This Title Has Nothing To Do With The Story

Chapter Four – There Are Two Rules To Follow To Guarantee Success. One, Don't Tell People Everything You Know.

The story so far…. Four evil demons arrived in Sunnydale looking for the amulet of Thebes. To get it they created a series of earthquakes in the hope that the Slayer wouldn't realise what they were doing. It worked to some extent but Buffy still thought something evil was causing them. She called Giles who said he would look into it.

Author's note: Reading that whole thing back to myself it really doesn't make a lot of sense. However since I have already written three chapters I might as well finish it, or at least leave it with a cliffhanger. If you have a suggestion for the story please email me with it or better still you could shout it at your computer screen. If nothing happens then that means I have received it. If I don't put your suggestion in my story it means that you are stupid. If I do put your suggestion in my story it means that I thought of it before you told me, also you are stupid. I am very disappointed by the quality of the reviews so far. So I have decided to review the reviews. First comes from Schnebly – '????? This has no flow to it and is too difficult to read.' Difficult to read? Can you not read? As for flow I have no idea what. Second, Fourth and Sixth (and probably eighth) reviews come from Jane McCartney – 'your titles are the funniest' Agreed. 'You've an interesting way to write.' Again I agreed. 'This is so hilarious and absorbing!' Absorbing? What the hell are they? Kitchen towels? And finally, 'So funny! At least you ended on the truth. Next up is Rixi with 'lmao, i like it.' There is one word for this review – useless. As for the rest of you reviewers – no! (I couldn't be bothered to continue)…. back to the story…. anytime now…right…. about…. NOW!

Back in the evil lair of the evil…. blah…evil blah…

"Finally it is in our possession!" Said Ed4 while holding the amulet above his head.

"Where do now?" Asked Ed2.

"To the hell mouth." Said Ed4

The four evil demons all went out of the evil lair in their own evil way. They made their evil way through the not-that evil streets until they arrived at the formerly-evil burnt down high school. They entered and made their evil way to the not-at-all evil library. They proceeded, in an evil manner, to form an evil circle placing the not-sure-if-it-is evil amulet in the middle. One of the evil demons pulled out an evil book and began to speak in an evil language (possibly French)…

"(Words from the evil language)." Said Ed4.

All the other evil demons repeated the evil words.

"Now place the herbs on top of the amulet." Said Ed4.

There was silence for a moment.

"Place the herbs on top of the amulet!" Repeated Ed4.

"Err…we don't have any." Said Ed3.

"What?" Asked Ed4.

"We don't have any." Replied Ed2.

"No herbs?" Asked Ed4.

"No." Said Ed2.

"Whose job was it to get the damn herbs?" Asked Ed4.

The other three evil demons each pointed one of their evil fingers at the other evil demon.

"Oh for the love of God! I am surrounded by idiots! One of you go and get the herbs."

The other three evil demons looked at each other, in an evil way. No one moved.

"You." Said Ed4, pointing at Ed1. "You, go get them."

"Fine." Said Ed1. He got up and walked out of the room.

"I'll I asked for is herbs, is that too much?" Asked Ed4 to no one in particular. "Okay while we are waiting for him to return we might as well prepare the potion. Get out the Drangion skull and Irelay powder."

No one moved.

"I don't believe this." Was all Ed4 could manage.

**********

Buffy was already regretting what she had done but there are some things you must do if you are trying to save the world from untold evil.

"Is Xander suffering indescribable amounts of pain?" Asked Anya.

Going into the Magic Shop was one of them.

"I don't know." Replied Buffy.

"He should be, after what he did to me. Don't you think?"

"I'm not getting involved." Before Anya could continue Buffy quickly added, "So, have you seen anything odd? Evil odd around here?"

"Yes."

"What?"

"One man came in here with discount coupons."

"I meant more of an end-the-world kind of evil."

"Oh. Well no."

Buffy was disappointed that Anya couldn't help her but kind of relieved that she could now leave.

"Okay, I probably should be getting going."

"You tell Xander that I hope he is in an incredible amount of pain."

"Will do."

Buffy made her way to the exit when suddenly a huge demon entered. The two of them stand at the entrance eyeing each other. Buffy was just about to get into a fighting stance when the demon walked on past and up to Anya. He then pulled out a list and began to read off items from it.

Buffy stared for a minute then said in a low voice to herself, "I hope for his sake, he doesn't have any coupons."

**********

"Do you go to see…. err…you know." Asked a nervous Xander as soon as Buffy had walked through the door.

"Anya?" Replied Buffy.

"Yeah."

"Yes."

"Well…"

"She said to say hi."

"Really?"

"No, she said that she hoped you were suffering an incredible amount of pain. But I could mean hi."

"Oh." Xander visibly saddened.

"It is not that bad." Buffy said, trying to comfort him.

"Not that bad? She wants me suffering incredible amount of pain. That doesn't sound like she has forgiven me. They don't write that on Hallmark cards."

"She just needs more time. You did leave her at the altar."

"Why does everyone keep focusing in on that?"

"It was a kind of huge thing, you know."

"Yeah. But unforgivable?"

"I don't know."

"Would you forgive me if I ever left you at the altar?"

Buffy answered without thinking, "You would probably be to beaten up to forgive."

"Oh."

"But that is not everyone." Said Buffy trying to recover the situation. Realising that the damage was done she tried to change the subject. "You never did tell me why you left her."

Xander looked straight into Buffy's eyes, for what felt like an age, and then he said, "Yeah, I know."

It was at that moment that the phone rang. Buffy didn't answer it straight away she was still staring into Xander's deep brown eyes. Several rings later and Xander saying, "You going to answer that?" brought her back to reality. "Oh, yeah. Hello?"

The voice on the other end said, "Buffy?"

"Oh, hi Giles."

"I have some information."

"You found a demon that causes earthquakes?"

"No, not exactly."

"What then?"

"Well I have just been at the Watcher's Council."

"Really?"

"Yes, they seemed to have agreed with you about the earthquakes not being natural."

"Oh." Buffy always liked to hear those magic words, 'agreed with you'.

"They say that a group of four demons are causing them. It seems that they are after the amulet of Thebes."

"The what?"

"Amulet of Thebes. It was an ancient Egyptian device for talking to God."

"They want to talk to God?"

"No. The Egyptians didn't realise it but the real purpose of the amulet was to open a door to hell."

"What is it with demons and opening doors to hell."

"Indeed."

"So, why did they cause the earthquakes?"

"The amulet was hidden by some sort of secret order once its real function was discovered. It appears that the place chosen was deep under Sunnydale. Hence the earthquakes to dig it up."

"How exactly does this amulet thing open a door to hell?"

"Well, if placed over a hell mouth, a ritual can be performed that harnesses the energy of the amulet to rip a hole through to hell."

"A ritual? Would that involve items from say the Magic Shop?"

"Yes I suppose. Certain herbs and…. "

"I have to go." After she said this Buffy dropped the phone and ran out the door.

"Buffy? Buffy?"

Xander went over to the phone, "Giles?"

"Xander?"

"What did you say to her?"

"Where has she gone?"

"She ran out the door."

"I think Anya may be in trouble."

Xander also dropped the phone and ran out the door.

"Xander? Xander? Can't you people hang up?"