I yawned. It was late Saturday afternoon and I had practically slept half
the day away. "Valentine, you look like hell," I sighed, glancing into the
mirror. Dark circles were under my eyes and my hair was mussed and looked
like I haven't combed it in ages. I didn't get much sleep after Joey's
funeral and I didn't plan to after the strange dreams I have had about him.
I walked down the stairs slowly and stumbled into the kitchen, collapsing into any chair available.
"Your aunt called this afternoon," Yami said, as I managed to snag a box of Raisin Bran. "She wants you to come for dinner and stay over tonight."
"Oh."
"Do you want to go? I'm going to take an extra math class in the city and I can drop you off-"
"I don't know."
"Come on," said Yami as he flung a backpack over his shoulder," Ride with me, at least. Keep me company."
I thought about driving into the city with Yami. I thought about getting away, seeing my aunt and sinking down in the antique four-poster in her guest room. I'd never have any trouble sleeping in that bed.
"I'll go throw some clothes in my duffel bag," I said.
* * *
We were on our way by 3:30 and downtown by 4. I stared at the dreary sky and towering buildings and sighed. "I hate the winter in the city after Christmas decorations come down," I said," Everything looks so bleak and depressing."
"Have to have winter before you can have spring,." said Yami.
I looked at him.
"Just an observation. Here we are."
He swung around in front of the hospital. " See you tomorrow, Mai."
I grabbed my bag and opened the door," You too."
* * *
I took the elevator up to the psyche floor. Mrs. Getz, a friend of my aunt's was up at the nurses' station with Rosalie, the girl that Joey had teased the day I came to get my ears pierced again.
"Hi, Mrs. Getz," I said," Is my aunt around?"
"Let me go and see if she's still in her office," Mrs. Getz said as she picked up the phone. Rosalie smiled at me.
"Dr. Valentine's niece, right?"
"Yeah, that's right."
"I thought I remembered you. Where's your friend?"
I just stared at her.
"You know," she said," The guy you were with that day?"
"Oh," I said," He's an actor and he's out on tour now."
"An actor," Rosalie said ," That's really something."
"Yes," I said," It is."
I don't know why I lied to her, except it sort of made Joey alive again. In Rosalie's mind, he was on tour, acting somewhere.
"You can go into your aunt's office now, Mai," said Mrs. Getz as she hung up the phone.
"Thank, Mrs. Getz."
* * *
My aunt was sitting on the edge of her desk, flipping the pages of a magazine.
"Hi," I said, dropping my duffel bag.
"Hey," she replied as she set the magazine down," What's with you, hmm?"
"I don't know." I started tugging at the zipper on my duffel bag. " I don't know what's going on with me exactly."
I felt her hand on my forehead. "Would you let me take you down to one of the examination rooms and check you over?"
I looked t her, "Don't you ever stop being a doctor?"
She smiled as she lit a cigarette," Nope."
"I'm still going through stuff right now. I'll be okay. I can handle it"
She stared at me, "Judging by those circles under your eyes, it doesn't look like your handling anything very well."
I narrowed my eyes," Come on."
She placed a hand on my shoulder," You can't go on like this, kid, you've got to get some rest. Do you want me to give you something to help you sleep?"
"No." I started zipping and unzipping my duffel bag again." I just.want to do this on my own."
"Honey, you really need the rest."
I sat back in my chair. I was starting to feel sick. " Most of the stuff I'm handling. Most of the stuff I have under control."
She nodded," I'm going to call the pharmacy here and order you a small prescription of sleeping pills, okay?"
I sighed tiredly," Yeah, okay."
She picked up the phone," This is Dr. Valentine; I want to talk to the pharmacist, please."
My eyes wandered around my aunt's office while she talked on the phone. I remembered when I got my ears pierced with Joey in this room. Tears stung my eyes. I was remembering stuff I didn't want to remember.
I looked back at my aunt as she hung up the phone. "You must think I'm crazy or something," I said.
"No," she said," Just tired."
"Why can't I sleep?"
"I think it has something to do with stress. I don't know."
"You mean Joey?"
"Yes."
"Maybe." I cleared my throat." Listen, I need to tell you something.I need to know if you think it's sick or weird or anything."
She put down her cigarette and looked at me. "What is it?"
I went over to the window and pretended to be very interested in the traffic below. "That second night home after the accident?" I said. "I threw away Joey's jacket.but after everyone fell asleep.I went out and got it out of the garbage. I wear it to bed every night. If I can't sleep or get up, I hide it under the mattress so Yami, Yugi, and Grandpa won't see me in it." I looked at her," It's pretty strange, isn't it?"
"Why do you think wearing Joey's jacket to bed is strange?"
"I don't know.it just doesn't seem like a normal thing to do."
"I think wearing Joey's jacket is your way of holding onto him," she said, tapping her cigarette against her ashtray.
I felt heat wash over my face. "So your saying it's morbid."
"No," said my aunt firmly," I'm just saying that when you start to deal with Joey's death, you won't feel the need to wear his jacket anymore."
I looked away again. I had said too much and had gotten myself in a n area I didn't want to get into.
"Is this what it's like?" I asked. "With your patients, I mean. Is this what therapy is like?"
"Sometimes."
"Well, it hurts."
"I know," my aunt said quietly, "Sometimes it has to."
***
i
I walked down the stairs slowly and stumbled into the kitchen, collapsing into any chair available.
"Your aunt called this afternoon," Yami said, as I managed to snag a box of Raisin Bran. "She wants you to come for dinner and stay over tonight."
"Oh."
"Do you want to go? I'm going to take an extra math class in the city and I can drop you off-"
"I don't know."
"Come on," said Yami as he flung a backpack over his shoulder," Ride with me, at least. Keep me company."
I thought about driving into the city with Yami. I thought about getting away, seeing my aunt and sinking down in the antique four-poster in her guest room. I'd never have any trouble sleeping in that bed.
"I'll go throw some clothes in my duffel bag," I said.
* * *
We were on our way by 3:30 and downtown by 4. I stared at the dreary sky and towering buildings and sighed. "I hate the winter in the city after Christmas decorations come down," I said," Everything looks so bleak and depressing."
"Have to have winter before you can have spring,." said Yami.
I looked at him.
"Just an observation. Here we are."
He swung around in front of the hospital. " See you tomorrow, Mai."
I grabbed my bag and opened the door," You too."
* * *
I took the elevator up to the psyche floor. Mrs. Getz, a friend of my aunt's was up at the nurses' station with Rosalie, the girl that Joey had teased the day I came to get my ears pierced again.
"Hi, Mrs. Getz," I said," Is my aunt around?"
"Let me go and see if she's still in her office," Mrs. Getz said as she picked up the phone. Rosalie smiled at me.
"Dr. Valentine's niece, right?"
"Yeah, that's right."
"I thought I remembered you. Where's your friend?"
I just stared at her.
"You know," she said," The guy you were with that day?"
"Oh," I said," He's an actor and he's out on tour now."
"An actor," Rosalie said ," That's really something."
"Yes," I said," It is."
I don't know why I lied to her, except it sort of made Joey alive again. In Rosalie's mind, he was on tour, acting somewhere.
"You can go into your aunt's office now, Mai," said Mrs. Getz as she hung up the phone.
"Thank, Mrs. Getz."
* * *
My aunt was sitting on the edge of her desk, flipping the pages of a magazine.
"Hi," I said, dropping my duffel bag.
"Hey," she replied as she set the magazine down," What's with you, hmm?"
"I don't know." I started tugging at the zipper on my duffel bag. " I don't know what's going on with me exactly."
I felt her hand on my forehead. "Would you let me take you down to one of the examination rooms and check you over?"
I looked t her, "Don't you ever stop being a doctor?"
She smiled as she lit a cigarette," Nope."
"I'm still going through stuff right now. I'll be okay. I can handle it"
She stared at me, "Judging by those circles under your eyes, it doesn't look like your handling anything very well."
I narrowed my eyes," Come on."
She placed a hand on my shoulder," You can't go on like this, kid, you've got to get some rest. Do you want me to give you something to help you sleep?"
"No." I started zipping and unzipping my duffel bag again." I just.want to do this on my own."
"Honey, you really need the rest."
I sat back in my chair. I was starting to feel sick. " Most of the stuff I'm handling. Most of the stuff I have under control."
She nodded," I'm going to call the pharmacy here and order you a small prescription of sleeping pills, okay?"
I sighed tiredly," Yeah, okay."
She picked up the phone," This is Dr. Valentine; I want to talk to the pharmacist, please."
My eyes wandered around my aunt's office while she talked on the phone. I remembered when I got my ears pierced with Joey in this room. Tears stung my eyes. I was remembering stuff I didn't want to remember.
I looked back at my aunt as she hung up the phone. "You must think I'm crazy or something," I said.
"No," she said," Just tired."
"Why can't I sleep?"
"I think it has something to do with stress. I don't know."
"You mean Joey?"
"Yes."
"Maybe." I cleared my throat." Listen, I need to tell you something.I need to know if you think it's sick or weird or anything."
She put down her cigarette and looked at me. "What is it?"
I went over to the window and pretended to be very interested in the traffic below. "That second night home after the accident?" I said. "I threw away Joey's jacket.but after everyone fell asleep.I went out and got it out of the garbage. I wear it to bed every night. If I can't sleep or get up, I hide it under the mattress so Yami, Yugi, and Grandpa won't see me in it." I looked at her," It's pretty strange, isn't it?"
"Why do you think wearing Joey's jacket to bed is strange?"
"I don't know.it just doesn't seem like a normal thing to do."
"I think wearing Joey's jacket is your way of holding onto him," she said, tapping her cigarette against her ashtray.
I felt heat wash over my face. "So your saying it's morbid."
"No," said my aunt firmly," I'm just saying that when you start to deal with Joey's death, you won't feel the need to wear his jacket anymore."
I looked away again. I had said too much and had gotten myself in a n area I didn't want to get into.
"Is this what it's like?" I asked. "With your patients, I mean. Is this what therapy is like?"
"Sometimes."
"Well, it hurts."
"I know," my aunt said quietly, "Sometimes it has to."
***
i