Invasion of the Fellowship, or 'When Middle Earth Meets Medway', or 'My French Teacher's One Hot Elf!'

By the as-of-yet-unnamed-trio.

Oh, and I forgot to say that as well as typing, S_Star writes most of the disclaimers and other header things, and she's also the one who reads your profile etc when you review and writes handy li'l messages (at least in this chapter)!  See, all the really important jobs!

OK, maybe not, but the disclaimer for this is one of my best...

Summary: Didn't you get the picture in the Intro?  I know it was confused, but come on, Sauron actually says it!

Disclaimer: *whistles idly* Characters?  What characters?  I haven't stolen any—Oh, THOSE characters.  Well, uh, I know they're Tolkien's...but, um...we're charactersitting.  Yeah, charactersitting.  He told us to.  Ask him if you want.  What do you mean, he's dead?  Stop asking me all these questions!  I'm trying to sit on Legolas and Haldir...I mean, FOR!  Sit FOR Legolas and Haldir.  Yeah, that's it...

Feedback: Don't make me sing the feedback song... (Yep, there is one.  PLEASE don't make me sing it!)


AN: OK, well, I don't actually have that much to say.  I know, how weird is that?  Anyway, we don't actually have our timetables like this.  We dropped subjects.  But anyway, what better to do in a physics lesson on electricity (we've done this subject every year since Year 1!  Honestly!) than write about a physics lesson on electricity...?

Oh, wait, 'Physics Heaven'! I gotta explain this.  See, our teacher who's a bit of a nutcase, to put it in the mildest terms humanly possible, tries to *cough* encourage us to always set out calculations properly by telling us about the 'Four Steps to Physics Heaven' – 1) Write the formula; 2) Fill in the values; 3) Work it out; and 4) Write the units ('you nit, don't forget the units!')

Why can't he just die and go to Physics Heaven and save us from this hell?!

Also, sorry Boromir fans!  I'll be nice, I swear!  Just don't count on the other 2 authors...

(AN from DK – Hey, I'm nice...nice and evil!)

MONDAY, LESSON 2 – Physics, or 'Faramir's Theorem', or 'Some Other Stupid Chapter Name'

(thank Huntress for the titles)

Monday, period two, means only one thing for S_Star, HuntressDiana and DKFairy – physics!  A chance to blow yourself up before lunch: what could be better?

At that moment, Huntress was hyped up on sugary doughnuts and Fanta Lemon™, while S_Star was highly caffeinated and 'not-jittery-at-all-just-hyper-bouncy'.  Or so she says.

DK, still half-asleep despite the...um...excitement of the morning, was standing between them as they argued over who was better; Legolas or Aragorn, trying to solve the argument by pointing out their mutual dislike of Boromir, because you've gotta admit it, banding together to give a maths teacher evils is way more fun than fighting over two extremely hot guys, no matter how gorgeous the guys are.

And, come on, we're talking HOT here!

(AN from DK – damn right!)

Technically, though, S_Star finds them both attractive, Legolas in a beautiful way and Aragorn in a hot hunk of manliness way.  She just likes winding up Huntress.

(AN from S_Star – just added those last parts in...hehehe...)

(Follow-up AN from Huntress – No arguments here!)

(S_Star – except the one we were having a few paragraphs ago.  Did you actually read this thing or not?)

Anyway, DK was also trying to hide the various sharp objects that the two could possibly come in contact with.  Better safe than sorry, right? You'd actually be amazed at the amount she had to hide.  You have no idea how many things those two can use as weapons!  Nail files, pens, pencils, walls...

(AN from S_Star – so THAT'S where my scissors got to!)

So, still sulking about the lack of knives casually lying around the school, they arrived at Lab 7, other classmates trailing behind in anticipation of another thrilling physics lesson.

(AN from DK – The joy of my life...so, when can I die?)

(AN from Huntress – any time ten minutes ago!)

(AN from S_Star – *big anime-style question marks pop up around my head*)

Huntress pushed the door open to reveal a tall man dressed all in green, with a hood over his face.  The trio tried (unsuccessfully, I might add) to muffle their laughter at the sight of their (ab)normal teacher, Mr Calladine, being pushed into a cupboard at dagger point, crying furiously.

Through their mirth (isn't 'mirth' just an awful word?  I hate the word mirth), they could just about hear his frantic cries of 'You can't do this to me!  How will the students ever reach Physics Heaven without me to help them follow the four steps?!'  Actually, very happily, thank you very much!  And why would we want to go to Physics Heaven anyway?

Regardless of his insane ramblings, the stranger finished shoving him into the cupboard and turned the key in the lock, before pulling down his hood to reveal shoulder-length dark blond hair, notably cleaner than Aragorn's or Boromir's, thank God!

Turning, he saw the three girls rolling around with laughter.

(AN from S_Star and DKFairy – Huntress wrote that part, and the two of us have come to the conclusion that, in fact, only she would roll around on the floor.  DK would jump up and down and S_Star would hit her head against the nearest wall in the most graceful manner possible.  Thank you.)

'Ah, girls, come on in.  I am Faramir, son of Denethor, captain of the guard of Gondor, brother of Boromir of the White Tower.'  The next words were muttered.  'Damn him!  I wanted to do maths, but, oh, no, big brother wanted that, so I got stuck with physics,' he spat, as if the subject's name alone were a disease.  Which is probably about right, but still... Suddenly smiling brightly again, Faramir turned back to the class.  'Pull up a stool and we'll begin.'

The class groaned; it seemed as if their fun physics lesson had ended as soon as it had begun, but they perked up slightly when they noticed that the clock showed that there was only half an hour of the class left to go.

(AN from S_Star – for a lesson 1 hour and 15 minutes long, that's not bad...)

And since certain people don't work for the last fifteen minutes anyway, and others don't work at all...yay!

However, the half hour was more than enough for Faramir to electrocute himself five times ('Mr Faramir (does he have a surname?), can you demonstrate the dangers of wrongly connected circuits?'), and for DK to 'persuade' him to demonstrate what happens when someone with shoulder-length, very fluffy hair (For once, not S_Star!) touches a Van De Graaf generator.  DK felt rather bad after that.

It turns out that what happens is that the steward of Gondor ends up walking around the lab in a daze with *ahem* large hair and blue sparks jumping between his fingers, which, despite being 'pretty', as DK puts it, were actually very hazardous towards those standing within a ten metre radius of him.

At ten to twelve, the class fell out of the lab with stitches in their sides, and staggered all the way to...

Art?

COMING UP NEXT: didn't I just tell you?  Art!  With Frodo!  YAY!  And what is that smell coming from the cafeteria?  *shudders*

And we also feature a guest author: Mongoose!  You see, none of us took art, and since Mongoose can actually write...

REMEMBER THE THREE R's – READ, REVIEW & RECOMMEND!

NOT reading, writing and arithmetic.  Whoever said that needs some serious work in English spelling.  Or, y'know, just spelling in general.  Actually, just work in general.  Like, brain surgery type work!

~*~

Hi!  S_Star here to give li'l messages to all our 4 reviewers!  Next chapter one of the others will be doing this part, cuz otherwise they hit me and send me to bed without any supper, but first, I wanna have some fun!

Imprisoned in Cork – OK, I apologised for the Boromir thing earlier, even though it was DK who said the slimy git thing, and yeah, maybe Aragorn is unwashed, but it kinda adds to his rugged ranger image... *drifts off into dreams of Aragorn...and Legolas...and Haldir...can you tell who're my faves?*

JediKnightBalthasar – I would worry about the 2 Saunders-es being the same guy, but since you said sixth grade and we're English in Year 10, I doubt that it's the case.  Will try and see, though..

Ellie, Steg and Elogals – hi!  *waves frantically*.   Thank you for reviewing and putting us on favourites!  Hey, what was the milk thing all about?  You've got us intrigued now!

But hey, our head gave away chocolate last assembly – you really don't wanna know! – so, it's not all bad.  Anyway, TTYL!

hairstixgurl – thank you!  We aim to please!  I hope you liked this part just as much.

Anyway, as I said earlier, READ, REVIEW & RECOMMEND!  (see, there's a new one now!)