Authors Notes: Here's chapter three. This won't be the last chapter like I originally thought. The more I wrote the more ideas I got so added them in. I just hope my ideas are all right. Thank you everyone for reading so far, and thanks too: Defining Angel, sumi-kawaii, Crysie, Marg, Wildfirefriendship, Sophie V, nEo-cHan, Debra, Angel of peace, Hitori and yamatoforever for reviewing chapter 2. I was really surprised by the number of reviews I got. 22 reviews for two chapters! *blushes* Arigatou gozaimasu! ^_^
I apologise for any spelling/ grammar errors there may be. I hope this chapter is all right.
Disclaimer: I do not own Digimon. Please do not sue.
The loneliness joy brings Chapter three: To smile or cry?
After the phone call with Taichi, Yamato's day had gone in very slowly. Tensely he had told his father that he had decided to stay with Taichi when he had come home. Funnily enough that night had been one of the few nights when Mr. Ishida finished work at the normal working times. He called Taichi back later that night, just like the brunette had told him to do so they could arrange things like what he was to bring and how long his father would be away for. Mr. Ishida reckoned he would return on the night of the 26th, but for some reason if he had to stay there longer, the Yagami family welcomed Yamato to stay there as long as he needed until his father came back home.
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Yamato let out a small sigh as the car pulled up outside Taichi's apartment building. "Thanks Dad." He bided as he went to open the car door.
"Hey how about I come up with you?" offered his father giving his son a small smile.
Yamato shook his head. "It's okay, you need to hurry and I can manage myself."
Mr. Ishida frowned. "I could always help you up with your luggage. It may be heavy."
"Otou-san, its only one bag."
"Oh right. Well in just wanted to make sure everything was all right. Hey you know maybe-"
"Okay, okay you can come up, but remember your train leaves soon and you don't want to be late."
The man glanced at his watch and a look of shock came upon his face. "Holy crap, you're right! God, I better hurry up. Come on hurry up and get out of the car!" he yelled slamming the car door shut. Quickly he grabbed his son and Yamato's bag and rushed him up the flight of stairs.
Both stood gasping for breath as they rang the doorbell. Mrs.Yagami opened the door, kindly flashing them both a smile. "Yamato-kun, Ishida-san, welcome. Come right in."
"Sor-sorry I can't really stay long, I'm in a hurry." The man stated still trying to maintain more air.
"Oh I see. Well don't worry, we'll take good care Yamato-kun while you're away."
"Thank you so much for offering to look after Yamato while I'm gone."
"Oh it's out pleasure. Besides Taichi's really looking forward to it." She replied turning her glance towards Yamato. "Wait there and I'll shout on him."
"Taichi hurry up, Yamato is here!"
The annoyed brunette stuck his head out behind his door. "Mum what is-" His face brightened instantly as he suddenly spotted Yamato's presence. "Yamato you're here!" Quickly he ran towards the door giving his friend a huge smile. Funnily enough Yamato felt blushes rise upon his cheeks. "Kon-Konnichiwa."
"Well I'd better be going now." Announced Mr. Ishida.
"Good bye sir." Said Taichi.
The man smiled. "Thank you Taichi-kun for being such a good friend to my son."
Taichi's cheeks turned red. "No-no problem." Yamato too found himself embarrassed by his father's words.
"Well son, I hope you have a good time."
"Yeah."
Both Ishida's stared at each other for a few moments, both unsure of how to act or what to do. Most people usually hug and say goodbye when leaving their families, yet this was something they were not accustomed too. Instead Mr. Ishida held out his hand to his son, and in turn Yamato took it.
"Sayonara."
"Hai, sayonara."
Taichi and his mother were quite surprised about their interaction towards each other even though they knew they shouldn't have been. Both knew of Yamato and his father's situation. The man spent so much time at work that his son barely knew him, and in turn he barely knew his son. Yamato didn't know his mother well either as she had chosen to live quite a distance away. Secretly Taichi knew that Yamato wasn't to fond of his mother. She seemed like a nice enough woman, yet Taichi knew that Yamato had taken his parents divorce hard and this in turn most likely changed the view he held of her. Thankfully Yamato's encounter in the Digital world had brought him closer together with his younger brother Takeru. Now the pair was as close as could be. The only problem was they barely got to spend time together as Takeru lived with his mother; each parents taking a child to care for after the divorce. Even more saddening however was that Takeru was one of the most important things in Yamato's life and yet again he had been taken away from him.
It was at that moment Taichi finally realised how agonising Yamato's life really was. As he watched Mr. Ishida leave he swore to himself that he would make this Yamato's best Christmas ever no matter what.
"Oh Yamato let me take your coat." Mrs. Yagami offered kindly. Yamato was quite sure she was trying to hide the pity she felt her him. The thought of someone feeling sorry for him bothered Yamato greatly, even to the point were he wanted to scream. Nobody had really felt sorry for him. Not until he had become friends with the other chosen children. Slowly he began to wonder what friendship really brought him. Not happiness, not security, but pity…
"Yama?" Taichi suddenly awoke him from his pessimistic thoughts. He frowned. Even Taichi pitied him. His once declared enemy pitied him. It really was sickening. Taichi gazed at the blond boy sadly. Gently he placed a hand upon Yamato's shoulder. "Yamato are you all right?"
Suddenly Yamato realised that he was behaving stupidly. If he really wanted people to stop pitying him then he had to stop pitying himself. He forced a smile upon his lips and nodded. "Yep I'm fine." Partly this was a lie, but he no longer wished to worry Taichi.
"Great, lets go into my room."
"Oh do you boy's want anything to eat?" called Mrs. Yagami as they ran off towards Taichi's room.
Taichi stopped and turned around. Sarcastically he said, "We don't want to poison Yamato just yet. We should at least wait until dinner." With that he shut the door leaving his annoyed mother.
Giving a huge sigh Yamato threw his bag on to Taichi's bed along with himself. In away, Taichi's bedroom was like a second home to him. With Taichi he knew he was always welcomed here. Or at least this is what he hoped. Taichi suddenly leapt on to the bed beside Yamato flashing him a huge smile. Yamato couldn't help but laugh. Maybe he was just being to over dramatic about everything lately.
Taichi's my friend, not my enemy. He's only pitying me cause he's worried about me. That's what friends do, they worry and care about each other. Yes, Taichi cares about me…
These five small words were enough to make Yamato's heart melt. But at the same time, this troubled him. If he had Taichi then why did he feel so depressed? Why did he feel so alone?
I don't want to be alone! I don't want to be alone! I want to have friends! I want to be happy! I don't want to be alone! I don't want to be alone! I want my Taichi!
Yamato's eyes shot open. "Yamato? Yamato! What's wrong?!" cried Taichi gently shaking him. "Tell me what's wrong!"
The blond boy blinked and faced him. "Taichi?"
"Yes? Yes was is it?" To Taichi's surprise, a smile came upon his friend's face. It looked odd at first but as he looked deeper he realised how much it suited his friend. For it was a smile he had not seen for a long time. Suddenly Yamato leapt on top of him. Taichi stared at him in bewilderment. Perhaps Yamato was finally showing signs of happiness? Was Yamato finally happy? He greatly hoped so, and there was in no way he was going to deny the boy the joy he greatly deserved.
Laughing Taichi pushed him back. "Hah no one can up to the almighty Yagami Taichi!"
The blonde laughed back. "Sure about that goggle boy?" he replied jumping back on top of the brunette.
"Perhaps I've finally found a worthy opponent."
"Worthy? Come on, I'm way out of your league!"
"Is that so, blondey?"
"I'm afraid so goggle head, now prepare to face my wrath!" Playfully the two boys began to wrestle. Taichi was a lot stronger than Yamato, but the blond held up on his own. Taichi was extremely grateful to see a smile on his friend's face.
Yamato be happy…Please be happy…for me….
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"That- that's the presents you wrapped up?" asked Yamato amazed at how badly Taichi had wrapped the gifts he had bought for his family.
"Hai." Replied Taichi giving a nod.
Yamato sweat dropped. "Um Taichi you uh haven't had much practice at wrapping gifts have you?"
"Hey what's that supposed to mean?!" He stopped and sighed. "You're right, they look like crap. My cat Meeko could probably wrap them better than me."
Yamato gave a small chuckle. "Well I'm not going to deny you any of those facts, but remember it's the thought of the present that counts."
The brunette nodded. "I guess you're right. I just hope they like their gifts."
"What did you get them anyway?"
"I got my Okaa-san a cook book. I flipped through it before I bought it though to make sure there weren't any new ways she could poison us."
Yamato suddenly felt his stomach churn. In the past he had always tried to avoid eating dinner with the Yagami's. It wasn't that he didn't like them. After all they were actually really nice people. But of course Mrs. Yagami's cooking wasn't that great. One night when he had his dinner there Taichi's mum had made her own recipe. She and Mr. Yagami were actually the only ones who liked it, something that Yamato found oddly disgusting. He was sick for two days after it and ended up missing the next couple of days of school. He never told Taichi the real reason why he stayed off though. The reason hadn't been because he didn't want to offend his mothers cooking in front of him, hell Taichi complained about it all the time, but if he had told him, then Taichi would no doubt complain to his mother saying that he got Yamato sick. She of course would get worked up about it and become upset, something which Yamato didn't want. Taichi on the other hand would class it as a way to get his mother to stop creating her own recipes.
Noticing that he had phased off again Yamato asked Taichi what he got his father.
"A tool box. The only problem is my dad is terrible as fixing things!"
Yamato laughed mockingly. "So your mum can't cook and you dad is crap at fixing things. What are you going to be like when you grow up then?"
"Hey I'm better at my parents at stuff like that!"
Yamato gave small smile of reassurance. "Yes, I know you are. I was only kidding."
This in turn made Taichi blush. Trying to change the situation as quickly as possible he added that he still hadn't wrapped Hikari's present. "I- I was wondering, well um since I'm really bad at wrapping presents and well you're really good. I was wondering if maybe you wanted to help me wrap it up?"
The blond smiled sweetly. "Of course."
"Great!" Taichi ran to his drawer and took out his sisters present. Quickly he ducked under his bed pulling out some wrapping and sellotape. "Um I still need to find some scissors." He stated rummaging through the pile of junk left on his desk.
As if on cue, Hikari came running into the room. "Hello!"
Taichi groaned. "Hikari what are you doing here?"
"I came to say hello to Yamato since he would be staying with us, plus I wanted to find out what you were doing."
"Figures. Well that's none of your business so go away!"
She sighed and folded her arms. "Onii-san had became so grumpy since we returned from the Digital world."
"Hey that's not true!"
Yamato gave a small laugh as he watched the pair argue. He wondered if he and Takeru lived together would they have acted like this?
"Hey Yamato's what's that?" the little girl asked curiously as she knelt down on to the floor beside him.
"Huh? It's uh nothing!" he cried quickly trying to hide her gift behind his back.
As before her face lit up. "It's my present isn't it?"
"What? No- no it isn't!"
She moved closer to Yamato, putting on a sweetingly sick innocent face. "Oh please Yamato. Please let me see it?"
"Hikari get out of here, you'll get your presents tomorrow like everybody else!" yelled Taichi moving across the room.
"Oh yeah I'll wait patiently just like you when you trashed the house the other day looking for your presents." She said with a hint of sarcasm. "You couldn't even find any I might add."
"That's it!" Yamato laughed loudly as he watched Taichi chase his little sister about the room. He had to admit on Hikari's part, it was a good comeback.
"Ahh Taichi stop it!" Grabbing his sister, the brunette tossed her out the room. Hikari stuck her tongue out at him just as he shut the door.
He sighed, placing his hand on his forehead. "Little sisters how annoying."
"Brown headed goggle boys, how annoying." chuckled Yamato. Like his sister, Taichi stuck his tongue out, making Yamato laugh even more.
Unlike the day before, today passed by quite quickly for Yamato. For the most he tried to ignore his worries and act happy. It was obvious that Taichi had invited him here to try cheer him up and of course he didn't want Taichi's efforts to go in vain, so most of the day he kept a smile on his face, sometimes real, sometimes fake. Taichi was still going on about how much he wanted a playstation 2. Taichi was a video-game fanatic and ultimately became jealous of those who could beat him in video games. Yamato himself had never really taken an interest in playing such things. Often he would play Taichi, but could never seem to find the joy Taichi got from playing them. It was clear that Yamato's interests lay somewhere else.
"Kids its time for dinner!"
Taichi let out a loud groan. "Okay Yamato prepared to be poisoned."
"Um Taichi your mum isn't using any of her own recipes today is she?" Yamato asked nervously.
"God I hope not… Anyway we better go."
Mrs. Yagami greeted them kindly as they sat down at the table. "Oh Yamato-kun your father brought your presents last night. Just thought I'd tell you in case you thought you weren't going to get any tomorrow."
"Oh. Thanks." The thought of presents had not yet crossed his mind. Truthfully he was surprised that his father has even bothered to bring them over.
"I'll put them out with Taichi and -" Suddenly she stopped catching a glance at her daughter. "Oh I uh mean Santa Claus will bring your presents along with Taichi's and Hikari's."
"Okaa-san I'm ten years old. I don't believe in Santa Claus!" yelled Hikari in embarrassment.
"Oh no dead don't say that or Santa will only bring you coal." Both Taichi and Yamato sweat dropped.
Thankfully the meal that Mrs. Yagami had prepared was quite nice seeing that she had followed the recipe book this time. Curiously Yamato gazed around at Taichi and his family. They were all laughing and smiling. They were happy. It suddenly occurred to Yamato how different he was from these people, how much he didn't fit in, how he didn't belong here.
This is all out of pity I know, but I'm sure I'm all ready aware of that fact.
No Taichi cares about!
Of course he does, he's my best friend, but that doesn't mean to say that he's not doing this out of pity. After all, does his family care about you as much as he does?
Yamato was unsure of how to answer his other self. Instead he remained silent.
I didn't think so… I don't belong here and I know it. That's why I hate it so much here. That's why I always try to hide behind that smile! Face it I'm not wanted. Nobody wants poor Yama around.
No they-
That's why Otou-san went on that trip. That's why he forced me here. After all why do you think if I stayed here it would put his mind at rest? That way he wouldn't have to look at me. That way he wouldn't need to be so disgusted with my patheticness!
Stop it!
Not even mummy invites me to spend Christmas with her! Does that prove that I am not wanted? I'm depressed all the time because I feel sorry for myself and this in turn drives me away from people. I don't want to be with them and they don't want to be with me, just like Taichi.
No Taichi's my best friend! He's my-
Then why do I want to runaway? Why do I want to run from the very person I've longed for, for so long?!
Shut up!
His other self snickered in amusement. Because I know that I don't belong! I want it yet I can't face it! And because of this I deny the very thing I want the most!
Shut up! Just leave me the hell alone!
How can I leave you alone when I am you?
Just stop it! I don't want to hear any of this!
Poor little me, nobody wants me around, not Taichi, not even myself!
NOOOOOOOO BE QUIET!
"Yamato? Yamato!"
"Huh?" Instantly Yamato awoke from the brutal argument he was having with himself and looked up. Taichi and his whole family were staring at him strangely. Yamato turned bright red. "So- sorry I guess I wandered into a daydream. I – I'm okay. Sorry for interrupting your dinner."
Taichi gave him a sympathetic smile. "I'm glad you're okay."
"Yamato are you sure you're all right? Is it my cooking? Is it bad?" Mrs. Yagami asked anxiously.
Quickly the blond boy shook his head. "No you're uh cooking it's really nice And I'm really okay, my mind just wandered off, it tends to happen a lot. Sorry."
"That's a relief. I uh mean it's a relief that you're okay, not that my cooking is okay, of course." The woman stuttered giving an awkward laugh.
Taichi frowned and gazed at Yamato as everyone started to eat again. I know you're lying Yamato. I'm not as stupid as people like to think. I know there is something wrong with you. You are my best friend so I know. How couldn't I know? You're not alone. You have me. You are my best friend and you always will be no matter what. I know you better than any other living human yet there is so much I still don't know about you. You are so secretive, but I accept this. But why, why won't you tell me? Why are you hiding so many secrets from me? Then again I guess I have no right to complain, because I myself am holding a secret from you, a big secret. Yet the longer and longer I keep it inside, the more and more it hurts me. Doesn't it hurt you Yamato? Doesn't it hurt that you're hiding so many secrets from the world? Perhaps you're even hiding them from yourself. I suppose this makes you sad, doesn't it? This is why you are sad.
You've held a smile on that beautiful face of yours for so long. And it hurts me knowing that that smile is once again lost to your own suffering. If you'd let me in, I'd make the pain go away. That way you wouldn't hurt so badly. That way you'd be happy. But I suppose that all depends upon how you feel about me. For the darkest secret that I hold concerns you.
I've never felt this way before, never in my life. And despite having to previous experience, I definitely know what it is. But I'm afraid Yamato, I'm afraid of what it means. Every time I see you I smile. An exhilarating feeling of warmth consumes my body as I run to you desperate to hear your voice. I am at my happiness when I see you, yet on the inside I am partly shaking. I want to tell you, yet I can't.
It's funny really. When I was younger I used to think the world was so simple, or to put it plainly, boring. But then of course I got transported to the Digital world and discovered that life isn't always what it appears to be. Many obstacles stood in out way when striving for peace in the Digital world. So many monsters, so many battles, so much evil… Everything seemed so hopeless at this point, yet still I tried my best to encourage everyone to keep on going. And as the days, weeks and months rolled in I started to learn more and more about myself. There were so many things I took for granted back then, including you.
It's hard to believe that just two years ago I acted like I hated you. Times sure have changed. Awhile I go I used to secretly wonder how you though about me. I mean if you really saw me as a friend. Now I realise how stupid I was to even think it. You're definitely not the kind of person to lead another person on then dump them. When I realised this, I finally discovered that I thought of you not just as a friend but as something much more. Just as I will always be your friend, I swear I will always love you. I'll love you no matter what Yamato. What I'm saying right now might sound a bit corny, but all of it is true.
I love you Yamato and it pains me see you like this, It pains me more than you could ever imagine. I just want to see that smile on your face. I want you to be happy. I want us to be happy together. Please Yamato release your anguish, drown your sorrows upon me. I promise to make everything all better again, just show me your smile. I'll make you happy. I'll make you love me. I'll make the pain go away….
Authors Notes: I hope this chapter was okay. Sorry if the part when Yamato was debating within about how he felt, was slightly weird. Ah I've been watching too watch Evangelion lately. Oh well, I find the series very inspirational for writing. But of course who could resist such a wonderful anime. *glomps Shinji-kun* ^_^ I hope you have enjoyed reading this so far. I'm pretty sure the next chapter will be the last. Reviews, and advice about how I can approve are appreciated very much. Thank you for reading.