Title: The path I fear to tread - You have been loved
Author: Jessica
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se
Website: www.geocities.com/jlovesxfiles
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se
Pairing: Luke/Lorelai.
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: An accident throws Lorelai into the dark hole of grief and
she distances herself from the only man she has ever really loved.
AUTHORS NOTE: The title of this fanfic comes from a beautiful song
by George Michael.
I know, I know, I know...Max and Lorelai broke up.
But this is my story...So I will have it my way :)
English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistakes may occur.
THANK YOU: To Amy for once again helping me out with this story...
You're my savior..:)
--------------------------------
"If I could hold you one more time
like in the days when you where mine
I'd look at you 'till I was blind
So you would stay
I'd say a prayer each time you'd smile
Cradle the moments like a child
I'd stop the world if only I
Could hold you one more time..."
(From "One more time" written by: Richard Marx )
-------------------------------
The path I fear to tread -
You have been loved
(5/7)
by: Jessica
----------------------
I drove like a madman to the hospital in Hartford.
It's amazing that I didn't crash into something.
I ran through the halls of the hospital screaming his name.
Acting crazy.
A young doctor with kind eyes stopped me and made me sit down.
My heart was beating like crazy.
"Max. Max Medina. I'm his wife."
His face changed in a second.
"Mr. Medina was brought into the emergency room about an hour ago."
"I need to see him. He is all right, isn't he?"
"Mrs. Medina, I..."
His eyes met mine and I just knew.
It struck me like lightning on a clear day.
"No, it can't be."
"There was an accident. He went off the road and hit a tree. He
went through the front window of his car. When the paramedics
arrived at the scene they managed to revive him. But on their way
back to the hospital he went into cardiac arrest and when they arrived
here..."
"No, please.."
"He was pronounced dead forty-five minutes ago. We couldn't save him,
Mrs. Medina. I'm so sorry for your loss."
Just like that.
Like words could mend the pain that ripped my heart into millions
of tiny pieces.
"No, it can't be. There's must be some kind of mistake.."
"He had your picture and number on him.."
"No."
In that single moment my heart broke and the tiny pieces were scattered
for the wind.
Tears made my sight blurry as I rose.
"I want to see him."
"You shouldn't.."
My legs felt weak as I dared to move.
"Please, I have too. I can't..."
He understood.
"I'll take you too him."
Looking back now I don't know how I got through that door without
breaking down.
The nurses had laid him out in a private room.
"I'll leave you alone."
The doctor's voice pierced through the silence of the room and almost
made me jump.
Then he was gone.
The door was closed and I was left alone.
I lingered by the door afraid to move.
"Max?"
I expected him to move, sit up and say that this was all a joke.
It had to be.
Some nasty joke.
But he didn't move.
He didn't sit up.
I moved closer.
My heart was beating like crazy.
He was so pale.
My hands trembled as I reached out and took his hand in mine.
His hand felt so cold in mine.
Tears marked my face and I fell to my knees beside his bed.
"Max, please. Don't do this.."
Silly words.
Like I could stop this.
How could this happen?
Why did God take him from me?
I should have been with him.
I should have stopped him.
I should have done something, anything.
The moon made its presence known in the room as I rested my
cheek against his cold hand.
"Please, come back to me. I don't know how to make it without you."
How could I say goodbye to him?
My husband.
I should have held on to him so that not even death could take him
away from me.
But I had let time slip away from me.
I had thought that I had forever.
I had lied to him.
I had deceived him.
To love another.
TRAITOR
"I'm so sorry, Max. I love you. I should have loved you more. I
should have told you more how happy you made me."
I should have loved him.
Why couldn't I make my foolish heart love this man?
He was everything that I wanted.
So why couldn't I make myself love him?
Why?
KILLER!
Memories from the past evening flash before my eyes.
Luke and me.
I had been standing on the porch kissing Luke while Max met...
death.
I had told another man that I loved him.
Another man that wasn't my husband.
I had betrayed him.
Cheated.
To love another.
I had given my heart to another.
The pain ate at my heart.
My bleeding, foolish heart.
"Please, Max. I need you. Come back to me. I'm so sorry for everything.
Please, come back to me I swear I'll do better...just come back....
Come back...Please, god..Please...come back..."
I closed my eyes in a weak attempt to shut everything out.
But I couldn't.
This wasn't just a bad dream.
This pain was real.
Should a broken heart be beating?
Why am I still alive?
Shouldn't I be laying face down?
The moon painted his face in silver as I rose.
My legs felt weak as I moved.
I laid my broken body down beside him.
Wanting to feel his arms around me one last time.
This man that loved me so.
My husband.
I want to remember this man.
I want my hands to know his touch.
How his lips felt against mine.
How his hair felt.
I want to remember his scent.
I want him.
Back.
I take him into my arms.
I cling to him like he can save me from what is to come.
This is just the calm before the storm.
I whispered into the dark those words I never told him:
"I loved you."
---------------------------------
The morning came with all its glory.
I hated the sun for rising that day.
The nurses came just after the first light had come into the room.
They came to take him away from me.
I fought them with all the strength I had left in my broken body.
I wanted to cling to him like the cold shell could save me from
the pain that waited for me.
I lost that fight.
They took him away from my world.
I sat there along time in that room afraid to move.
I thought that if I moved I might shatter like broken glass.
A knock on the door woke me.
The world came back with the sound of her voice.
"Mum?"
She was standing in the doorway to the room.
Her eyes seemed so big as I looked at her.
My little girl.
Rory.
I rose.
"Where is he?"
I wanted to save her from this pain.
I wished that there were someway that I could ease her pain.
That I could take her away from all of this.
Save her.
But I knew that there were no way back.
She had loved him.
Loved him like a father.
I stood there in the middle of the room and shattered her world.
I told her.
I broke her heart.
"No, mum...It can't be..Not Max."
"I'm sorry, honey."
She fell into me.
I caught her.
I wrapped my arms around her and let her burry her nose in my shirt.
She cried.
Her sobbing felt like someone was pushing a knife right through
my heart.
I have never known pain like that.
It made me feel numb.
Like someone had reached inside of me and pulled out my heart.
I clung to my daughter and I prayed that the passing of time would
ease her pain.
Even though I knew that I would never feel whole again.
Every part of my body hurt as I dared to move.
We moved out of the room that smelled of death.
I had my arms around my daughter, holding her up.
The light in the hallway hurt my eyes a little.
I needed the safety of my home.
I needed to run now.
I needed to hide.
"Lorelai?"
His voice.
Luke.
I turned around.
He was sitting on a chair by the door.
He looked like he hadn't slept for days.
"Luke. What are you doing here?"
He rose and walked towards me.
He had still on the tuxedo from the last evening.
"I heard..The nurses told me..I wanted to see...I wanted to help."
"Have you been here all night?"
"I thought you might...need...something.."
"I need to get her home."
"Okay..I can take her. We can take my truck."
"Thank you. I don't think I can drive."
The drive back to Stars Hollow felt like it took hours.
Rory fell asleep in my arms.
She looked so innocencet.
So young.
We passed houses where kids played.
Where woman were working in their garden.
Don't they know that he's dead?
Shouldn't the world stop turning?
Shouldn't the sky be falling?
He's dead.
Max.
Gone.
We sat there in silence.
Him and me.
While the world passed by outside the window.
I wanted to tell him to just to drive.
I wanted to run away from all of this.
I didn't want to face them.
All of those who thought they could heal me with words.
But I had nowhere to run to.
We arrived home half an hour later.
We sat there a while.
In my driveway.
He spoke first:
"I can take her if you want."
I looked at him.
He looked tired.
He looked like he was carrying the weight of the world on his
shoulders.
I wanted to reach out my hand and say something.
But I couldn't.
"I meant that I could carry her inside..If you want, that is."
His eyes met mine.
Pleading.
Wanting to help.
I managed to smile.
A weak smile that never reached my eyes.
"Thank you."
He got out and went around to my side.
Rory was still sleeping in my arms.
Just like a child.
He reached for her and for a single moment our hands touched.
Just for a second.
And I remembered.
His lips against mine.
Longing.
Tasting.
Those words he had whispered that night on the porch.
The dance.
TRAITOR!!!
I felt ill.
I had let myself remember.
TRAITOR! TRAITOR.
Thos words kept ringing in my ear as I got out of his truck and
follow him inside.
I felt like I was going to scatter IN the wind as I walked into
that house.
The silence scared me.
I wanted to die.
I stumbled into the kitchen and sat down at our kitchen table.
I ran my hand across its surface.
Memories came back like waves.
His face.
His smile.
His laughter.
How he held me.
How he comfort me when I cried.
How he made me smile.
"Max.."
Gone.
No way back.
Not coming back.
"Can I make you something?"
He was standing in the doorway to Rory's room.
He closed the door behind him.
Not wanting to wake her.
He looked at me.
Luke.
"No, it's okay."
"I can make you coffee if you want. Or I can run over to the diner
and..."
"It's okay, Luke."
"You should eat. Let me fix you something."
"I can make pancakes."
I lifted my head and looked at him.
"I don't want anything."
That was the truth.
I didn't need anything.
No food.
No coffee.
Nothing.
I wanted to die.
I wanted to slowly fade away.
He moved slowly.
He sat down opposite me.
His eyes pierced into me.
"Please, let me help you, Lorelai."
"You can't help me."
"Just let me do something or I will go mad."
He reached for my hand and in the second or hands brushed memories
came back.
Kissing him.
Saying I loved him.
Giving him my heart.
They hit me right in the chest.
I bolted.
I flew up from my chair.
"No! You have done enough!"
"What?"
He rose.
"I want you out of here!"
"Lor, you're talking crazy."
"No. I know now. I want you to get out my house."
I wanted him out of my house.
And I prayed that I could drive him out of my heart.
This man that I had been with the night my husband died.
This man that had driven my husband into death.
This man that had stood between me and my husband.
He was a threat, I could see that now.
He was a threat to my heart.
To my sanity.
"Why are you doing this?"
"You killed him, Luke."
"What are you talking about?"
"You killed my husband."
"How can you say that?"
He came towards me.
Powerful.
Just like a tiger.
"It's the truth."
"No it's not. You're talking crazy."
"Don't you see? I was with you. I was kissing you...I was...when
he was dying..."
"It's not your fault. It's nobody's fault. It was an accident."
"No. You're wrong. We both killed him. I killed him. You killed him."
He was close now.
I backed away.
"You didn't kill him. Nobody killed him..You need to get some rest.
Let me get you bed."
He reached for me.
"DON'T TOUCH ME!"
His eyes met mine and I could see pain there.
But I didn't care.
I wanted him to feel pain.
Feel something of that pain that was slowly killing me.
"Please, Lorelai...You need to sleep. You are going to feel better.."
"NO! I'm never going to feel better and don't try to imagine how
it feels because you don't. He's dead. Gone. My husband is dead."
"You'll get through this."
"I don't want to get through this! I need him back...I need ..."
Tears filled my eyes as I looked at him."
"Let me help you."
"I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP! I want...I need ....Max..."
My legs gave away and I crumbled to the floor.
I cried.
The pain came at me like waves causing my body to tremble.
He kneeled down beside me.
"Please, Lorelai..Let me hold you...I need to.."
I looked at him now.
This man that I had given my heart to while my husband was facing
death.
"I don't care what you want...Get out of my house..."
"Lorelai..."
"No, Luke...I don't want to see you ever again..."
"Don't do this..."
"Go now and don't you ever come back..."
Pain made his eyes dark.
For a single moment I regretted saying those words to him.
But then I saw my husbands face and I knew the right way to take.
He rose.
"I'll not give you up.."
With those words he was gone.
I was sitting there in the middle of my kitchen crying while pain
crushed my heart.
I died that day.
---------------------------
Two days later,
Stars Hollow cemetery
---------------------------
Rain came down from a darkened sky and painted everything in gray
the day we laid him to rest.
They had come from all around the country to say goodbye to him.
I didn't know half of them and I didn't want to get to know them
either.
Rory was standing beside me holding a single red rose.
She looked pale.
Two days had passed since he left this world.
Two days.
A lifetime.
Yesterday.
I reached for my daughter's hand now to steady myself.
She took it and gave it a squeeze.
We held each other up.
I knew that I had to be strong now.
For the both of us.
But I had nothing left to give.
I felt like an empty shell.
It felt like a wind could knock me over.
Dead inside.
Never whole again.
I stumbled forward towards that dark hole that would be his home for
the coming years.
I just stood there staring at his coffin while the mourners came and
went.
How could I say goodbye?
How could I part from him?
Max.
This man that had given me his heart.
That had trusted me with his heart.
And I had killed him.
I hadn't been able to make myself love him.
I thought I could.
It would be so easy, I thought.
To love this man.
And in a way I had loved him.
But not as much as he had deserved to be loved.
I had betrayed him.
Driven him into his grave.
Now they expected me to say goodbye to him.
I was not ready to go yet.
The rain fell from a dark sky as I stood there holding a single
red rose.
Clinging to my daughter's hand.
"Goodbye, my love."
I kissed the rose and let it fall into the darkness of that hole.
Then we turned around and walked back home.
It was time to mend a heart that never could be saved.
-------------------
Feedback----j_rothen@yahoo.se
Part 6 is called "Talking to ghosts"
Author: Jessica
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se
Website: www.geocities.com/jlovesxfiles
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se
Pairing: Luke/Lorelai.
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: An accident throws Lorelai into the dark hole of grief and
she distances herself from the only man she has ever really loved.
AUTHORS NOTE: The title of this fanfic comes from a beautiful song
by George Michael.
I know, I know, I know...Max and Lorelai broke up.
But this is my story...So I will have it my way :)
English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistakes may occur.
THANK YOU: To Amy for once again helping me out with this story...
You're my savior..:)
--------------------------------
"If I could hold you one more time
like in the days when you where mine
I'd look at you 'till I was blind
So you would stay
I'd say a prayer each time you'd smile
Cradle the moments like a child
I'd stop the world if only I
Could hold you one more time..."
(From "One more time" written by: Richard Marx )
-------------------------------
The path I fear to tread -
You have been loved
(5/7)
by: Jessica
----------------------
I drove like a madman to the hospital in Hartford.
It's amazing that I didn't crash into something.
I ran through the halls of the hospital screaming his name.
Acting crazy.
A young doctor with kind eyes stopped me and made me sit down.
My heart was beating like crazy.
"Max. Max Medina. I'm his wife."
His face changed in a second.
"Mr. Medina was brought into the emergency room about an hour ago."
"I need to see him. He is all right, isn't he?"
"Mrs. Medina, I..."
His eyes met mine and I just knew.
It struck me like lightning on a clear day.
"No, it can't be."
"There was an accident. He went off the road and hit a tree. He
went through the front window of his car. When the paramedics
arrived at the scene they managed to revive him. But on their way
back to the hospital he went into cardiac arrest and when they arrived
here..."
"No, please.."
"He was pronounced dead forty-five minutes ago. We couldn't save him,
Mrs. Medina. I'm so sorry for your loss."
Just like that.
Like words could mend the pain that ripped my heart into millions
of tiny pieces.
"No, it can't be. There's must be some kind of mistake.."
"He had your picture and number on him.."
"No."
In that single moment my heart broke and the tiny pieces were scattered
for the wind.
Tears made my sight blurry as I rose.
"I want to see him."
"You shouldn't.."
My legs felt weak as I dared to move.
"Please, I have too. I can't..."
He understood.
"I'll take you too him."
Looking back now I don't know how I got through that door without
breaking down.
The nurses had laid him out in a private room.
"I'll leave you alone."
The doctor's voice pierced through the silence of the room and almost
made me jump.
Then he was gone.
The door was closed and I was left alone.
I lingered by the door afraid to move.
"Max?"
I expected him to move, sit up and say that this was all a joke.
It had to be.
Some nasty joke.
But he didn't move.
He didn't sit up.
I moved closer.
My heart was beating like crazy.
He was so pale.
My hands trembled as I reached out and took his hand in mine.
His hand felt so cold in mine.
Tears marked my face and I fell to my knees beside his bed.
"Max, please. Don't do this.."
Silly words.
Like I could stop this.
How could this happen?
Why did God take him from me?
I should have been with him.
I should have stopped him.
I should have done something, anything.
The moon made its presence known in the room as I rested my
cheek against his cold hand.
"Please, come back to me. I don't know how to make it without you."
How could I say goodbye to him?
My husband.
I should have held on to him so that not even death could take him
away from me.
But I had let time slip away from me.
I had thought that I had forever.
I had lied to him.
I had deceived him.
To love another.
TRAITOR
"I'm so sorry, Max. I love you. I should have loved you more. I
should have told you more how happy you made me."
I should have loved him.
Why couldn't I make my foolish heart love this man?
He was everything that I wanted.
So why couldn't I make myself love him?
Why?
KILLER!
Memories from the past evening flash before my eyes.
Luke and me.
I had been standing on the porch kissing Luke while Max met...
death.
I had told another man that I loved him.
Another man that wasn't my husband.
I had betrayed him.
Cheated.
To love another.
I had given my heart to another.
The pain ate at my heart.
My bleeding, foolish heart.
"Please, Max. I need you. Come back to me. I'm so sorry for everything.
Please, come back to me I swear I'll do better...just come back....
Come back...Please, god..Please...come back..."
I closed my eyes in a weak attempt to shut everything out.
But I couldn't.
This wasn't just a bad dream.
This pain was real.
Should a broken heart be beating?
Why am I still alive?
Shouldn't I be laying face down?
The moon painted his face in silver as I rose.
My legs felt weak as I moved.
I laid my broken body down beside him.
Wanting to feel his arms around me one last time.
This man that loved me so.
My husband.
I want to remember this man.
I want my hands to know his touch.
How his lips felt against mine.
How his hair felt.
I want to remember his scent.
I want him.
Back.
I take him into my arms.
I cling to him like he can save me from what is to come.
This is just the calm before the storm.
I whispered into the dark those words I never told him:
"I loved you."
---------------------------------
The morning came with all its glory.
I hated the sun for rising that day.
The nurses came just after the first light had come into the room.
They came to take him away from me.
I fought them with all the strength I had left in my broken body.
I wanted to cling to him like the cold shell could save me from
the pain that waited for me.
I lost that fight.
They took him away from my world.
I sat there along time in that room afraid to move.
I thought that if I moved I might shatter like broken glass.
A knock on the door woke me.
The world came back with the sound of her voice.
"Mum?"
She was standing in the doorway to the room.
Her eyes seemed so big as I looked at her.
My little girl.
Rory.
I rose.
"Where is he?"
I wanted to save her from this pain.
I wished that there were someway that I could ease her pain.
That I could take her away from all of this.
Save her.
But I knew that there were no way back.
She had loved him.
Loved him like a father.
I stood there in the middle of the room and shattered her world.
I told her.
I broke her heart.
"No, mum...It can't be..Not Max."
"I'm sorry, honey."
She fell into me.
I caught her.
I wrapped my arms around her and let her burry her nose in my shirt.
She cried.
Her sobbing felt like someone was pushing a knife right through
my heart.
I have never known pain like that.
It made me feel numb.
Like someone had reached inside of me and pulled out my heart.
I clung to my daughter and I prayed that the passing of time would
ease her pain.
Even though I knew that I would never feel whole again.
Every part of my body hurt as I dared to move.
We moved out of the room that smelled of death.
I had my arms around my daughter, holding her up.
The light in the hallway hurt my eyes a little.
I needed the safety of my home.
I needed to run now.
I needed to hide.
"Lorelai?"
His voice.
Luke.
I turned around.
He was sitting on a chair by the door.
He looked like he hadn't slept for days.
"Luke. What are you doing here?"
He rose and walked towards me.
He had still on the tuxedo from the last evening.
"I heard..The nurses told me..I wanted to see...I wanted to help."
"Have you been here all night?"
"I thought you might...need...something.."
"I need to get her home."
"Okay..I can take her. We can take my truck."
"Thank you. I don't think I can drive."
The drive back to Stars Hollow felt like it took hours.
Rory fell asleep in my arms.
She looked so innocencet.
So young.
We passed houses where kids played.
Where woman were working in their garden.
Don't they know that he's dead?
Shouldn't the world stop turning?
Shouldn't the sky be falling?
He's dead.
Max.
Gone.
We sat there in silence.
Him and me.
While the world passed by outside the window.
I wanted to tell him to just to drive.
I wanted to run away from all of this.
I didn't want to face them.
All of those who thought they could heal me with words.
But I had nowhere to run to.
We arrived home half an hour later.
We sat there a while.
In my driveway.
He spoke first:
"I can take her if you want."
I looked at him.
He looked tired.
He looked like he was carrying the weight of the world on his
shoulders.
I wanted to reach out my hand and say something.
But I couldn't.
"I meant that I could carry her inside..If you want, that is."
His eyes met mine.
Pleading.
Wanting to help.
I managed to smile.
A weak smile that never reached my eyes.
"Thank you."
He got out and went around to my side.
Rory was still sleeping in my arms.
Just like a child.
He reached for her and for a single moment our hands touched.
Just for a second.
And I remembered.
His lips against mine.
Longing.
Tasting.
Those words he had whispered that night on the porch.
The dance.
TRAITOR!!!
I felt ill.
I had let myself remember.
TRAITOR! TRAITOR.
Thos words kept ringing in my ear as I got out of his truck and
follow him inside.
I felt like I was going to scatter IN the wind as I walked into
that house.
The silence scared me.
I wanted to die.
I stumbled into the kitchen and sat down at our kitchen table.
I ran my hand across its surface.
Memories came back like waves.
His face.
His smile.
His laughter.
How he held me.
How he comfort me when I cried.
How he made me smile.
"Max.."
Gone.
No way back.
Not coming back.
"Can I make you something?"
He was standing in the doorway to Rory's room.
He closed the door behind him.
Not wanting to wake her.
He looked at me.
Luke.
"No, it's okay."
"I can make you coffee if you want. Or I can run over to the diner
and..."
"It's okay, Luke."
"You should eat. Let me fix you something."
"I can make pancakes."
I lifted my head and looked at him.
"I don't want anything."
That was the truth.
I didn't need anything.
No food.
No coffee.
Nothing.
I wanted to die.
I wanted to slowly fade away.
He moved slowly.
He sat down opposite me.
His eyes pierced into me.
"Please, let me help you, Lorelai."
"You can't help me."
"Just let me do something or I will go mad."
He reached for my hand and in the second or hands brushed memories
came back.
Kissing him.
Saying I loved him.
Giving him my heart.
They hit me right in the chest.
I bolted.
I flew up from my chair.
"No! You have done enough!"
"What?"
He rose.
"I want you out of here!"
"Lor, you're talking crazy."
"No. I know now. I want you to get out my house."
I wanted him out of my house.
And I prayed that I could drive him out of my heart.
This man that I had been with the night my husband died.
This man that had driven my husband into death.
This man that had stood between me and my husband.
He was a threat, I could see that now.
He was a threat to my heart.
To my sanity.
"Why are you doing this?"
"You killed him, Luke."
"What are you talking about?"
"You killed my husband."
"How can you say that?"
He came towards me.
Powerful.
Just like a tiger.
"It's the truth."
"No it's not. You're talking crazy."
"Don't you see? I was with you. I was kissing you...I was...when
he was dying..."
"It's not your fault. It's nobody's fault. It was an accident."
"No. You're wrong. We both killed him. I killed him. You killed him."
He was close now.
I backed away.
"You didn't kill him. Nobody killed him..You need to get some rest.
Let me get you bed."
He reached for me.
"DON'T TOUCH ME!"
His eyes met mine and I could see pain there.
But I didn't care.
I wanted him to feel pain.
Feel something of that pain that was slowly killing me.
"Please, Lorelai...You need to sleep. You are going to feel better.."
"NO! I'm never going to feel better and don't try to imagine how
it feels because you don't. He's dead. Gone. My husband is dead."
"You'll get through this."
"I don't want to get through this! I need him back...I need ..."
Tears filled my eyes as I looked at him."
"Let me help you."
"I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP! I want...I need ....Max..."
My legs gave away and I crumbled to the floor.
I cried.
The pain came at me like waves causing my body to tremble.
He kneeled down beside me.
"Please, Lorelai..Let me hold you...I need to.."
I looked at him now.
This man that I had given my heart to while my husband was facing
death.
"I don't care what you want...Get out of my house..."
"Lorelai..."
"No, Luke...I don't want to see you ever again..."
"Don't do this..."
"Go now and don't you ever come back..."
Pain made his eyes dark.
For a single moment I regretted saying those words to him.
But then I saw my husbands face and I knew the right way to take.
He rose.
"I'll not give you up.."
With those words he was gone.
I was sitting there in the middle of my kitchen crying while pain
crushed my heart.
I died that day.
---------------------------
Two days later,
Stars Hollow cemetery
---------------------------
Rain came down from a darkened sky and painted everything in gray
the day we laid him to rest.
They had come from all around the country to say goodbye to him.
I didn't know half of them and I didn't want to get to know them
either.
Rory was standing beside me holding a single red rose.
She looked pale.
Two days had passed since he left this world.
Two days.
A lifetime.
Yesterday.
I reached for my daughter's hand now to steady myself.
She took it and gave it a squeeze.
We held each other up.
I knew that I had to be strong now.
For the both of us.
But I had nothing left to give.
I felt like an empty shell.
It felt like a wind could knock me over.
Dead inside.
Never whole again.
I stumbled forward towards that dark hole that would be his home for
the coming years.
I just stood there staring at his coffin while the mourners came and
went.
How could I say goodbye?
How could I part from him?
Max.
This man that had given me his heart.
That had trusted me with his heart.
And I had killed him.
I hadn't been able to make myself love him.
I thought I could.
It would be so easy, I thought.
To love this man.
And in a way I had loved him.
But not as much as he had deserved to be loved.
I had betrayed him.
Driven him into his grave.
Now they expected me to say goodbye to him.
I was not ready to go yet.
The rain fell from a dark sky as I stood there holding a single
red rose.
Clinging to my daughter's hand.
"Goodbye, my love."
I kissed the rose and let it fall into the darkness of that hole.
Then we turned around and walked back home.
It was time to mend a heart that never could be saved.
-------------------
Feedback----j_rothen@yahoo.se
Part 6 is called "Talking to ghosts"