I rephrased Ayn Rand's "guiding star" quote in this chapter.

When he had been younger, Garet had often found his older sister outside late at night, enraptured with the stars that twinkled so brightly so high above their small village.

"Why do you like looking up at them so much?" he had asked once. "It's not like they ever do anything exciting." His mind just didn't understand the point and his idea of beauty differed greatly from hers.

Kay ruffled his hair, hand resting gently atop his head. He wasn't much shorter than her and would sprout up soon, she was sure. "It's just that they are always there and when I get confused or feel overwhelmed, I like to look up at them. It's hard to explain, I guess it soothes the spirit."

"So they help you with your problems?"

Kay shook her head slowly. "No, they help me get through my problems. Remember its said that 'whatever road is taken, the guiding star is always within you.' And that star will always guide you to yourself."

"I don't understand."

"It's just saying that you are the person who will have to solve your problems, even if you are receiving guidance from an outside source; in the end it's always going to be up to you."

"So, I just make my own decisions?"

"Basically, yes."

Garet sighed, still not quite following his sister's logic. "So, what does that have to do with you looking up at stars? I don't get it."

"It's just- the stars remind me of that saying and help me to remember that my choices are mine to make and the consequences are mine to deal with." She looked back out at the stars. "When I start getting upset or angry, I look up at them and I remember that. This is my life and these are my choices." Garet looked up at her blankly, before turning back to leave her and go into their house. Quietly, she called after him, "You'll understand one day."

Garet turned back and smirked. "I don't know if I want to," he teased his sister, laughing at her insulted expression.

-Ω-

Sorry, Kay, but I really wish I could say I still didn't understand, he thought, staring up at the stars his sister was so fond of. He sat with his legs stretched outwards, uncaring of how wet his pants were getting. He cracked a smile, But I do understand now. Completely. Even though it took a lot to get me to this point, I can honestly say I understand. He leaned back, resting on his hands and let the wind play with his hair, closing his eyes, keeping his face heavenwards, feeling all his problems melt away as he simply relaxed and showed nature the appreciation it deserved.

Isaac studied his friend intently for several long moments before quietly approaching him, taking care that his shoes didn't make squishy sounds when sinking into the mud. Finally, he arrived there and looked down at his friend, who seemed at complete peace with the world. Shame at the thought ate away at him and he wished he could sit like that and stare upwards with his eyes closed and look so peaceful. Clearing his throat, he gently made his presence known. "Garet?"

Eyes popped open and Garet stared up into Isaac's questioning blue ones. He didn't move and patted the ground beside him. "Need an ear?" he asked.

Isaac nodded and sat down cross-legged next to his friend. Silence hung over them for several moments before Isaac finally found the words to express himself. "How-how can I be like that?"

"Be like what?"

"You. Just now. How come you are handling this so well? And why are me and Mia handling it so horribly?" Isaac looked down at his lap, ashamed. "It's just-it's-I should be handling this better," he finished in a small voice. He didn't want to voice the reason, but figured Garet would know what he left unspoken: he had dealt with death before so why couldn't he now? Why was Garet dealing so well with it, despite not having anyone close to him die?

"Isaac, it's because we all think of you as our leader and you know your word carries more weight than ours. That's why you're taking this so hard. Plus, after everything that happened in Vale," he didn't mention Isaac's father. They both know what they were talking about. "You had always said you never wanted to go through that again."

"I know, but here we are. And I just. I don't know what to do now."

Garet turned away from the stars. "Look at me, Isaac." His friend looked away from his lap and locked onto Garet's fiery gaze. "We're here because we all choose to be. Ivan trusted you and you did the best you could."

"It was misplaced trust. You and Mia shouldn't make the same mistake."

Garet shook his head, eyes fierce and voice full of fire. "How can you say that, Isaac? How? Nobody misplaced their trust. You have the personality and qualities of a leader, otherwise none of us would have thought of you as one. Me, Mia, and Ivan all understood that this would be a dangerous mission and that there was a possibility of us losing our lives. To sit there and say such ridiculous things is an insult to Ivan's memory." He held Isaac's gaze, hoping his words would penetrate into his friend's mind. "You know everything I'm saying is true. You just don't want to admit that maybe bad things are sometimes going to happen to good people. Sometimes, it's really just bad luck, Isaac."

"I just-I don't know if I can accept that. That Ivan died because of bad luck. It just makes it seem so trivial."

"It's not trivial. I know I say luck, but it really was just bad circumstances. We can't pick those, we can only choose how to deal with them, Isaac. I know you know this because you're the one who told me that."

Isaac looked down again, sighing. "I know. It's just I feel like I chose the circumstance we were in. It feels like I chose Ivan's circumstances."

"It's not like that," Garet said with a shake of his head. "You are over-thinking this too much, Isaac. It's one of the reasons you're a good leader, but one of the reasons I worry about you. Just think of it in basics: Ivan trusted you and wanted to help, he believed you wanted the best for everyone, and was willing to die while following you. That's just what happened. Don't think about who is at fault or how you might have created a circumstance. It doesn't matter. Ivan knew all that and he was okay with it. What matters now is honoring his memory and learning from what happened. That's it."

"You make it sound so unbelievably simple and uncomplicated," Isaac said unable to resist a tiny grin.

"It is! You just have to decide to move on yourself. Ivan wouldn't want us dallying around. He's given his life for this mission now. The least we can do is complete it." Those words must have hit Isaac hard because his eyes widened and he stared at Garet as if seeing his friend for the first time. They were the eyes of the enlightened, someone who had finally experienced revelation.

"You're right. We-I can't. I've been so stupid! Of course, he died for this and, instead, I'm just sitting around beating myself up over what happened. That's just so selfish."

Garet rolled his eyes. "I'm glad you can kind of see where I'm coming from, but I don't think you entirely got the point. Don't beat yourself up for beating yourself up. The point is to let it go, not to find something else to hang onto."

Isaac laughed and it was the first time Garet had heard any real laughter from his friend since before they left the last town. It was rich, warm, and real. "You're right. I'm just looking for reasons now. I-I'm going to try. It's still hard to let go, but I'll take it a little at a time instead of holding onto it so tightly like I've been doing."

"That's good to hear. All we can do is try. Don't worry, you'll get there," Garet assured his friend, happiness lighting up his own eyes at the sight of his friend laughing.

-Ω-

Standing before the marker, Isaac finally felt full of peace. The talk with Garet must have really done some good, because he no longer felt horrible and disgusted with himself. He actually felt content. He supposed it was like Garet said: he simply had to choose how he wanted to deal with it. Long ago, Isaac had told Garet that they couldn't choose their circumstances, but the attitude in which they dealt with them. He remembered it from his mother, who had told him that after the tragic accident with his father had occurred. After a couple moments of standing there, a gentle breeze caressed his whole being, feeling nice on his skin and hair. Ivan. Did you want Garet to get through to me? I'm sorry, I've spent so much time at your grave full of such negative feelings instead of letting you rest in peace. I promise that I'll try harder from now on. Could you maybe help Mia come to terms with it, too? He left the grave, a small smile on his lips and contentedness in his eyes. Acceptance was a wonderful feeling.

Isaac had made the soup later that night. He had felt up to it and wasn't sure why, but Garet had insisted he make it. While making the meal, he had become increasingly frustrated with the weather. His hatred for it causing that monster to appear had started to soften. It now stemmed from how unbelievably difficult it was to cook under these conditions; he was surprised Garet hadn't lashed out at him or Mia for making him do this hard work for so long without any breaks. I have no idea how it was even possible that Garet cooked anything out here at all, he thought, amused. He had been trying so hard to release all those negative feelings he'd grown attached to, he wouldn't let something like having trouble cooking bring him down. Rough winds whipped past him and he smiled, finally understanding Garet's attitude towards everything. Ivan, I'm doing what I can.

-Ω-

Mia still didn't eat much soup, much to Garet's dismay. He thought for sure she'd eat more since Isaac had made it. Overjoyed at Isaac's sudden changed in attitude, he had just assumed Mia would be right around the corner. Instead, she looked worse than ever.

Mia stirred her soup tiredly. She shot both Isaac and Garet hooded glances, hoping to avoid eye contact. She had no idea what had transpired between the two, yet Isaac was in high spirits. Usually, she could find comfort that she was not the only person going through this misery and that maybe something was simply wrong with Garet, but now she could no longer feel that way. Isaac had moved on, leaving her alone in this endless misery. It was hardly fair. He and Garet were speaking and talking and chattering like they had before Ivan had passed away. It was like the last two weeks hadn't happened. Just several hours ago, Garet had to practically pry anything out of Isaac's mouth, but now Isaac was ready and completely willing to make small talk and had even encouraged her to do the same.

But I can't, she thought miserably, pretending to be fascinated with the swirls her spoon was making in her soup. She knew why Isaac had cooked and felt shame burn up in her. That was cruel to Garet and she knew it. Biting her lip, she blinked back tears, feeling her misery and shame well up in her and threaten to take over her whole being. They were like leeches, draining her of her life supply, blocking out anything else in her, but those two abhorrent feelings. Isaac and Garet deserve to be happy. I'm the one who deserves all this. They tried so hard to defeat that thing and if I had only thought things through more carefully, I would have been able to help them keep us all alive, but I'm so stupid!

Later, when they were all tucked away in their sleeping bags, she didn't even bother to try to go to sleep. Lightning didn't flash and no thunder clapped. Rain was just a pitter-patter and she felt herself burn up with worry. If Isaac was suddenly doing so much better and looking so much happier, did that mean he would finally decide they would leave this barrier if the weather allowed for it? There had been several times he could have chosen for them to run through the rain to the next town, but always found an excuse not to. It had been clear to both her and Garet, he didn't want to part with where they had put Ivan to rest, but if he had come to accept it now would he be okay with leaving?

She sat bolt upright in her sleeping bag, trying to fight down the hyperventilation she felt was forthcoming. I'm not okay with that!

Throwing her sleeping bag off her, she quickly got up and ran out the tent, Ivan's marker the only thing on her mind. She had to get there, she wasn't sure what was driving her, but she felt a deep and desperate need to be before her friend's place of eternal rest.