Epilogue, Life:
Serenity's purple hair blew in front of her face. The leaves
from the trees also blew gently in the wind, and the river ran
gurgling its way down through the forest. She held her daughter's
hand as the ashes of her late husband were scattered into the river
running through that forest near the town she had first met the love
of her life. She was dead inside. She stood motionless and appeared
emotionless as his ashes were scattered.
"Daddy is in the river now mommy?" Serena asked in confusion.
Serenity's tired eyes looked down at her daughter. "Yes
precious. Daddy is in the river and in the forest and in the town
and in the palace. Daddy is everywhere. You know why?"
"No. Why mommy?"
"Because he is right here," Serenity said, calmly putting
her hand against her heart and then putting her daughter's hand over
her own heart. Serena smiled some and hugged her mother.
For the next few weeks Miriam and Mina stayed with her, and
Miriam helped look after Serena while Luna helped her. Serenity
spent some time alone.
Wesley had been killed in the face-off with Queen Beryl,
and with him had gone her last bit of hope at ever healing from the
past. She did not have much will left for anything. She was not
going to kill herself though, not this time she decided. Her
daughter and her friends deserved better than that. Still, she lay
in bed for quite awhile. She felt unable to move and unable to
think, feeling only a vast emptiness. She turned to her side often,
staring at the empty place next to her. He would not be there to
hold her through the long, restless nights anymore. A coldness went
through her whole body. She was forever alone, completely alone.
She did return to her duties eventually, and once again she
went through the motions mechanically. She was not very good at
showing emotion anymore. She did feel some emotions, but they were
blunt and almost hollow in her stomach. She went to her meetings.
She remained strong, looking Raymond in the face with no longer any
fear. *That is a lie,* she realized. *You are so scared of him.
Serenity you almost die entering that meeting room,* but she did it.
She did it, and she proved that he did not destroy her entire life
even if he destroyed so much of herself. She did not want to give him
the pleasure of seeing that. Queen Serenity ran the meetings
effectively, and despite no longer showing much compassion towards
anyone but Miriam, Luna, and Serena, she did enact more measures of
compassion for the Moon Kingdom. She had compassion, and she used that
compassion to help the kingdom. However, she continued to appear
strong and emotionless to all the royalty and others who would visit.
Time passed, and she did get some people coming to her for help
because they had heard what a compassionate, wise ruler she was. She
would smile tiredly at them and help them as best as she could. Yes,
Serenity still had compassion, but her pain and her emptiness and her
loss inside were great. Serenity had learned so much but lost too much
in that process as well. More than any person should ever lose, yet
she knew that unfortunately she was not alone. She knew she was joined
by most of the rest of the beings who existed anywhere. Thus was life.
When it came down to it, one has no one but oneself she realized. *I
am all alone. So completely alone,* she thought in despair.
Serena's golden hair bounced up and down as she came running
into the throne room and jumped into her mother's lap. She looked up
at her mother and leaned against her, hugging her for comfort. *Well,
perhaps not All alone, after all.*
The End
Author's Notes-This ends the first story in the series of four stories.
The after-effects of rape are devastating and change a person
forever, but there is help out there. After-effects include but
are certainly not limited to: depression, bipolar, eating disorders
(such as anoxeria and bulimia), self-injury, suicidal thoughts and/or
actions, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (Ptsd), anxiety, Multiple
Personality Disorder/Disassociative Identity Disorder (MPD/DID),
as well as many other mental illnesses and disorders and difficult
emotions. If you have been raped, please know that there is help
out there. If you are uncomfortable with or not ready for
counseling/therapy and/or medications, there are also support forums
online you can go to without having to deal with the look on
someone's face. Hopefully, eventually these people online will help
you gain the courage to get help in the 3d world. Remember no matter
how much shame you are feeling, it is all the perpetrator's fault-
it is not your fault at all. I realize this is a difficult reality
to accept and may take you quite some time, but I hope me writing
that will help someone begin or continue their healing journey.
Another note-if you think you are in serious danger of committing
suicide or self-injuring to the point that you could accidentally
kill yourself, please consider checking yourself into a hospital.
No one wants to do this of course, but as unpleasant as the idea
seems, it could end up being worth your time and help you find
some more coping methods and support/help through your tough
times.
Psychological abuse is very real and very damaging to
a child's self esteem which will nearly always carry over to
adulthood even with help though it may or may not always be
apparent. This is the definition of psychological abuse:
"Psychological abuse often occurs in conjunction with verbal, physical,
sexual, or emotional abuse. It "distorts perceptions and assumptions
regarding self, other, the environment, and the future...These are
'eight types of parental or caretaker behaviors' which illustrate
psychological abuse and can also be perpetrated by adults on other
adults (such as the 'silent treatment' in arguments):
1. Rejecting: The child is avoided or pushed away; he or she is made
to feel unworthy, unacceptable, and the like.
2. Degrading/devaluing: The child is criticized, stigmatized,
deprived of dignity, humiliated, make to feel inferior and so on.
3. Terrorizing: The child is verbally assaulted, frightened,
threatened with physical or psychological harm.
4. Isolating: The child is deprived of social contacts beyond the
family, not allowed friends, kept in a limited area for long period
of time without social interaction.
5. Corrupting: The child is "mis-socialized" (Garbarino et al, 1986):
taught to behave in an antisocial manner, encouraged to develop
socially unacceptable interests and appetites.
6. Exploiting: The child is taken advantage of, used to meet the
needs of his or her caretakers.
7. Denying essential stimulation, emotional responsiveness, or
availability: The child is deprived of loving, sensitive caregiving;
his or her emotional and intellectual development is stifled, the
child is generally ignored or neglected.
8. Unreliable and inconsistent parenting: Contradictory and
ambivalent demands are made of the child, parental support or
caregiving is inconsistent and unreliable, and familial stability is
denied the child" (Briere, 1992).
Although psychological abuse can exist on its own...verbal, physical,
sexual, or emotional abuse can never exist without the psychological
abuse which is what makes them all the most damaging. The physical
wounds will eventually go away usually, and even if they don't they
will heal and not hurt anymore eventually. However, the emotional
and psychological abuse that naturally result from those physical
wounds never ever go away.
Verbal abuse is just as damaging and is really a more direct form
of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse without verbal abuse is
typically subtle, manipulative, and unable to be seen by most
outsiders whereas verbal abuse is a direct form of the same
emotional abuse. It allows the abuser to have control and power
over the child or spouse. Verbal abuse involves calling the
person names, telling the person how bad and horrible he/she is,
and directly making the person feel worthless and bad.
"Emotional Abuse includes but is not limited to "emotional neglect,
which is defined as an act or omission, frequently the result of
parental ignorance or indifference. As a result, the child is not
given positive emotional support and stimulation. Parents may give
adequate physical care to their child but leave him or her alone in
a crib for long periods of time, seldom cuddle or talk to the child,
or fail to give him or her encouragement and recognition"
(Dean, 1979, cited in Briere, 1992). Further, a home characterized
by parental alcoholism or drug addiction often has characteristics
of emotional abuse such as treating the child as a parentified child
(PC) or "forcing the child into a caretaking/parental role,"
exhibiting behaviors that are unpredictable, unreliable, or are out
of control, and creating an atmosphere where the child is filled
with fears (Briere, 1992). Emotional abuse also includes acts such
as withdrawing recognition, affection or love as punishment for not
conforming to the desired behavior usually as a manipulative act to
control another's behavior" (Beattie, 1990).
"Verbal abuse is defined as verbal remarks that are critical,
shameful or humiliating about the person or the person's dress,
behavior or history. It is also- but not limited to - yelling,
raging, or using profane language directed at the person, as well
as verbal humiliation in social situations" (Walker, 1979).
It is important to remember that an isolated event or even a few
times of such negative behavior does not qualify as abuse. People
are not perfect. Parents and spouses make mistakes. It is
considered abuse if it is chronic-meaning it persists often over
a long period of time.
Please do not assume that someone is not abusing their
children especially if a child says they are being hurt in this
way. No matter how much you think it cannot happen to someone you
know or be true of such "wonderful" parents, it can be and often
is. In fact many parents that appear to be so wonderful are in
fact abusive in some way. The "wonderful act" as I call it is a
disguise for those parents.
Once again there is help for survivors of abuse out there.
Besides therapy and medications for the after-effects, there
are also online support groups. Please know that you are not
alone.
Serenity's purple hair blew in front of her face. The leaves
from the trees also blew gently in the wind, and the river ran
gurgling its way down through the forest. She held her daughter's
hand as the ashes of her late husband were scattered into the river
running through that forest near the town she had first met the love
of her life. She was dead inside. She stood motionless and appeared
emotionless as his ashes were scattered.
"Daddy is in the river now mommy?" Serena asked in confusion.
Serenity's tired eyes looked down at her daughter. "Yes
precious. Daddy is in the river and in the forest and in the town
and in the palace. Daddy is everywhere. You know why?"
"No. Why mommy?"
"Because he is right here," Serenity said, calmly putting
her hand against her heart and then putting her daughter's hand over
her own heart. Serena smiled some and hugged her mother.
For the next few weeks Miriam and Mina stayed with her, and
Miriam helped look after Serena while Luna helped her. Serenity
spent some time alone.
Wesley had been killed in the face-off with Queen Beryl,
and with him had gone her last bit of hope at ever healing from the
past. She did not have much will left for anything. She was not
going to kill herself though, not this time she decided. Her
daughter and her friends deserved better than that. Still, she lay
in bed for quite awhile. She felt unable to move and unable to
think, feeling only a vast emptiness. She turned to her side often,
staring at the empty place next to her. He would not be there to
hold her through the long, restless nights anymore. A coldness went
through her whole body. She was forever alone, completely alone.
She did return to her duties eventually, and once again she
went through the motions mechanically. She was not very good at
showing emotion anymore. She did feel some emotions, but they were
blunt and almost hollow in her stomach. She went to her meetings.
She remained strong, looking Raymond in the face with no longer any
fear. *That is a lie,* she realized. *You are so scared of him.
Serenity you almost die entering that meeting room,* but she did it.
She did it, and she proved that he did not destroy her entire life
even if he destroyed so much of herself. She did not want to give him
the pleasure of seeing that. Queen Serenity ran the meetings
effectively, and despite no longer showing much compassion towards
anyone but Miriam, Luna, and Serena, she did enact more measures of
compassion for the Moon Kingdom. She had compassion, and she used that
compassion to help the kingdom. However, she continued to appear
strong and emotionless to all the royalty and others who would visit.
Time passed, and she did get some people coming to her for help
because they had heard what a compassionate, wise ruler she was. She
would smile tiredly at them and help them as best as she could. Yes,
Serenity still had compassion, but her pain and her emptiness and her
loss inside were great. Serenity had learned so much but lost too much
in that process as well. More than any person should ever lose, yet
she knew that unfortunately she was not alone. She knew she was joined
by most of the rest of the beings who existed anywhere. Thus was life.
When it came down to it, one has no one but oneself she realized. *I
am all alone. So completely alone,* she thought in despair.
Serena's golden hair bounced up and down as she came running
into the throne room and jumped into her mother's lap. She looked up
at her mother and leaned against her, hugging her for comfort. *Well,
perhaps not All alone, after all.*
The End
Author's Notes-This ends the first story in the series of four stories.
The after-effects of rape are devastating and change a person
forever, but there is help out there. After-effects include but
are certainly not limited to: depression, bipolar, eating disorders
(such as anoxeria and bulimia), self-injury, suicidal thoughts and/or
actions, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (Ptsd), anxiety, Multiple
Personality Disorder/Disassociative Identity Disorder (MPD/DID),
as well as many other mental illnesses and disorders and difficult
emotions. If you have been raped, please know that there is help
out there. If you are uncomfortable with or not ready for
counseling/therapy and/or medications, there are also support forums
online you can go to without having to deal with the look on
someone's face. Hopefully, eventually these people online will help
you gain the courage to get help in the 3d world. Remember no matter
how much shame you are feeling, it is all the perpetrator's fault-
it is not your fault at all. I realize this is a difficult reality
to accept and may take you quite some time, but I hope me writing
that will help someone begin or continue their healing journey.
Another note-if you think you are in serious danger of committing
suicide or self-injuring to the point that you could accidentally
kill yourself, please consider checking yourself into a hospital.
No one wants to do this of course, but as unpleasant as the idea
seems, it could end up being worth your time and help you find
some more coping methods and support/help through your tough
times.
Psychological abuse is very real and very damaging to
a child's self esteem which will nearly always carry over to
adulthood even with help though it may or may not always be
apparent. This is the definition of psychological abuse:
"Psychological abuse often occurs in conjunction with verbal, physical,
sexual, or emotional abuse. It "distorts perceptions and assumptions
regarding self, other, the environment, and the future...These are
'eight types of parental or caretaker behaviors' which illustrate
psychological abuse and can also be perpetrated by adults on other
adults (such as the 'silent treatment' in arguments):
1. Rejecting: The child is avoided or pushed away; he or she is made
to feel unworthy, unacceptable, and the like.
2. Degrading/devaluing: The child is criticized, stigmatized,
deprived of dignity, humiliated, make to feel inferior and so on.
3. Terrorizing: The child is verbally assaulted, frightened,
threatened with physical or psychological harm.
4. Isolating: The child is deprived of social contacts beyond the
family, not allowed friends, kept in a limited area for long period
of time without social interaction.
5. Corrupting: The child is "mis-socialized" (Garbarino et al, 1986):
taught to behave in an antisocial manner, encouraged to develop
socially unacceptable interests and appetites.
6. Exploiting: The child is taken advantage of, used to meet the
needs of his or her caretakers.
7. Denying essential stimulation, emotional responsiveness, or
availability: The child is deprived of loving, sensitive caregiving;
his or her emotional and intellectual development is stifled, the
child is generally ignored or neglected.
8. Unreliable and inconsistent parenting: Contradictory and
ambivalent demands are made of the child, parental support or
caregiving is inconsistent and unreliable, and familial stability is
denied the child" (Briere, 1992).
Although psychological abuse can exist on its own...verbal, physical,
sexual, or emotional abuse can never exist without the psychological
abuse which is what makes them all the most damaging. The physical
wounds will eventually go away usually, and even if they don't they
will heal and not hurt anymore eventually. However, the emotional
and psychological abuse that naturally result from those physical
wounds never ever go away.
Verbal abuse is just as damaging and is really a more direct form
of emotional abuse. Emotional abuse without verbal abuse is
typically subtle, manipulative, and unable to be seen by most
outsiders whereas verbal abuse is a direct form of the same
emotional abuse. It allows the abuser to have control and power
over the child or spouse. Verbal abuse involves calling the
person names, telling the person how bad and horrible he/she is,
and directly making the person feel worthless and bad.
"Emotional Abuse includes but is not limited to "emotional neglect,
which is defined as an act or omission, frequently the result of
parental ignorance or indifference. As a result, the child is not
given positive emotional support and stimulation. Parents may give
adequate physical care to their child but leave him or her alone in
a crib for long periods of time, seldom cuddle or talk to the child,
or fail to give him or her encouragement and recognition"
(Dean, 1979, cited in Briere, 1992). Further, a home characterized
by parental alcoholism or drug addiction often has characteristics
of emotional abuse such as treating the child as a parentified child
(PC) or "forcing the child into a caretaking/parental role,"
exhibiting behaviors that are unpredictable, unreliable, or are out
of control, and creating an atmosphere where the child is filled
with fears (Briere, 1992). Emotional abuse also includes acts such
as withdrawing recognition, affection or love as punishment for not
conforming to the desired behavior usually as a manipulative act to
control another's behavior" (Beattie, 1990).
"Verbal abuse is defined as verbal remarks that are critical,
shameful or humiliating about the person or the person's dress,
behavior or history. It is also- but not limited to - yelling,
raging, or using profane language directed at the person, as well
as verbal humiliation in social situations" (Walker, 1979).
It is important to remember that an isolated event or even a few
times of such negative behavior does not qualify as abuse. People
are not perfect. Parents and spouses make mistakes. It is
considered abuse if it is chronic-meaning it persists often over
a long period of time.
Please do not assume that someone is not abusing their
children especially if a child says they are being hurt in this
way. No matter how much you think it cannot happen to someone you
know or be true of such "wonderful" parents, it can be and often
is. In fact many parents that appear to be so wonderful are in
fact abusive in some way. The "wonderful act" as I call it is a
disguise for those parents.
Once again there is help for survivors of abuse out there.
Besides therapy and medications for the after-effects, there
are also online support groups. Please know that you are not
alone.