Invasion of the Fellowship, or 'When Middle Earth Meets Medway', or 'My French Teacher's One Hot Elf!'

By the as-of-yet-unnamed-trio:

The amazing writing talents of DKFairy, the sarcastic commentary of HuntressDiana, and the typing skills of S_Star.

Or, more accurately, the insane ramblings of three insane writers, but really, what's the difference?

Summary: School is boring, right? That's what I thought.until the other day. You see, I had one of my very vivid daydreams, in which the fellowship of the ring came and took over our classes.so I thought I'd write it up and share it with those of you who aren't fortunate enough to have Aragorn teaching you geography.

Disclaimer: Any characters you may recognise from previous works of (actually published) fiction (by, oh, what's his name? Wait, could it be Tolkien?) are just that: fictional characters created and written by Tolkien.

Any students are probably members of our form or year group, or are fictional.

The school, unfortunately, is real.

Feedback: I *really* don't see what's stopping you from pressing that little 'Go' button in the corner of the screen.unless, like DK, your computer won't open new windows, in which case, yeah, go to the library or something.

Flames will be used to set the new headteacher's office on fire, so aren't entirely unwelcome.


AN: So I was sitting in yoga class, wondering if it was even possible for a class to be more boring, when I kinda drifted off into one of those real- time daydreams, where suddenly something happens right where you are at that time and it's so vivid you even think it might be real (it never is). And in that daydream, the Fellowship (and assorted other LotR characters) burst in, grabbed the teacher, tied her up with her own yoga belt and began to take over the class.

I don't believe I was wearing my hideous yoga kit in front of Legolas! I'm so ashamed.

So, anyway, when I told DK afterwards, we worked out which character would take over which class, and managed to somehow rope Huntress into helping.and since we can't publish it as a list with commentary, it's gonna be a mini-series! YAY!

In reality, though, the page on which we listed the characters is probably funnier than the actual fic itself, but we can't all be Mercuria, can we?

INTRO - 'The Dull, Dull School', or 'Hark, the Horn of Gondor!'


Once upon a time, in a dull, dull town, there was a dull, dull school, and in the dull, dull school was a dull, dull classroom (A35), and in the dull, dull classroom was a dull, dull Latin lesson, and in that dull, dull Latin lesson there was.

(AN from HD: A skeleton! The leg bone's connected to the ankle bone...!)

Well, no, actually, there was.

S_Star, sitting on the end of the front row, gazing out of the window and dreaming sweet dreams of Legolas Greenleaf while she tried to ignore the poking in her arm from.

DKFairy, who was sitting next to S_Star, trying to get her friend out of her trance by stabbing her with a pencil at the same time as trading insults with.

HuntressDiana, who was two rows back, trying (not quite successfully) to taunt the teacher, which it seemed the whole class was doing at that point.

S_Star, of course, remained oblivious to everything but the golden trees of Lothlórien and the persistent stabbing pain in her arm.until a familiar sound brought her crashing back down to earth.

'The horn of Gondor!' she cried, leaping out of her seat. The entire class looked at her as if she was insane (which, in reality, they already knew, but still), and in the silence that followed she was convinced that it had been part of her daydream.because, come on, how many of us actually LIKED Boromir?

Exactly. He's a slimy git. Remind you of anyone?

(AN from S_Star - let me get the list.)

Huntress was the first to speak after this. 'Actually, in the book, the line was, 'The horn of Boromir! He is in need!' and Aragorn said it, not Legolas-'

Stunned out of their stupor, the class all turned and shouted, 'Shut up, Huntress!' with timing they'd managed to perfect after repeating that line so many times.

(AN from HD - a pleasant dream she has of one day being able to stand up to the Latin class: "You shut up!" She turned in her seat and immediately began to throw very accurately aimed pieces of paper at the students, S_Star, DKFairy and the teacher.)

Again, Huntress is wrong.

Before she could retaliate, the horn sounded again, and this time DK and Huntress heard it too. Leaping to their feet, they ran out of the classroom, not stopped by their teacher because he was detained by a gold- fletched arrow which had lodged itself in his chest, taking away any chance DK had of ever beating him at noughts and crosses.

At wails of protest from S_Star, who wanted to see the mysterious archer elf who'd killed Mr Saunders, the trio set off down the stairs to the car park, where they could see various, strangely familiar (hmm, now why would they be familiar?) faces climbing out from what appeared to be a swirling vortex, with a somehow un-dead Boromir sounding a somehow un-broken horn of Gondor to announce their arrival.

There was no time to muse or gaze at Legolas, as at that instant, a voice sounded over the (probably EXTREMELY dusty) tannoy system. A decidedly evil voice, which laughed a decidedly evil laugh before beginning.

'I am Lord Sauron!'

Silence. Great, another evil leader! Haven't we already got one?

'With my magical ring of power and my loyal slaves, I am taking over this school!'

Oh joy.

After another moment's silence, peals of applause thundered through the air at the prospect of the school being invaded by an evil lord.

Well, year sevens always were freaks, although, frankly, it would probably be better than our new head anyway. I mean, her last assembly included the line, 'Don't be that frog, girls!'

Just then vortex closed and the Fellowship began to walk into the school, or in Aragorn's case, Stride (one of S_Star's wittier remarks).

If the inhabitants of Middle Earth were confused about suddenly having entered the year 2002, they didn't show it, as they picked up what appeared to be markbooks and headed to their respective classrooms, with S_Star, DKFairy, HuntressDiana and the rest of the student population followed eagerly.

Come on, you'd think for something like this we'd at least get the afternoon off school!

COMING UP NEXT: How can an eye use a tannoy system? Is S_Star in any of Legolas' classes? And why is Gollum crawling towards the cafeteria wearing an apron and clutching a bucket of fish?

AS ALWAYS, REVIEW!