Title: Tell me the truth I know
Author: zara22 (zara22@azet.sk)
Post Beneath You, season 7 Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I owe nothing, everything belongs to Joss and co.
Tell me the truth I know
After the confession Spike made in church, I had to think a lot about recent events. I was just walking, no real destination, I don't think I was really thinking where I was going. It didn't matter. My mind was too busy with all these events that happened these past few days. I was playing them over and over in my head, everything what happened ... the weird encounter with Spike in the school basement, his crazy behaving, the strange argument Spike had with Anya , and the screaming when he realised he hurt the guy. And at last the whole soul speech and the resting part on a cross. I was shocked, ashamed and petrified at the same time. What should I do? He throw himself at a cross and I run away, great solution Buffy, again something I can be proud of. By the way where I am? Just fantastic, I am on the other side of city, walking opposite from my house. I think Anya lives somewhere near. Poor thing, left at altar, she still hasn't coped with this situation. And becoming vengeance demon didn't help it either .... I stop dead in tracks. Oh my God. Anya. The argument. It was about his soul. She noticed it immediately. How is it possible that I didn't get it sooner? Of course she knew it, she is all demony again, she could see it in him. I don't know how but I am suddenly standing before her door. I'm totally frozen and can bring myself to knock. Why am I so nervous? It's just Anya for god sake. Yeah, Anya who knows too much. But what if she saw something else? What if he is lying to me? My thoughts are frantically going through my head. What if ... that's the worst at the whole thing. I know he told me the truth. But then why am I here? I am rudely pulled out of my thought. The door bursts open and very pissed off Anya is glaring at me.
- What do you want Buffy ? I took the wish back. That guy is human again, so I don't see any reason for you being here. Not that I'll have serious problems because of it with D'Hoffryn but also you have to lurk after me. I want you to leave. We are not friends anymore Buffy.
She stops and for a while it seems she is considering something.
- The only acceptable reason for you being here is a wish.
- wish?
I really don't get what is she talking about
- You know, some pretty horrible nasty wish I can fulfil for you
- I don't think ...
She cuts me off before I can say more
- so then go home and let me be ....
She is ready to slap the door in my face but I react quickly and stops it just and the door hits my leg. I start to be angry myself. I'm not here to argue with her just to clear few thing out. I don't want to blame her or threaten her with anything. She has no right to behave like that.
- So you are angry, but why are you angry at me? I am not the reason you are all vengeance again. I am not the one who left you. In fact I am the one who has the right to be angry.
I am yelling at her but I don't even notice it.
- You think I don't have a reason to be here? You endangered my friends, no YOUR friends by fulfilling the wish. We still are your friends although you think we're not. We care about you and you're trying to kill us. And as I could remember correctly you've slept with my boyfr..... with Spike, who ....
- whom you never loved. You dumped him and at the time we had our little encounter you two weren't together. So I would say the best will be if you save this stupid talk and get lost!
I think I'll jump out of my skin, my temper is raising fast. The funny thing is I am not angry because of what she said but because what she said is truth. Spike was never more than a sex toy or a convenient bed fellow for me. And I didn't love him. I just want to say something what would make me win the argument but I know there is nothing I can do. I sigh and look straight into Anya's eyes.
- I know you're right. That's kinda the reason I am here.
- Oh, and could you please explain me what exactly means "that"?
- Spike
- Spike.
I nod in agreement. Anya indifferently looks at me.
- Last time I saw him he was in the bar but you were there too. And he certainly isn't here. Not that I would mind if he was. I'm frustrated for such a long time and he would know what to do with it for sure. Spike is great in bed, or I should probably say on the table.
She laughs at hers own joke but I don't think it's very funny. I have the picture of them tattooed in my mind. It was awful to watch them but in some twisted perverted way I envied Anya for being with him that evening. Her and not me. She is speaking again before I can remember another thoughts including Spike and me in horizontal tango.
- It was maybe one time thing, but he's a natural talent. And besides I'm single thanks to your friend Harris and I can do ....
I don't need to hear more of her sex references to Spike so I interrupt her speech.
- What did you see?
- What did I see when?
- Back at the bar
- Lot of people, tables, bartender, drinks, ...
- You know what I mean ... and don't you wanna let me in?
- No, but I have to admit it seems little bit ridiculous you standing in the doorway in the middle of the night. So come in.
Anya moves out from the doorway and we walk into her apartment. She motions me to sit on the sofa. Anya goes to kitchen to bring some drinks. I want to speak with her face to face so I patiently wait for her. Her apartment is small but nice. After what felt like lifetime she comes back with two glasses of water and hands one of them to me.
- Thanks
I take the glass and wait till she sits down next to me. With annoying sigh she says.
- So what's the matter.
- I want to know what's with Spike.
- Don't know. I'm not a doctor for undeads.
She is impossible. I start to be furious again
- Anya!
- Geez Buffy. Do you have your period that you're so touchy?
I want to say her something stupid but she overtakes me.
- Why do you think something is wrong with Spike?
I don't wanna argue anymore so I keep going.
- Fine. I should probably start from the beginning. The first time I saw Spike, I mean after the summer, he was acting all weird and insane and tonight he seemed to be ok. But then we fought Ronnie ...
- Who?
I roll my eyes. *G* she doesn't even know her victims.
- Ronnie, the guy you turned into giant worm.
- Oh, that one
- So when we fought it, to be exact when Spike fought with him, you took the wish back and it changed into human again. Unfortunately Spike was too much in game and didn't manage to stop himself and hurt him by accident. He had horrible headache because of the chip but I was used to it so I didn't care. The big problem was Ron, he was hurt and I needed to call ambulance and then Xander came and took care of it ... and then I noticed Spike. It wasn't just the chip. He lost it again, you know, he was talking to someone who wasn't there, screaming for help and acting like possessed. Before I could do something he ran away. And I want to know why.
- And why do you think I know something about it?
- The bar, you two had this argument about how he got something back and he didn't want to tell you and you started to fight. And I want to know what were you talking about. Because I'm pretty sure that something is causing Spike's hallucinations.
- ok. I know what's up. But why don't you ask him?
- I tried but it's hard to speak with someone who is nut.
- I'm afraid I can't help you. I might know what's going on and I can swear you it's really big. Something like that has never happened before but it doesn't mean I will tell you. Spike evidently doesn't want you to know. Plus it's something you should learn from him. You have to go and find him. And maybe he will tell you.
I can't believe it. It is truth. I knew about Spike's soul from Spike. But I had to be sure so I came here. And Anya just confirmed it, though indirectly but she did. And what should I do now? Hesitantly I say
- So it's true
Gosh is this tiny hollow voice my own? Get a grip girl, you're the slayer not a little terrified girl. But I am. I am so scared, scared of what he did for me. He is just monster. But deep inside I know it is just a big fat lie I tried to believe. Because lying is sometimes easier than facing the truth. And seeing the truth was something I definitely didn't want to do. But now I have to and it hurts so much. Anya says nothing. She is just curious what would I say. So I say it
- He has his soul back.
Anya stares at me with pure shock. I finally get her out of her apathetic attitude.
- You know that? Then why are you here?
- I had to be sure at 1000 %
My cheeks are wet. When have I started to cry? Anya looks at me like I was an alien.
- Buffy? What's up? .... That's great message, he is now soulful, good ...
I know that but I don't understand it. How could a soulless vampire who once spread terror in streets became a warrior of the good? How is it possible that creature of dark became fighter of light? And the answer is simple. Love. 'Cause love conquers all. Love he feels for me.
- he did it because of me.
- How do you mean it?
- He did it for me.
Now I am crying really hard. He sacrificed everything what he was just to become someone he thought I could accept as a person worth of my attention. Anya walks towards me and hugs me.
- Buffy what's wrong? I don't understand it.
I look at her with my teary eyes.
- He did it for me. After that horrible things we did to each other last months.
I laugh bitterly and dry my tears.
- The whole summer I was thinking about him. I was wondering what would be his next step. I would wager anything that he went away to get the chip out and that the only reason he would come back is to kill me... and he comes back with a soul!
- Buffy, he never wanted to hurt you. Maybe at the very beginning but not these few last years. He loves you.
It was a statement and for the first time I am ready to accept it as a fact. He loves me. Spike loves me. Slayer of the slayers loves me. The last person on the world I would think of. He did it for me. Would my friends risk their lives for mine? Sure. They would sell theirs souls probably. But Spike got one for me. He got one for me, to become someone I deserve.
- He loves me.
And it doesn't feel so wrong at all. He loves me. Through everything what happened he was the one I could always rely on, he was always there, helped me, protected Dawn and made me feel alive. Of course he wanted to rape me and kill me like about 10 000 times but he always managed to make everything ok again. Last year he helped me to find myself again. I would say now it's a payback time. I smile.
- Anya, I have to go ... and thank you.
I stand up and open the door.
- Buffy
I turn and Anya is smiling too.
- Good luck. You both deserve it.
I smile much wider.
- Thank you Anya. Good night.
I close the door and with a light step go straight towards the church. Someone needs my help and I want to be there for him. It's so easy. Maybe we have a second chance to become friends again and maybe ... but we will see. There is still long way waiting for us. But in the end, there will be happiness, I would bet for it...
The end.
Post Beneath You, season 7 Rating: PG
Disclaimer: I owe nothing, everything belongs to Joss and co.
Tell me the truth I know
After the confession Spike made in church, I had to think a lot about recent events. I was just walking, no real destination, I don't think I was really thinking where I was going. It didn't matter. My mind was too busy with all these events that happened these past few days. I was playing them over and over in my head, everything what happened ... the weird encounter with Spike in the school basement, his crazy behaving, the strange argument Spike had with Anya , and the screaming when he realised he hurt the guy. And at last the whole soul speech and the resting part on a cross. I was shocked, ashamed and petrified at the same time. What should I do? He throw himself at a cross and I run away, great solution Buffy, again something I can be proud of. By the way where I am? Just fantastic, I am on the other side of city, walking opposite from my house. I think Anya lives somewhere near. Poor thing, left at altar, she still hasn't coped with this situation. And becoming vengeance demon didn't help it either .... I stop dead in tracks. Oh my God. Anya. The argument. It was about his soul. She noticed it immediately. How is it possible that I didn't get it sooner? Of course she knew it, she is all demony again, she could see it in him. I don't know how but I am suddenly standing before her door. I'm totally frozen and can bring myself to knock. Why am I so nervous? It's just Anya for god sake. Yeah, Anya who knows too much. But what if she saw something else? What if he is lying to me? My thoughts are frantically going through my head. What if ... that's the worst at the whole thing. I know he told me the truth. But then why am I here? I am rudely pulled out of my thought. The door bursts open and very pissed off Anya is glaring at me.
- What do you want Buffy ? I took the wish back. That guy is human again, so I don't see any reason for you being here. Not that I'll have serious problems because of it with D'Hoffryn but also you have to lurk after me. I want you to leave. We are not friends anymore Buffy.
She stops and for a while it seems she is considering something.
- The only acceptable reason for you being here is a wish.
- wish?
I really don't get what is she talking about
- You know, some pretty horrible nasty wish I can fulfil for you
- I don't think ...
She cuts me off before I can say more
- so then go home and let me be ....
She is ready to slap the door in my face but I react quickly and stops it just and the door hits my leg. I start to be angry myself. I'm not here to argue with her just to clear few thing out. I don't want to blame her or threaten her with anything. She has no right to behave like that.
- So you are angry, but why are you angry at me? I am not the reason you are all vengeance again. I am not the one who left you. In fact I am the one who has the right to be angry.
I am yelling at her but I don't even notice it.
- You think I don't have a reason to be here? You endangered my friends, no YOUR friends by fulfilling the wish. We still are your friends although you think we're not. We care about you and you're trying to kill us. And as I could remember correctly you've slept with my boyfr..... with Spike, who ....
- whom you never loved. You dumped him and at the time we had our little encounter you two weren't together. So I would say the best will be if you save this stupid talk and get lost!
I think I'll jump out of my skin, my temper is raising fast. The funny thing is I am not angry because of what she said but because what she said is truth. Spike was never more than a sex toy or a convenient bed fellow for me. And I didn't love him. I just want to say something what would make me win the argument but I know there is nothing I can do. I sigh and look straight into Anya's eyes.
- I know you're right. That's kinda the reason I am here.
- Oh, and could you please explain me what exactly means "that"?
- Spike
- Spike.
I nod in agreement. Anya indifferently looks at me.
- Last time I saw him he was in the bar but you were there too. And he certainly isn't here. Not that I would mind if he was. I'm frustrated for such a long time and he would know what to do with it for sure. Spike is great in bed, or I should probably say on the table.
She laughs at hers own joke but I don't think it's very funny. I have the picture of them tattooed in my mind. It was awful to watch them but in some twisted perverted way I envied Anya for being with him that evening. Her and not me. She is speaking again before I can remember another thoughts including Spike and me in horizontal tango.
- It was maybe one time thing, but he's a natural talent. And besides I'm single thanks to your friend Harris and I can do ....
I don't need to hear more of her sex references to Spike so I interrupt her speech.
- What did you see?
- What did I see when?
- Back at the bar
- Lot of people, tables, bartender, drinks, ...
- You know what I mean ... and don't you wanna let me in?
- No, but I have to admit it seems little bit ridiculous you standing in the doorway in the middle of the night. So come in.
Anya moves out from the doorway and we walk into her apartment. She motions me to sit on the sofa. Anya goes to kitchen to bring some drinks. I want to speak with her face to face so I patiently wait for her. Her apartment is small but nice. After what felt like lifetime she comes back with two glasses of water and hands one of them to me.
- Thanks
I take the glass and wait till she sits down next to me. With annoying sigh she says.
- So what's the matter.
- I want to know what's with Spike.
- Don't know. I'm not a doctor for undeads.
She is impossible. I start to be furious again
- Anya!
- Geez Buffy. Do you have your period that you're so touchy?
I want to say her something stupid but she overtakes me.
- Why do you think something is wrong with Spike?
I don't wanna argue anymore so I keep going.
- Fine. I should probably start from the beginning. The first time I saw Spike, I mean after the summer, he was acting all weird and insane and tonight he seemed to be ok. But then we fought Ronnie ...
- Who?
I roll my eyes. *G* she doesn't even know her victims.
- Ronnie, the guy you turned into giant worm.
- Oh, that one
- So when we fought it, to be exact when Spike fought with him, you took the wish back and it changed into human again. Unfortunately Spike was too much in game and didn't manage to stop himself and hurt him by accident. He had horrible headache because of the chip but I was used to it so I didn't care. The big problem was Ron, he was hurt and I needed to call ambulance and then Xander came and took care of it ... and then I noticed Spike. It wasn't just the chip. He lost it again, you know, he was talking to someone who wasn't there, screaming for help and acting like possessed. Before I could do something he ran away. And I want to know why.
- And why do you think I know something about it?
- The bar, you two had this argument about how he got something back and he didn't want to tell you and you started to fight. And I want to know what were you talking about. Because I'm pretty sure that something is causing Spike's hallucinations.
- ok. I know what's up. But why don't you ask him?
- I tried but it's hard to speak with someone who is nut.
- I'm afraid I can't help you. I might know what's going on and I can swear you it's really big. Something like that has never happened before but it doesn't mean I will tell you. Spike evidently doesn't want you to know. Plus it's something you should learn from him. You have to go and find him. And maybe he will tell you.
I can't believe it. It is truth. I knew about Spike's soul from Spike. But I had to be sure so I came here. And Anya just confirmed it, though indirectly but she did. And what should I do now? Hesitantly I say
- So it's true
Gosh is this tiny hollow voice my own? Get a grip girl, you're the slayer not a little terrified girl. But I am. I am so scared, scared of what he did for me. He is just monster. But deep inside I know it is just a big fat lie I tried to believe. Because lying is sometimes easier than facing the truth. And seeing the truth was something I definitely didn't want to do. But now I have to and it hurts so much. Anya says nothing. She is just curious what would I say. So I say it
- He has his soul back.
Anya stares at me with pure shock. I finally get her out of her apathetic attitude.
- You know that? Then why are you here?
- I had to be sure at 1000 %
My cheeks are wet. When have I started to cry? Anya looks at me like I was an alien.
- Buffy? What's up? .... That's great message, he is now soulful, good ...
I know that but I don't understand it. How could a soulless vampire who once spread terror in streets became a warrior of the good? How is it possible that creature of dark became fighter of light? And the answer is simple. Love. 'Cause love conquers all. Love he feels for me.
- he did it because of me.
- How do you mean it?
- He did it for me.
Now I am crying really hard. He sacrificed everything what he was just to become someone he thought I could accept as a person worth of my attention. Anya walks towards me and hugs me.
- Buffy what's wrong? I don't understand it.
I look at her with my teary eyes.
- He did it for me. After that horrible things we did to each other last months.
I laugh bitterly and dry my tears.
- The whole summer I was thinking about him. I was wondering what would be his next step. I would wager anything that he went away to get the chip out and that the only reason he would come back is to kill me... and he comes back with a soul!
- Buffy, he never wanted to hurt you. Maybe at the very beginning but not these few last years. He loves you.
It was a statement and for the first time I am ready to accept it as a fact. He loves me. Spike loves me. Slayer of the slayers loves me. The last person on the world I would think of. He did it for me. Would my friends risk their lives for mine? Sure. They would sell theirs souls probably. But Spike got one for me. He got one for me, to become someone I deserve.
- He loves me.
And it doesn't feel so wrong at all. He loves me. Through everything what happened he was the one I could always rely on, he was always there, helped me, protected Dawn and made me feel alive. Of course he wanted to rape me and kill me like about 10 000 times but he always managed to make everything ok again. Last year he helped me to find myself again. I would say now it's a payback time. I smile.
- Anya, I have to go ... and thank you.
I stand up and open the door.
- Buffy
I turn and Anya is smiling too.
- Good luck. You both deserve it.
I smile much wider.
- Thank you Anya. Good night.
I close the door and with a light step go straight towards the church. Someone needs my help and I want to be there for him. It's so easy. Maybe we have a second chance to become friends again and maybe ... but we will see. There is still long way waiting for us. But in the end, there will be happiness, I would bet for it...
The end.