Title: The path I fear to tread - Talking to ghosts
Author: Jessica
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se
Website: www.geocities.com/jlovesxfiles
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se
Pairing: Luke/Lorelai.
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: Three months has passed since they laid Max to rest. Luke goes
to Lorelai to try to help her.
AUTHORS NOTE: English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistakes may occur.
--------------------------------------------------
"If time will show me grace
And you to a better place
Then I can live knowing it wasn't in vain
It hurts so much to know when love means letting go
And no one can tell me that they've felt my pain
No strength can stop you now
Will someone show me how
How to live it over again
'cause I can't keep you from slipping away..."
(from "Slipping Away" by Richard MARX "Greatest Hits" )
------------------------------------
The path I fear to tread-
Talking to ghosts
(6/7)
by:Jessica
-----------------------
Days passed by so slowly.
I went about my days as usual.
The day of the funeral came and went.
I closed the diner early that day.
I stood in a grove and watched as the mourners came and went.
That was the closest I dared to come.
She looked so fragile.
Like a wind could knock her over.
I wanted to go to her but I knew that I wasn't allowed.
She made it clear that day.
I can't say that it didn't hurt.
That would be lying.
The truth was that she broke my heart that day.
All I asked was to be near her.
Be there for her in case she wanted something.
Someone.
I knew that no words could heal her heart.
But I wanted to be there for her anyway.
Hold her when she cried.
Just loving her.
But she pushed me away.
I wish I could say that I understood why she did what she did.
But I don't.
I wanted to run up to her right then and there and demand
that she would listen.
That she would come to her senses.
I knew that I couldn't heal her.
But I at least wanted to try.
I just stood there in the rain watching as pain ripped at her soul.
I wanted to hold her.
Just wrap my arms around her and hold her while she cried.
Never let go.
I have never known pain like that.
Knowing that she didn't want me there.
I wasn't the one she wanted.
I waited until they all were gone before I left the safety of
my hiding place.
I had bought flowers.
Roses.
I came to lay down flowers on his grave.
To talk to a tombstone.
I stood there in the rain searching for words.
"I know that we weren't friends. We didn't even talk, much...But you
have to understand...I never meant any of this to happen."
I must have gone mad somewhere along the way.
Talking to a dead man.
But I needed to calm my beating heart.
Kill those voices that screamed in my ear.
"I'm in love with her. I have loved her as long as I can remember."
I was asking a dead man for permission.
Crazy.
"Remember that night you came to me at the diner and asked me about
Lorelai and me? Oh, I wanted to tell you...But how could I? She
didn't want me. She had chosen you...And I accepted that...I lost
my heart that day you married her...and I wanted to stay away...
I tried to stop loving her...But I couldn't. It's like stop wanting..
the air you breathe...And then finally at the dance..Something inside
of me called out to tell her finally the truth...I had held it inside
of me for so long..It almost drove me mad...But I never expected
any of this to happen..You have to believe that.."
The rain kept falling from a dark sky causing me to shiver.
"I don't want to live without her...anymore..I can't live without her..
I need her, you see..She has this way about her...You want to
strangle her and hug her at the same time...She drives you mad..
She makes me smile..She makes my life..better..She makes me want
to be better...God, listen to me..I'm going mad..But I have never felt
like this...All I know is that I have to have her otherwise I will
surely perish...But I'm asking you...to let me love her..."
Silence followed.
No answers were given to me.
"I'll take care of her...I promise..."
Days flew by so fast.
I waited for her to come to me.
Or that she would give me some sign.
Something that told me that this wasn't all in VAIN.
That she needed me.
That she wanted me.
That her words hadn't been a lie.
Every day that passed I died a little more.
Days turned into weeks and weeks became a month.
And she stayed away.
My heart broke into millions of pieces.
January became February and my life continued.
I was missing her like crazy.
But I managed to rise again.
As I always do.
I convinced myself that it all was just a dream.
That she had never been mine.
I tried everything to drive her out of my heart.
I even tried to hate her what she did to my heart.
But I couldn't.
I failed.
I couldn't even hate her.
I guess I'm weak.
I need her like the air that I'm breathing.
They say that hope is the last thing that leaves the man.
I was clinging to that.
Rory Gilmore walked through my door a rainy morning in the middle
of March.
She walked up to the counter and sat down.
I walked towards her and wrapped my arms around her.
"Nice to see you, Rory."
We parted.
She was glowing.
Smiling.
"Nice to see you too, Luke."
Her eyes had gotten that special glow back.
Her hair was a little bit longer.
God, how I had missed her.
"Want a cup of coffee?"
I walked around the counter and poured her a cup of coffee.
She sat down opposite me and took a sip.
"How's everything?"
"It's getting better.."
"And school?"
"Fine. She needs you, Luke."
"Who?"
Her eyes met mine.
I knew.
"Don't be like that. You know who. She needs you."
"No, she doesn't. She made that clear."
"I know about that. She didn't mean it. God, Luke, please..It's
getting worse."
"I can't, Rory. I wish I could. But she doesn't want me there."
"I have no one else to turn to. Everyone has tried but no one
has managed to break through."
"I'm sure if you just let some time pass.."
"There's no time. She needs help. She walks around our house like
a zombie. She goes to work and does everything..But she isn't Lorelai.
She isn't my mother."
"Rory, I don't know how you think I can help."
"Talk to her. Argue with her...Love her."
Her words hit me right me in the chest and made me grasp for air.
"I tried that...And look what it brought me."
"Please, Luke. Don't give up on her. Not yet. She needs you."
I surrendered.
"I will go to her. But I ain't promising anything."
"Thank you."
It took two days for me to work up the courage and go to her.
The moon was my only company as I walked the path to her house.
My heart was beating like crazy.
I had come to try to mend her heart.
I had come to fight for her.
For us.
What if it was too late?
Maybe I had already lost her.
My hands trembled as I knocked on her door.
Suddenly she appeared in the doorway.
Dressed in jeans and a t-shirt.
Her eyes seemed to dominate her whole face.
She looked smaller.
Fragile.
"Lorelai?"
Her voice was just a whisper as she spoke:
"Luke."
"Can I come in?"
I wanted to see her smile.
I needed to see her smile.
She nodded and let me into her home.
She showed me into the living room.
I turned towards her.
She looked so small.
I wanted to wrap my arms around her but I knew that I wasn't allowed.
Not yet.
"What are you doing here, Luke?"
"I wanted to talk to you."
She was fading away with every breath she took.
Slowly dying.
A painful death.
"What about?"
"How are you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Rory came to talk to me.."
She turned away from me.
"She shouldn't have done that."
"She cares about you...I care about you."
"So that's why you here?"
"Yes, I thought we might talk."
"Talk, huh. About what? What in earth could we talk about,Luke?"
She turned towards me.
Fire in her eyes.
"I want to help you."
"Help me? With what exactly?"
"You have to put this behind you."
I walked towards her.
My arms wanted to touch her.
Hold her.
Just for a second, a minute.
"How dare you come into my house and say something like that!!!??"
Anger filled her eyes as she walked towards me.
"Someone have to be the one to say it."
"And you were chosen to be the one."
"I wanted to come."
"And why is that?"
"I still love you. I never stopped loving you.."
She stopped.
"How can you stand there and say something like that?"
"It's the truth, Lorelai."
"No, it's not."
"So everything you said that night..."
"I have forgotten about that night..."
I moved towards her.
Her eyes met mine and I knew she was lying.
I could see something there, behind the sorrow.
Something I had dreamt about for so long.
"You lie.."
She was so close now that I could almost reach out and touch her.
I drowned in her.
Lorelai.
Jesus, she was beautiful.
Even when sorrow ate at her heart her beauty broke through
the walls and shone bright.
She broke away from me and moved away.
"No..It's the truth...That night never happened..You want to know
what I have been doing since I buried my husband? I have tried
to block away everything from that night..When I stood there on
the porch and..."
"You told me you loved me."
"I can't..."
I moved towards her. She didn't back away from me this time.
I framed her face between my hands and made her look at me.
"Lorelai, please let me help you."
"You can't...No one can."
"Please. You need help."
"No one can help me...I killed him."
"Lor, no.."
She broke away from me.
She was crying now.
"Don't you see...I killed him! I killed my own husband!"
"No, you didn't."
"I drove him into his grave.. I might as well have killed him.."
"Stop doing this to yourself."
"It's the truth."
"You want to know the reason why I married him?"
"Lor, don't..."
"I was so desperately in love with you..."
I reached for her but she slipped from my hand.
"Lor.."
"No, Luke...I married him..because I thought..that I could never
have you.."
Her words hit me and broke my heart into pieces.
Pain.
Pain.
I grasped for air.
The room was spinning.
I should have told her sooner.
I should have been brave.
Then nothing of this ever had happened.
"I married him, Luke..because he was safe..I wanted a home...I didn't
want to be alone anymore."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
Tears filled my eyes as I looked at her.
"I was afraid..That you didn't want me."
"God, Lorelai.."
"So I married Max instead..I let him believe that I loved him..
He lay beside me and every night he whispered those three words..
And I tried..How I tried..To say them back to him."
Her tears caused me more pain than I ever thought was possible.
I moved towards her.
I reached out my hand.
"Please, Lorelai...Let me touch you.."
"No, Luke..I know now...I can see clearly now...I can never have you.."
"No, don't do this.."
"I betrayed him, Luke."
"Lor, please..."
"I killed him.."
"STOP SAYING THAT!"
"Luke, I'm not afraid anymore. I can't love you..."
"I can help you..We can get through this together."
"I don't want to get through this."
"Please, Lor...I don't..I can't.."
"I deserve this.."
"For god's sake! You are talking crazy..."
"No, I know now. We can never be..It was never meant to be!"
I moved fast.
I wanted to shake her.
I wanted to hurt her.
I wanted to break her down.
"Please, you have to let him go. He wouldn't have wanted to see you
like this..."
"I don't want to let him go..He was the only one that has ever
been there for me..That was true.."
I have never known pain like that.
I wanted to scream "WHAT ABOUT ME!"
But I remained silent.
"You need help, Lor. Otherwise this will kill you."
"Let death come."
"Don't be so dramatic."
"I mean it."
"What about Rory? She needs her mother."
"I'm still her mother."
"No, you're not."
"Yes, I will always be her mother."
"Please, don't do this."
"I'm giving you up..That's at least what I can do for Max."
"HE'S DEAD!"
Her eyes met mine and I knew.
I could see it now.
Her broken soul stretched out before me.
Her shattered heart.
Broken.
Her voice was just a whisper:
"Please leave, Luke.."
"Just like that.."
"No, not just like that...I said what I had to say.."
"You're not living..You hide away in this house..I want Lorelai back."
"She is standing right here."
"No, she isn't."
"Then we haven't anything to say to each other."
"So this is how it's going to be."
"Yeah."
"I love you, Lorelai..I want to be with you...I need you."
"I'm sorry, Luke."
"Don't be sorry! Do something..Get angry..Scream! Hit me! DO SOMETHING!
I can't stand this...You're so cold!...I said I love you and you
just stand there.."
"We have already talked about this!"
"So you are just giving up."
"No, I'm not giving up...I just can't have you."
I moved closer to her.
My hands trembled as I once again framed her face between my hands
and made her look at me.
"Tell me you don't love me and I will leave and I swear that I will
never bother you again."
I searched for the truth in her eyes.
I searched for longing.
For something that could keep hope alive.
But I found nothing.
Her eyes were dark as she spoke:
"I don't love you anymore."
Something inside of me broke.
The pain was indescribable.
It shot me down.
Made my legs feel weak.
I searched for something that said it was all a lie.
It had to be a lie.
It must be.
YOU LOSE!
"Please, Lor..Don't do this..."
"Leave, Luke.."
Anger filled my veins.
I didn't care anymore.
I wanted to break her.
I wanted to pierce through that wall she had around her heart.
I wanted to remember.
So I kissed her.
I lowered my mouth to hers and kissed her.
The minute my lips brushed hers I knew that I was lost.
All the passion that ran through my veins came out in that kiss.
I needed to break her.
I had to break her.
Desire ate at my heart as I parted her lips and went deeper.
Suddenly she broke free from me and pushed me away.
I stumbled away still tasting her on my lips.
"LEAVE!"
"Lorelai.."
"No! Leave this house and don't ever come back. I mean it this time!
Don't come around here again!"
I moved towards the door.
Time to stop fighting.
SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU!
Once again I was down on my knees.
I couldn't win this.
I lingered in the doorway, not wanting to leave just yet.
Her silence hurt more than I thought was possible.
"I told you the truth tonight...I have never lied to you."
Silence followed.
I wanted her to move.
I wanted her to turn around and run into my arms.
I wanted her to say that this was just a lie.
That she wanted me.
Needed me.
Loved me.
But all I got was silence.
My heart tore into millions of pieces as I opened the front door.
I looked back at her.
MOVE! STOP ME FROM LEAVING! MAKE ME BELIEVE!
But she remained her calm self.
I bowed my head and said:
"Goodbye, Lorelai."
Then I walked away from her.
------------------------------------
Feedback - j_rothen@yahoo.se
The final part is called "Someone to hold on to" and it's coming soon.
I'm sorry about this depressing part but I listened to David Gray's CD
"White ladder" and Coldplay's "A rush of blood to the head" to get me
in the mood..So I will blame them. I promise the next part will not be
so depressing...:)
Author: Jessica
Email: j_rothen@yahoo.se
Website: www.geocities.com/jlovesxfiles
Distribution: Wherever...just let me know where
Spoilers: None
Rating: PG
Feedback: YES please....j_rothen@yahoo.se
Pairing: Luke/Lorelai.
Disclaimer:I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS.
Summary: Three months has passed since they laid Max to rest. Luke goes
to Lorelai to try to help her.
AUTHORS NOTE: English is not my first language so spelling/ grammar
mistakes may occur.
--------------------------------------------------
"If time will show me grace
And you to a better place
Then I can live knowing it wasn't in vain
It hurts so much to know when love means letting go
And no one can tell me that they've felt my pain
No strength can stop you now
Will someone show me how
How to live it over again
'cause I can't keep you from slipping away..."
(from "Slipping Away" by Richard MARX "Greatest Hits" )
------------------------------------
The path I fear to tread-
Talking to ghosts
(6/7)
by:Jessica
-----------------------
Days passed by so slowly.
I went about my days as usual.
The day of the funeral came and went.
I closed the diner early that day.
I stood in a grove and watched as the mourners came and went.
That was the closest I dared to come.
She looked so fragile.
Like a wind could knock her over.
I wanted to go to her but I knew that I wasn't allowed.
She made it clear that day.
I can't say that it didn't hurt.
That would be lying.
The truth was that she broke my heart that day.
All I asked was to be near her.
Be there for her in case she wanted something.
Someone.
I knew that no words could heal her heart.
But I wanted to be there for her anyway.
Hold her when she cried.
Just loving her.
But she pushed me away.
I wish I could say that I understood why she did what she did.
But I don't.
I wanted to run up to her right then and there and demand
that she would listen.
That she would come to her senses.
I knew that I couldn't heal her.
But I at least wanted to try.
I just stood there in the rain watching as pain ripped at her soul.
I wanted to hold her.
Just wrap my arms around her and hold her while she cried.
Never let go.
I have never known pain like that.
Knowing that she didn't want me there.
I wasn't the one she wanted.
I waited until they all were gone before I left the safety of
my hiding place.
I had bought flowers.
Roses.
I came to lay down flowers on his grave.
To talk to a tombstone.
I stood there in the rain searching for words.
"I know that we weren't friends. We didn't even talk, much...But you
have to understand...I never meant any of this to happen."
I must have gone mad somewhere along the way.
Talking to a dead man.
But I needed to calm my beating heart.
Kill those voices that screamed in my ear.
"I'm in love with her. I have loved her as long as I can remember."
I was asking a dead man for permission.
Crazy.
"Remember that night you came to me at the diner and asked me about
Lorelai and me? Oh, I wanted to tell you...But how could I? She
didn't want me. She had chosen you...And I accepted that...I lost
my heart that day you married her...and I wanted to stay away...
I tried to stop loving her...But I couldn't. It's like stop wanting..
the air you breathe...And then finally at the dance..Something inside
of me called out to tell her finally the truth...I had held it inside
of me for so long..It almost drove me mad...But I never expected
any of this to happen..You have to believe that.."
The rain kept falling from a dark sky causing me to shiver.
"I don't want to live without her...anymore..I can't live without her..
I need her, you see..She has this way about her...You want to
strangle her and hug her at the same time...She drives you mad..
She makes me smile..She makes my life..better..She makes me want
to be better...God, listen to me..I'm going mad..But I have never felt
like this...All I know is that I have to have her otherwise I will
surely perish...But I'm asking you...to let me love her..."
Silence followed.
No answers were given to me.
"I'll take care of her...I promise..."
Days flew by so fast.
I waited for her to come to me.
Or that she would give me some sign.
Something that told me that this wasn't all in VAIN.
That she needed me.
That she wanted me.
That her words hadn't been a lie.
Every day that passed I died a little more.
Days turned into weeks and weeks became a month.
And she stayed away.
My heart broke into millions of pieces.
January became February and my life continued.
I was missing her like crazy.
But I managed to rise again.
As I always do.
I convinced myself that it all was just a dream.
That she had never been mine.
I tried everything to drive her out of my heart.
I even tried to hate her what she did to my heart.
But I couldn't.
I failed.
I couldn't even hate her.
I guess I'm weak.
I need her like the air that I'm breathing.
They say that hope is the last thing that leaves the man.
I was clinging to that.
Rory Gilmore walked through my door a rainy morning in the middle
of March.
She walked up to the counter and sat down.
I walked towards her and wrapped my arms around her.
"Nice to see you, Rory."
We parted.
She was glowing.
Smiling.
"Nice to see you too, Luke."
Her eyes had gotten that special glow back.
Her hair was a little bit longer.
God, how I had missed her.
"Want a cup of coffee?"
I walked around the counter and poured her a cup of coffee.
She sat down opposite me and took a sip.
"How's everything?"
"It's getting better.."
"And school?"
"Fine. She needs you, Luke."
"Who?"
Her eyes met mine.
I knew.
"Don't be like that. You know who. She needs you."
"No, she doesn't. She made that clear."
"I know about that. She didn't mean it. God, Luke, please..It's
getting worse."
"I can't, Rory. I wish I could. But she doesn't want me there."
"I have no one else to turn to. Everyone has tried but no one
has managed to break through."
"I'm sure if you just let some time pass.."
"There's no time. She needs help. She walks around our house like
a zombie. She goes to work and does everything..But she isn't Lorelai.
She isn't my mother."
"Rory, I don't know how you think I can help."
"Talk to her. Argue with her...Love her."
Her words hit me right me in the chest and made me grasp for air.
"I tried that...And look what it brought me."
"Please, Luke. Don't give up on her. Not yet. She needs you."
I surrendered.
"I will go to her. But I ain't promising anything."
"Thank you."
It took two days for me to work up the courage and go to her.
The moon was my only company as I walked the path to her house.
My heart was beating like crazy.
I had come to try to mend her heart.
I had come to fight for her.
For us.
What if it was too late?
Maybe I had already lost her.
My hands trembled as I knocked on her door.
Suddenly she appeared in the doorway.
Dressed in jeans and a t-shirt.
Her eyes seemed to dominate her whole face.
She looked smaller.
Fragile.
"Lorelai?"
Her voice was just a whisper as she spoke:
"Luke."
"Can I come in?"
I wanted to see her smile.
I needed to see her smile.
She nodded and let me into her home.
She showed me into the living room.
I turned towards her.
She looked so small.
I wanted to wrap my arms around her but I knew that I wasn't allowed.
Not yet.
"What are you doing here, Luke?"
"I wanted to talk to you."
She was fading away with every breath she took.
Slowly dying.
A painful death.
"What about?"
"How are you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Rory came to talk to me.."
She turned away from me.
"She shouldn't have done that."
"She cares about you...I care about you."
"So that's why you here?"
"Yes, I thought we might talk."
"Talk, huh. About what? What in earth could we talk about,Luke?"
She turned towards me.
Fire in her eyes.
"I want to help you."
"Help me? With what exactly?"
"You have to put this behind you."
I walked towards her.
My arms wanted to touch her.
Hold her.
Just for a second, a minute.
"How dare you come into my house and say something like that!!!??"
Anger filled her eyes as she walked towards me.
"Someone have to be the one to say it."
"And you were chosen to be the one."
"I wanted to come."
"And why is that?"
"I still love you. I never stopped loving you.."
She stopped.
"How can you stand there and say something like that?"
"It's the truth, Lorelai."
"No, it's not."
"So everything you said that night..."
"I have forgotten about that night..."
I moved towards her.
Her eyes met mine and I knew she was lying.
I could see something there, behind the sorrow.
Something I had dreamt about for so long.
"You lie.."
She was so close now that I could almost reach out and touch her.
I drowned in her.
Lorelai.
Jesus, she was beautiful.
Even when sorrow ate at her heart her beauty broke through
the walls and shone bright.
She broke away from me and moved away.
"No..It's the truth...That night never happened..You want to know
what I have been doing since I buried my husband? I have tried
to block away everything from that night..When I stood there on
the porch and..."
"You told me you loved me."
"I can't..."
I moved towards her. She didn't back away from me this time.
I framed her face between my hands and made her look at me.
"Lorelai, please let me help you."
"You can't...No one can."
"Please. You need help."
"No one can help me...I killed him."
"Lor, no.."
She broke away from me.
She was crying now.
"Don't you see...I killed him! I killed my own husband!"
"No, you didn't."
"I drove him into his grave.. I might as well have killed him.."
"Stop doing this to yourself."
"It's the truth."
"You want to know the reason why I married him?"
"Lor, don't..."
"I was so desperately in love with you..."
I reached for her but she slipped from my hand.
"Lor.."
"No, Luke...I married him..because I thought..that I could never
have you.."
Her words hit me and broke my heart into pieces.
Pain.
Pain.
I grasped for air.
The room was spinning.
I should have told her sooner.
I should have been brave.
Then nothing of this ever had happened.
"I married him, Luke..because he was safe..I wanted a home...I didn't
want to be alone anymore."
"Why didn't you tell me?"
Tears filled my eyes as I looked at her.
"I was afraid..That you didn't want me."
"God, Lorelai.."
"So I married Max instead..I let him believe that I loved him..
He lay beside me and every night he whispered those three words..
And I tried..How I tried..To say them back to him."
Her tears caused me more pain than I ever thought was possible.
I moved towards her.
I reached out my hand.
"Please, Lorelai...Let me touch you.."
"No, Luke..I know now...I can see clearly now...I can never have you.."
"No, don't do this.."
"I betrayed him, Luke."
"Lor, please..."
"I killed him.."
"STOP SAYING THAT!"
"Luke, I'm not afraid anymore. I can't love you..."
"I can help you..We can get through this together."
"I don't want to get through this."
"Please, Lor...I don't..I can't.."
"I deserve this.."
"For god's sake! You are talking crazy..."
"No, I know now. We can never be..It was never meant to be!"
I moved fast.
I wanted to shake her.
I wanted to hurt her.
I wanted to break her down.
"Please, you have to let him go. He wouldn't have wanted to see you
like this..."
"I don't want to let him go..He was the only one that has ever
been there for me..That was true.."
I have never known pain like that.
I wanted to scream "WHAT ABOUT ME!"
But I remained silent.
"You need help, Lor. Otherwise this will kill you."
"Let death come."
"Don't be so dramatic."
"I mean it."
"What about Rory? She needs her mother."
"I'm still her mother."
"No, you're not."
"Yes, I will always be her mother."
"Please, don't do this."
"I'm giving you up..That's at least what I can do for Max."
"HE'S DEAD!"
Her eyes met mine and I knew.
I could see it now.
Her broken soul stretched out before me.
Her shattered heart.
Broken.
Her voice was just a whisper:
"Please leave, Luke.."
"Just like that.."
"No, not just like that...I said what I had to say.."
"You're not living..You hide away in this house..I want Lorelai back."
"She is standing right here."
"No, she isn't."
"Then we haven't anything to say to each other."
"So this is how it's going to be."
"Yeah."
"I love you, Lorelai..I want to be with you...I need you."
"I'm sorry, Luke."
"Don't be sorry! Do something..Get angry..Scream! Hit me! DO SOMETHING!
I can't stand this...You're so cold!...I said I love you and you
just stand there.."
"We have already talked about this!"
"So you are just giving up."
"No, I'm not giving up...I just can't have you."
I moved closer to her.
My hands trembled as I once again framed her face between my hands
and made her look at me.
"Tell me you don't love me and I will leave and I swear that I will
never bother you again."
I searched for the truth in her eyes.
I searched for longing.
For something that could keep hope alive.
But I found nothing.
Her eyes were dark as she spoke:
"I don't love you anymore."
Something inside of me broke.
The pain was indescribable.
It shot me down.
Made my legs feel weak.
I searched for something that said it was all a lie.
It had to be a lie.
It must be.
YOU LOSE!
"Please, Lor..Don't do this..."
"Leave, Luke.."
Anger filled my veins.
I didn't care anymore.
I wanted to break her.
I wanted to pierce through that wall she had around her heart.
I wanted to remember.
So I kissed her.
I lowered my mouth to hers and kissed her.
The minute my lips brushed hers I knew that I was lost.
All the passion that ran through my veins came out in that kiss.
I needed to break her.
I had to break her.
Desire ate at my heart as I parted her lips and went deeper.
Suddenly she broke free from me and pushed me away.
I stumbled away still tasting her on my lips.
"LEAVE!"
"Lorelai.."
"No! Leave this house and don't ever come back. I mean it this time!
Don't come around here again!"
I moved towards the door.
Time to stop fighting.
SHE DOESN'T WANT YOU!
Once again I was down on my knees.
I couldn't win this.
I lingered in the doorway, not wanting to leave just yet.
Her silence hurt more than I thought was possible.
"I told you the truth tonight...I have never lied to you."
Silence followed.
I wanted her to move.
I wanted her to turn around and run into my arms.
I wanted her to say that this was just a lie.
That she wanted me.
Needed me.
Loved me.
But all I got was silence.
My heart tore into millions of pieces as I opened the front door.
I looked back at her.
MOVE! STOP ME FROM LEAVING! MAKE ME BELIEVE!
But she remained her calm self.
I bowed my head and said:
"Goodbye, Lorelai."
Then I walked away from her.
------------------------------------
Feedback - j_rothen@yahoo.se
The final part is called "Someone to hold on to" and it's coming soon.
I'm sorry about this depressing part but I listened to David Gray's CD
"White ladder" and Coldplay's "A rush of blood to the head" to get me
in the mood..So I will blame them. I promise the next part will not be
so depressing...:)