A/N: Sappy, angsty, mushy, fluffy, shipperific chapter warning! How could we ever live without one? Hope you can stand all the gooeyness!
Chapter Ten---Both Ways
Their future was uncertain, just like it used to be everyday, life or death, today or never, and he had learned from those earlier times that there are some things that can't wait, some things that you need to say or you may never get the chance. He had regretted plenty in his existence, and he wasn't going to regret this quiet lull, wasn't going to lose this opportunity, but the words didn't come easily.
"Sydney?" She turned her head his way in the dark light of the car, the slightest inclination to let him know he had her attention. "We-we don't know what's going to happen, right? I thought...in cause we don't have another chance...I need--want--to...Why do you hate me?"
She sucked in a long breath that sounded almost like relief, and she angled herself toward him, twisting her upper body, pushing part way off the seat to be directly in front of his face, so he couldn't look anywhere but her, not that he would have. She looked ghostly and poignant as she trapped his gaze, her eyes black, unknowable pools in the dim light, half her face swathed in impenetrable shadows, a mystery about to reveal itself. She didn't hesitate as she began, and he thought that she must have had this conversation with herself before.
"I used to know, Vaughn, I swear I did; I went through everyday with knowledge that I could live the rest of my life and never see you again..." She trailed off as a single tear spilled over, falling hot and wet on his knuckles, searing the back of his hand. "But one morning I woke up and I couldn't remember why. Then I had a new reason to hate you, because no matter what you did I could forgive you, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop loving you. And love is a weakness, something I can't afford to have..." She made a gesture with her hands to encompass not only their current surroundings, but also the past few days and all their events. "Look where love has got me now."
She turned her head the slightest bit as if she were ashamed and her face caught in one of the faint shafts of sunlight that made its way occasionally through the tinted windows, revealing her features in a study of light and shadow, good and evil, winter and spring, life and death, and for the first time he truly saw.
Everything has a price, even love. Especially love. Danny, Noah, and Will had all paid extravagant prices for the love of this woman, and so had he. But he had never before realized that she had paid too, for every one of them she had given up a little more of herself. And now there was nothing left to give. He would have to be the strong one, at least when it came to this, he would have to learn how to give enough for the both of them.
He reached for her then, and she clung to him as he slowly drew her up onto his lap, laying her head on his shoulder, his lips against her hair. "When are you ever going to get it, Syd? It's love that gets us through."
She placed her cool, slender hand over his heart, closing her eyes as she absorbed its rhythm. "Why do I need you so much?" she mused to herself, the sound reverberating were her chest rested against his side.
She hadn't wanted an answer, but he gave her one anyway. "Because being with me means you'll always have a little danger in your life," he teased her gently, dropping a kiss on her crown to lighten the impact of his words. "And you don't know how to live any other way but dangerously." He grinned next to her ear, where she couldn't see, thinking how ridiculous he sounded; Michael Vaughn was practical and logical, far from dangerous. It was Sydney who encouraged him to do all those risky things, brought out the best and the worst in him, not the other way around. But then again, there had been all those situations she had gotten herself into for his sake during her years with the CIA. His smile slipped away. Maybe it did work both ways.
She didn't find any humor at all in his comment, pulling back out of his arms so she could see his face. "But I did try, Vaughn, I tried so hard to get away from the danger. And the night I left--that night you came home and talked so much about that new project of yours--I couldn't take it anymore. I got scared and I ran--"
"I wouldn't call it running..." He had the sudden need to protect her from her own harsh judgment.
"But I did. I ran. I ran from my problems like I do every time. The thing was...you weren't there that time to catch me before I got too far away, and I got lost." Her voice dropped, taking on the frightening quality of loneliness. "Do you have any idea what it feels like? Being lost for five years..."
He cradled her face in his hands, his thumbs moving down her cheekbones as he wished he could smooth out the lines there. "I do know, Syd. But we're here now, and...I love you."
She started to say something, an air of expectancy hanging over them, but she stopped when they both felt the car roll to a halt. They were running out of time.
She fought desperately with herself, the battle raging in her eyes, as the driver door opened and the footsteps rung on the ground, getting closer every moment she wavered.
The door swung away, unforgiving daylight flooding across their intertwined figures, and Sydney won out over herself.
'I love you,' she mouthed silently as the hands came in to pry them apart.
Chapter Ten---Both Ways
Their future was uncertain, just like it used to be everyday, life or death, today or never, and he had learned from those earlier times that there are some things that can't wait, some things that you need to say or you may never get the chance. He had regretted plenty in his existence, and he wasn't going to regret this quiet lull, wasn't going to lose this opportunity, but the words didn't come easily.
"Sydney?" She turned her head his way in the dark light of the car, the slightest inclination to let him know he had her attention. "We-we don't know what's going to happen, right? I thought...in cause we don't have another chance...I need--want--to...Why do you hate me?"
She sucked in a long breath that sounded almost like relief, and she angled herself toward him, twisting her upper body, pushing part way off the seat to be directly in front of his face, so he couldn't look anywhere but her, not that he would have. She looked ghostly and poignant as she trapped his gaze, her eyes black, unknowable pools in the dim light, half her face swathed in impenetrable shadows, a mystery about to reveal itself. She didn't hesitate as she began, and he thought that she must have had this conversation with herself before.
"I used to know, Vaughn, I swear I did; I went through everyday with knowledge that I could live the rest of my life and never see you again..." She trailed off as a single tear spilled over, falling hot and wet on his knuckles, searing the back of his hand. "But one morning I woke up and I couldn't remember why. Then I had a new reason to hate you, because no matter what you did I could forgive you, no matter how hard I tried I couldn't stop loving you. And love is a weakness, something I can't afford to have..." She made a gesture with her hands to encompass not only their current surroundings, but also the past few days and all their events. "Look where love has got me now."
She turned her head the slightest bit as if she were ashamed and her face caught in one of the faint shafts of sunlight that made its way occasionally through the tinted windows, revealing her features in a study of light and shadow, good and evil, winter and spring, life and death, and for the first time he truly saw.
Everything has a price, even love. Especially love. Danny, Noah, and Will had all paid extravagant prices for the love of this woman, and so had he. But he had never before realized that she had paid too, for every one of them she had given up a little more of herself. And now there was nothing left to give. He would have to be the strong one, at least when it came to this, he would have to learn how to give enough for the both of them.
He reached for her then, and she clung to him as he slowly drew her up onto his lap, laying her head on his shoulder, his lips against her hair. "When are you ever going to get it, Syd? It's love that gets us through."
She placed her cool, slender hand over his heart, closing her eyes as she absorbed its rhythm. "Why do I need you so much?" she mused to herself, the sound reverberating were her chest rested against his side.
She hadn't wanted an answer, but he gave her one anyway. "Because being with me means you'll always have a little danger in your life," he teased her gently, dropping a kiss on her crown to lighten the impact of his words. "And you don't know how to live any other way but dangerously." He grinned next to her ear, where she couldn't see, thinking how ridiculous he sounded; Michael Vaughn was practical and logical, far from dangerous. It was Sydney who encouraged him to do all those risky things, brought out the best and the worst in him, not the other way around. But then again, there had been all those situations she had gotten herself into for his sake during her years with the CIA. His smile slipped away. Maybe it did work both ways.
She didn't find any humor at all in his comment, pulling back out of his arms so she could see his face. "But I did try, Vaughn, I tried so hard to get away from the danger. And the night I left--that night you came home and talked so much about that new project of yours--I couldn't take it anymore. I got scared and I ran--"
"I wouldn't call it running..." He had the sudden need to protect her from her own harsh judgment.
"But I did. I ran. I ran from my problems like I do every time. The thing was...you weren't there that time to catch me before I got too far away, and I got lost." Her voice dropped, taking on the frightening quality of loneliness. "Do you have any idea what it feels like? Being lost for five years..."
He cradled her face in his hands, his thumbs moving down her cheekbones as he wished he could smooth out the lines there. "I do know, Syd. But we're here now, and...I love you."
She started to say something, an air of expectancy hanging over them, but she stopped when they both felt the car roll to a halt. They were running out of time.
She fought desperately with herself, the battle raging in her eyes, as the driver door opened and the footsteps rung on the ground, getting closer every moment she wavered.
The door swung away, unforgiving daylight flooding across their intertwined figures, and Sydney won out over herself.
'I love you,' she mouthed silently as the hands came in to pry them apart.