The truth was that Deanna Troi was miserable. She needed Will Riker more then she was willing to admit. She needed someone to love her and to love in return. The thought to ask Will to give their relationship yet another try had crossed her mind numerous times during her pregnancy and the first weeks after Kyleigh's birth. But her own pride and hurt had kept her from doing so. And then Riker had gotten married and not soon after his marriage his wife bore him a son; who was she to take him away from his family?

The worst part for her was that she simply couldn't bring herself to trust someone again. She had tried to start several relationships, but they all had failed. Her insecurity, her partner's frustration over her uncertainty and at least a dozen other reasons, the most important being that never, ever had she loved someone remotely as much as she had loved Will.

And then there was their link; it no longer allowed itself to be buried or ignored, making her aware of his presence 24/7. Not able to block him, she felt his mood swings even when he was on the other side of the quadrant. Would they have been together, it would've been wonderful and solacing. Now, however, it was sheer torture.

He broke her string of thoughts by placing his hands on her shoulders. Where once that gesture would've been made with confidence, it was now made with caution. Her posture became even more rigid at his touch and she tightened her grip on herself.

"Deanna, I still love you." If possible his words hurt her even more. Why didn't he realize she didn't want to hear it? That she didn't want his pity or his love anymore?! Will nervously waited for her reply, his hands still resting on her shoulders, her luscious curls spilling over them. The sweet scent of her had long since drifted to his nose and intoxicated him, making him oblivious to Troi's discomfort.

When no reply came he spoke again, determined to tell her everything. He needed to tell her how he felt, for he still couldn't stop thinking about her or about them. "If I could change anything about the past I would prevent ever hurting you. I may be married to Serah, but my soul belongs to you, Imzadi." Deanna moved ever so slightly at his use of the sacred endearment. With his hands still on her shoulders he gently but firmly forced her to turn around.

Looking up into his pleading eyes was too much for her and just for a second she lost her composure. "If *I* could change anything, I would never have met you!" She almost smiled when his eyes widened slightly.

"You don't mean that." 'Yes, YES I DO!' she wanted to yell at him, but instead she bent and shook her head causing her long curls to fall forward.

"No, no I don't." His relief washed over her, accompanied by...a sense of arrogance? So caught up in trying to find out exactly what she had felt from him, she didn't notice him moving away.

"Deanna," hearing her name she lifted her head, "there's something about my family I think you should know." Troi closed her eyes, wondering how Riker managed to bring up exactly those topics she desperately wanted to avoid. "I love them deeply." he continued, "My son's are a god's gift; bright, loving..." His voice trailed off as he witnessed the first tiny teardrop making its way down her cheek. "Oh Deanna, please don't cry. I didn't mean to...I'm sure you understand. You and your husband must be very proud of your daughter."

Deanna noticed how he almost spit out the word 'husband'. She was extremely glad their bond had become a one way street, for now he couldn't feel the pain that surged through her. For a reason she couldn't quite comprehend she was glad he thought she'd married someone else. Because Kyleigh looked younger than she actually was he had dropped to the conclusion she must have married are year or so after they split up. He believed she had been able to go on with her life, just as she thought she would nearly six years ago. It had become clear however that she couldn't, not then, not now and not ever again. Forever linked with William Riker, her soulmate and in a sense her nemesis. Linked by a bond that should've been a blessing, but became a curse.

She was about to nod in response to his remark when suddenly a sharp pain shot through her head, so intense she could swear her head was being split in two. Unlike the night before, the pain wouldn't fade and seemed only to increase. Her hands flew to her temple as if by pressing them, she could force the pain out her head.

Shocked by the terror that suddenly etched Troi's delicate features, Riker froze. When she fell to her knees, desperately clutching her head between her hands, he could all but whisper her name. But when the pain became too much for her to bear and caused the Betazoid to faint, Will's rationale took over and he tapped his commbadge, "Riker to Sickbay, medical emergency, Counselor Troi's quarters!"

"On my way." For a moment he was surprised to hear Kate Pulaski's calm voice, but then he remembered she'd fill in for Beverly while she was on honeymoon. In the background he could hear the desperate cries of a child for her mother. He knelt down besides Deanna's unmoving body and tenderly stroked her hair out her face. Her skin was paler than he'd ever seen and her features were silent reminders of the pain she'd felt.

Will's mind didn't register time passing, totally entranced by the face of the unconscious woman who's head was resting on his thigh. The way she looked reminded him of an image he'd once seen of Snow White, an ancient earth fairy-tale character. The waves of ebony curls framed her face in such a way that her skin seemed even paler than it actually was.

He barely noticed the doors opening behind him and nearly jumped out his skin when someone touched his shoulder. "What happened?"  The doctor's soft eyes were fixed on Deanna and without waiting for his answer she knelt down, pulled out a tricorder and began scanning the unconscious empath. "Nothing, we...we were just talking when suddenly she...collapsed." He swallowed and looked up at the doctor with pleading eyes. It was only when Pulaski turned around and addressed the two ensigns behind her that he noticed they were there at all. Quickly, they lifted Troi on the anti-grav unit they'd brought with them and left for Sickbay, Riker following them in their wake.

Once inside the medical facility Kate gently, but firmly shoved Riker into her office to keep him out of the way. Will watched the doctor and nurses tend to Deanna and after a few minutes resigned himself to the fact there was nothing he could do to help.

When he turned around to look for a place to sit, his eyes fell on the small child occupying the chair behind the desk. Her eyes were closed and tears were trickling down her young features. He regarded her for a long time in silence, not knowing what to say or do. Suddenly she opened her eyes and immediately looked straight into his. Before he could stop himself, he tensed.

"You're scared of me." She stated matter-of-factly, surprising him with the ease with which she could read him. "Why?" Why indeed? Why was he scared? And of such a little and innocent looking girl even. But the look in her eyes now was anything *but* innocent. He could see a flicker of hatred --or perhaps 'blame' would describe it more accurately-- in her obsidian eyes, eyes so much like her mother's.

"And you're angry," he finally countered. The child's reaction was different than he'd expected, for she confirmed his words instantly, unlike Deanna would've done. "Yes, you hurt my mother." The curious tone in her voice had faded and been replaced by one of well controlled anger. It amazed him how much of Deanna he could see in this little girl. Not only in appearance, but in behaviour as well. Tiny, often unconsciously made, gestures like the way she tucked her hair behind her ears and folded her hands in her lap were so characteristic to Deanna Troi, that he could almost make himself believe he'd actually traveled back in time and was talking to Deanna when she was five years old.

He was about to say something, when suddenly the child's face lit up with joy. She jumped out her chair, exclaimed "Mommy!" and before he could do as much as blink she bolted out of the office and into Troi's room. The latter, he saw through the window, was just waking up. Kyleigh climbed onto the chair next to the bed and hugged her mother fiercely.

Riker walked over to mother and daughter, but kept a distance as not to intrude upon their reunion. "Deanna?" he queried eventually. Slowly she raised her eyes to meet his, a brief flicker of pain in their depths. "Are you all right?" Her eyes left his, looking at someone standing behind him. "Yes," she murmured, "yes, I am" and smiled. Only half believing her, Will turned around and questioned the doctor behind him with his eyes.

"If you'll excuse us," she practically ordered him when passing by, not giving him much more than an iced smile. A bit taken aback by the coldness in Beverly's voice, he timidly stepped back and left the room, soon followed by Kyleigh who apparently had been kicked out as well. He was about to ask her if she knew what was going on, but the daggers that came from her eyes made him shut his mouth.

~*+*~

"Bev! You're on honeymoon! What are you doing here?" Close to being furious at her friend Deanna tried to sit up, but a wave of dizziness brought her down before she managed to look at Beverly.

"Kate called me in. She doesn't have enough experience with half Betazoid/human physiology to determine what's going on."

"Why are you looking so defeated?" Beverly swallowed and took a step towards her patient. The seriousness Deanna sensed from her doctor worried her more than her expression and a fear crept around her heart.

"Dea, I want you to listen closely to what I have to say and then give me your opinion."

~*+*~

After what seemed like an eternity, he decided to just step back inside and find out what happened himself, the waiting part was killing him. But just when he took a step toward the doors, his commbadge chirped. "Titan to Captain Riker, sir emergency transmission from Starfleet Command." "Damnit" he hissed under his breath. "Riker here, I'm on my way." No reply, efficiency. The crew on the Titan may never have achieved the sense of family he'd experienced on the Enterprise, but they needed only minimal words to communicate.

Will knelt down in front of the girl, his eyes filled with guilt. "Tell your mom I'm sorry and that I hope she'll feel better real soon and that I love her. I have to go now..."

"Priorities." She finished for him, her eyes even colder than before. "Erm, yes." Extremely uncomfortable under her scrutinizing glare, he quickly stood up and walked away.  And until he'd beamed over to his own ship, he could feel two eyes staring holes in his back.

~*+*~

"Mommy, Mommy, I'm so glad you're home! I made you a painting." Happily smiling, Kyleigh flew into her mother's arms as she entered their quarters. For a moment, Deanna was slightly confused by hearing her daughter's words in Betazoid in her mind, but in Standard aloud, then she realized the ship's translator was still activated out of courtesy to possible visitors. Like herself, Kyleigh could speak Betazoid as well as Standard fluently, but when excited she tended to speak in her maternal language.

"Really? Well show me Flower Girl." Taking her mother's hand, Kyleigh guided her to a cloaked painting at the far end of the room. She went to stand beside it and imitated the sound of drums, while slowly pealing off the sheet that covered it. In genuine awe, Deanna stared at the painting. There were flowers *everywhere*, dozens, or maybe even hundreds of flowers with the most varying colours and shapes. Definitely, her daughter's finest work up to date. Of course *all* her daughter's painting and drawings were masterpieces, for a five year old. Pride beamed off her small face when Deanna gave the painting a special place at the middle of the wall.

When Kyleigh was finally sleeping, Deanna skimmed through her messages. One in particular caught her attention.

"Deanna, I'm sorry I had to leave without saying good-bye, but we received new orders and had to leave immediately. I hope you're really all right and that what happened was nothing serious. You have a beautiful daughter, Dea. She looks so much like you, it's almost scary. You must be very happy. I--I want you to know that I meant what I said. I *do* still love you, Imzadi. Will." Deanna remained staring at the screen with intense eyes and then suddenly grabbed the nearest thing within reach and hurled it against the wall, tears streaming down her face.

"I hate you, Will! I HATE YOU!!!" Having vented her fury she collapsed on her bed and for the first time since a long time, cried herself to sleep, allowing herself to feel miserable about her life. Her heart and soul were empty, Kyleigh filled part of that void and she would give her life for her daughter. But Deanna Troi needed more and yet she knew she would never get it, her past haunted her and often enough seemed to asphyxiate her. But she had survived before and she would again, if only to prove she *could* handle life without William T. Riker.

Kyleigh would grow up knowing who her father was, admiring him for his career and if she wanted to, she would be free to look him up, to tell him she was his daughter. And when that day would come, Deanna would be prepared. She, after all, couldn't avoid Will Riker. Some day, some where they'd meet again and she'd be prepared for it.

~The End~

~You won't find no tears in my eyes now~

~if you think I'm sad that you're gone now~

~then you're wrong now~

~if you ask I'll say that I'm happy~

~I'm free~

~tell you that's the way I wanna be~

~and all those nights we shared together~

~well they don't mean a thing~

~oh baby since you left me~

~you might think my world's been torn apart~

~but if you'll see me~

~you'll see nothing's broken~

~nothing's broken but my heart~