard didn't move a muscle, seemingly oblivious to his First Officer's outburst.

"She asked for transfer Number One."

"Yes, I had expected that much but to *Earth*? Why doesn't she stay here?" For several moments he regarded the pacing commander in silence, until he saw that Will was just as upset as Deanna.

"Too many memories she said. I've given her one of the shuttles. She seemed bent on leaving as soon as possible."

"I can't blame her." Muttering the words Riker sagged back in the chair. "Did she say anything else?"

"No, just that the wedding was off and that she would leave for Earth."

"I see." The bearded man rose to his feet, looking more aged than Picard had ever seen.

"Will." Riker turned around, facing the older man behind the desk. "I'm sorry for the way things have ended up." Managing a weak smile he replied while exiting the Ready Room.

"Not half as sorry as I am." Picard remained seated behind his desk, wondering what the he*l could've cause so much hurt to both his officers and friends.