Title: The path I fear to tread - Learning to breathe
Author: Jessica
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se
Website: www.geocities.com/jlovesxfiles
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se
Pairing: Luke/Lorelai.
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: It's the day of Lorelai's wedding to Max...
AUTHORS NOTE: I know, I know, I know...Max and Lorelai broke up.
I don't know the exact distance between Stars Hollow and the Inn.
But this is my story...So I will have it my way :)
English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistakes may occur.
--------------------------
I'm learning now.
Every day is a lesson.
I'm learning to breathe without her.
I take it day by day.
She was never mine in the first place.
She gave me no promises.
No signs.
Nothing.
So I should be whole.
I shouldn't feel like this.
This broken.
But, god, it hurts.
Every breath is causing me pain.
Hope kept me alive during these past years.
I watched her from a distance.
I followed her through life, watching over her.
I made sure that she was all right.
I loved her from afar.
But hope is gone now.
I can never have her.
She will never be mine.
I know, I should move on.
But I don't know how to let her go.
I don't know how to stop loving her.
I wish I could.
I wish there were a book I could read or video I could watch that could
teach me how to drive her out of my heart.
It's a matter of survival.
She is getting married today.
I will say goodbye to her today.
I just wish there were more time left.
I need more time.
To mend my heart.
To show the world that I'm feeling just fine.
Sometimes I fear that she can see right through me.
That she can see inside of me and see this bleeding heart of mine.
That she will know.
I fear that she will find out.
That she will feel pity.
That I would push her away.
I could not live like that.
I couldn't live without her in my life.
She will never be mine but I just can't lose her.
I need that smile.
I need those blue eyes.
I need her.
I'm weak.
I know.
-------------------------------
She came into the diner just after twelve that day.
Glowing.
She walked right up to the counter and sat down.
"Coffee!"
"Shouldn't you get ready?"
She was dressed in a jeans and a t-shirt.
Her hair was in a ponytail.
"I will. I just need to get out of the house. It's crazy.."
"Oh, I see.."
"You're coming, right?"
I wanted to say no.
I wanted to come up with some good excuse to not go.
But I couldn't do that to her.
I couldn't hurt her like that.
So I just smiled and said:
"Sure, I'll be there..."
"In a suit? I hope.."
"Yes. In a suit."
"Shaved."
"Yes. Shaved."
I smiled.
God, she was glowing.
Her eyes seemed to glimmer like two diamonds.
She drew me in and I stood there smiling like a fool.
"Good!"
Our eyes met and she smiled.
Pain hit me in that moment.
YOU CAN'T HAVE HER!
This beautiful butterfly.
This angel.
I fell right then and there.
I raised the shields around my heart as reality hit me right in the
chest.
SHE WILL NEVER BE YOURS!
This must be hell on earth.
She finished her coffee and then she rose from her chair.
She walked towards the door.
"I'll be seeing you! Don't forget!"
"I won't."
Then she was gone.
COME BACK! COME BACK! LOVE ME! LOVE ME! LOVE ME!
Fool.
Fool.
Fool.
I prayed that I could stop this foolish game I was playing with my
heart.
This torture.
---------------------------------------------
I closed the diner around three that afternoon.
I cleaned up and walked upstairs to take a shower.
I shaved.
Then the suit.
I have never hated a suit as I hated that one.
Only one hour left.
One hour until I would forever lose her.
So little time.
One hours until I would surely die.
I sat down on my bed.
My legs felt weak.
My heart hurt.
I wanted to run from this.
Just turn around and run.
It would be so easy.
Don't look back.
Run away from my heart.
From the truth.
But I couldn't do that.
Where would I go?
How far would I come?
Not long.
Until the truth caught up with me.
So I have no choice.
I have to face this today.
I will have to let her go and pray that she will
have a beautiful life.
I'm sure she will.
A knock on my door.
"Luke?"
I rose and opened the door to my apartment.
Sookie.
She was dressed in a blue dress.
She looked nice.
For a moment I had thought she was standing outside my door.
"What are you doing here? How did you get in?"
"The door to the diner was open."
"Didn't you see the sign!? I'm closed."
"Don't be like that! I need to talk to you."
"What about?"
"Lorelai."
"If this is about the wedding...I already told her that I was coming."
"She is getting married today, Luke."
"So?"
"So...Is that everything you can say?"
"What do you want me to say?"
"How about the truth?"
"I don't know what you are talking about!"
I turned my back to her and walked into my apartment.
"She is getting married today...to Max.."
"And what?!"
I turned towards her.
"What! You have to stop it!"
"Stop the wedding? You are crazy. You must have been sniffing something
in that kitchen of yours."
"You love her."
LIE TO HER!
I backed away from her, afraid that she might see the truth in my eyes.
"We are friends.."
"You are in love with her! The whole town knows, Luke."
"Don't be silly! We are friends. I serve her coffee every day...There
is nothing else.."
"Why can't you just admit it? What's the harm in telling the truth?"
BECAUSE IT WOULD BREAK MY HEART ONCE AGAIN
"Admit what?!"
"You love her."
"No, it's not true."
She walked towards me.
I backed away from her.
"Why are you doing this?"
"Because she is my friend and I want her to be happy."
"She will be happy..with Max."
"No, she won't."
"She loves him."
"No."
"Yes, she does."
"She loves you as much as you love her."
"No, she doesn't love me.
"Luke..."
She must be lying to me.
It must be a lie.
Or a cruel joke.
"Stop doing this!"
"I'm only telling the truth.."
"No, it's not true..."
"You love Lorelai.."
I closed my eyes in a weak attempt to shut her out.
My walls were crumbling.
"NO! I said NO!"
"Stop lying. You love her.."
In that moment my walls fell.
I opened my eyes and our eyes met.
She could see the truth in my eyes.
"Of course I love her. What did you expect? I have never loved
another the way I love her."
"Why haven't you told her?"
"She doesn't want me."
"She would gladly have you."
"I don't deserve her."
"Of course you do. Don't be silly."
"I...can't...She is happy..I can't tell her...I just can't."
"She deserves to know the truth from her best friend."
"I can't do that to her. It's her wedding day."
"She needs to hear the truth."
"What if she doesn't want to hear it?"
"She loves you!"
"How do you know?"
"I'm not blind. She is my best friend.."
"But.."
"You will lose her if you don't speak up. Can you live with that?"
"I have already lost her."
"No, not yet. There's still time!"
The clock by the door showed 4:45.
Fifteen minutes left until her wedding.
"I just can't rush in there and stop the wedding. This isn't some
movie."
"Why not? For once in your life you have to do something wild and
crazy otherwise you will lose her."
Crazy.
It was time to act crazy.
To win her.
It was time to go into battle and win her heart.
---------------------------------
I ran like a madman.
I haven't run like that since my baseball-days.
The Inn seemed miles away.
I should have taken the truck.
But I couldn't get that damn thing to start.
Time passes so quickly when you don't want it too.
I arrived at the Inn thirty minutes later.
I had run.
I had walked.
I had tried.
Sweaty.
Panting.
The music met me.
The wedding was held behind the Inn.
I ran.
Then I saw her.
Them.
Walking down the aisle.
Flowers in her hand.
Smiling.
Then I saw the ring.
The smile upon her face.
And I understood.
Too late.
I died.
__________________________________
Feedback--j_rothen@yahoo.se
Author: Jessica
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se
Website: www.geocities.com/jlovesxfiles
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se
Pairing: Luke/Lorelai.
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: It's the day of Lorelai's wedding to Max...
AUTHORS NOTE: I know, I know, I know...Max and Lorelai broke up.
I don't know the exact distance between Stars Hollow and the Inn.
But this is my story...So I will have it my way :)
English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistakes may occur.
--------------------------
I'm learning now.
Every day is a lesson.
I'm learning to breathe without her.
I take it day by day.
She was never mine in the first place.
She gave me no promises.
No signs.
Nothing.
So I should be whole.
I shouldn't feel like this.
This broken.
But, god, it hurts.
Every breath is causing me pain.
Hope kept me alive during these past years.
I watched her from a distance.
I followed her through life, watching over her.
I made sure that she was all right.
I loved her from afar.
But hope is gone now.
I can never have her.
She will never be mine.
I know, I should move on.
But I don't know how to let her go.
I don't know how to stop loving her.
I wish I could.
I wish there were a book I could read or video I could watch that could
teach me how to drive her out of my heart.
It's a matter of survival.
She is getting married today.
I will say goodbye to her today.
I just wish there were more time left.
I need more time.
To mend my heart.
To show the world that I'm feeling just fine.
Sometimes I fear that she can see right through me.
That she can see inside of me and see this bleeding heart of mine.
That she will know.
I fear that she will find out.
That she will feel pity.
That I would push her away.
I could not live like that.
I couldn't live without her in my life.
She will never be mine but I just can't lose her.
I need that smile.
I need those blue eyes.
I need her.
I'm weak.
I know.
-------------------------------
She came into the diner just after twelve that day.
Glowing.
She walked right up to the counter and sat down.
"Coffee!"
"Shouldn't you get ready?"
She was dressed in a jeans and a t-shirt.
Her hair was in a ponytail.
"I will. I just need to get out of the house. It's crazy.."
"Oh, I see.."
"You're coming, right?"
I wanted to say no.
I wanted to come up with some good excuse to not go.
But I couldn't do that to her.
I couldn't hurt her like that.
So I just smiled and said:
"Sure, I'll be there..."
"In a suit? I hope.."
"Yes. In a suit."
"Shaved."
"Yes. Shaved."
I smiled.
God, she was glowing.
Her eyes seemed to glimmer like two diamonds.
She drew me in and I stood there smiling like a fool.
"Good!"
Our eyes met and she smiled.
Pain hit me in that moment.
YOU CAN'T HAVE HER!
This beautiful butterfly.
This angel.
I fell right then and there.
I raised the shields around my heart as reality hit me right in the
chest.
SHE WILL NEVER BE YOURS!
This must be hell on earth.
She finished her coffee and then she rose from her chair.
She walked towards the door.
"I'll be seeing you! Don't forget!"
"I won't."
Then she was gone.
COME BACK! COME BACK! LOVE ME! LOVE ME! LOVE ME!
Fool.
Fool.
Fool.
I prayed that I could stop this foolish game I was playing with my
heart.
This torture.
---------------------------------------------
I closed the diner around three that afternoon.
I cleaned up and walked upstairs to take a shower.
I shaved.
Then the suit.
I have never hated a suit as I hated that one.
Only one hour left.
One hour until I would forever lose her.
So little time.
One hours until I would surely die.
I sat down on my bed.
My legs felt weak.
My heart hurt.
I wanted to run from this.
Just turn around and run.
It would be so easy.
Don't look back.
Run away from my heart.
From the truth.
But I couldn't do that.
Where would I go?
How far would I come?
Not long.
Until the truth caught up with me.
So I have no choice.
I have to face this today.
I will have to let her go and pray that she will
have a beautiful life.
I'm sure she will.
A knock on my door.
"Luke?"
I rose and opened the door to my apartment.
Sookie.
She was dressed in a blue dress.
She looked nice.
For a moment I had thought she was standing outside my door.
"What are you doing here? How did you get in?"
"The door to the diner was open."
"Didn't you see the sign!? I'm closed."
"Don't be like that! I need to talk to you."
"What about?"
"Lorelai."
"If this is about the wedding...I already told her that I was coming."
"She is getting married today, Luke."
"So?"
"So...Is that everything you can say?"
"What do you want me to say?"
"How about the truth?"
"I don't know what you are talking about!"
I turned my back to her and walked into my apartment.
"She is getting married today...to Max.."
"And what?!"
I turned towards her.
"What! You have to stop it!"
"Stop the wedding? You are crazy. You must have been sniffing something
in that kitchen of yours."
"You love her."
LIE TO HER!
I backed away from her, afraid that she might see the truth in my eyes.
"We are friends.."
"You are in love with her! The whole town knows, Luke."
"Don't be silly! We are friends. I serve her coffee every day...There
is nothing else.."
"Why can't you just admit it? What's the harm in telling the truth?"
BECAUSE IT WOULD BREAK MY HEART ONCE AGAIN
"Admit what?!"
"You love her."
"No, it's not true."
She walked towards me.
I backed away from her.
"Why are you doing this?"
"Because she is my friend and I want her to be happy."
"She will be happy..with Max."
"No, she won't."
"She loves him."
"No."
"Yes, she does."
"She loves you as much as you love her."
"No, she doesn't love me.
"Luke..."
She must be lying to me.
It must be a lie.
Or a cruel joke.
"Stop doing this!"
"I'm only telling the truth.."
"No, it's not true..."
"You love Lorelai.."
I closed my eyes in a weak attempt to shut her out.
My walls were crumbling.
"NO! I said NO!"
"Stop lying. You love her.."
In that moment my walls fell.
I opened my eyes and our eyes met.
She could see the truth in my eyes.
"Of course I love her. What did you expect? I have never loved
another the way I love her."
"Why haven't you told her?"
"She doesn't want me."
"She would gladly have you."
"I don't deserve her."
"Of course you do. Don't be silly."
"I...can't...She is happy..I can't tell her...I just can't."
"She deserves to know the truth from her best friend."
"I can't do that to her. It's her wedding day."
"She needs to hear the truth."
"What if she doesn't want to hear it?"
"She loves you!"
"How do you know?"
"I'm not blind. She is my best friend.."
"But.."
"You will lose her if you don't speak up. Can you live with that?"
"I have already lost her."
"No, not yet. There's still time!"
The clock by the door showed 4:45.
Fifteen minutes left until her wedding.
"I just can't rush in there and stop the wedding. This isn't some
movie."
"Why not? For once in your life you have to do something wild and
crazy otherwise you will lose her."
Crazy.
It was time to act crazy.
To win her.
It was time to go into battle and win her heart.
---------------------------------
I ran like a madman.
I haven't run like that since my baseball-days.
The Inn seemed miles away.
I should have taken the truck.
But I couldn't get that damn thing to start.
Time passes so quickly when you don't want it too.
I arrived at the Inn thirty minutes later.
I had run.
I had walked.
I had tried.
Sweaty.
Panting.
The music met me.
The wedding was held behind the Inn.
I ran.
Then I saw her.
Them.
Walking down the aisle.
Flowers in her hand.
Smiling.
Then I saw the ring.
The smile upon her face.
And I understood.
Too late.
I died.
__________________________________
Feedback--j_rothen@yahoo.se