Title: The path I fear to tread - Believe
Author: Jessica
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se
Website: www.geocities.com/jlovesxfiles-
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se
Pairing: Luke/Lorelai.
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: Lorelai is getting married to Max. Lorelai's POV
AUTHORS NOTE: To "Dot" THANK YOU SO MUCH for everything you have said..
I wish there were some way I could show you how much something like
that means to me...Thank you..
I know, I know, I know...Max and Lorelai broke up.
But this is my story...So I will have it my way :)
English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistakes may occur.
------------------------------------
"And I have the sense to recognize that
I don't know how to let you go,
every moment marked with apparitions of your soul,
i'm every swiftly moving,
trying to escape this desire the yearning to be near you..."/
( from "Do what you have to do" by Sarah Mclachlan )
----------------------------------
The path I fear to tread - Believe
by: Jessica
--------------------------------
The rain is coming down hard outside my window.
It seems to have been raining for days now.
The clock beside my bed shows little after three in the morning.
I know that I should be sleeping but I can't.
He is sleeping with his back turned towards me.
I rise.
My soul feels so weary tonight.
I walk up to the window and sit down in my favorite chair.
I wrap my rob tighter around my body.
It's seven days left now.
Until my wedding.
Seven days left until I will be forever bound to this man that
is sleeping in my bed.
Max.
The thought scares me.
But still marriage is something I have dreamt about since I was young.
I just thought I would feel more.
I thought I would float on clouds.
But I don't.
At first I couldn't be happier.
He had actually asked me to be his wife.
But then fear hit.
Fear of everything I will lose.
My freedom was one of them.
There are so many things that will be changed when I get that ring
on my finger.
I wish there were some magical way that it wouldn't.
I tried to convince myself that nothing would change.
That everything would stay the same.
But I learned the truth tonight.
He showed me.
Luke.
I don't know why I went to him. Both of us knew that it would be
easier for me to send the invitation by mail.
But I went to him anyway.
He took me into his home as he always has done.
I sat there with a voice whispering in my head.
But I couldn't hear what it was saying.
He gave me coffee.
Wrapped a blanket around me.
I wanted someone to talk to.
I wanted him to tell me, convince me that I wasn't making a mistake.
A part of me wanted him to stop me.
I sat there searching for something, anything, that could tell me that I
was doing the right thing.
But I found nothing.
I wanted to cling to him and everything that I had.
I wanted him to tell me that nothing ever would change between us.
But as our eyes met I knew the truth.
Maybe I could convince my head that everything would stay the same.
But my heart knew that as time passed we would drift further and further apart.
I could see it in his eyes.
Both of us knew it.
I would lose a friend but I would gain a husband.
I remember his eyes as I asked him if there were any reason why I shouldn't marry Max.
I don't know why I asked that.
No good could come of it.
I just wanted a reaction.
I wanted to break through that huge wall he had around his heart.
I stood there in the doorway to the diner and something inside of me screamed for an answer.
Something.
Anything.
A sign that he felt...something.
But he just stood there and his face showed nothing.
I never thought a word could hurt me like it did.
No.
It's such a harsh word.
I know that I should be happy.
I have everything that I want in my grasp.
So why does my heart feels so bad?
Why am I hurting?
I'm getting married I shouldn't feel like this.
I walked home in the rain.
Now I'm sitting here by the window watching as the rain is coming down outside.
I can't sleep.
He came to me in my dreams and drove me from the sweet release of sleep.
This man that I have called my friend as long as I can remember.
Friend.
I don't know what we are anymore.
I have tried to put a label on our relationship but as the days pass I have found myself
wanting something more, something else.
He has this way about him that manages to reach inside of me and touch apart of my soul
that no one else has been able to reach for a long time.
He has a power over me that scare me.
I need him.
And I haven't needed anyone for as long as I can remember.
But I do need him.
It shouldn't be like this.
Max is the one that I will marry.
So why is he on my mind?
Why does he live inside of my heart?
I know it's too late now.
For wanting something else.
Luke doesn't want me.
He made that clear tonight.
And I shouldn't long for him.
I wish there were some magical way that I could stop this foolish heart of mine.
Max, is the one that I love.
I love him.
LIAR!!
Why does my heart long for someone I can't have?
I will do what's right for once in my life.
Rory needs a father and I need someone.
I just wish that...
Tears fill my eyes.
The pain is real now.
YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM!
I wish there were some way that I could drive him out of my heart.
Luke.
When did I fall in love with my best friend?
How could this happen?
I should have stopped this a long time ago.
HE DOESN'T WANT YOU
I want to scream out in pain.
I want to stop these voices that is screaming in my head.
But it's the truth.
I realize that now.
My hand tremble as I reach out and brush away a tear from my cheek.
I whisper into the darkness of the night the words I didn't dare to speak out load:
"I love him."
YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM.
The truth kills me slowly as I rise from the chair.
I'm doing the right thing.
I'm saving myself.
I turn towards the bed.
Max.
I will go to him now and I will pray to god that this foolish heart will learn to love
this wonderful man.
"Please, God...Please, I have to...Otherwise I will surely die."
But no one was listening.
Believe.
Believe.
I cling to that word as I lay down beside him.
---------------------------------------------
Feedback----j_rothen@yahoo.se
Author: Jessica
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se
Website: www.geocities.com/jlovesxfiles-
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se
Pairing: Luke/Lorelai.
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: Lorelai is getting married to Max. Lorelai's POV
AUTHORS NOTE: To "Dot" THANK YOU SO MUCH for everything you have said..
I wish there were some way I could show you how much something like
that means to me...Thank you..
I know, I know, I know...Max and Lorelai broke up.
But this is my story...So I will have it my way :)
English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistakes may occur.
------------------------------------
"And I have the sense to recognize that
I don't know how to let you go,
every moment marked with apparitions of your soul,
i'm every swiftly moving,
trying to escape this desire the yearning to be near you..."/
( from "Do what you have to do" by Sarah Mclachlan )
----------------------------------
The path I fear to tread - Believe
by: Jessica
--------------------------------
The rain is coming down hard outside my window.
It seems to have been raining for days now.
The clock beside my bed shows little after three in the morning.
I know that I should be sleeping but I can't.
He is sleeping with his back turned towards me.
I rise.
My soul feels so weary tonight.
I walk up to the window and sit down in my favorite chair.
I wrap my rob tighter around my body.
It's seven days left now.
Until my wedding.
Seven days left until I will be forever bound to this man that
is sleeping in my bed.
Max.
The thought scares me.
But still marriage is something I have dreamt about since I was young.
I just thought I would feel more.
I thought I would float on clouds.
But I don't.
At first I couldn't be happier.
He had actually asked me to be his wife.
But then fear hit.
Fear of everything I will lose.
My freedom was one of them.
There are so many things that will be changed when I get that ring
on my finger.
I wish there were some magical way that it wouldn't.
I tried to convince myself that nothing would change.
That everything would stay the same.
But I learned the truth tonight.
He showed me.
Luke.
I don't know why I went to him. Both of us knew that it would be
easier for me to send the invitation by mail.
But I went to him anyway.
He took me into his home as he always has done.
I sat there with a voice whispering in my head.
But I couldn't hear what it was saying.
He gave me coffee.
Wrapped a blanket around me.
I wanted someone to talk to.
I wanted him to tell me, convince me that I wasn't making a mistake.
A part of me wanted him to stop me.
I sat there searching for something, anything, that could tell me that I
was doing the right thing.
But I found nothing.
I wanted to cling to him and everything that I had.
I wanted him to tell me that nothing ever would change between us.
But as our eyes met I knew the truth.
Maybe I could convince my head that everything would stay the same.
But my heart knew that as time passed we would drift further and further apart.
I could see it in his eyes.
Both of us knew it.
I would lose a friend but I would gain a husband.
I remember his eyes as I asked him if there were any reason why I shouldn't marry Max.
I don't know why I asked that.
No good could come of it.
I just wanted a reaction.
I wanted to break through that huge wall he had around his heart.
I stood there in the doorway to the diner and something inside of me screamed for an answer.
Something.
Anything.
A sign that he felt...something.
But he just stood there and his face showed nothing.
I never thought a word could hurt me like it did.
No.
It's such a harsh word.
I know that I should be happy.
I have everything that I want in my grasp.
So why does my heart feels so bad?
Why am I hurting?
I'm getting married I shouldn't feel like this.
I walked home in the rain.
Now I'm sitting here by the window watching as the rain is coming down outside.
I can't sleep.
He came to me in my dreams and drove me from the sweet release of sleep.
This man that I have called my friend as long as I can remember.
Friend.
I don't know what we are anymore.
I have tried to put a label on our relationship but as the days pass I have found myself
wanting something more, something else.
He has this way about him that manages to reach inside of me and touch apart of my soul
that no one else has been able to reach for a long time.
He has a power over me that scare me.
I need him.
And I haven't needed anyone for as long as I can remember.
But I do need him.
It shouldn't be like this.
Max is the one that I will marry.
So why is he on my mind?
Why does he live inside of my heart?
I know it's too late now.
For wanting something else.
Luke doesn't want me.
He made that clear tonight.
And I shouldn't long for him.
I wish there were some magical way that I could stop this foolish heart of mine.
Max, is the one that I love.
I love him.
LIAR!!
Why does my heart long for someone I can't have?
I will do what's right for once in my life.
Rory needs a father and I need someone.
I just wish that...
Tears fill my eyes.
The pain is real now.
YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM!
I wish there were some way that I could drive him out of my heart.
Luke.
When did I fall in love with my best friend?
How could this happen?
I should have stopped this a long time ago.
HE DOESN'T WANT YOU
I want to scream out in pain.
I want to stop these voices that is screaming in my head.
But it's the truth.
I realize that now.
My hand tremble as I reach out and brush away a tear from my cheek.
I whisper into the darkness of the night the words I didn't dare to speak out load:
"I love him."
YOU CAN'T HAVE HIM.
The truth kills me slowly as I rise from the chair.
I'm doing the right thing.
I'm saving myself.
I turn towards the bed.
Max.
I will go to him now and I will pray to god that this foolish heart will learn to love
this wonderful man.
"Please, God...Please, I have to...Otherwise I will surely die."
But no one was listening.
Believe.
Believe.
I cling to that word as I lay down beside him.
---------------------------------------------
Feedback----j_rothen@yahoo.se