I need a break! I need a break from the sap! Too much cuteness! Kawaii over-load! MAAAAHHH….ok. What I'm trying to say is if I have to write another 'awwww' scene today, I'm either going to be violently ill or go into spastic twitching. This story needs action or something.
Nail: YEAH!
Kit: Be quiet you! But anyway, I'm delighted, honored, and a donut you all like my story.
Kami: A donut?
Kit: Did I just say that out loud? Err, what I mean to say was….nahh… I mean 'donut'.
Kami and Nail: ^_^;;;
Kit: So this is what I call the "Nail and Kami Interlude". I've gotten several comments on how people like these how body-less Namek's comments, and I'm in a zany mood. I NEED to write humor. So now, without further ado, straight from the Monkey's computer to yours….THE INTERLUDE!
Piccolo: Why am I scared?
Kit: From now on, I have a feeling that several years may pass between each chapter (excluding the OTHER interlude I have planned). So SURE, Meece may be all cute and small now, but wait until she turns 13 and hits her teenaged years. Wait until she learns to drive, discovers the wonders of cell phones (HAHA! Goten!), and becomes obsessed with shoes.
Piccolo: You are just mean.
5/23/02
Touch Tones - The Interlude
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Buried deep within the psyche of Piccolo, two distinct personalities reigned. One was a wise and caring soul, and the other…well…he was watching Karate Kid again.
"Love of Dende! How many times are you going to watch that show, Nail?" Kami asked, allowing his spiritual body to relax. To relax and fight the reflex of smacking the other namek upside the head.
"Enough times." Nail said, watching the show with interest. The one unique thing about Namek's communication is their antenna can pick up the low wave frequency that TV's broadcast, and he had tuned Piccolo's antenna to pick up the Karate Kid. Piccolo was currently contemplating the purpose of life, which made it easy for Nail to manipulate his body.
"You've seen it seven times!" Kami protested.
Nail chuckled. "Wax on. Wax off! I swear, these humans are so funny." Kami rubbed his wrinkly forehead. He was getting a headache, much like the one Piccolo did when they would harass him. If there was one weakness Nail had, it was his addiction to television. By the dragon! He was always talking about this 'Survivor' show or 'The Weakest Link'. Kami had yet to learn what they were all about, other than humans. Of course, Nail's impressions of the human who would say "You are the weakest link, bye bye" was getting VERY annoying.
Kami lowered himself to begging. "Nail, please, can you stop watching the television for at least an hour?"
"Can't stop. Miyagi-san is spouting zen-like wisdom. Hey, Kami. Why don't YOU say stuff like that?" His eyes glued onto the image --which was projected using some of Piccolo's telepathy (without him knowing)-- Nail looked like anything short of an avalanche wouldn't tear his eyes away.
"What? You want me to say, 'Strike hard, strike first, no mercy sir?'." Kami groaned.
"Hey! How'd YOU know that line?" Nail jerked his attention from the show. "Have you been watching this behind my back again? You crafty old fossil!"
"What?!" Kami roared, or tried to. After all, when you are nearly 100 years old, you sound like a rock on sandpaper.
Then the booming voice that was Piccolo echoed throughout the spiritual realm where Nail and Kami dwelled. *Shit! Can't you two shut up!!* He growled. *You are going to disturb Meece and you've already bothered my training.*
"Ahh, sorry, Daniel-san. But you need to pay attention to your spiritual training rather than us, or you will never advance." Nail waved one finger from side to side. Piccolo probably wanted to repeat that gesture, but with a different finger….
*Kami, why did he just call me Daniel-sa….oh shit. He's watching 'Karate Kid' again, isn't he.* Piccolo groaned. Kami nodded, knowing Piccolo would detect the motion.
"Hey, at least we got him off that Superman addiction a while back." The elder namek sighed. "If I had to see him running around in those red and blue pajamas with his underpants on the outside, I was going to pull my antenna off." Piccolo withdrew his mind fully and began to meditate using all his energy. Nail quickly peeled his attention from the show and smiled in a way that can only be called 'evil-and-potentially-plotting-something'. He quickly prepared himself for meditation too.
"Nail. What are you doing?" Kami quickly recovered, almost afraid to know the answer. But Nail ignored him and dove deeper into his meditation. Pressing his mind out he located Meece not too far away. The child was never far away from Piccolo, but he had a rather mischievous plan.
*Meece, can you hear me?* He sent. Nail wasn't as skilled as Piccolo or Kami with telepathy, and just sending a message to another room was a struggle.
'Hai! Meece hears you, Nail-san.' Meece replied. An image projected itself, allowing Nail to see Meece and what she was doing. As expected, she was coloring a picture with markers, since she hadn't moved in the past hour.
Nail smirked. *I need a favor from you.*
'Favor?' Meece tipped her head to the side in a 'confused puppy' gesture.
*Yes. Can you bring some of your markers to Piccolo? I need you to put a few of them into his hands while he meditates.* Nail nearly laughed, but then Meece would only get confused. *Oh, and suppress your chi, hide it. It's…. a game.* He smiled winningly at the child. Meece's image nodded before flickering out. Slowly her chi began to draw closer, but then vanished entirely as she hid her energy.
"Nail, I know what you are up to, and Piccolo will find a way to get even." Kami warned, wishing with all his might that he didn't share a body with this other namek.
"Lighten up. It's not going to kill him." Nail flicked one eye open to stare at Kami before returning to meditation. Meece was placing a black and red marker into each of Piccolo's hands. He gave no notice of the girl and continued his own contemplation. It was time for Nail's plan.
Funneling himself into Piccolo's body, he felt his arms and legs tingle as he concentrated. It was like putting on a wetsuit, he was now 'wearing' Piccolo's body. Nail lifted one hand, experimentally, and was delighted to see the arm raise. Meece had left the room, giving Piccolo his privacy again. It was the perfect time…for revenge. "BWHAHAHAHAAAA…"
Five minutes passed.
"...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
"Can you please stop laughing like that? It's very unnerving." Kami said, his back to Nail as the namek manipulated Piccolo's body. In his own mind Kami kept repeating 'out of sight, out of mind. Out of sight, out of mind'.
"Oh, sorry." Nail winced, making the few final strokes with the maker in Piccolo's hand. The body was slowly becoming heavier and heavier to move. If he didn't finish within the next minute, his mind would be unable to control the body any longer.
One squiggly wrist movement later, he was done. And not a moment too soon, for Piccolo's consciousness was slowly returning to his mortal shell. "My job here is done!" Nail announced, pulling himself to the further recesses of Piccolo's mind. "If you need to find me, I'll be hiding in the proverbial, spiritual closet."
Kami rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Nail, if you hadn't fused with Piccolo, I'd say you would be a dead namek." Nail giggled, and honest to Dende giggle, and vanished. "Meece, I think you are rubbing off on him way too muck." He moaned. Not even him, the ex-Guardian of earth, knew just what Nail had done during the brief time he seized control of the body. But it couldn't be good, especially not by the way Nail was giggling like a schoolgirl.
With a surging well of strength, Kami felt Piccolo reclaim his senses and begin to move on his own. He wisely kept quiet, curious to what Nail had done during the time Piccolo was meditating. Perhaps there was a way to figure out. He stretched his mind out like a rubber band, testing the long unused long-distance telepathy. Seeking out Meece, he found her now with Dende during her lessons. And as much as he really hated to interrupt…
*Meece, I have a favor to ask of you.* Kami asked politely.
'Another favor? One from Nail-san and now one from Kami-sama? You must be busy!' Meece answered back. Kami felt the irritated poke of Dende's mind, telling him he wasn't thrilled the lesson had been interrupted.
*I know. But could you go and look at Piccolo. Tell me what is around him. Something has changed and I'd like to know what.* Kami smiled. Yes, in Piccolo's own words, he was a 'curious old fart'. He felt Meece approaching, and at the same time could feel Piccolo's attention quickly rivet to the girl. There was no doubt, not matter how he tried to hide it from the outside world, Piccolo's every moment was spent worrying and thinking about her.
Meece's light footfalls thudded down the hall, growing louder and faster. Seconds later the door burst open, Piccolo expecting it and waiting with a blank expression. Meece prepared herself for standard maneuver: dive and glomp Piccolo, but froze in place. Almost instantly Kami felt a visible wave of fear hit Piccolo; Meece never hesitated to hug him. Quickly, Piccolo cast a very quick glance around the room, but found nothing out of the ordinary. Yet the girl continued to stare at him with a look of pure shock, horror, and amusement.
"What? Meece, what is it?" Piccolo spoke, concern tinting his voice.
Meece's jaw seemed to be coming unhinged as her eyebrows shot up. Dende came in behind her, wondering where his Guardian-in-training pupil got off too. But the second he saw Piccolo sitting on the floor he also joined Meece in the totally shocked expression. Dende seemed to swallow any words he was going to say and their voices died before they could even form a sentence.
Kami twitched an antenna. "Nail, what on earth did you do?" He asked. His only response was the other namek trying to muffle a snicker.
"Pa…pa." Meece got out, stepping closer but with the same wide eyed expression.
"What?!" Piccolo had to restrain himself to keep from roaring and demanding what was the matter.
"What happened…to Papa's face?" Meece reached up and one of her small hands caught onto his antenna, pulling it down to his eye level. Piccolo's eyes, and Kami's spiritual ones, nearly bugged out. The antenna was now red at the tip and black checkered all the way up.
"WHAT THE HELL!?!?" Piccolo roared, jumping up. He stomped to the bathroom, and threw open the door. The mirror in the bathroom told him the horrible story on what had happened. Not only were his antenna 'desecrated', but his whole face as well! Someone had drawn all over him! He had the 'Majin' sign on his forehead in black, and a big red clown nose painted on. Someone had written "BAKA" on his cheek, and drew a peace sign on the other. What the hell was this?! Someone even drew a bulls eye on the top of his head?! Who would do something like this?! He was meditating the whole time, so how could….
……*Naaaaail.* Piccolo drawled.
"Busted." Nail said from his mental hiding place.
*Oh, Nail, Kami. You wouldn't have any clue one who wrote on my face…would you?* Piccolo's voice was low, yet almost sickly sweet. Oh, Nail was in big trouble.
Nail remained silent, probably pulling the ole' "If you can't see me, I'm invisible" routine. "Err, Piccolo? I believe, with all truth, that Nail is the one who did it. I actually warned him not to do it." Kami said, hoping to save his own skin.
"Tattle-tale." Nail growled. Now Piccolo was left with the problem of getting the marker off his face and punishing Nail. He smirked broadly, yes, he would punish Nail and he would NEVER forget it.
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A vigorous face scrubbing later, Piccolo had all the marks down to a faint to nonexistent trace. Meece and Dende were forced to retreat from the room or risk bursting out laughing in his presence. Of all the marks that he couldn't get off, it was the one that read "BAKA" over his cheek. God dammit! If possible, Piccolo would kill Nail!
'No,' He smirked, 'I'll torture him.' He made his way to Meece's room where she had a few human luxuries. The young girl had a TV, a tape player, a VCR, and something she called a 'computer' that Gohan had got her. He had seen her use them a few times, but still had no clue how to turn most of them on.
'Meece, come here.' He sent out. Meece's guardian practice was long over and she was now studying from a textbook. He heard her positive response and she entered her room a minute later. A small smile flitted over her lips as she noticed that the word "BAKA" was still visible. But she carefully masked the smile, turning it into a semi-smirk.
"Hai, papa?" She looked up at him, wondering slightly what he was doing his her room.
"Turn your TV on and put on that video you like so much." He sat on the floor in meditative position.
Meece cocked her head to the side, green hair falling into her eyes. "But, Meece thought Papa hated it." She scratched her head. Piccolo waved his hand dismissing her comment. The young girl gave a squeal and dove to her video rack, pulling out a tape that Bra had given her. 'Squirrel Salami and the Whammie Blammie', it was both of their favorites and they had the stamina and guts to watch it continuously. Personally, if Piccolo had to watch it just once more he was going to blow the TV up. But this time, he wasn't going to be the one watching it.
*So, Nail, you want temporary control of my body?* Piccolo smirked.
"This can't be good." Nail whimpered.
"I warned you!" Kami sighed. "And I'm meditating now. I have a bad feeling about this."
*All right, I'll give you control for the next 45 minutes. I hope you enjoy watching 'Squirrel Salami and the Whammie Blammie',* Piccolo smirked.
Nail's jaw dropped and he adopted a look of terror. "No! You can't!" He protested. For someone who loved TV, Nail had also learned to fear 'Squirrel Salami and the Whammie Blammie'. Piccolo pulled himself out of his body to the spirit realm, and jerked Nail's consciousness into it. He tried to stand the body up and run off, but he found Piccolo still had control of the legs and he couldn't move. Meece was bouncing on the floor with excitement as the video came on.
"Hey, there-was-this-squirrel,-and-he-crossed-the-street,-and-he-didn't-get-hit-by-a-car-and-he-went-'Weeeee'!" Meece began to sing the lyrics. The most annoying part of the show was the theme song and it sounded like it was being sung by men who had been kicked in the nuts and then played in fast forward. In fact, if it weren't for the words printed at the bottom of the screen, they wouldn't even be able to understand the words to the song. So, for the next forty-five minutes, Nail was forced to watch the adventures of Squirrel Salami.
*Kami…. I think I'm having seizures.* Nail whimpered, the video was finally finished. *I don't think I've ever been through such a grueling 45 minutes.* But Kami wasn't listening. He was meditation just like Piccolo was, and praying he didn't hear the annoying show. When Nail felt Piccolo push him out of the body, he quickly, and gladly left control.
Meece was grinning ear to ear once the video was done. 'That was fun, Papa! Meece love Squirrel Salami!' She bounced to her feet, jumping around like a puppy who had to use the bathroom. Piccolo smirked and left the room, sniggering as he heard Nail whimpering.
"Come on, now Piccolo, that was pretty mean of you." Kami scolded. There was a short pause. "But I suppose he did deserve it."
"Mine eyes! Mine eyes hath seen hell itself!" Nail cried. Piccolo, once again, ignored them. Nail began to howl as the infectiously annoying song got stuck in his head. "…and-he-went-'Weeeee'!… Ahh! Kami! Help me!" He pleaded.
Shaking his head, Kami held up his hands, "I'm sorry Nail. But you made your bed, and you have to lay in it."
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So now you may wonder, what do two beings, both lacking in bodies, do when they are trapped in the physical shell of an overly cranky namek? Well, most of the time they play Charades and contemplate the meaning of life, but recently Nail had addicted Kami to Dungeons and Dragons.
"My Paladin wields the +4/+4 sword of light, and attacks the dragon." Kami rolled the dice. 'Spiritual' Dice, after all, they had no bodies to speak of, so all of the things they were using were created from the astral world.
Nail looked at the stats sheet. "The dragon is blinded by the light and dealt a fatal blow!" He announced, pushing the little dragon figure over. Ironically, it looked like Shenlong… The two of them had been involved in what they called a "D&D death Marathon". Basically, the first one to say 'I can't take it anymore! I'm tired of D&D!' loses. And while Kami did have unearthly patience, Nail was more youthful.
"HAHA! Take that, Lawful Good! Chaotic neutral wins again!" Nail cheered as one of his legions of orcs finally slaughtered Kami's Paladin. Of course, Nail had set himself up and Kami quickly sent out his light/dark elves to take care of the problem. And then the real trouble began.
"What?! Nail, this dice isn't a normal 12-sided cube! It's rigged!" Kami held up the cube, showing it was missing several important numbers. Nail began to whistle and twiddle his thumbs. Of course, the whistling hurt both of their ears and they fell over.
*What the hell was that noise!?* Piccolo's voice boomed in their mental realm (pun intended).
Kami stuck a finger into his ear and tried to clear out the ringing noise. "WHAT?" He yelled.
"Did he just ask us about 'the well fuzz at boys'?" Nail winced, his own ears ringing.
*WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT NOISE?!* Piccolo roared.
"WHAT?" Kami yelled again, his ears still ringing.
Nail blinked. "Oooohh! I see! That noise was someone whistling. Musta been Kami."
"WHAT?" Shouted Kami.
Meece's voice chimed into the conversation. 'Nail-san. You shouldn't whistle. Papa's ears are sensitive. Gohan told Meece that it hurt really bad when he whistled.' Nail nodded dumbly, enduring her light lecture.
"WHAT?" Kami's hearing still hadn't returned.
'And if you don't stop being bad, Meece will put you in time out!' She threatened. No one really knew just how she would put them into 'time-out', but then again, no one really wanted to find out either.
"Did she just say she'll give us trout?" Kami raised one eyeridge in confusion.
*CLEAR OUT YOUR EARS YOU OLD FOOL!* Piccolo shouted, making the astral zone where Nail and Kami dwelled actually shake with the volume.
"Oi! I heard you, Piccolo. No need to yell." Kami waved his hand. Nail fell over and Piccolo began muttering something about Kami going senile. Meece's consciousness remained in the astral realm for a moment longer before dissipating, giggling madly. Silence reigned over the spirit world for a moment.
"So." Nail sighed, slumping against a nonexistent wall.
"So?" Kami cast a glance back at him and continued to clear out his ears. Yet another pause.
"Care to join me in nagging on Piccolo?"
"Of course."