Title: The path I fear to tread - Still
Author: Jessica
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se
Website: www.geocities.com/jlovesxfiles
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se
Pairing: Luke/Lorelai.
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: It's been about a month since Lorelai married Max. Life
continues as normal. At least for some..
AUTHORS NOTE: I know, I know, I know...Max and Lorelai broke up.
But this is my story...So I will have it my way :)
English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistakes may occur.
-------------------------------
"When you come to me, unbidden,
Beckoning me
To long-ago rooms,
Where memories lie.
Offering me, as to a child, an attic,
Gatherings of days too few,
Baubles of stolen kisses,
Trinkets of borrowed loves,
Trunks of secret words,
I CRY."
( "When you come to me" by: Maya Angelou )
-------------------------------
The path I fear to tread- Still
by: Jessica
(4/?)
--------------------
You can't lose something you never had.
Those words kept playing over and over again in my head like
a broken record.
I lay down on my bed, trying to find peace in the sweet release
of sleep.
But all I can see when I close my eyes is her face.
It's almost been a month now since her wedding.
The day I lost her.
It took all my strength to pick myself up of the floor and move on.
It's not like I haven't had my heart broken before.
But I have never experienced this kind of pain.
I can feel it every minute of the day.
Every time I try to breathe.
Every time I dare to move.
They say that time heals all wounds.
I'm beginning to doubt that.
This heart, even time can't mend.
I move around the diner like nothing has changed.
I serve my customers.
Life moves on even for the broken hearted.
They came into the diner three weeks after their wedding.
Lorelai and Max.
They sat down at the table by the window.
They looked happy.
She looked happy.
The pain struck me like lightning on a clear day.
I wanted to run away.
I wanted to run as far away as possible.
I didn't want to see her eyes glowing of happiness.
I wanted to hide away until I could find the strength
to face her again.
But I knew there was nowhere I could run.
So I grabbed the coffeepot and the mugs and headed over there.
Her smile met me.
God, that smile.
I almost stumbled.
"Coffee, I presume."
I sat down the mugs in front of them.
"Of course.."
Her eyes seemed to pierce right through me and see the bleeding
heart that still pounded in my chest.
I avoided her eyes as I spoke:
"What will you have?"
Max spoke first:
"Coffee and pancakes, please."
My hand trembled as I took down his order.
Then I turned towards her.
I dared to lift my gaze and meet her eyes as I spoke:
"What will you have?"
God, those eyes.
My legs felt weak.
I clung to the coffeepot like it could stop me from falling.
"I didn't see you..."
"What do you mean?"
"I didn't see you at the wedding."
Why did she hurt me so?
I wanted to tell her the truth right then and there.
But of course I didn't.
"I was there.."
"I looked for you after. I saved you a dance.."
Pain.
Pain came knocking.
I wanted to run away from her.
But I couldn't.
So I lied.
"Oh, I went home. I was tired."
She looked disappointed.
Or maybe it was just my mind playing tricks with me.
"Oh, okay...I'll have the same as Max, please."
I gave them coffee then I left their table as fast as I could.
I had lied to her.
I never lie to her.
The truth was that I had been there.
I had kept my distance.
I stood in a grove watching the party at a safe distance.
All I could see was her.
She was so beautiful that it caused me physical pain.
She stood there in a perfect, simple, wedding dress.
No veil.
She wore white roses in her hair.
I wanted to go to her.
To touch her.
To say goodbye to her.
To say something.
But I couldn't do that to her.
She looked so happy.
Then Max came and swept her away out on the dance floor.
She laughed.
She was happy.
And I was dead.
I whispered into the dark:
"Goodbye."
Then I let the dark surround me as I walked the path home.
----------------------------------
Two months later
------------------
Summer came and went.
Fall came with rain and thunder.
I blessed that time of the year.
I liked it.
It calmed me.
I managed to breathe again.
I could even smile again.
So I blessed the rain for healing me.
At least a little.
She came and went as usual.
We talked as we always have done.
But we both knew that things had changed between the two of us.
Then she stopped coming every day.
One day became two and finally a week had passed.
But she didn't come.
Then a month.
And she stayed away.
Rory came and went as usual.
I didn't ask about Lorelai and she didn't tell me.
But I understood.
They didn't have to tell me.
She didn't want me.
She had another life now that didn't include me.
I didn't blame her.
But that didn't keep me from missing her.
Months passed by so fast.
I kept seeing her around town.
I wanted to run right up to her and talk to her.
See her smile.
I missed that smile.
I missed that laugh.
Those eyes.
Her.
God, how I missed her.
But I remained my calm self.
Sookie came into the diner a dull Monday afternoon in the beginning
of December.
She walked right up to the counter and handed me an envelope.
"What's this?"
She stood in front of me.
Pride glowing in her eyes.
"It's an invitation."
"To what?"
"We're having a Christmas party at the Inn. Dinner and dancing. And
you are coming!"
"And she knows about this?"
"Yes, she knows. She wants you to come."
"But.."
"Luke! You have to face her. Stop hiding."
"I'm not hiding. Who said I was hiding? I'll come if I'm invited."
"Good! It's this Saturday."
She moved towards the door.
Then she turned and said:
"Oh, Luke?"
"Yeah.."
"Wear a tux."
"Okay."
Then she smiled and was out the door in the next minute.
Saturday came with the first snow.
I stood in front of the mirror dressed in a rented tux.
I had showered and shaved.
My heart was beating like crazy.
Hope kept building in my chest.
I even smiled.
God, I was grinning like a fool.
I arrived just in time for dinner.
The Inn had never looked better.
It seemed like Sookie had invited the whole town.
Everyone was there.
But not Lorelai.
I searched for her among the well-known faces but she was nowhere
to be found.
I sat through dinner nervous as a schoolboy.
As the dark fell outside everyone began to gather in the ballroom.
She remained missing.
I rose from my chair at the dinner table.
When I entered the ballroom the dance had already begun.
I positioned myself close to the door and started to watch the
couples on the dance floor.
I had never felt so alone as I felt in that moment.
Then I saw her.
Lorelai.
She was standing on the other side of the room talking to miss Patty.
She was smiling.
Her hair was longer.
I wanted to scream her name.
I wanted to run to her.
But I just stood there afraid to move.
Then she saw me and her whole face lit up.
Her eyes seemed to glow as she walked towards me.
She was dressed in a blue dress that matched her eyes.
I didn't dare to move.
I didn't dare to speak.
She was before me.
This angel that had lived in my dreams for months now.
She spoke first:
"You came."
"I was invited."
"You look nice."
"Thanks. You too. Where's Max tonight?"
"At some conference in Boston. But he promised that he would
try to make it."
"Oh, okay."
Silence followed.
I wanted to say something smart and clever but I found no words.
My heart was beating like crazy.
"Do you want to dance, Luke?"
"Sure."
I shivered as she took my hand and lead me to the dance floor.
Her hand seemed so small in mine.
Her eyes were dark as she moved closer to me.
Hand around her waist.
We moved with the music.
She crept closer to me but I didn't object.
I had never been a good dancer.
But somehow and in some way it seemed like we were floating.
She placed her head against my shoulder and sighed.
My heart felt huge in my chest.
I slid my arms around her and pressed her gently against my chest.
She didn't object.
She didn't move away.
I caught the slightest whiff of her perfume and my world went spinning.
I struggled with the words I wanted so much to tell her.
Those words that were screaming to come out.
I LOVE YOU
But they remained unspoken.
My heart felt huge in my chest.
I felt whole.
I was holding the only woman I had ever truly loved.
I was complete and for a moment everything felt right.
"I have missed you, Luke."
Her words were magic for a frozen heart.
I pulled her closer to as I whispered:
"I have missed you too."
The music died away all around us but we kept moving.
This must be heaven.
She lifted her head and looked at me.
"Can we go some where to talk?"
My heart went racing as I saw something in her eyes that hadn't been
there before.
"Sure"
We walked outside and stood on the porch watching as the snow came
down from a darken sky.
I wrapped my coat tighter around my body and looked at Lorelai.
She was standing beside me starring into the dark night.
"Are you cold, Lorelai?"
She turned towards me.
"I can't do this!"
"Do what?"
"This. You and me."
"What about you and me?"
"I can't go around and act like nothing is wrong."
"Nothing is wrong. Why should anything be wrong?"
"Oh, please. We haven't talked for almost four months now."
"Don't blame me. I wasn't the one that stayed away."
"Do you want to know why I stayed away?"
"Yes."
"You have changed, Luke."
"No, I'm right here."
"When I tried to talk to you were distant and cold. I want the old
Luke back."
"I'm standing right here."
"No, you're not! Tell if it's something I have done."
I moved away from her.
My heart ached in my chest as I looked at her.
How could I make her understand?
"Lorelai, I..."
"Please, Luke I need my best friend back."
"I can't.."
She moved towards me.
Begging.
Pleading for me to open up.
"Luke, tell me what's wrong."
She was close now.
I couldn't run anymore.
I didn't want to run.
"Lorelai, I can't tell you."
"Luke, please.."
"Why are you doing this?"
"I can't do this anymore."
She turned away from me.
I was losing her.
I could feel it with every breath I took.
"Lorelai.."
"No, Luke. I thought we were friends."
"We are!"
She turned towards me.
Fire glowing in her eyes.
"Then why won't you tell me what's wrong? Why are you pulling Mr.
Freeze
on me?"
"I don't want to lose you."
"You could never lose me."
My voice was just as a whisper as I spoke:
"I have already lost you."
"Luke..."
Our eyes met.
I couldn't hide anymore.
It was time to open my heart to her and hope for the best.
I prayed that I could trust her my heart.
And a part of me wished she would give me hers.
"You are married, Lorelai."
Sorrow lived in my eyes as I looked at her.
"I'm still your friend."
"It's not the same. We can't go back."
"Yes, we can. We have to. I need you."
"You have Max now."
"But you are my friend."
"Lorelai..."
I backed away from her.
"Luke, I..."
"No, don't you understand?"
"Understand what?"
"We can never be friends!"
She reached for me but I avoided her hand.
I knew that if she touched me now I would surely crumble.
"Luke, please. Don't do this!"
"No, I don't want to be your friend. I can't anymore. I thought
I could. But I can't."
"I can't lose you. I would die."
"I can't live like this. Only half alive."
"Please, Luke. Tell what to do! There has to be some way to fix this."
"No, Lor. It's too late."
"So you're just giving up. Just because I'm married."
"Don't you see!?"
"What!?"
"I CAN NEVER HAVE YOU!!"
My words died away.
Silence followed.
I searched for the truth in her eyes.
I searched for disgust.
I searched for anger.
For fear.
But I found nothing.
I moved towards her.
She didn't move away.
Her eyes met mine.
"I have loved you for as long as I can remember. There has never been
anyone else. For God's sake, Lorelai. I'm so desperately in love with
you that I even tried to stop your wedding."
She was so close now.
My hands screamed out to touch her but I was afraid that she would
run if I surrendered.
She looked like a dear caught in the headlights of a car.
Her voice was just as a whisper as she spoke:
"Why didn't you say something?"
"Would you have listened? Would you have wanted to hear?"
She lifted her head towards me and said:
"Yes..I deserved to know."
"I fell apart that day you came into the diner and told me about
the wedding. You broke my heart that day."
"Luke..."
"I don't want your pity."
"I don't pity you. I..."
"Stop. I know what you are going to say."
"How do you know?"
"I know you Lorelai."
"No, you don't."
"You're married now. And I have to live with that.."
"Yes, I am.."
I could see tears in her eyes.
"Are you crying?"
"I never cry."
My hands trembled as I reached out my hand and caught a tear on
my finger.
"You shouldn't cry."
"What are we going to do now?"
"We move on. Start living.."
"I don't know if I can let you go, Luke."
"You have to. We both have to."
"But, I don't know if I can live without you."
"Yes, you can. You are the strongest woman I have ever known."
"Luke,please..There has to be another way."
"No..It has to be this way. It's better this way."
Her eyes were dark now.
I framed her face between my hands and forced her to look at me.
"So this is goodbye?"
"Yeah. Don't cry."
"I won't."
I would remember this moment as long as I would live.
This time on the porch.
A moment like this only comes once in a lifetime.
"I'm going to kiss you now, Lorelai."
She didn't object.
Didn't run.
"Okay."
Then I lowered my mouth to hers and kissed her.
She tasted like tears and wine.
She tasted like heaven and hell all wrapped in one.
Her lips were soft against mine.
The moment my tongue slid against hers I knew that I wanted her with
every part of my being.
I didn't want to let go.
I wanted to drown in her.
I wanted to take comfort in her.
Passion ate at my heart as I pulled her closer to me.
Drowning in her.
Tasting.
It felt so natural to take her into my arms and make love to her.
But I couldn't.
She wasn't mine.
Reality came back.
We parted.
It had finally stopped snowing.
The moon ruled the sky.
Above our heads the stars had come out to play.
I would remember this night.
She pressed her cheek against my chest.
I slid my arms around her.
Didn't want to let go.
Not yet.
I wished time could stop.
That I would have this moment forever.
I could hear her sobbing against my shirt.
My heart ached and fell apart in my chest.
She mouthed those three small words that I need to hear against my
shirt.
"I love you."
It was just a whisper.
Then she broke free.
Her eyes were big as she looked at me.
No words were needed.
We both knew.
This was goodbye.
I wanted to reach for her.
Take her into my arms and hold her just a second longer.
But I knew it had to be this way.
Then she turned around and walked away from me.
In my head a voice whispered:
COME BACK! COME BACK!
But I didn't listen.
-------------------------------------
Lorelai found her way inside to the warmth of the Inn.
She brushed away the tears with the back of her hand.
She was trembling.
Then Rory appeared in the doorway to the diner:
"Where have you been?"
"I just..."
"I have looked for you. You have a phone call. It's the police.
There's been an accident."
---------------------------------
Feedback...j_rothen@yahoo.se
Part 5 is called "You have been loved" and it's coming soon!
Author: Jessica
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se
Website: www.geocities.com/jlovesxfiles
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se
Pairing: Luke/Lorelai.
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: It's been about a month since Lorelai married Max. Life
continues as normal. At least for some..
AUTHORS NOTE: I know, I know, I know...Max and Lorelai broke up.
But this is my story...So I will have it my way :)
English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistakes may occur.
-------------------------------
"When you come to me, unbidden,
Beckoning me
To long-ago rooms,
Where memories lie.
Offering me, as to a child, an attic,
Gatherings of days too few,
Baubles of stolen kisses,
Trinkets of borrowed loves,
Trunks of secret words,
I CRY."
( "When you come to me" by: Maya Angelou )
-------------------------------
The path I fear to tread- Still
by: Jessica
(4/?)
--------------------
You can't lose something you never had.
Those words kept playing over and over again in my head like
a broken record.
I lay down on my bed, trying to find peace in the sweet release
of sleep.
But all I can see when I close my eyes is her face.
It's almost been a month now since her wedding.
The day I lost her.
It took all my strength to pick myself up of the floor and move on.
It's not like I haven't had my heart broken before.
But I have never experienced this kind of pain.
I can feel it every minute of the day.
Every time I try to breathe.
Every time I dare to move.
They say that time heals all wounds.
I'm beginning to doubt that.
This heart, even time can't mend.
I move around the diner like nothing has changed.
I serve my customers.
Life moves on even for the broken hearted.
They came into the diner three weeks after their wedding.
Lorelai and Max.
They sat down at the table by the window.
They looked happy.
She looked happy.
The pain struck me like lightning on a clear day.
I wanted to run away.
I wanted to run as far away as possible.
I didn't want to see her eyes glowing of happiness.
I wanted to hide away until I could find the strength
to face her again.
But I knew there was nowhere I could run.
So I grabbed the coffeepot and the mugs and headed over there.
Her smile met me.
God, that smile.
I almost stumbled.
"Coffee, I presume."
I sat down the mugs in front of them.
"Of course.."
Her eyes seemed to pierce right through me and see the bleeding
heart that still pounded in my chest.
I avoided her eyes as I spoke:
"What will you have?"
Max spoke first:
"Coffee and pancakes, please."
My hand trembled as I took down his order.
Then I turned towards her.
I dared to lift my gaze and meet her eyes as I spoke:
"What will you have?"
God, those eyes.
My legs felt weak.
I clung to the coffeepot like it could stop me from falling.
"I didn't see you..."
"What do you mean?"
"I didn't see you at the wedding."
Why did she hurt me so?
I wanted to tell her the truth right then and there.
But of course I didn't.
"I was there.."
"I looked for you after. I saved you a dance.."
Pain.
Pain came knocking.
I wanted to run away from her.
But I couldn't.
So I lied.
"Oh, I went home. I was tired."
She looked disappointed.
Or maybe it was just my mind playing tricks with me.
"Oh, okay...I'll have the same as Max, please."
I gave them coffee then I left their table as fast as I could.
I had lied to her.
I never lie to her.
The truth was that I had been there.
I had kept my distance.
I stood in a grove watching the party at a safe distance.
All I could see was her.
She was so beautiful that it caused me physical pain.
She stood there in a perfect, simple, wedding dress.
No veil.
She wore white roses in her hair.
I wanted to go to her.
To touch her.
To say goodbye to her.
To say something.
But I couldn't do that to her.
She looked so happy.
Then Max came and swept her away out on the dance floor.
She laughed.
She was happy.
And I was dead.
I whispered into the dark:
"Goodbye."
Then I let the dark surround me as I walked the path home.
----------------------------------
Two months later
------------------
Summer came and went.
Fall came with rain and thunder.
I blessed that time of the year.
I liked it.
It calmed me.
I managed to breathe again.
I could even smile again.
So I blessed the rain for healing me.
At least a little.
She came and went as usual.
We talked as we always have done.
But we both knew that things had changed between the two of us.
Then she stopped coming every day.
One day became two and finally a week had passed.
But she didn't come.
Then a month.
And she stayed away.
Rory came and went as usual.
I didn't ask about Lorelai and she didn't tell me.
But I understood.
They didn't have to tell me.
She didn't want me.
She had another life now that didn't include me.
I didn't blame her.
But that didn't keep me from missing her.
Months passed by so fast.
I kept seeing her around town.
I wanted to run right up to her and talk to her.
See her smile.
I missed that smile.
I missed that laugh.
Those eyes.
Her.
God, how I missed her.
But I remained my calm self.
Sookie came into the diner a dull Monday afternoon in the beginning
of December.
She walked right up to the counter and handed me an envelope.
"What's this?"
She stood in front of me.
Pride glowing in her eyes.
"It's an invitation."
"To what?"
"We're having a Christmas party at the Inn. Dinner and dancing. And
you are coming!"
"And she knows about this?"
"Yes, she knows. She wants you to come."
"But.."
"Luke! You have to face her. Stop hiding."
"I'm not hiding. Who said I was hiding? I'll come if I'm invited."
"Good! It's this Saturday."
She moved towards the door.
Then she turned and said:
"Oh, Luke?"
"Yeah.."
"Wear a tux."
"Okay."
Then she smiled and was out the door in the next minute.
Saturday came with the first snow.
I stood in front of the mirror dressed in a rented tux.
I had showered and shaved.
My heart was beating like crazy.
Hope kept building in my chest.
I even smiled.
God, I was grinning like a fool.
I arrived just in time for dinner.
The Inn had never looked better.
It seemed like Sookie had invited the whole town.
Everyone was there.
But not Lorelai.
I searched for her among the well-known faces but she was nowhere
to be found.
I sat through dinner nervous as a schoolboy.
As the dark fell outside everyone began to gather in the ballroom.
She remained missing.
I rose from my chair at the dinner table.
When I entered the ballroom the dance had already begun.
I positioned myself close to the door and started to watch the
couples on the dance floor.
I had never felt so alone as I felt in that moment.
Then I saw her.
Lorelai.
She was standing on the other side of the room talking to miss Patty.
She was smiling.
Her hair was longer.
I wanted to scream her name.
I wanted to run to her.
But I just stood there afraid to move.
Then she saw me and her whole face lit up.
Her eyes seemed to glow as she walked towards me.
She was dressed in a blue dress that matched her eyes.
I didn't dare to move.
I didn't dare to speak.
She was before me.
This angel that had lived in my dreams for months now.
She spoke first:
"You came."
"I was invited."
"You look nice."
"Thanks. You too. Where's Max tonight?"
"At some conference in Boston. But he promised that he would
try to make it."
"Oh, okay."
Silence followed.
I wanted to say something smart and clever but I found no words.
My heart was beating like crazy.
"Do you want to dance, Luke?"
"Sure."
I shivered as she took my hand and lead me to the dance floor.
Her hand seemed so small in mine.
Her eyes were dark as she moved closer to me.
Hand around her waist.
We moved with the music.
She crept closer to me but I didn't object.
I had never been a good dancer.
But somehow and in some way it seemed like we were floating.
She placed her head against my shoulder and sighed.
My heart felt huge in my chest.
I slid my arms around her and pressed her gently against my chest.
She didn't object.
She didn't move away.
I caught the slightest whiff of her perfume and my world went spinning.
I struggled with the words I wanted so much to tell her.
Those words that were screaming to come out.
I LOVE YOU
But they remained unspoken.
My heart felt huge in my chest.
I felt whole.
I was holding the only woman I had ever truly loved.
I was complete and for a moment everything felt right.
"I have missed you, Luke."
Her words were magic for a frozen heart.
I pulled her closer to as I whispered:
"I have missed you too."
The music died away all around us but we kept moving.
This must be heaven.
She lifted her head and looked at me.
"Can we go some where to talk?"
My heart went racing as I saw something in her eyes that hadn't been
there before.
"Sure"
We walked outside and stood on the porch watching as the snow came
down from a darken sky.
I wrapped my coat tighter around my body and looked at Lorelai.
She was standing beside me starring into the dark night.
"Are you cold, Lorelai?"
She turned towards me.
"I can't do this!"
"Do what?"
"This. You and me."
"What about you and me?"
"I can't go around and act like nothing is wrong."
"Nothing is wrong. Why should anything be wrong?"
"Oh, please. We haven't talked for almost four months now."
"Don't blame me. I wasn't the one that stayed away."
"Do you want to know why I stayed away?"
"Yes."
"You have changed, Luke."
"No, I'm right here."
"When I tried to talk to you were distant and cold. I want the old
Luke back."
"I'm standing right here."
"No, you're not! Tell if it's something I have done."
I moved away from her.
My heart ached in my chest as I looked at her.
How could I make her understand?
"Lorelai, I..."
"Please, Luke I need my best friend back."
"I can't.."
She moved towards me.
Begging.
Pleading for me to open up.
"Luke, tell me what's wrong."
She was close now.
I couldn't run anymore.
I didn't want to run.
"Lorelai, I can't tell you."
"Luke, please.."
"Why are you doing this?"
"I can't do this anymore."
She turned away from me.
I was losing her.
I could feel it with every breath I took.
"Lorelai.."
"No, Luke. I thought we were friends."
"We are!"
She turned towards me.
Fire glowing in her eyes.
"Then why won't you tell me what's wrong? Why are you pulling Mr.
Freeze
on me?"
"I don't want to lose you."
"You could never lose me."
My voice was just as a whisper as I spoke:
"I have already lost you."
"Luke..."
Our eyes met.
I couldn't hide anymore.
It was time to open my heart to her and hope for the best.
I prayed that I could trust her my heart.
And a part of me wished she would give me hers.
"You are married, Lorelai."
Sorrow lived in my eyes as I looked at her.
"I'm still your friend."
"It's not the same. We can't go back."
"Yes, we can. We have to. I need you."
"You have Max now."
"But you are my friend."
"Lorelai..."
I backed away from her.
"Luke, I..."
"No, don't you understand?"
"Understand what?"
"We can never be friends!"
She reached for me but I avoided her hand.
I knew that if she touched me now I would surely crumble.
"Luke, please. Don't do this!"
"No, I don't want to be your friend. I can't anymore. I thought
I could. But I can't."
"I can't lose you. I would die."
"I can't live like this. Only half alive."
"Please, Luke. Tell what to do! There has to be some way to fix this."
"No, Lor. It's too late."
"So you're just giving up. Just because I'm married."
"Don't you see!?"
"What!?"
"I CAN NEVER HAVE YOU!!"
My words died away.
Silence followed.
I searched for the truth in her eyes.
I searched for disgust.
I searched for anger.
For fear.
But I found nothing.
I moved towards her.
She didn't move away.
Her eyes met mine.
"I have loved you for as long as I can remember. There has never been
anyone else. For God's sake, Lorelai. I'm so desperately in love with
you that I even tried to stop your wedding."
She was so close now.
My hands screamed out to touch her but I was afraid that she would
run if I surrendered.
She looked like a dear caught in the headlights of a car.
Her voice was just as a whisper as she spoke:
"Why didn't you say something?"
"Would you have listened? Would you have wanted to hear?"
She lifted her head towards me and said:
"Yes..I deserved to know."
"I fell apart that day you came into the diner and told me about
the wedding. You broke my heart that day."
"Luke..."
"I don't want your pity."
"I don't pity you. I..."
"Stop. I know what you are going to say."
"How do you know?"
"I know you Lorelai."
"No, you don't."
"You're married now. And I have to live with that.."
"Yes, I am.."
I could see tears in her eyes.
"Are you crying?"
"I never cry."
My hands trembled as I reached out my hand and caught a tear on
my finger.
"You shouldn't cry."
"What are we going to do now?"
"We move on. Start living.."
"I don't know if I can let you go, Luke."
"You have to. We both have to."
"But, I don't know if I can live without you."
"Yes, you can. You are the strongest woman I have ever known."
"Luke,please..There has to be another way."
"No..It has to be this way. It's better this way."
Her eyes were dark now.
I framed her face between my hands and forced her to look at me.
"So this is goodbye?"
"Yeah. Don't cry."
"I won't."
I would remember this moment as long as I would live.
This time on the porch.
A moment like this only comes once in a lifetime.
"I'm going to kiss you now, Lorelai."
She didn't object.
Didn't run.
"Okay."
Then I lowered my mouth to hers and kissed her.
She tasted like tears and wine.
She tasted like heaven and hell all wrapped in one.
Her lips were soft against mine.
The moment my tongue slid against hers I knew that I wanted her with
every part of my being.
I didn't want to let go.
I wanted to drown in her.
I wanted to take comfort in her.
Passion ate at my heart as I pulled her closer to me.
Drowning in her.
Tasting.
It felt so natural to take her into my arms and make love to her.
But I couldn't.
She wasn't mine.
Reality came back.
We parted.
It had finally stopped snowing.
The moon ruled the sky.
Above our heads the stars had come out to play.
I would remember this night.
She pressed her cheek against my chest.
I slid my arms around her.
Didn't want to let go.
Not yet.
I wished time could stop.
That I would have this moment forever.
I could hear her sobbing against my shirt.
My heart ached and fell apart in my chest.
She mouthed those three small words that I need to hear against my
shirt.
"I love you."
It was just a whisper.
Then she broke free.
Her eyes were big as she looked at me.
No words were needed.
We both knew.
This was goodbye.
I wanted to reach for her.
Take her into my arms and hold her just a second longer.
But I knew it had to be this way.
Then she turned around and walked away from me.
In my head a voice whispered:
COME BACK! COME BACK!
But I didn't listen.
-------------------------------------
Lorelai found her way inside to the warmth of the Inn.
She brushed away the tears with the back of her hand.
She was trembling.
Then Rory appeared in the doorway to the diner:
"Where have you been?"
"I just..."
"I have looked for you. You have a phone call. It's the police.
There's been an accident."
---------------------------------
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Part 5 is called "You have been loved" and it's coming soon!