September 1st.
2.00am
Yaah! What the f-? Oh. It's that bloody owl of mine. About time! Let's read what it has to say.
'Dear Justine,
Hm. This sounds serious. I don't have time to visit you before your academic year starts, but how about a trip to my place during the Christmas holidays? Actually, it'll probably be better to wait for next summer. I won't have as much work then and the baby's due in December so that might be a bit awkward! Concerned, Rip Van Remus (ha ha ha)'
Bastard! How dare he make me wait a year? Oh well. I suppose I'll live. What day is it today? Ah, yes. The day I go to Hogwarts. Subtitled 'the day I get away from my mum's two year old mentality.'
2.04am
Zzzzzzzzzzzz..
9.00am
"Justice! Justice! Wake up! Are you packed? We have two hours!" The dream I was having about being watery jell-o turned out to be mum shaking me.
"Yes, of course I'm packed!" I yelled, grabbing my wand and waving it. Everything apart from Shadow and Wraith got packed into my trunk. "Anymore stupid questions?"
10.55am
Used Floo Powder (alias the scourge of haircare) to travel to King's Cross Station. JI was wondering whether the suspiciously solid looking wall was indeed solid. Mum had already gone. Bless us, Tiny Tim! One and all, I say!
The redhead family I saw in Diagon Alley were standing there, along with a small, scruffy - haired yobbo. I watched as they all went running at the barrier before disappearing through it.
"It's your turn, Fred." Said the woman who seemed to be in charge.
"He's not Fred, I am!" Said a twin.
"Honestly woman. You call yourself our mother." Said the other.
"Sorry, George. Of you go."
The boy stepped forward.
"Only joking." He said. "I am Fred." His mum looked daggers at him, but he was already running towards the barrier. The other twin followed about five milliseconds later. These were people I could identify with!
I decided that I'd waited enough and ran at the barrier, scrunching my eyes shut. Damn! Damn! Damndamndamn! Why couldn't the barrier be a cloud instead of a wall?
10.57am
Through! I'm through! And alive! Wow, never thought I'd see the day! Followed closely by redhead number four, and the scruffy boy.
11.15am
How great is this? Sitting alone in a carriage at the end of a train bound somewhere far, far away from my Mum and Werewolf Uncle! And then, with all the luck that is mine, Wraith slithered off down the train.
"Wraith, get your tail back here! I'm going to start worshipping Murphy's Law!" I yelled, running after the slippery bugger.
I ran like the wind, Bullseye! Until I ran into the wall. No, not the wall...
"Ouch!" said the brunette I had just ran into.
"Ouch." I said, actually managing to get up without too much hassle. She held up what looked like a black piece of string.
"Is this your snake?" She asked. I nodded, "Good. Is there any spare space in your compartment?" I nodded again. Great. I'm starting to look like one of those nodding dogs you get to stick in car windows.
"My name's Helena Lapworth." She said, walking with me to the end of the train.
"Justice Katz"
1.00pm
Helena's great! She really is! She knows what it's like not to be normal! Her nickname is Giant Suicidal Mouse, for inobvious reasons.
"Anything off the trolley, dears?" Plumpy El Plumpo the trolley witch asked.
"Uh... do you want to see my impression of a lockjaw germ?" I asked stupidly. Damn! Why does nothing I say make sense? Helenarse (ha ha ha I'll remember that one) saved my skin.
"Yeah. Chocolate frogs and that gum stuff."
3.17pm
Drooble's Best Blowing gum is nice! Chocolate Frogs are too. Cool cards. I have Dumbledore, Mortianna and the Sheriff of Nottingham for some reason. You know, the person who threatens innocent (my arse) Robin of Locksley with a spoon in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. I didn't know he was a wizard? Maybe I'm imagining things.
MAYBE THIS IS ALL A DREAM!! MAYBE I HAVEN'T LEFT MUM OR RIP VAN THING!! ARRRGHH!!! I think I'm a bit feverish.
5.00pm
Bored...
Surely we must be nearly there?
5.03pm
A bushy - haired first - year came flouncing in to our compartment.
"Have you seen a toad?" She asked haughtily. "A boy called Neville's lost one."
I looked suspiciously at Wraith. Who knows what he's been eating.
"By the way. I'd change into your robes. I think we're nearly there."
My oh my. How time flies when you're having fun.
7.00pm
Nearly there, he said. Should about five minutes, she said. Never trust other people. Nearly there! I'm still laughing!
Well, anyhow, Helena and I got out of Hell - Hole train to see what looked like a Genetical Mistake holding a lantern.
"Firs' years! Firs' years!" The GM called, leading us towards little boat thingers. Helenarse and I got into one and, to my obvious disgust, were joined by Baby Bushkins (the bushy-haired girl who asked us about Neville the toad, or something like that) and a dorky looking boy.
7.30pm
Wonderful ride! And no one fell in! Added bonus! Am now waiting outside a big room with all the other first years and a severe looking woman dressed in emerald.
"The sorting will tell you whether you are in Slytherin, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff. It will begin momentarily."
I felt like yelling 'I know that, dammit, just let me in that bloody room so I can die in peace!' but I didn't.
Prim and Proper came back. (I learned later she's called Professor McGonagall)
"We are ready for you now. Soon you will be in your houses."
Helena gave me the 'buck-toothed beaver' expression. You know, front teeth over lip. I nearly choked to death trying not to laugh.
Happy days.
7.35pm
Am walking down an isle being watched by the world and his dog. Well, nearly the world. But definitely his dog. Well, everyone else in the school was watching us walking. We made it up to the front and McG held up a slip of paper.
"When I call your name, you will come up. I will place the sorting hat on your head and you will be sorted."
No, duh! She could win an Olympic Gold for Logic, this one, she really could. Why call it the sorting hat if it doesn't sort? I mean, why not call it a running hat because it makes us run away screaming! (that's quite a good joke, actually)
"Katz, Justice!" McG called. Damn. Why do I have to be first? Helena gave me the 'good luck see you in Slytherin' glance.
I walked up to where McG was waiting with what was presumably a hat but looked more like a beaten up excuse for a duvet.
"Hmmmm..." said a vaguely irritating voice in my ear.
7.40pm
Same bat time. Same bat place. Same bat hat on my head trying to figure out what house I go in. It's narrowed down to Slytherin (good thing) and Gryffindor (er?).
"Are you sure you're magic?" McG asked me.
"WHAT???" I yelled. I pointed my wand at a black - haired, sour - faced, bored looking teacher at the High Table and said the first two random words that came into my head.
"Wingardium LEVIOSA!!!" I yelled, not really expecting anything to happen. I waved my wand round wildly, swishing and flicking. Suddenly, the sour - faced teacher rose into the air with a shocked look on his face.
I collapsed in hysterical laughter, ending the spell. My laughing fit was made even worse when I heard the 'thud' and the 'ow' that showed I'd dropped the man on the floor some ten feet away from where he'd started.
You know those times where you really should stop laughing but you just can't? That was one of those times.
7.42pm
That stupid hat saw my Slytherin alter - ego, decided I had schizophrenia and put me in Gryffindor anyway. And Helena got sorted into Slytherin, dammit! On a lighter note, I am getting death glares from that black - haired teacher. It's damn hilarious. Am currently sitting next to that scary redhead tribe (the Weasleys), Scruffy McScruffo (who turned out to be Harry Potter) and Baby Bushkins (Hermione Garnger).
"Hey, Percy?" I asked the oldest Weasley. "Can you tell me who the teachers are from left to right?"
"At the end there?" Percy said, starting with the Genetic Mistake I saw earlier. "That's Hagrid, the gamekeeper. Next to him is Madam Hooch. The small person's Professor Flitwick, Prof Sprout, Prof McGonagall, Prof Dumbledore."
"What about the black - haired man?" I asked, pointing at him. He was talking to a cute little twitchy person wearing a turban.
"That's Professor Snape." He said. "He's the Potions Master and the Head of Slytherin."
"And next to him?"
"Professor Quirrell. No wonder he's looking so nervous; Snape's been after his job for years."
"Why's he wearing a turban?"
"Something to do with Albania or Afghanistan I think. I know the place begins with an 'a'"
8.45pm
Great meal. And those twins I saw earlier, Fred and George Weasley, told me that I looked like Professor Snape (the bad tempered 'prejudiced' arsehole, they called him). Well, guess what? He happened to be walking past. Over course, I just smiled innocently and pointed my wand at him and he hurried off in the other direction.
I had just about everything I could eat at dinner. At home, mum feeds me like a sparrow. I look like I have anorexia. I'm anaemic anyway, so that really doesn't help. People tell me I should sleep more. It'll work wonders for my complexion.
I must remember to send mail to Rip Van Remus tomorrow. I'll tell him that it's ok, I'm a Gryff and that I already am on the 'to kill' list of at list one member of staff, so it's not a complete blowout.
9.00pm
Ooh! Anus begins with 'a'! So does arse and asshole and a load of other swear words...
12.00am
Tired.
12.02am
Zzzzzzzzzz...
2.00am
Yaah! What the f-? Oh. It's that bloody owl of mine. About time! Let's read what it has to say.
'Dear Justine,
Hm. This sounds serious. I don't have time to visit you before your academic year starts, but how about a trip to my place during the Christmas holidays? Actually, it'll probably be better to wait for next summer. I won't have as much work then and the baby's due in December so that might be a bit awkward! Concerned, Rip Van Remus (ha ha ha)'
Bastard! How dare he make me wait a year? Oh well. I suppose I'll live. What day is it today? Ah, yes. The day I go to Hogwarts. Subtitled 'the day I get away from my mum's two year old mentality.'
2.04am
Zzzzzzzzzzzz..
9.00am
"Justice! Justice! Wake up! Are you packed? We have two hours!" The dream I was having about being watery jell-o turned out to be mum shaking me.
"Yes, of course I'm packed!" I yelled, grabbing my wand and waving it. Everything apart from Shadow and Wraith got packed into my trunk. "Anymore stupid questions?"
10.55am
Used Floo Powder (alias the scourge of haircare) to travel to King's Cross Station. JI was wondering whether the suspiciously solid looking wall was indeed solid. Mum had already gone. Bless us, Tiny Tim! One and all, I say!
The redhead family I saw in Diagon Alley were standing there, along with a small, scruffy - haired yobbo. I watched as they all went running at the barrier before disappearing through it.
"It's your turn, Fred." Said the woman who seemed to be in charge.
"He's not Fred, I am!" Said a twin.
"Honestly woman. You call yourself our mother." Said the other.
"Sorry, George. Of you go."
The boy stepped forward.
"Only joking." He said. "I am Fred." His mum looked daggers at him, but he was already running towards the barrier. The other twin followed about five milliseconds later. These were people I could identify with!
I decided that I'd waited enough and ran at the barrier, scrunching my eyes shut. Damn! Damn! Damndamndamn! Why couldn't the barrier be a cloud instead of a wall?
10.57am
Through! I'm through! And alive! Wow, never thought I'd see the day! Followed closely by redhead number four, and the scruffy boy.
11.15am
How great is this? Sitting alone in a carriage at the end of a train bound somewhere far, far away from my Mum and Werewolf Uncle! And then, with all the luck that is mine, Wraith slithered off down the train.
"Wraith, get your tail back here! I'm going to start worshipping Murphy's Law!" I yelled, running after the slippery bugger.
I ran like the wind, Bullseye! Until I ran into the wall. No, not the wall...
"Ouch!" said the brunette I had just ran into.
"Ouch." I said, actually managing to get up without too much hassle. She held up what looked like a black piece of string.
"Is this your snake?" She asked. I nodded, "Good. Is there any spare space in your compartment?" I nodded again. Great. I'm starting to look like one of those nodding dogs you get to stick in car windows.
"My name's Helena Lapworth." She said, walking with me to the end of the train.
"Justice Katz"
1.00pm
Helena's great! She really is! She knows what it's like not to be normal! Her nickname is Giant Suicidal Mouse, for inobvious reasons.
"Anything off the trolley, dears?" Plumpy El Plumpo the trolley witch asked.
"Uh... do you want to see my impression of a lockjaw germ?" I asked stupidly. Damn! Why does nothing I say make sense? Helenarse (ha ha ha I'll remember that one) saved my skin.
"Yeah. Chocolate frogs and that gum stuff."
3.17pm
Drooble's Best Blowing gum is nice! Chocolate Frogs are too. Cool cards. I have Dumbledore, Mortianna and the Sheriff of Nottingham for some reason. You know, the person who threatens innocent (my arse) Robin of Locksley with a spoon in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. I didn't know he was a wizard? Maybe I'm imagining things.
MAYBE THIS IS ALL A DREAM!! MAYBE I HAVEN'T LEFT MUM OR RIP VAN THING!! ARRRGHH!!! I think I'm a bit feverish.
5.00pm
Bored...
Surely we must be nearly there?
5.03pm
A bushy - haired first - year came flouncing in to our compartment.
"Have you seen a toad?" She asked haughtily. "A boy called Neville's lost one."
I looked suspiciously at Wraith. Who knows what he's been eating.
"By the way. I'd change into your robes. I think we're nearly there."
My oh my. How time flies when you're having fun.
7.00pm
Nearly there, he said. Should about five minutes, she said. Never trust other people. Nearly there! I'm still laughing!
Well, anyhow, Helena and I got out of Hell - Hole train to see what looked like a Genetical Mistake holding a lantern.
"Firs' years! Firs' years!" The GM called, leading us towards little boat thingers. Helenarse and I got into one and, to my obvious disgust, were joined by Baby Bushkins (the bushy-haired girl who asked us about Neville the toad, or something like that) and a dorky looking boy.
7.30pm
Wonderful ride! And no one fell in! Added bonus! Am now waiting outside a big room with all the other first years and a severe looking woman dressed in emerald.
"The sorting will tell you whether you are in Slytherin, Gryffindor, Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff. It will begin momentarily."
I felt like yelling 'I know that, dammit, just let me in that bloody room so I can die in peace!' but I didn't.
Prim and Proper came back. (I learned later she's called Professor McGonagall)
"We are ready for you now. Soon you will be in your houses."
Helena gave me the 'buck-toothed beaver' expression. You know, front teeth over lip. I nearly choked to death trying not to laugh.
Happy days.
7.35pm
Am walking down an isle being watched by the world and his dog. Well, nearly the world. But definitely his dog. Well, everyone else in the school was watching us walking. We made it up to the front and McG held up a slip of paper.
"When I call your name, you will come up. I will place the sorting hat on your head and you will be sorted."
No, duh! She could win an Olympic Gold for Logic, this one, she really could. Why call it the sorting hat if it doesn't sort? I mean, why not call it a running hat because it makes us run away screaming! (that's quite a good joke, actually)
"Katz, Justice!" McG called. Damn. Why do I have to be first? Helena gave me the 'good luck see you in Slytherin' glance.
I walked up to where McG was waiting with what was presumably a hat but looked more like a beaten up excuse for a duvet.
"Hmmmm..." said a vaguely irritating voice in my ear.
7.40pm
Same bat time. Same bat place. Same bat hat on my head trying to figure out what house I go in. It's narrowed down to Slytherin (good thing) and Gryffindor (er?).
"Are you sure you're magic?" McG asked me.
"WHAT???" I yelled. I pointed my wand at a black - haired, sour - faced, bored looking teacher at the High Table and said the first two random words that came into my head.
"Wingardium LEVIOSA!!!" I yelled, not really expecting anything to happen. I waved my wand round wildly, swishing and flicking. Suddenly, the sour - faced teacher rose into the air with a shocked look on his face.
I collapsed in hysterical laughter, ending the spell. My laughing fit was made even worse when I heard the 'thud' and the 'ow' that showed I'd dropped the man on the floor some ten feet away from where he'd started.
You know those times where you really should stop laughing but you just can't? That was one of those times.
7.42pm
That stupid hat saw my Slytherin alter - ego, decided I had schizophrenia and put me in Gryffindor anyway. And Helena got sorted into Slytherin, dammit! On a lighter note, I am getting death glares from that black - haired teacher. It's damn hilarious. Am currently sitting next to that scary redhead tribe (the Weasleys), Scruffy McScruffo (who turned out to be Harry Potter) and Baby Bushkins (Hermione Garnger).
"Hey, Percy?" I asked the oldest Weasley. "Can you tell me who the teachers are from left to right?"
"At the end there?" Percy said, starting with the Genetic Mistake I saw earlier. "That's Hagrid, the gamekeeper. Next to him is Madam Hooch. The small person's Professor Flitwick, Prof Sprout, Prof McGonagall, Prof Dumbledore."
"What about the black - haired man?" I asked, pointing at him. He was talking to a cute little twitchy person wearing a turban.
"That's Professor Snape." He said. "He's the Potions Master and the Head of Slytherin."
"And next to him?"
"Professor Quirrell. No wonder he's looking so nervous; Snape's been after his job for years."
"Why's he wearing a turban?"
"Something to do with Albania or Afghanistan I think. I know the place begins with an 'a'"
8.45pm
Great meal. And those twins I saw earlier, Fred and George Weasley, told me that I looked like Professor Snape (the bad tempered 'prejudiced' arsehole, they called him). Well, guess what? He happened to be walking past. Over course, I just smiled innocently and pointed my wand at him and he hurried off in the other direction.
I had just about everything I could eat at dinner. At home, mum feeds me like a sparrow. I look like I have anorexia. I'm anaemic anyway, so that really doesn't help. People tell me I should sleep more. It'll work wonders for my complexion.
I must remember to send mail to Rip Van Remus tomorrow. I'll tell him that it's ok, I'm a Gryff and that I already am on the 'to kill' list of at list one member of staff, so it's not a complete blowout.
9.00pm
Ooh! Anus begins with 'a'! So does arse and asshole and a load of other swear words...
12.00am
Tired.
12.02am
Zzzzzzzzzz...