Note-The parts in between the parenthesis are Serenity reminiscing
on her past life on Earth.

Warning: Although this fanfic is rated R, i feel i should give a
warning specific to this chapter. This chapter, and in a way the
next one, but especially this one, is the main reason for my
rating of the fanfic as R. It has some rape scenes, so please be
careful. Please do not read ahead if this will upset you.

Chapter Twelve, Hell:

The days crept by slowly like thick sand trying to make its
way down the tiny hole to the other end of the hourglass, yet there
was not enough time to find a place for Serena to live before the
wedding. Serenity grew quickly more desperate and felt lost on whom
she could ask now that her sole supports, Wesley, Lune, and Miriam
were all essentially gone. As the day approached, she felt more
anxiety and desperation. Besides not knowing how to deal with the
loss of Lune, the change in Miriam, and where to take Serena for
safekeeping, she was also not coming up with a good escape plan that
Miriam would agree to and found herself fearing that she would end
up walking down the aisle with Raymond. She knew she would not go
that far, but she also did not want to give her cover away. She was
trying to pretend that she was resigned to this fate as long as
possible, but she knew she had to make sure that she got out of
this situation before it was too late. The days were slow. The
nights were torturous, but still there did not seem to be enough
time for her to come up with a solution or even a flimsy plan.

As she sat with Miriam this afternoon, Serenity's mind felt
blank knowing the wedding was tomorrow. She had not thought of a
good escape plan or a safe place for Serena to stay. "You know
Darla seems so changed too," she said sadly.

"She is, much more so than I am. She changed a long time
ago. She gave into the rules of society and became a law-abiding,
conventional Princess and now Queen of Earth."

"Oh so sad," Serenity sad in sorrow.

"She is the one who turned you in you know," Miriam said.

Serenity shook her head sadly, feeling the sting of another
loss and now betrayal of her once good friend. She tried to put her
mind back on the task at hand. "You still have your magic right
Miriam?" Serenity asked.

"Well...yes, I suppose so. I have not used it in so long,"
Miriam answered.

"What?" Serenity asked in astonishment. "You adored magic."

"I did," Miriam nodded, "but it did not fit into my life."

Serenity shook her head. *This is not Miriam,* she thought
sadly. "Well, I stopped using magic too because it was not needed
or a part of my life on Earth. I am so surprised though that you
never needed it."

"There were a few times," Miriam admitted. "After Lune died
though, I just did not have the passion for it anymore, Nor did I
have the guiding hand I needed to experiment with and learn new
magical tricks and spells from."

Serenity looked down. "I am sorry Miriam. All this time
without me or Lune. You must have felt so alone."

Miriam looked up with a tear in her eye. "Oh Serenity. Yes,
you are right. So alone. so alone," she whispered.

"I was right here," Serenity said, motioning to her heart.

Miriam put her hand over her heart. "I know Serenity. I
know."

"I am sorry it was not enough," Serenity said sadly.

Miriam looked down. "Me too," was all she said.

She came up and sat beside Serenity and hugged her close, a
little bit of her old self shining through. *There is hope. She is
still in there,* Serenity briefly thought.

"Do you think you could still try to use your magic at the
wedding? With everything going on, I do not think anyone will expect
it, and I will run out while everyone is distracted by you."

"You know I cannot do that Serenity," Miriam said simply.

Serenity sighed. *You Could do it; you just will not,* she
thought to herself. "All right, but what else can we do? Does
Michael know any magic?"

"Michael will not get involved with this Serenity. He is
more against it than I am. Besides, he does not know any magic."

"All right. I am sorry," Serenity said quietly.

"No need to be sorry Serenity. Honestly though, I think you
need to accept reality. This is the way things are now. It is not
right. It is not fair. We can change it Serenity, but not for us,
only for the future generations. We are doomed to live this way."

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Serenity shouted. "GET OUT. JUST
GET OUT NOW."

Miriam's eyes opened wide in shock. "You have changed too
Serenity," she said quietly. "I have never seen this fire and
passion and inner strength in you before."

"I always had the conviction, just not the belief in myself
until that belief was tested on my trip to Earth. and I discovered
that I am strong. As strong as you are which is very strong. You
seem to be forgetting that," Serenity said, upset.

Miriam pursed her lips together, got up, and left.
"Goodnight Serenity," she said tightly, exiting the room.

Serenity did not sleep that night. She wanted to cry. Her
fears and pain and loss all welled up inside, but she did not allow
herself to cry. She believed in allowing herself to feel her
emotions, unlike her parents. She knew it would only fester inside
if she did not acknowledge them, allow herself to feel them, and
thus deal with them. This situation was different though. She was
determined to get out, and that meant she could not be distracted
by any other emotions but determination. She lay in bed staring at
the ornate ceiling and feeling so lost as to what to do.

Her door opened the next morning as Maria peeked in.
Serenity looked at her. "What is it Maria?" she asked.

"I am...supposed to prepare you for the wedding this
afternoon Serenity," she said quietly and sadly.

Serenity's eyes filled with pain. "Of course," she said. Her
voice was filled with the same pain. "I do not know what to do
Maria," she said desperately as Maria brushed her hair carefully and
gently. At any other time Serenity would have enjoyed the pampering,
but she was much too desperate right now. She turned around suddenly,
startling Maria. "Whatever happens please watch after Serena," she
said anxiously. "Please, if something happens to me, keep her and
raise her as your own," Serenity begged.

Maria nodded, her eyes filled with sorrow. "Yes Serenity. I
will. Anything for you," she promised.

"Not because of my status Maria," Serenity said in
exasperation.

"No dear Serenity, not because of any obligation, but rather
because of the lack of obligation. You treat me as an equal and
ask me to do something instead of telling me, and for that you have
my devotion and gratitude until the end of my life."Her words rang in
Serenity's ears. *Where have I heard that voice?* she wondered,
hearing the echoing of "dear Serenity," in her ears. Something about
her voice and that phrase was so familiar. She turned around and
smiled sorrowfully. "Thank you dear Maria," she said, hugging her
affectionately. Having no plan, Serenity realized she also could not
keep up this act much longer. But if she ran away, what then? The
guards would just catch her, and she would just be forced to go down
the aisle anyway. Plus then they would know she was still unfaithful
to him and to the kingdom. *I will have to go down the aisle,* she
thought sadly. *At least then I will have some power and can enact
some changes as Miriam says, even if I am forced to report to Raymond
for it all. I will get out of it in time. I will just have to disguise
a proposal some other way or something. I will have to be cunning and
clever, but I can do it. I will do it,* she assured herself in
determination.

The ceremony was painfully slow. She barely managed to walk
down the aisle. She barely managed to plaster a small smile on her
face. She barely managed to conceal her disgust. She barely managed
to say the words "I do." She barely managed to allow him to put the
ring on her finger. She barely managed to put the ring on his finger.
She barely managed to get through Raymond's kiss which brought back
flashbacks of the assault when she was sixteen. Although the ceremony
was one long torture session for Serenity that she almost backed out
of, when she looked back and tried to remember the day it was all a
blur. Quite unlike her marriage to Wesley which remained clear and
shining in her mind.

Serenity had not thought one thing out though. In all her
worrying about how to avoid the wedding and those final moments of
forcing herself to go down the aisle, she had not thought about what
would happen after the wedding. She had not thought about the fact
that they would be sleeping in the same room, thus preventing her
from having private time to figure a way out of this situation. There
were much larger consequences to this though as well. That night she
did not want to get into bed with him, so she slipped into something
comfortable but as unrevealing as possible. Then she lay down on the
big chair several feet away from the bed. She rested her head on an
armrest, and she curled up her legs close to her. However, Raymond
would not have this. He grabbed her immediately by her arm, yanking
her off the chair and throwing her onto the bed. He came down on top
of her and forced her clothes off without a word. Serenity struggled
at the touch of his hand at first, but after her clothes were off
she became paralyzed with fear. In her mind she was sixteen again, and
Raymond was pushing her up against the wall forcing his tongue into
her mouth. He was doing a lot more this time though. The night was
one full of fear for Serenity as he growled at her when she made the
slightest sound. She tried to force herself to be quiet as he forced
himself into her. She stared at the ceiling. There was a point on the
ceiling with a few points away from it. She traced lines to each
point, like in a connect the dots. Over and over she did this in her
mind. Seeing only the dots on the ceiling. She completely
disconnected herself from the feeling of his body in hers. When he
was satisfied, he rolled off of her and ordered her to go to sleep.
She silently obeyed, lost in her world of darkness and fear.

The next day was fine for her. She went to the required
meetings during the day and participated well in them. These meetings
were for training to be the Queen because she had missed out on so
much of her required training as a princess. Thus, Queen Selenity
would remain the Queen of the Moon Kingdom for the next few weeks.

When Serenity woke up the next morning, she quietly got
dressed and brushed her hair. As she was putting on her makeup,
reality came crashing down. She fell down to the floor, crying
uncontrollably. Her body wracked with painful sobs; she could not
stop. She could not see anything but the tears. She could not feel
anything but the pain. She could not breathe. She was crying so hard
she could not breathe, but still she continued. She was not sure how
long that went on. Time had seemed to stop as she slowly forced
herself to stand up, she looked at the clock. It had been four hours.
*That is not possible,* she thought in confusion. Although she had no
idea how much time had passed, she had not expected it to be more
than a half hour. Her entire world seemed distorted. She saw the
numbers on the clock, but it was almost like she did not see them.
They were faded and dull just like everything else. She got back into
bed tiredly. She knew she had missed one meeting and would need to go
to another one soon, but she really did not care. She just wanted to
escape this reality. She wanted to sleep forever. When she woke up to
Raymond entering the room that evening, she stood up alert and scared.
He came over to her angrily. "Where the hell have you been bitch?" he
asked angrily.

Serenity shrank back, pulling up the covers over her body
protectively.

Raymond smirked. "Pathetic," he said.

Serenity's eyes looked down in shame as he grabbed her and
threw on the ground and began to kick her ferociously. She curled up
in a ball, silently taking the treatment. "Do not ever miss another
meeting," he said coldly. "Maybe you need another lesson?" he said
harshly, placing her on the bed as he forced himself inside her
again. As he held her struggling arms down, her eyes glazed over. She
went into her own little world again, disconnecting from the event.
When it was over, she felt only intense shame as she curled up into
a ball and went to sleep again to escape this reality. The rapes
occurred almost nightly, and the beatings nearly everyday. Serenity
became the submissive wife she had always dreaded becoming, but she
did not even notice. She went through the motions of the day
mechanically, feeling nothing but dirtiness and intense shame and
fear. She cut herself off from the rest of the world. She did her
duties and responded to people appropriately, yet never was truly
there in mind or spirit. Her nights were restless. She would not be
able to sleep as she waited for Raymond to come in because she knew
what would happen. The fear would keep her awake, staring blankly
at the wall. Once it was over, she would still remain awake for quite
awhile because often he would want to go for another "round" as
he said. When he finished the second time or she became sure that he
was asleep and not planning to force himself on her again, she would
escape into the world of sleep. It took all her energy to force
herself out of bed in the morning. It took even more energy to force
herself through her duties. She forgot about so many things. She
forgot about Wesley. She forgot about Lune and Miriam. She forgot
about Serena and Maria. Worst of all though, she forgot about
herself. This was only a shell of her that was barely making it
through each day mechanically. Her only goal every day was to get to
the point of the night where she could go to sleep again. August 10
came and went, but that night Serenity had a dream. Not one of her
usual nightmares about the rape, assault, or beatings, but a happy
one. An emotion she had not experienced in a couple of weeks. The
dream left her feeling a tinge of that lost, strange emotion. In
the dream, she was transported back to a time three years ago. (It
was the wedding day. The wedding day was a gorgeous, sunny day.
Serenity was in the most beautiful, flowing white silk dress for
her day. There were sparkling crystals all over with a veil that
sparkled as well. It was made around a tiara of fake diamonds.
Serenity looked like a sparkling white princess. Wesley was
in a handsome, traditional black tuxedo with a black bowtie. He
stood up straight and looked like a stiff, handsome gentleman. As
soon as he saw Serenity enter the hall though, a vision of elegance
and beauty, he became much calmer and less tense. Serenity glided
toward him. She was smiling in joy as was he. They embraced when she
arrived, ignoring tradition, and they stepped up on the pedestal
with the certified marriage reader. As the reader said his words,
they looked at one another, lost in each other's eyes and souls.
When the priest finished, they each said "I do," and Wesley
carefully placed the wedding ring he had bought for her on her
finger. She placed his wedding band on his finger now as well. They
kissed happily. As they exited, bubbles that were clear with
beautiful rainbows shining through them were blowing everywhere.)

Serenity jumped up as the dream ended slowly. She looked at
the time. It was five a.m. Raymond would not be up for another couple
of hours. She got up now though and went out to stand on the balcony.
She looked out through the palace gardens. This room was on the
opposite side of the side her old room as a princess had been. Her
hair was blowing in her face from the light breeze, and a tear
slipped down her face. *Oh Wesley, how could I forget about you my
love? Oh Wesley, where are you? I am so lost, so lost. What do I
do? I hope you are all right dearest Wesley.* Serenity thought back
sadly to this time last year. They had been celebrating their
second anniversary together and taking a stroll with Serena through
the park she remembered in nostalgia. Then the thought hit her.
*Oh my gosh. Serena. I have not seen her in these weeks. I have been
so lost in my own pain I forgot my own daughter. How could I
do that? What kind of a mother am I?* she asked herself in guilt.

She walked quietly through the bedroom so as to not wake her
husband up, and she ran through a large portion of the palace and
down many flights of stairs to the basement. She slowly tried to
find her way back to where she thought she remembered Maria's
bedchamber was located. She found Maria's chamber after a few
misleading ventures into other bedchambers. When she got there,
Maria was feeding Serena. She looked like she had just gotten up
and had a plate of food there for herself as well though she had not
touched it yet. Serenity stood in the doorway silently as Maria
looked up, a mixture of surprise and relief displayed on her face.
She motioned quietly for Serenity to come in. Serenity shut the door
behind her and came to sit beside Maria. She took the spoon quietly
and said, "here you go. I will feed her. You go ahead and eat."
After Maria was done eating, she apologized incessantly for her
absence. "I will be here every morning from now on," she promised.
"I will also come here to feed her for lunch. The only meal I cannot
come to is dinner. As Queen I have to make so many appearances at
dinner, and when I do not have to do that I still have to eat with
Raymond."

"Oh that is fine Serenity. I just am glad you will be here
for those two meals. Especially lunch. That is such a busy time for
me. Actually so is dinner, but I will manage to get down here and
feed her."

Serenity nodded.

"Are you all right Serenity?" Maria asked softly. "You
seem...different."

Serenity looked up in surprise. "I am...I do not know Maria.
I am having a difficult time, but do not worry about me," she
reassured Maria.

Serenity was true to her promise although her life went back
mostly to the way it was before. She remained a shell going through
each day mechanically, full of shame and fear, but she did always
remember to come to her daughter at least twice a day for meals.
Usually she came four or five times a day though just to see her
and spend time with her. Those moments were her solace. She still
felt dead inside. Lost. Hopeless. Worthless. Confused. Yet when
she saw her daughter, it brought her this small comfort inside.
Reminded her of a time when things were better. Serena assured her
that there was something to live for in this world. Serenity had
been dangerously close to killing herself she realized, but she
could never leave her daughter alone in this cold, cruel world.
Even if she never saw Wesley again, she would always have her
precious daughter to comfort her and remind her of him as well.

Wesley's birthday was an especially hard day for Serenity.
He would be 23 today she realized sadly. She wondered where he was
and if he was all right. She reflected on past birthdays with him
as she spent some time with her daughter. She remembered in sorrow
his 19th birthday, their first celebration on Earth and first
birthday for that matter. She had gotten a cake and confetti. Then
she got lost in her mind, remembering his 20th birthday. (Serenity
had a big surprise planned for Wesley's 20th birthday, and the two
of them spent the morning eating a delicious packed breakfast in
the park. The best part for both of them though was the time at the
dance club that evening. Wesley and Serenity danced together
through the fast and slow songs, enjoying every moment of it, and
Wesley went home to a big cake and confetti at dinnertime. "Woohoo!
20 years old. You are in the adult range buddy," Serenity teased
him. Wesley stuck his tongue out at her, and they giggled together.)

Serenity slowly came back to this world as Serena pulled on
her skirt, looking up at her curiously. She smiled faintly and
picked her daughter up onto her lap, holding her gently. It was
probably just as comforting to Serenity to hold her daughter as it
was for the daughter to be held. Serenity remembered his 21st
birthday in pain. That had been back when sex was pleasurable. It
only held pain, shame, guilt, fear, hurt, and anger for her now.
(Serenity spent the next month contemplating what gift to get for
Wesley's 21st birthday. She finally settled upon a new set of books
she knew he had been interested in reading. That day they spent
lounging around, and they enjoyed a meal Serenity made for Wesley.
It was lasagna, Wesley's favorite. The dessert was strawberry
cheesecake, one of Wesley's favorite desserts.

That night as they were lying down in bed, Serenity rolled
over and looked into Wesley's eyes. "Wesley, do you want to," she
blushed, looking down.

Wesley looked in Serenity's eyes. "You mean, our first
time...tonight?"

"I really feel ready Wesley."

Wesley nodded. "I am ready too. I would like that.")

She thought back in more sorrow to his 22nd birthday.
Remembering the banner, the confetti, and the special chocolate cake
she had baked for him tore into her heart. "You were there for that
one Serena you know?" she said sadly, rocking her child back and
forth. Serena cooed and snuggled closer to her mother in comfort.
Serena's mood swings were obvious to Serenity and caused her great
concern. Some days she would be like today, content and wanting
attention and comfort. On other days though, she would want to be
alone as she cried and screamed. Serenity wanted so badly to ask her
what pained her so greatly that she would not even let Serenity near
enough to comfort her. Somehow though Serenity was fairly sure that
it was the sudden transition to this new place with this new unknown
caretaker, Maria, and most of all the sudden loss of her father that
caused these mood swings in Serena. Serenity felt heartbroken at this,
wanting so badly to know how to ease that ache Serena must be
feeling but too young to understand or express well.

Her days were full of pain and heartache, and her nights
were full of terror and shame. The days went by incredibly slowly.
Yet when the end of October crept up, Serenity realized she barely
remembered the last few months at all. It had all gone slowly, yet
it was all a blur. Similar to her memory of her marriage to King
Raymond. The end of October was an especially painful time for her
as she remembered the past and the holiday called Halloween that she
had experienced on Earth. She remembered wearing a fairy costume
and Wesley wearing a magician costume on that first Halloween they
spent on Earth. The second one was more amusing she remembered
because she was pregnant. ("Do you have the candy?" Serenity asked
Wesley as he returned home that evening.) He had said such a strange
comment that evening. She heard his clear voice saying it in her
mind now. (He rubbed her tummy gently. "So there is someone
in there?" he asked. The doorbell rang, and Serenity handed out
candy to a kid in a witch costume and a kid with a sheet with holes
in it around the eyes and mouth. *Cute ghost,* she thought.

She turned to Wesley as their door closed. "Yes there is our
baby in there, and I guess it is the baby's first Halloween," she
smiled.

"Halloween in a uterus? Interesting," Wesley said,
chuckling.)

Even more enjoyable and amusing was their last Halloween
together with Serena. The memories floated through Serenity's mind.
Comforting her yet taunting her at the same time. ("I know. You
start the day before Halloween do you not?"

"Yes darling, but I do not work on Halloween. We can go door
to door with Serena in a stroller. I am sure that we could get so
much candy."

"Serenity, the holiday is for children not babies."

"Awww, but now we have an excuse to get candy," Serenity
whined.

Wesley chuckled. "Oh all right. I suppose we could try
taking Serena to a few houses and getting some candy."

"Oh thank you honey."

"You are welcome dearest," and he kissed her on the cheek
before going to the bathroom to take a shower...................

On Halloween they put four month year old Serena in a small,
comfy bunny costume. Serenity wore a big bunny costume, and Wesley
wore a big bunny costume too. Serenity laughed. "You are so silly
dearest."

Wesley smiled and chuckled. "Yeah, I know."

They did get some candy as well as some strange looks.
Serenity just glared at those people while Wesley chuckled.

One lady smiled and tickled Serena. Serenity smiled. "She is
beautiful," the lady said.

Serenity nodded. "Yes, she is. Thank you."

That night they plopped down in exhaustion on the couch. "I
forgot to ask you. How was your first day back at work yesterday?"
Wesley asked.

"Exhausting," Serenity admitted, "but nice to be back."

Wesley smiled. "Well at least we discovered that the schedule
works.")

Serenity was standing in the garden, looking at the fountain
she had first met Miriam at as these pleasant memories made their
way through her mind. Reminding her of the good times, but torturing
her with the knowledge that those times were now gone. They gave her
hope and yet made her feel hopeless. A mixture of confusing, opposing
emotions gripping her body, she sat down on the stone surrounding the
fountain. *This was not the fountain from my dream,* she realized.
*Where has that fountain gone?* The memories reminded her of
something though. A realization struck her. *I have been spending
this whole time lost in my own world. I have not even attempted to
get out. I have not even attempted to get a divorce from Raymond or
to find and save Wesley. I need to get up and do something. Now.*

The realization certainly was not a pleasant one. *How did I
get so lost in my own world?* she wondered. *How do I get out of this
nightmare? How can I save Serena, Wesley, and myself?* She felt so
weak and so lost. She was not the same strong person with the same
strong convictions that had arrived here just a few short months ago.
She had been permanently changed. Permanently destroyed inside. Yet
still was that a reason to completely give up? Could there not be any
hope for the future of her family? She was not sure if there was hope
for herself, but she knew there was a possibility for Wesley, and she
knew that she had much hope still for Serena. So, if only for them,
she would fight. She would fight, and she would put her whole heart
into saving them and escaping this hell.

She came to expect the nights of forced sex. She still
dreaded them but more with a dull pain than with an overwhelming fear.
She realized she was sadly getting used to it. If one can ever get
used to something like that. Perhaps it was all a trick in her mind.
Still, she struggled through the day and disassociated through the
night. She found herself planning to find Wesley first during her
free time. She discovered that he was in a prison called Dandurf on
the opposite side of the Earth from where they had resided. She was
in the process of finding the exact location. She decided once she
had found it, she would speak with Maria to get ideas and plans on
how to get him out of there. She was hoping that at the least she
could get him to sneak into the Moon Kingdom and help take care
of Serena with her and Maria. How she would be able to divorce
Raymond she had not yet thought about. That would be the last step in
her overall plan she decided.

It was at the end of November, on what would have been
Thanksgiving on Earth, that she did pinpoint his exact location.
However, other events uprooted her from this mission. That evening
she spent remembering all the times she and Wesley had been so
thankful and appreciative for what they had been given. They had
appreciated what they had damn it. *So why the hell was it all taken
from us? Torn from us? Ripped from us?* she wondered angrily. *How
dare they rip our wonderful lives away from us.* For the first time
in quite a long time, she allowed herself to cry. (Thanksgiving was a
feast for them. They both got to enjoy the day together because they
had slept some before it though neither was anywhere near completely
rested. Serenity had long ago stopped complaining about it which
actually concerned Wesley more.

"Serenity, are you all right?"

"Yes honey, why?"

"It is just, you have those circles under your eyes. You are
so exhausted nowadays. I can tell."

Serenity nodded. "You are not getting nearly enough rest
yourself darling."

"True," Wesley agreed.

"Let us just eat and think about good things today," Serenity
pleaded.

"All right," Wesley agreed again.

They ate their feast with Serena, and she got a new kind of
baby food as a special treat. "Do you realize Serena is nearly five
months old?" Serenity pointed out.

Wesley smiled. "Our little baby is growing up."

"Oh Wesley, no need to sound like that. She is still a baby. It
will be a long time before we say that phrase."

Wesley chuckled. "You are right dearest.")

*What if we never got to say that phrase now?* Serenity lay
down that evening and just went to sleep. She felt so exhausted,
like all the energy had been drained out of her. When she did wake up
the next morning, she found that she did not want to do anything.
She barely managed to get through her royal duties and visit Serena
two times for the meals. Then she went to another bedroom to sleep.
This became her life. She only vaguely realized that she even existed.
She managed to make a list of her royal duties and of the times
she needed to see Serena. That way when she managed to get up in the
morning, she would just look at what she had to do on the list and
mechanically do it without actually thinking about what she was doing.
The list could have said bomb the world, and she would have
mechanically done that without even realizing what that actually meant.
Nothing actually registered with her. Her responses, movements, and
duties were all automatic. It was as though she was a plane and the
captain had set her on automatic pilot. She was flying, but the pilot
was long gone. As the next month passed by, Serenity did not even
notice the passage of time. She lived in her own world now. It
was her only escape from the harsh, horrifying reality she was living
in daily. One afternoon as she walked out of the throne room, done
with her duties until later that evening anyway, she ran into her
mother. Serenity saw her every once in awhile, but the former Queen
mainly kept to herself now. Enjoying a luxurious, calming life as she
awaited the return of the former King Stephen from his mission.
Serenity knew he would be home any day now. When she ran into Selenity
that afternoon, Selenity seemed to be in shock and tears were coming
out of her eyes. "What is it mother?" she asked mechanically.

"Oh Serenity, he is dead. Your father is dead. My husband is
dead," she cried out.

Serenity nodded. "Well, that is too bad," she said coldly.

Selenity looked at her oddly and then walked off, headed in
the direction of her room.

Serenity contemplated that evening about why she had been so
cold. For one thing nothing fazed her anymore. She really did not
notice things. She saw and heard things, but she did not feel them. So
while she logically understood that her father was dead, never to
return, she did not have any feelings connected to that. Still, deep
inside she did feel a small mixture of emotions. She explored
those emotions out in the gardens that evening. Mostly she felt
relief. One less person to destroy more of her life and her soul. She
felt some anger and jealousy too; jealous in a way that he got to go
out so quickly without ever realizing and regretting all the horrible
things he had done in his life and to his own daughter especially.
There was admittedly also a very small amount of sadness because the
compassionate Serenity was still buried inside, and she could not help
but feel a little sad when anyone died and even a bit sad for her
cruel mother who seemed to be taking it so hard. However, she felt
more glad that her mother was getting a taste of real pain. She had
caused Serenity so much. Perhaps she was a bad person for that, but at
least she was honest. That was how she felt, and she had a right to
those feelings. Lune had taught her that.

The next day when Serenity got up the whole palace was in a
frenzy. She caught snatches of lines. People exclaiming things about
her mother, the former Queen Selenity. She caught something about
"distraught," and so many people asking if she would survive. Serenity
slowly made her way to her mother's chamber, reluctant to see what was
going on but sensing it was important. When she arrived at the door,
her mother was lying on the bed deathly pale. Serenity came up to her
slowly.

"What happened to her?" she asked the maid who was holding the
cloth over her mother's head.

"We are not sure. She passed out early this morning. She has
been so sick and unconscious since then," the maid replied.

Serenity was not sure what she wanted to do. Part of her wanted
to smile and say, "about time you got some of that pain back mother."
Part of her wanted to sit by her mother and take care of her because
she did look to be in so much pain. Part of her wanted to just leave,
sick at the sight of her mother. In the end, the last part won out.
Probably because she knew it was wrong to smile at this, but she also
knew she did not have it in her to take care of the woman right now.

She spent most of the day with Serena because other than giving
a speech about her sorrow at her mother's condition, *how fake,* she
thought, she did not have any other duties that day.

Serena was particularly happy today. Her mood swings had been
becoming less and less. She tended to be neither very happy nor very
sad anymore. She would cry sometimes. She would smile sometimes, but
often her expression took on the same blank expression of her mother.
Although Serenity did not realize her daughter was wearing the same
expression, she did notice that she had a blank expression on her face.
She cared, but she did not know what to do about it. She did not seem
to have the energy to find out either. Not now anyways. She held her
close though and rocked her and hummed to her often, and Serena would
snuggle closer in contentment.

The end of that month was a torturous one for Serenity as more
memories of the past Christmas and New Year's holidays haunted her
mind. (They spent Christmas together. They got a beautiful evergreen
tree, and they bought a few decorations and lots of lights. "We will
buy more ornaments next year," Wesley promised, and Serenity smiled in
contentment. The excitement of opening the brightly colored gifts and
hanging the stockings and leaving cookies and milk for Santa Claus
excited her. She knew Wesley really ate the cookies and drank the milk,
but she still squealed in excitement when it was all gone the next day.
She liked these traditions and enjoyed celebrating these new
experiences with her own true love.)

The next year had been even better. (Christmas Eve marked an
end to Serenity's morning sickness and backaches, and thus lessened
her fatigue greatly. Christmas marked the end of her first trimester
of pregnancy and the beginning of her fourth month. They enjoyed the
holiday much more due to Serenity feeling in a better mood, and both of
them having gotten their first full night of sleep in a long time.

Serenity loved this time of year. She enjoyed looking at the
lights, getting and sitting around the Christmas tree, sipping hot
chocolate with the small fluffy white marshmallows near the crackling,
hot fire. She enjoyed the anticipation of unwrapping all the shiny,
creatively wrapped presents. It was probably Wesley's favorite time of
year too he admitted, though he confessed to really enjoying
Thanksgiving as well.)

As Serenity sat with Serena, brushing her short soft hair, she
remembered the best Christmas of all they had all spent together. (They
did enjoy that Christmas and New Year's. They both got plenty of sleep
and rest on the beach near the calming, tranquil ocean. They also
enjoyed dipping into the water and sitting at the water's edge with
Serena who giggled happily when the water came up onto the sand and
tickled her feet.

Serenity lay on her lounge chair with Serena next to her in the
stroller and Wesley next to her lying out on his lounge chair on the
golden sand. She looked out past the golden grains of sand to the
tranquil, sparkling blue ocean and the small calm waves going in and
out, in and out gently underneath the soft, light blue sky. She smiled
softly at a few small wisps of white clouds. For Christmas they still
got and decorated a Christmas tree with ornaments and ribbon and tinsel.
They put out stockings for Santa Claus as well as milk and cookies, and
they enjoyed all the flickering lights, bubble lights, and colored
lights as well as the cheerful holiday music.)

"Do you remember that one?" she asked Serena softly. "The ocean
was so beautiful. Life was so calm, and we felt content. Do you remember
that? I remember what we did, but I cannot feel that feeling anymore. Is
it lost for us forever Serena? I hope not especially not for you child.
You have known far too much pain for a child your age," she said sadly.
She ran her fingers through Serena's short curly blond hair. "I love you
precious," she said softly. Serena just smiled and wrapped her arms
around Serenity sensing both her mother's love for her as well as her
mother's sadness. Serenity smiled briefly and rocked back and forth,
humming to her lovely daughter.

The day that marked a new year she went to see Serena again, and
she saw Maria this time as well. She was worried about Serena. Although
Serena had begun saying words well before she was one, recognized what
they belonged to by the time she was one, and began speaking with
inflections a few months aftewards, her speaking skills had seemed to
stop developing awhile ago and now seemed to be steadily getting worse.
She rarely even spoke anymore.

"Serenity, how are you doing? You look so tired, and so
miserable," Maria said compassionately

"I am," Serenity said simply, trying not to show the intense pain
that filled her heart. Serena began crying loudly. "Oh baby, shush,
shush," she said softly, taking her into her arms and humming to her.
Rocking her back and forth she remembered this time last year, a much
more joyous occasion. (New Year's Eve was of course a big celebration
with the streamers, confetti, and sparkling cider. Wesley loved to pick
up the now six month year old Serena and hold her up, spinning around
slowly and gently. Serena would giggle and coo, and the place would be
ringing with their laughter. It was bliss, and they were in their own
paradise togetheR.)

"The place was ringing with your laughter Serena," she said
painfully. She paused sadly. "Now it resonates with your painful
cries," she finished.

Tears slipped from Maria's eyes. "Is there anything I can do to
help Serenity?" she asked sadly.

"Not unless you can get me away from here and back to my darling
Wesley. Not unless you can get me a divorce from Raymond, and save our
family."

Maria hugged her tentatively, and Serenity hugged her back. "That
is all I have to give," Maria said sadly.

"It means more to me than you could possibly know," Serenity
promised. "Thank you dear friend."

Maria nodded sadly. "Anytime," she promised.

Selenity had gotten up for a short time only to get deathly sick
and be in bed all day. Serenity visited her once, but her mother said
nothing to her. Serenity did not really have anything to say either. She
wanted to yell at her mother and say look at how you have destroyed my
life. She wanted to plead with her mother to save her from this hell, and
all would be forgiven. She wanted to sob to her mother and say look at
the pain I am in. She wanted to be there for her mother too despite all
she had endured at the hands of this woman, but when she stood in the
room all that left her mind, and she had nothing left to say. None of it
was really worth saying she realized. Her mother still did not realize
what she had done and still did not regret any of her choices. Her mother
would not care about her anger or pain. Her mother would not save her,
and her mother would not sympathize with her or listen to her. So,
Serenity sat with her awhile then left. Her father was gone, and as far as
she was concerned so was her mother. *Good riddance to them both.*

Raymond was different at night sometimes. He was still often
violent, but he began to get a sick pleasure out of being gentler
sometimes too. He would rub his hands over her back, and she would
flinch. He lay beside her, his hands slowly going down her body.
She lay motionless. He scooted closer and closer, his tongue on her neck.
He would moan and get on top of her slowly forcing himself into her. He
was repeating over and over, "relax, you like this. I know you do
sweetheart."

It did not take long for her to start believing him. She knew that
he was right. This was what she had always wanted. She was a bad person
who had asked for this. She was just getting what she deserved. *Worthless
scum,* she would repeat to herself in her mind, feeling so low and so
worthless and so hopeless that no one in this whole universe could have
possibly gotten through to her. Her whole mind became blank, and she soon
became apathetic to everything. Nothing mattered anymore. She certainly
did not matter. Neither did life. Still she went through the motions,
anxiously awaiting the day when all this misery and despair would end,
and she could have some peace. *No, then again, I am sure I will go to
hell. I am so bad. I deserve to be constantly punished for all that I have
done wrong in this world. I hate myself so much.* And she did. She hated
herself with such intensity, but even this did not faze her. She was so
far gone that even that much intense hatred meant nothing to her. It
became a consuming part of her inner torment every single day of her
miserable life.

February came and went, and she was vaguely aware of a time when
she had celebrated romance and love with Wesley. *Ha, what a joke,* she
thought. *Romance is nothing but domination and pain and fear. Love is
really just hate and hurt in disguise.*

The months were long but short, torturous yet she felt nothing.
There were moments. She still held Serena; she even forced herself to still
hum to her. Serena must have felt the difference though because she did not
seem to gain much if any comfort from these actions anymore. She cried all
the time. Maria was her constant comforter now. Even when Serenity was
there, her holding Serena did not seem to ease Serena's pain at all.
Serenity did actually feel a pang of hurt from this, but she was so lost in
her own world, she could never think clearly enough to see how she was
affecting her daughter's life.

Her mother got sicker at the end of April, so Serenity went back
into her room to sit with her. In one of her last clear moments, she
reached out desperately to her sick, dying mother. She hated to do this.
She hated to feel vulnerable especially in front of this woman, but she
desperately forced herself to ask her mother one last time. "Please
mother," she asked desperately. "Please undo this marriage. Please there
is so much pain," she managed to force out.

Her mother turned around in her bed with her back to Serenity.
"Never," she answered coldly and stubbornly.

Serenity actually felt a pang of pain in her heart, but she
buried it deeper inside, got up, and left the room silently.

She did get another flashback in her last clear moment on the
first of May. (That evening, Serenity walked in tired at 8 p.m.,
and Wesley was already home. "Oh did you get off work early?" she asked.

"Yes," he said shortly.

"Is something wrong?" Serenity asked cautiously. *We have been
getting in so many fights. Please tell me we will not have another
one.*

"Nothing," he said.

"Oh Wesley. What is it? I am here darling." She sat down next to
him.

"It is just. Can we go out tonight?" he asked.

"Aw Wesley I just got off a long day at work. I think I need to
rest. You understand?"

"I guess, sort of. It is just that I know that a long day at work
can be tiring, but what if we just do something small? I really want to
go out with you. It has been so long since we went out."

"Oh Wesley please do not start this again. Not tonight."

"Not ever," Wesley said in a biting tone.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Serenity asked, upset.

"It means you never want to discuss this topic. You will never
even consider going out sometime."

"We went out for dinner last week," Serenity shot back.

"Yeah, yeah. You will give in for a dinner on occasion, but you
mostly live in this apartment. It is driving me crazy."

"Oh great, now I drive you crazy. Well then why do you not just
find some other girl who will go out with you Wesley? I am certainly
not good enough," Serenity said angrily

"Serenity you know I do not want anyone but you, but for
goodness sakes at least admit that you have a problem."

"I do not have ANY problem mister. You are the one with the
freaking problem."

"God, get out of your freaking denial Serenity."

Serenity's mouth opened. "How dare you say that to me?"

"Oh what, I cannot say that to the Princess? Excuse me Miss
Princess. I guess it would be too much to ask the high and mighty to
leave her castle."

"Fuck you," Serenity said angrily, running to their room and
shutting and locking the door.

"Serenity, open this door," Wesley was pounding on the door.

"NO!" Serenity yelled.

"Serenity I am serious. We are going out tonight."

"And I am serious. You are sleeping on the floor in the other
bedroom or on the couch in the living room you asshole."

"Stop cussing at me Serenity, and open the door."

"Stop being an ass, and I will not have to call you one."

Wesley sighed and left. He did sleep on the couch that night.)

Serenity was standing on the balcony, and she sighed. *I will
never have another fight with him again,* she thought sadly. *So this
is the pain Lune felt. So this is what it is like without my husband.*
The pain started to become so intense that she buried it down so deep
she could not feel it anymore. Her feelings became numb, and she felt
detached again. Just as she wanted.

The end of May brought the announcement that her mother was
dead. She stood in the doorway as they took her out. She stood at the
head of the ceremony and made another fake speech about how much the
woman meant to everyone and how greatly she would be missed. The wind
blew through Serenity's hair as the people from all over the solar
system left the ceremony. A hand rested on her shoulder, and Serenity
turned around to see Miriam standing there, a deep sadness in her
eyes. "I am sorry Serenity," she said softly.

"It does not matter," Serenity said coldly. "She means
nothing to me."

Miriam nodded sadly. "I am not sorry for that," she simply
said as she left quietly.

Serenity stood out there all night, not realizing how much
time had passed while she stared at her mother's grave. *Why did
you do this to me mother? Why did you hate me so much? Why could
you not love me the way I love Serena? Why could you not take care
of me? Why did you let him destroy you? Even after he was dead,
you were still his slave. Not even for me could you make one last
regretful attempt at kindness. Why? I cannot understand. I am sorry
I disappointed you, but I always loved you. I always tried my
best to please you. Why could you not accept me? Why?* she asked,
the questions running through her mind in pain and confusion.

*I very rarely do Anything right,* Serenity realized one
morning. *I always disappointed my parents, and I always do everything
wrong with Raymond too. I cannot even help my ex-husband and precious
daughter anymore. I am worthless.*

The depth of despair was so great. Her 21st birthday was hell,
and she did not even get to celebrate it with her daughter who was
turning two years old. Raymond beat her for everything that day, but
he turned gentle that night. Trying to turn her on with his sex talk,
she felt revolted inside. Knowing she deserved this and must have
wanted it though, she simply lay there and got lost in her own mind.
It was as though she were floating above her body, watching it happen
to someone else. She felt nothing inside. She was dead inside. There
had been a time when her birthdays were the most enjoyable event.
There had been a time that she vaguely remembered that night as
Raymond slept. She could not sleep, so she went over those past events
over and over in her mind. (Serenity's birthday came up soon, and that
morning she woke up to breakfast in bed. Wesley and Serenity had both
made sure they got the day off. Serenity smiled in content as he lay
next to her in bed and ate his homemade strawberry pancakes with her.
Serenity smiled. These were one of her favorite breakfast meals. "You
are so amazing," she said, kissing him fully on the mouth. He smiled
and bit into a strawberry. "Happy Birthday dearest. You are the big
17 gorgeous," Wesley said, smiling. "Oh Wesley," she hugged him close,
smelling his sweet scent and feeling his warmth surround her in bliss.
She scraped his whipping cream off his pancakes and added it onto
hers.

"Hey," he said. Serenity giggled.

"Awww," she pouted.

He pouted too. "Aww, all right, fine. Just this once birthday
girl."

She smiled in triumph.

That night was the best though. After watching her favorite
movies all day with Wesley and going swimming in the health club on
her own, she returned home to smell a delicious dinner baking. "It is
almost ready," Wesley said, entering in a nice tuxedo.

"Should I be dressed up?" she asked curiously.

"Simply put on your nicest dress Mademoiselle and sit down at
the table. I will be your waiter tonight." Serenity smiled and ran
to put on her sparkling light purple dress. It had sparkling fake
crystals on it and small elegant sleeves. She returned with her hair
in a twist and a dab of sweet smelling perfume on.

He served her a delicious meal. When he brought dessert on a
platter, he sat the platter down in a flourish. Serenity giggled.
"What is it?" she asked. Ironically, it was chocolate mousse pie, but
even more astonishing she saw a gorgeous diamond ring on the platter.

Serenity turned to Wesley to see him on one knee in his
tuxedo next to her chair. Her hand flew to her mouth.

"Serenity," he asked seriously. "Will you do me the pleasure
and honor of marrying me?"

"Oh Wesley. Yes. Yes. A hundred times yes!" she squealed,
wrapping her arms around his neck in delight.)

The next year: ("Hey, take that Bobby!" a young kid screamed,
pelting his friend with the water from his large squirt gun. The
other boy laughed and turned around spraying water all over the first
boy with his spinning squirt gun.

"What are you looking at?" Wesley asked, coming up behind her.
Serenity turned around, smiling.

"I can join them now."

"You want to join those kids? I do not know how that would be
looked at by their parents. Some strange woman they do not know
squirting their kids with a fake gun."

Serenity nodded. "I know. I did not exactly mean literally. I
just meant you and I are part of their world. We could go out and get
squirt guns and do the same thing if we wanted."

"Is this some kind of a hint for what you would like to do
today Serenity dear?"

Serenity shook her head. "No. I was just thinking back to a
time when I looked out of my palace balcony at the children enjoying
themselves, painfully aware that I did not belong in their world."

"Oh Serenity," Wesley hugged her.

"I am so glad we are here," Serenity said, smiling. "Finally
I belong with all the real people."

Wesley smiled. "You like that as much as you like this?" he
asked, taking out a small gift wrapped in shiny silver gift paper.

Serenity smiled, ripping into the gift paper. "Oh, you spoil
me darling!" she exclaimed, unwrapping the locket.

"Only the best for my darling's 18th birthday," Wesley
promised.

Serenity sighed in contentment. "It is beautiful.")

The next year: (The night before her birthday Serenity woke
up to a strange feeling inside her. *It is the baby,* she immediately
thought, becoming alarmed. She began having a contraction again, and
she sighed in relief. *Just another contraction.* Ten minutes later
she had another contraction, and ten minutes later she had another
one that was much more intense. She woke Wesley up. The doctor had
told her that contractions that progressed, were regular, and
increased in intensity nearly always meant you were in labor or
about to be in labor. Wesley mumbled, "hi dear. What is it?"

"I think...I think I am in labor," she grunted through the
contraction.

Wesley shot up. "Oh my gosh. All right, I will go and get the
car. He pulled on a sweatshirt and jeans. "You get dressed all right?"
She struggled to get dressed, and he ended up rushing back to help her
with it and helped her to the car. She lay out in the backseat as he
speeded to the nearby hospital. *Thank goodness the hospital is
close,* Serenity thought in relief.)

The next year: (Serenity and Serena's birthdays snuck up on
the family quickly, and when Serenity got up that morning that she
had off, but Wesley did not, she ended up letting herself go back to
sleep with the baby crib right beside her bed. She woke up again
around noon and enjoyed sleeping late as well as feeling amazed
Serena had let her sleep so long. She sighed and wiggled under the
covers, enjoying the feel of waking up at noon. Soon Serena was
crying though, and she got up slowly, stretching out into a
comfortable position and getting up. She lifted Serena up carefully
and said, "Happy birthday precious." She hummed to her while she
changed her diaper and clothes.

Then she went into the kitchen with Serena and fed her.
Serena quieted down and smiled and cooed happily. Serenity smiled
and fixed herself some lasagna. She ate it in the living room
while Serena enjoyed her toys on the soft living room carpet.
Serenity held her in her lap for awhile after she was done eating.
When Wesley returned home, he smiled at the loving, comfortable
picture they created and sat down beside them.

"Happy Birthday precious," he said, kissing Serena softly
on the forehead. Then he looked at Serenity, leaned over, and
kissed her fully on the mouth. She smiled. "Happy Birthday to you
too dearest," he said joyfully.

Serenity smiled. "Thank you dearest."

"You are 20 years old Serenity. It is time to celebrate.
You are an adult with me yay!"

Serenity giggled. "Our baby is a year old."

"Oh, I know. I am so excited!"

Serena smiled, sensing they were happy and talking about
her as they looked at her happily.

"Here is your present precious," he said, handing a small
wrapped gift to Serena. Serena held it and turned it around, cooing
softly, and then trying to put it in her mouth.

Serenity giggled. "Here let me help you with that
precious," she said, glaring at Wesley as a joke.

Wesley opened his eyes wide. "Well, what did I do to
deserve that? I guess someone does not want their gift."

Serenity laughed. "Oh Wesley, I was just joking."

"Sure you were," Wesley said.

Serenity smiled and unwrapped Serena's gift, tearing off the
paper everywhere. Wesley chuckled. "What? It is no fun unwrapping
it carefully. Wrapping paper is meant to be destroyed," Serenity
said happily.

Wesley chuckled. "I love you so much darling."

"I love you so much too honey," she said, looking into his
eyes.

"Well, here is your gift," he said as he handed it to her
after Serena had unwrapped her new toy.

Serenity smiled and tore into the gift like a ravenous
animal. She smiled in joy when she saw the back massager. "Oh
Wesley, thank you. It is perfect," she said, embracing him.

Wesley smiled. "I am glad. I thought it could help you with
your stress."

"And I am sure there was no ulterior motive, like an
occasional back massage for you when you are under stress?"
Serenity asked, teasing.

"Oh no, of course not," Wesley said. "However, if you, as
the kind wife you are, wanted to offer you tired husband a back
massage on a stressful day, it would not be refused," he added.

Serenity laughed. "You trickster you."

Wesley laughed too. They ate cake, enjoyed the time with
Serena, and went to bed early.)

Serenity ran out of the room. She did not want to hear one
more time the words "I love you," come out of Raymond's mouth. She no
longer wanted to keep fighting to live when inside she craved a
peaceful death, a sleep for eternity she hoped. She did not much
care what hell was like. It could not be any worse than this hell she
was constantly living in everyday. *Serena will be better off without
me too,* she reasoned. She grabbed a rope out of a storage room on
her way out of the palace. She ran and ran, her bare feet getting
sore and bloody from all the rocks and other fragments on the ground
as she ran into the forest. She ran to a nearby lake, and she grabbed
a huge rock and tied the rope around the rock. She then proceeded to
tie the rope around her waist. She knotted it several times tightly
to ensure that she could not get free, and she pushed the rock in and
allowed herself to fall in with it. The water surrounded her. She
opened her mouth, gagging but allowing it to fill her lungs to speed
up this process. She felt so weak. Dizzy. The water swirling around
her. So many colors. She felt she was being crushed. She could see
the small, faint light beginning to shine into the water, but her
whole body was being crushed. Water filling her. Time did not exist
here. Had she been here an eternity or had she just fallen in? Had it
been hours or seconds? Her thoughts slowed down as she felt the water
filling her body and weighing her down. Weak, lost, drowning,
drowning, crushing. So weak. A touch, and she blacked out. When she
came to, she looked up and everything was blurry. A lot of brown and
green and some blue blurred together, and when she looked directly
above her there was so much blurry gold it almost blinded her. She
closed her eyes in pain.

When she awoke again, this time she opened her eyes to a
clearer scene. She was lying in a bed in a bedchamber she had never
been in, but she was sure must be in the palace. Her mind still felt
muddled, but she could think to a certain extent. She vaguely
remembered the strange sensation of the crushing, drowning water.
Her whole body and mind ached from the experience. *Why am I still
here?* she wondered vaguely.

Miriam entered the room, and Serenity's eyes locked on her
golden hair. *The gold I saw in the forest when I woke up the first
time. She must have saved me.* Serenity groaned. "Why did you do that
Miriam?"

Miriam sat next to her on the bed silently and felt her head.
"You still have a fever, but you seem to be able to think fairly
coherently and speak all right. You must be coming out of it."

"I asked you why?" Serenity asked, more angrily this time.

"Oh Serenity, do you really have to ask why? You are still my
best friend. What would I do in this world without you?"

"You were getting along fine without me. You abandoned me. I
mean nothing to you. So do not lie. You just could not live with the
guilt resting on your soul for the rest of your life," Serenity said
angrily.

"Oh Serenity," Miriam said sadly. "You are wrong. It was not
guilt that prompted me to use my magic to follow you that morning. It
was not guilt that made me reach my hand into that freezing water and
pull you up. No, guilt did not motivate me; love did."

"Screw love," Serenity said. "It is just pain."

Miriam's eyes filled with tears. "Oh my god. I did abandon
you Serenity. I am so sorry," she sobbed, hugging her best friend and
soul sister close to her. "I am so sorry. I left you all alone. I do
not know what was wrong with me. I assure you my love for you and our
friendship never died. I just...I was so lost Serenity, and I took
some of my loss out on you. I was not there for you because I was so
selfishly lost in my own pain. Oh god. I wish I could undo this. I
do not know how to save you Serenity," she sobbed uncontrollably.

Some deep, lost part of Serenity emerged for the first time
in quite some time-her compassion. She reached out weakly with her
hands as Miriam fell down next to her on the bed, and they held each
other as Miriam cried. "I care about you too Miriam," Serenity said
weakly. "Always have; always will."

"Then do not leave me. Please do not leave me all alone
Serenity," she cried out in pain.

"Oh Miriam," her eyes filled with pain. "I am sorry. I did
not realize. I should not have left you or Serena. But what do I do?
I cannot live with the pain anymore."

"He beats you does he not Serenity?"

"Well, yes.."Serenity answered.

"Is there more?"

Serenity looked down in shame. "Oh Serenity…what is it? You
can always tell me? He does not force you does he?"

Serenity nodded her head. "Nearly every night, sometimes
twice," she said, turning her eyes away.

"Oh Serenity," she hugged her close. "I am so sorry. I left
you all alone. Never again. I promise. Never again."

"I understand Miriam. I left Serena alone all this time too.
I was not really with her in spirit and almost left her in body as
well. I understand how one can get so lost in that deep, neverending
pain."

"Please forgive me. You mean the world to me. You truly do."

"Of course Miriam. Of course. I see a bit of the old you
finally," she said weakly.

"Yes, nearly losing you brought back a large part of what I
lost I think," Miriam admitted..."but not all."

"No, not all," Serenity said in pain. "You are forever
changed. Never again will that old Miriam exist."

"Never again will that past, strong with conviction Serenity
exist either," Miriam said sadly.

"No," Serenity said simply. "She died."

Miriam nodded. "But you are still strong. Strong to survive
the daily torture for so long. Strong to still get your royal duties
done, and strong to think of others through all that more than most
people would. Oh you are still so strong Serenity. Forever changed,
but still strong. Reach for that strength inside."

"The strength is gone," Serenity said, closing her eyes
weakly.

"No, Serenity. I will not and do not believe that. We will
find a way for you to get out of this marriage. I will find a way if
you will not help me. I do not care one bit what it does to my
reputation and influence as Queen of Venus any longer. You will be
free of his grasp," she promised.

During the next few days, Serenity rested up and got to see
her darling Serena several times as Maria and Serena or Miriam and
Serena would often visit. Serena would often just curl up in bed
with her mother and sigh in contentment, bringing a small amount of
comfort to Serenity.

A few days later Miriam grabbed Serenity's hand and pulled
her out of bed. "Come on," she said, pulling Serenity along to the
throne room where the certified marriage reader that had read at the
wedding of her and Raymond was present. "What is this about?" she
asked faintly.

"Tell him you want your marriage license to be torn up and
become void. Say it is an order from the Queen herself with the Moon
Kingdom behind her. She will not know that you do not have Raymond's
approval until it is too late," she said, pushing Serenity in
through the doorways. "I will be right out here when you are done
to take you back to the room," she promised.

Serenity barely managed to order the woman to make the
license void. "This is in the name of the Moon Kingdom," she managed
to sound convincing though weak. The woman nodded and tore it up
right in front of Serenity then returned to the file room to void
all the other files of theirs.

Serenity walked weakly into Miriam's arms as Miriam guided
her back into the room. "Good job Serenity," she said reassuringly.

The next morning she got up to see Miriam sitting in a chair
across the room sleeping. The door slammed open. "You Bitch,"
Raymond yelled running towards her. Miriam woke up and ran towards
him as he pulled Serenity out of the bed and threw her on the ground.
She grabbed him and tried unsuccessfully to tear him off of Serenity.
When this failed, she stood back and threw an energy ball of magic
at him. His whole body lit up in a golden fire, and he screamed,
running out of the room.

She held Serenity up and put her gently back in bed. "Are
you all right?" she asked.

Serenity nodded. "I will be all right," she said faintly.

Miriam told the guards to come into the room, and she and
Serenity both ordered the guards to get Raymond out of the palace.
He was no longer a legitimate King and was thus trespassing and
causing a disturbance. He was escorted back to his home planet of
Jupiter. Serenity asked Miriam to please send some moon guards to
the prison Dandurf and get Wesley out of there and up here, so
they could be remarried. Miriam agreed. Serenity signed the
papers Miriam brought to her to authorize this act.

A few mornings later, when Serenity was sitting in a chair
and rocking with Serena, Miriam came into the room. "Wesley has
returned," she said. "He is just getting off the shuttle outside
the gate."

"I will go meet him," Serenity said simply, putting out
her hand to Serena and guiding her out to the gate with her.

To Be Continued...