Pairing: CrawfordxKen, an AU side story so Crawford is almost the same age as Ken, only Crawford's older one year.
Warning: It's YAOI and SAPPY also contain DEATH (well not death perhaps just a coma) rated for R and it's one of my lousy works so please bear with it ^____^
Genre: Poem-fic
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It already been days from the strange incident. Ken said nothing about it after their intense lov---fuck. He just felt that somehow, he could not really let himself to pry it out from Crawford, because he just didn't want to make him felt offended to him and let himself shrinked deeper to his own world. One he believed was that he had to make Crawford trusted him so that he would tell him at least what had bothered him. But up until now Ken didn't think that he had gained that level of trust yet.
Nonetheless, Ken was worried. It had been straight three days that Crawford didn't come home. At the first day, he thought Crawford went to sleepover his friend's house like usual but after the second day and after he asked Crawford's gang, none of them had seen him too since the first day he had vanished like vapour evaporated to the air.
Then in the third day a surprising news came to him, Crawford was in hospital and he was in coma. This bad news had shocked Ken thoroughly. He did worry for the worst like death but still his mental could not accept it and it was just simply too much. He remembered how he had stunned and luckily, Schuldich was there and he was the one that pulled him out from his stupor and both of them quickly went to the named hospital.
Now Ken was in there, a white stark building with lonely long pale corridors and hallways also too many doors. Not to mention the smell of drugs and medicine that filled the whole air. The atmosphere almost made Ken felt a nausea, causing him wanted to vomit. But he could not and he would not. He needed to see Crawford first, not vomit in sadness and grief.
As he entered the door which led to Crawford's room, he saw a familiar figure paler than usual and was laying so still. His chest raised so faintly as if he had stopped breathing. The only indication that he was still alive in that condition was the constantly beeping sound came from the electrocardiogram beside the sleeping figure.
Ken approached the bed slowly and so silently. He looked at the figure that was laying there. His head was bandaged and he was in oxygen mask in order to kept him easier to breathe. His chest was bared from any clothes but bandages. Same went for both his arms, they were covered in those white cloth. Ken recalled from the doc's explanation that Crawford had suffered a severe head's injury which put him into a coma after he had lost his consciousness due to the lack of blood because of the nasty cut on his chest not to mention his broken ribs and some bone fractures on both his arms plus all the cuts in them.
Ken held back all the tears that had gathered in his eyes in the moment he had acknowledged that his lov---no his friend was in hospital and in a state of coma. He assessed the whole body and Crawford did look like sleeping through an endless time. He had heard that the doc had done all he could but still whether he would wake up soon or not he could not tell, it could be days, weeks, months or even years or maybe not at all. Ken choked back his grief that was collected on his throat as he tried to caress the soft cheek that was once warm, not cold and pale like this.
Crawford….He trembled hard as he put his palm over the cold cheek then his knees suddenly felt like a jello and he dropped into his knees. There Ken was sobbing, letting out all his grief and his sorrow. His world had crumbled and he felt like he was thrown into a garbage bin while his heart shattered into pieces of broken mirror that could never be repaired again.
Crawford………please………don't leave me………The sobs was louder and his heart clenched like so hard like there was some force ripping his heart out from his ribs…Then all he could see was black, never-ending darkness and few faint sounds that started to faded to somewhere like it was merely am illusion. Once at that time, Ken wished that this was only a nightmare and everything would come back into normal again after he had awaken…
Minutes has passed,
Unfortunately, it was not a nightmare since Ken was now sitting on a chair beside the unmoving figure with letters on his hand. He stared into nothing as if he was oblivious to his surrounding. He had just finished read the second letter he got from the hospital employee who was previously took care of Crawford's clothes and personal things such as ID card and those letters. One was the letter which indicates the news Crawford had received just a night before he disappeared about his foster father's death and the other one was a personal letter directed to Ken which only saddened Ken more than before. Ken lifted the second letter again and let his red eyes from crying too much to skim over the simple love letter written for him.
Japan, 26th of June
Dearest of the very dearest, my beloved
My beloved, for you I have written this letter. A letter and nothing more.
For you who have leave me in uncertainty, for only you who is my only sanctuary. Imagine a boat of mine who anchors on your heart, but...what will a boat do if the anchor is lost? For where do my heart shall moor if the sanctuary has lost forever? Shall the boat sail to nowhere till it is rotten and sinks to the deepest of the coldest ocean? Shall the love once there float away in desperation till it becomes too cold to know what love is? Or shall the boat find another harbour to be anchored to? Shall my heart find another sanctuary to be loved to?
For what shall I do if only my heart belong to you? For what shall I care if only I can love you and only you alone?
Perhaps you shall be there and laugh at me while I look at you with grief and agonizing pain that clutch my heart till it bleed to no end just to see you happy with another person? Shall you? So you shall.
For what you have done to me, for what you have seen in me, for what you have left the memories in me, for anything you have and you not have, may I love you just one more second? May I love you just one more minute? May I love you just for one more hour? One more day? One more month? One year? Forever? May I?
But clock cannot move to the left and the time cannot move back. So I cannot turn back. But can I?
For my heart has been broken to pieces like mirror, shattered to dust like a crystal, burnt down like a wood to ash, what shall piece them again as your love has left me? As the last reason I have to keep live on has been taken away from me?
Who shall care about me? Like a dust on the street, like a crumpled paper in the bin, like a rotten fruit in a basket, like a piece of straw that means nothing and casts into the fire?
Please say that me you love just once more and let my heart
bleed till it cannot bleed anymore.
Please touch me so lovingly so tenderly and let my tears flow till they are sore
and dry.
Please hug me like there is no one can separate us and let my heart aches till
it stops beating.
Please kiss me like there shall be no tomorrow and let my heart shatters into
dust and burnt to ash.
But..............
You shall never do that for you have someone else. So you see me smiling so cheerfully that I am glad of you that I am proud of you. Shall my mask end here? Shall I smile for you the next second, the next minute, the next hour, the next day, the next month, the next year and forever? Shall you know that I am bleeding inside, that I am shedding my dry tears, that I am silencing my sobs, that I am screaming the silent pleas?
Shall I beg shall I not? Shall I leave shall I stay? Shall I smile shall I cry? Shall I laugh shall I sob? And yes I shall love you.
For my love you have broken me down
For my pleas you have shattered my hope
For my wish you have crushed my love
Tell me my beloved, what can I do to make it up for you? Shall you tell me to slit my wrist and I shall. Shall you tell me to kill myself and I kill myself. Shall you want to kill me and you shall. Shall you sell me to demon and you shall.
But please do not hate me, do not ignore me, do not turn away from me?
The pain I can bear just to see you smile but cannot touch
The torture I can endure just to see you laugh but cannot hear it
The agony I can survive just to see you live but cannot reach for you
Hit me if you want, torture me to death if you want, take out your angry to me if you want but please don't ignore me, don't pretend that I am not here, don't look away from me.
Will you believe in this letter how much I love you? How much I am hungry of you love? How much I am thirsty of your care? How much I am agonized to love you back?
I don't know, I just don't know anymore. My world is crumpled like there is no poles to support me, like a little wave that destroys your reflection upon a lake.
So I shall wear my darkest clothes I have
So I shall wear my darkest veil I have
So I shall tint my lips with the darkest black lipstick I buy
So I shall paint my every nails with the darkest nail polish
So I shall weep my tears with the darkest handkerchief
So I shall stand in the darkest corner I know
So I shall mourn for my pathetic love
So I shall pull the trigger to my head
So I shall dead, bleed, and you shall laugh and live
happily...ever...after
With coldness for me like eternity and loneliness that sucks me to my soul and with pain that whips me mercilessly and my soul drown deep to the well of tears and desperation.
With love and my shattered heart,
Crawford
Then the letter slipped out from Ken's hand as a lonely single tear spilled out from the corner of his eyes. Ken closed his eyes as a realization washed him like a fresh water in the morning while those tears kept on streaming down to his cheek ended on his chin and dropped onto the cold white floor.
Crawford………you love me do you?………Why?………I love you too…Crawford…….my love………
~End????~
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Well that's it, the next chapter's up so what do ya think about it? Does is suck?? Please do review me ne????
The poems if you wanna know the original ones: (all are copyrighted by me ^__^ and are posted on Poetry)
My Love Letter
Yvonne, 26th of Mercuth
Dearest of the very dearest, my beloved
My beloved, for you I have written this letter. A letter and nothing more.
For you who have leave me in uncertainty, for only you who is my only sanctuary. Imagine a boat of mine who anchors on your heart, but...what will a boat do if the anchor is lost? For where do my heart shall moor if the sanctuary has lost forever? Shall the boat sail to nowhere till it is rotten and sinks to the deepest of the coldest ocean? Shall the love once there float away in desperation till it becomes too cold to know what love is? Or shall the boat find another harbour to be anchored to? Shall my heart find another sanctuary to be loved to?
For what shall I do if only my heart belong to you? For what shall I care if only I can love you and only you alone?
Perhaps you shall be there and laugh at me while I look at you with grief and agonizing pain that clutch my heart till it bleed to no end just to see you happy with another person? Shall you? So you shall.
For what you have done to me, for what you have seen in me, for what you have left the memories in me, for anything you have and you not have, may I love you just one more second? May I love you just one more minute? May I love you just for one more hour? One more day? One more month? One year? Forever? May I?
But clock cannot move to the left and the time cannot move back. So I cannot turn back. But can I?
For my heart has been broken to pieces like mirror, shattered to dust like a crystal, burnt down like a wood to ash, what shall piece them again as your love has left me? As the last reason I have to keep live on has been taken away from me?
Who shall care about me? Like a dust on the street, like a crumpled paper in the bin, like a rotten fruit in a basket, like a piece of straw that means nothing and casts into the fire?
Please
say that me you love just once more and let my heart bleed till it cannot bleed
anymore.
Please touch me so lovingly so tenderly and let my tears flow till they are sore
and dry.
Please hug me like there is no one can separate us and let my heart aches till
it stops beating.
Please kiss me like there shall be no tomorrow and let my heart shatters into
dust and burnt to ash.
But..............
You shall never do that for you have someone else. So you see me smiling so cheerfully that I am glad of you that I am proud of you. Shall my mask end here? Shall I smile for you the next second, the next minute, the next hour, the next day, the next month, the next year and forever? Shall you know that I am bleeding inside, that I am shedding my dry tears, that I am silencing my sobs, that I am screaming the silent pleas?
Shall I beg shall I not? Shall I leave shall I stay? Shall I smile shall I cry? Shall I laugh shall I sob? And yes I shall love you.
For my
love you have broken me down
For my pleas you have shattered my hope
For my wish you have crushed my love
Tell me my beloved, what can I do to make it up for you? Shall you tell me to slit my wrist and I shall. Shall you tell me to kill myself and I kill myself. Shall you want to kill me and you shall. Shall you sell me to demon and you shall.
But please do not hate me, do not ignore me, do not turn away from me?
The pain
I can bear just to see you smile but cannot touch
The torture I can endure just to see you laugh but cannot hear it
The agony I can survive just to see you live but cannot reach for you
Hit me if you want, torture me to death if you want, take out your angry to me if you want but please don't ignore me, don't pretend that I am not here, don't look away from me.
Will you believe in this letter how much I love you? How much I am hungry of you love? How much I am thirsty of your care? How much I am agonized to love you back?
I don't know, I just don't know anymore. My world is crumpled like there is no poles to support me, like a little wave that destroys your reflection upon a lake.
So I
shall wear my darkest clothes I have
So I shall wear my darkest veil I have
So I shall tint my lips with the darkest black lipstick I buy
So I shall paint my every nails with the darkest nail polish
So I shall weep my tears with the darkest handkerchief
So I shall stand in the darkest corner I know
So I shall mourn for my pathetic love
So I shall pull the trigger to my head
So I shall dead, bleed, and you shall laugh and live
happily...ever...after
With coldness for me like eternity and loneliness that sucks me to my soul and with pain that whips me mercilessly and my soul drown deep to the well of tears and desperation.
With love and my shattered heart,
Gratian
~End
Okay so how's about it??? It's quite hanging there, I guess I'll write a sequel later okay? For now please just comments and review me ne??? It'll be a pleasure of me to have those reviews ^____^ and who knows I'll write faster???