Okay, finally, here's the fourth and final chapter. Sorry it took so long, I got stuck, but I'm back on track now. I don't really know what to think about this chapter. Hopefully, you'll think it's as good as the previous ones. And I'm still looking for a good title..
Thanks for all the kind reviews – it really makes me happy that you're reading and enjoying this fic. Well, let's get started..
***
The windshield wipers were zipping across the glass, their monotonous beating the only sound being heard in the car. The radio would have been on, had he known what to feel. A head banging rock song if he'd been angry, a slower song if he'd been devastated. In the present case, he didn't know which one to choose. Thus, the radio stayed turned off.
It was raining heavier than before, and he'd tossed his glasses into the backseat, now sitting peering out through the windshield trying to see through the rain. Turning on the headlights, he slowed down, not especially eager to run into something. He'd only been driving for two blocks when he saw her.
Standing by a tree, illuminated by one of his headlights, she made a miserable sight, drenched to the bone, shivering and desperately trying to duck for cover under the branches of the tree. It didn't help. The rain was furiously pounding the ground, the leaves not making much effort to stop the raindrops from pouring down on her.
He stopped the car, his body not obeying the commands his mind sent him. 'Drive past her!' it screamed, but he couldn't. The engine was still running, the windshield wipers still bobbing back and forth, and the beam of light still illuminating her.
He didn't know if she was ignoring him or not, because she hadn't moved since he'd laid eyes on her. Her hair was flat and dripping water, hanging down in her face as she stood, staring intently at the ground. Her pants were muddy, as were her shoes, and her jacket wasn't thick enough for this kind of weather. Hyde had never seen Jackie Burkhardt looking more wet, alone and.. dejected.
He nearly jumped as she moved, her head whipping up to stare directly into the headlight of the El Camino. It was as if she was looking straight at him, and while he knew she was probably blinded by the light, he still met her gaze, trying to grasp the smallest idea as to what was running through her head.
Then she straightened and turned towards him. He watched as Jackie slowly made her way towards his car.
***
'One foot in front of the other.. Slowly, don't fall..'
It felt like ages, an eternity, before she had taken her first step. The second one seemed twice as long, if that was possible. Step by step, each feeling like a lifetime, she slowly made her way towards the car.
'Don't drive off, please, don't move, just stay there..'
She didn't know if she was talking to Steven or the car. The light had blinded her, but she could still feel his blue eyes staring intently at her from behind it. Each rain drop hitting the pavement felt like a sledge hammer hitting her head, and she felt dizzy.
Another lifetime passed, and she was directly beside the car. Staring at the door handle, she slowly reached out a hand, water dripping from her fingertips, and enclosed it around the handle. The door swung open easily, a rush of warm air hitting her.
Silently she got inside, closing the door as quietly as she could after her. They sat in silence, she staring at her lap, feeling, seeing, the cold nip at her skin. He was staring straight ahead at where she'd been standing just minutes ago, his hands gripping the wheel so hard his knuckles were turning white.
A sudden honk of a horn was heard, and they both jumped. Hyde looked into the rearview mirror, seeing the car behind him blink its headlights. He realized they had been parked on the side for the street for fifteen minutes, blocking traffic.
Putting the car in 'drive' he pulled out and drove down the street, watching the car behind him pass the El Camino.
She didn't know what to do, her mind not helping, screaming the same word over and over at her.
'Steven Steven Steven Steven Steven Steven Steven..'
She had walked around for an hour, hoping to spot his car. It had started to rain. She had taken refuge under a large oak, and remained standing there. She hadn't found him. He'd found her.
He had always found her. Every time she was upset, he'd found her. But now she had hurt him and there was no one there to tell her what to do. She was on her own, and it scared her. A few minutes ago she'd felt so sure of herself, but now it was all coming crashing down around her.
'Ultimate betrayal' her mind reminded her. 'Steven Steven Steven Steven Steven..'
***
Hurt her
'No'
She hurt you. Hurt her
'No, I-'
You hurt and she doesn't care. Hurt her
'I won't'
Hurt her
Hyde blinked. He didn't know who he was talking to. Himself? Some inner conscience? No, a conscience wouldn't want him to hurt her. He wanted to look at her, try to calculate the situation, but he couldn't.
You're an ass
He blinked again. The same 'voice', but now it held an accusing tone, not persuasive as before.
'What?'
This is how they all felt. You didn't care
'No, they-'
You left. Bastard
He shook his head, banishing the voice. The parking lot of a supermarket was coming up on the right, and he turned in on it. He thought he could feel her glance at him, but he wasn't sure if he was imagining things or not. Pulling into a empty space in the deserted parking lot he shut of the engine, it's soft purr dying out along with the windshield wipers' beating, the only sound now heard being the rain pelting the roof. And Jackie's soft weeping.
He was startled, he hadn't realized she was crying.
She's hurting as much as you are
'Wha-'
There's still time to make everything alright
Hyde frowned.
'I'm going insane'
Why do you always have to have things your way?
'I'm hearing things'
She loves you
Hyde's head snapped up, his eyes resting on the girl beside him. Two different voices had spoken at the same time.
"What did you say?"
"I- I love you." She began to shake, "I love you so much, but I did a horrible thing and I don't know how to make it alright again, even though I know that I needed to-"
"Jackie.." he was genuinely worried now, not liking the way she was shaking.
She's hurting now
'I hurt too'
You deserve it. She's hurting
'We're both-'
Bastard
Hyde's breath caught in his throat as his mother's voice echoed thorough his head.
***
Jackie couldn't breathe.
"Jackie.." she heard, from what seemed far away. Then there was silence. She didn't want silence, she wanted to hear the voice again. She tried to calm down, to take some deep breaths. It seemed to work.
'Steven Steven Steven Steven Steven Steven Steven Steven..'
He was staring out trough the window, his brow furrowed.
"I love you," she choked out, still shaking somewhat. The pitiful whine was enough to grab his attention. "We need each other, you were supposed to take care of me and I know I said-"
"Jackie.." He sounded tired, resigned.
"It's finished, Steven, it's over. Michael is not here anymore. This isn't a three person relationship any longer.." She raised a shaking hand and touched his hair. "It's- it's just you and me now."
***
" -just you and me now."
He shook his head. "No, you said-"
She grasped after his hand, and for some reason he couldn't make himself shake her off.
"It was like going back, Steven, before you and me.." large brown eyes begged him to believe her. "I defended my rights, and then suddenly, I was back in the basement, and everyone was staring, and you-" she began to cry again. "We have a future together, we do, and you- I love you.."
He couldn't take it any longer, and reached over and pulled her onto his lap. She threw her arms around his neck, a hiccuping, crying, shacking mess. Thinking back, he couldn't remember ever seeing her so undignified.
She was nuzzling his neck, breathing in his scent, and he was stroking her back, feeling the cold cloth of her jacket under his hand. Suddenly she pushed away from his shoulder, sitting up and facing him. He stroke a wet lock of hair away from her eyes, as she stared intently at him.
"I love you," she whispered, slowly leaning closer, her eyes half closed. Their lips met in a soft, timid kiss, unlike any other they'd shared before. He could feel her cold fingers gently stroking his cheek, and he grasped them in his hand, trying to make them warmer.
They slowly pulled apart, Jackie giving him a tearful smile before laying her head down on his chest, once again nuzzling his neck.
"We're gonna be okay?" she whispered.
Hyde sighed and stroked her fingers with his thumb. Turning and kissing her temple, he replied, "Yeah, we're gonna be okay."
She settled comfortably in his lap, and he could soon feel her breaths coming with a slow, steady rhythm. It was still raining as much as earlier, but this was the first time he'd thought of the splatter of rain drops as calming, or the darkness surrounding the car as cozy.
Sitting there, he almost wished that the moment would last forever, although he knew it wouldn't. Time didn't care about his wishes, it would move on regardless. One thing he knew for sure, though, was that he'd never leave her. No one deserved to be left. He'd do his best to stay by her, as a boyfriend – a husband too, for that matter, he thought venomously – should stand by the one he-
He blinked, as before his mind's eye, another memory he'd long forgotten made itself known once again.
His mother had long since stopped pretending to be washing the dishes. She was now silently standing at the kitchen sink, hands submerged in the dishwater, staring out through the window. He could see her shoulders shaking slightly, but he didn't know if it was because she was cold or if perhaps she was crying.
He was sitting at the kitchen table, trying to finish his homework. She had been quite mad the last time he hadn't done it. A shiver ran through him, and he tugged at the hem of the sweater he was wearing. They hadn't been able to pay the bill for the heat that month - they rarely could since his father had left. She had told him that she was going to get a better job, but he didn't hold her to it.
The sound of rubber gloves being pulled off and thrown at the window screen and a soft 'Screw this' made him return his attention to his homework. He was surprised when he in the corner of his eye saw his mother turn and felt her eyes upon him. Normally she would pretend he wasn't there, but now she walked up to the table and sat down opposite him.
"Steven.."
He looked up at her and blinked, waiting for her to continue.
"Look, Steven, I know I'm a lousy mother," a sigh. "But I need you to promise me something."
He nodded, always ready to please her.
"When you grow up, when you get married and have kids, I want you to promise me that you'll never leave her." She was staring intently at him, and the words were spoken unusually softly for Edna Hyde.
He frowned, "Leave who?"
"Whoever it is that you're married to."
"I'm not gonna get married, girls are-" The look she sent him silenced him.
"This is important, Steven." Her voice was once again it's sharp and cutting self.
"Yes ma'am."
"Promise me that even if you don't love her, you'll stay by her side. For the sake of the children, or for her. Do you understand?"
He didn't, but was sure to nod his head either way.
"Don't leave her alone. Hopefully you will find someone who loves you, and you won't leave her because you love her." She reached for her purse and pulled out a cigarette, lighting it with a shaking hand. Taking a drag and then exhaling a column of smoke, she looked at him again. "Say it with me – 'You stay by her no matter what, you won't leave her because you love her.'"
He looked down at the surface of the table, mumbling along with her.
She made a sound much like a growl and stood, walking over to the kitchen cabinets. Looking for beer, no doubt. Plucking a bottle from a shelf and slamming the cabinet shut, she whirled around and pointed her cigarette at him.
"Can't you do this one thing for me? You're so much like your father, he could never agree with me, could never do anything for me," she scoffed, her hand with the cigarette shaking slightly.
He lowered his eyes, feeling somewhat ashamed. Calming down, she placed the beer on the table and sank down in the chair, avoiding looking at him. He silently went back to doing his homework as Edna pulled her old cardigan tighter around her, shivering slightly in the cold.
"'I won't leave her because love her'.." Hyde whispered, looking down at his and Jackie's clasped hands. "'I love her'?"
He had never been much for declaring his feelings openly, as she always did. It was his upbringing, he supposed. He tried to remember if he'd ever said the three little words to anyone. He couldn't-
He was suddenly struck by a realization. She had just told him that she loved him, not more than a few minutes ago. She had said 'I love you', but he had been too worked up on what had been played out back at Foreman's to let it sink in.
'She loves me?'
This was it. This was his cue to leave. But he couldn't do that, could he? He couldn't leave this time.
What now?
'I.. I don't know'
'Leave or be left?' Do you think she'll leave? Do you really think she'd do that?
He looked down at the girl curled up in his lap.
'I don't know'
Not everyone leaves
'They do. They do leave'
No. Some stay. The good ones stay.
'I don't want to leave'
Then stay
'I.. I will'
The voice didn't answer, and he didn't expect it to. The rain hitting the roof of the car was once again the only sound being heard.
He was going to stay. He had never stayed before. Staying involved feelings, feelings he- feelings he must have, right? Because if he was staying, there must be a reason.
"'I won't leave her because love her'.."
'Do I? Do I love her?'
He didn't know. But if he was staying, meaning not leaving, and his mother, heaven forbid, was right while blabbering about not leaving, then he had to love Jackie, right?
Loving Jackie Burkhardt was something he'd never expected himself to do. Not even after they shared their first – no wait, second – kiss on the couch that day had he ever expected it to turn out this way.
But here he was, and he did. He did love her. He had finally admitted it to himself. He loved Jackie Burkhardt.
There's one more person who'd like to hear that
As on cue, Jackie stirred in his arms. Hyde held his breath waiting for her to wake up, but she didn't.
She deserves to hear it
'I don't want to wake her'
Then don't
'Fine'
"I love you."
He wasn't sure if she'd heard it. She probably hadn't. But, the fact that he'd said it spoke for itself, right? Right. If nothing else, it was a first step.
And it hadn't felt bad. Not like he had expected it to. Well, he hadn't expected it to be bad, really, but he had expected him ever saying those words would involve beer – or something stronger, a secret stash, and two or more hot chicks. Blondes, preferably.
Instead, he was sitting in a car in the rain in the middle of the night, saying them to a sleeping, drenched brunette with mascara running all over her face. He smiled. He was pretty sure she was drooling, too. It was better than he'd expected.
Gently easing Jackie off his lap and into the passenger seat, he reached for the keys, starting the car. The day had started off bad, then gone really bad, then perhaps even worse, but it was turning around now. Yeah, they were going to be okay.
***