Disclaimers: In the first chapter
AN: A huge thank-you to Angie, for beta-ing this, as well as Rita.
And to Ann for her insight and my friend Em (who listens to me go on
and on about Cath and Gil and never complains). Again this is
dedicated to the group. I love you guys. Y'all are great. Thank you
so much for standing by me.
Earlier~~~~~~
"Tahoe, I left all the information on the counter for you. I'll have
my cell phone, but, Gil don't come after me. Let me have this time.
Please." She stood and placed a kiss to the top of his head. "I love
you, don't you ever forget that." She turned and walked away, his
voice stopping her at the doorway.
"Cath, I'll leave the light on. just in case you get tired of being
gone."
She smiled wanly and walked, shoulders sagging, out of the bedroom.
The last glimpse she saw of Gil was his blue eyes glistening with
tears, watching her leave.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Catherine made it one block from her house before the tears in her eyes made driving impossible. She pulled over and let the tears flow; resting her head on the steering wheel. After a few minutes she wiped her eyes and sat there staring out the windshield, torn between what she felt she had to do and what she longed to do. She put the car in drive and slowly started forward; turning the wheel to the left, ready to make the U-turn that would take her back home. She braked again, her red Nissan XTerra blocking the street, took a deep breath and said softly. "Never doubt, never look back." She chuckled ruefully. "Who are you trying to fool?" Making up her mind, she slipped on her sunglasses, straightened her spine and resolutely drove toward Lake Tahoe.
Her friend had told her that she kept the cabin stocked with everything she'd need except for food, so she had stopped at a small grocery store and bought a few things she needed. After unpacking, she took a walk to the dock and sat at the edge, pulling her knees up to her chin and wrapping her arms around them. She stared out over the water, letting the motion of the water lull her into a trance. She couldn't have told anyone what she thought about had they asked, or if she even thought anything at all. Before she knew it, the sun had set over the water and she was sitting there in the twilight, shivering. Rising and stretching, Catherine turned back to the cabin. Forgoing food, she took a long hot shower, setting the showerhead to massage and leaned against the wall and letting the water pound over her back, easing tight muscles.
Later, after the hot water ran out, she pulled on a pair of Gil's flannel pajama bottoms, rolling up the legs, cinching the waist and slipped into his old UCLA sweatshirt. She pilferred it months ago, it always wound up in her drawer after laundry and that was Gil's job. She didn't mind washing the clothes, but she hated putting them away. Climbing into bed she automatically settled on 'her' side of the bed. She tried to read, but couldn't concentrate on the printed words. She was tired emotionally and physically, so she turned off the lamp and rolled to her left side. The bed looked and felt so empty and if she concentrated, she could see the outline of Gil next to her, even hear him breathing. She reached a hand to the other pillow, as if to touch his hair, but the vision vanished, leaving her alone. She thought she didn't have any more tears left, that she had cried them all out, but they flowed out of her eyes, wetting the pillow. She continued to stare, willing the vision to come back, to 'feel' his arm around her, 'hear' his whispered words of love, but it never did and eventually her eyes slid shut in sleep.
She spent the first few days in Tahoe not leaving the cabin, except for her daily runs along the path into the woods. She didn't want to see anyone, so she kept to herself, running, sleeping and sitting on the dock watching the water. The only time she went into town was to replenish the food. She ate, slept, and took long runs and even longer walks. And she thought about work and Gil and Lindsey and what she wanted, needed and hoped for. Catherine thought until she couldn't think anymore and then she planned.
She'd been gone a week when the phone call from Brass came. She'd been hoping he would call her with news. And he did. He had friends all over, had pulled some strings and he was faxing her the particulars of the job. She promised to look them over, sign the contract and fax it back to him as soon as she could. She had extracted his promise that he wouldn't say anything to Gil when he worked with him; this was something she had to do on her own. She loved working with him and didn't want to quit, but this job offer was too good to pass up. Right now, the only people who knew of their relationship were their coworkers on the nightshift, but they had only known for a short time and weren't going to say anything. But someone else outside of the small night crew would find out eventually and one of them would be forced to leave. She decided that she would leave first. She felt it really was the only way.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It had been 11 days, 11 long nights and even longer days since Catherine left. He'd spoken to Catherine three times in the days that she had been gone. Each phone call had been short, too short in his opinion, consisting mostly of talk about Lindsey. She'd assured him that she was taking care of herself and eating, satisfied herself that he was doing the same, exchanged 'I love yous' and disconnected. Each call had left Gil feeling despondent. He missed her more than he thought was possible. In his professional, he realized just how much insight she brought to each case. In his personal life, he'd never before known just how much he needed her. She made him complete, a whole person, even when he hadn't known there was something in him that was missing.
While Catherine was gone, he'd found out first hand what she went through with raising Lindsey single-handedly. Lindsey was a good child, bright and inquisitive; a total delight, but she wasn't perfect. He knew she was missing her mother and sensed that something wasn't right between them, so he'd tried to be understanding and cut her some slack, but not being that used to kids, he was finding it difficult. The only 'fight' they really had, had started with Lindsey wanting to stay up late on a school night to watch her favorite movie on the Disney channel. He'd said no, and Lindsey kept arguing, refusing to move from her spot on the couch, and he actually yelled at her, surprising both of them. It ended with Lindsey running to her room crying and Gil wanting desperately to run crying to Catherine. After a few minutes of pacing and wondering how in the hell Catherine did this everyday, Gil went in and talked to Lindsey. He held her as she cried for her mother and wanted to know why she would 'go away' if she loved them so much. Gil was hard pressed to find a suitable answer. So he settled for reassuring the little girl that her mother loved her very much and would be home as soon as she could.
Work surprised him. He'd expected things between him and Sara as well as between Nick and Warrick to be strained, but it wasn't. And she'd seemed genuinely surprised and concerned when she found out Catherine had taken a leave of absence. Gil sensed that the younger woman had wanted to talk to her, but he didn't ask, and she didn't offer.
He remembered with painful clarity, the night Sara returned from suspension. They had been in the lounge waiting for report. He'd walked in with assignments and started passing them out when Nick spoke.
"Aren't we going to wait for Catherine? It's not like her to be late."
"Catherine isn't going to be here for awhile," Gil spoke; his voice low and everyone in the room could hear the pain in it. "She is on leave for two," he paused, cleared his throat and continued, "maybe three weeks."
"But she is coming back, right?" Sara's voice was shocked.
Gil looked down at the files in his hands, unwilling to meet anyone's eyes. "I hope so," was all he said. He cleared his throat again and continued with the assignments. "Warrick, Nick you two have the robbery at the Excalibur. Sara, you and I are on the murder-suicide at New York, New York."
If Sara had any doubts about working with him, she never voiced them. She did her job as she always did, showing dedication and precision. Over the next few days, Gil continued to pair her up with one of them, never letting her go solo, until he was sure that there weren't going to be any problems between them. He did notice, however, that her relationship with Nick had changed; at times he'd walked in to find them deep into conversation, and he got the feeling that it wasn't work that they were talking about.
Gil continued as he always had, one piece of evidence after the other. One case after the other, but he had changed. He'd become even quieter, if possible. He never let, or really tried not to let his personal life come to work with him. But now, for the first time, he had personal 'stuff' and he finally understood Catherine's argument from years before.
He knew Catherine was right about the potential problems of their working together while having a relationship, but the knowledge of the facts didn't make it any easier on him. He managed to make it through the long nights when she was gone, immersing himself in work and Lindsey, but the days were the hardest. He slept in fits and starts, never more than a couple hours at a time. And he never turned off the lights. He left them on continuously, knowing he was running up the electricity bill, but not caring. He kept every light in the house on, often turning them after Lindsey had turned them off. He'd replaced every bulb the day she left and had bought enough bulbs to open his own hardware store. He wanted to make sure the lights never went out; he wanted her to know that she was loved and missed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Catherine knocked softly on the door to Gil's office. She was back a few days earlier than she had told him, but she couldn't stay away any longer. She was going to leave first thing tomorrow morning, but by 4 pm, she was pacing the floor of the cabin where she was staying, chewing her fingernails, longing to be home. By 5, her things had been thrown into the back of her SUV and she was one her way to Vegas and hopefully her future.
She took a deep breath and opened the door, stepped in a few feet, and stood quietly waiting for him to look up from the papers he was perusing. Not being able to stand the silence any longer, she spoke.
"Hey."
Gil's head snapped up at the familiar voice. He blinked once, as if trying to decide if she was really there or if he was seeing things.
"Hey yourself," was his reply. They stared at each other before the silence once again became too much for Catherine to bear.
"I'm back," she said, stating the obvious. She noticed the deep lines around his eyes, ones that hadn't been there before and the fatigue in his face and she hated herself, knowing she had put them there.
"I see that," Gil never took his eyes off of hers. She looked incredible in faded jeans and an old flannel button-down shirt. Her hair was done in his favorite style, curly, and hanging loose around her shoulders. It always made him want to bury his hands and face in it, inhaling the fragrance of her shampoo and the scent that was uniquely hers.
"Can we talk?"
Her words galvanized him and he rose from his chair and walked toward her, brushing past her to the door.
Catherine's breath left her body in a whoosh and she dropped her head, the tears welling in her eyes as she heard the door close. Her worst fear had come true. She'd lost him. She tried to breath, but her lungs wouldn't obey. Feeling a soft brush against her cheek, she jerked her head up to see him standing inches from her.
"I missed you," he whispered softly, so softly she could barely hear him.
She threw her arms around him, burying her face in his shoulder as her tears fell. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she repeated over and over, choking on the words.
"Why are you sorry?" Gil whispered in her ear, as he held her tightly to him.
"Because.because I lied to you," she admitted and the tears came faster, making breathing difficult. "I lied to you and.and. I.I.pushed you away." Her voice was rising in near hysteria and she felt like she was going to gag. "I swore I'd never do that. And I hurt you. I hurt you and I'm so sorry. God, Gil, I'm sorry."
"Stop. You're going to make yourself sick."
Catherine responded to the authority in his voice and struggled to stop her tears and catch her breath. She took a small step back, accepted the tissue he handed her and blew her nose.
"It's okay, Cath." Gil turned her face to his, wiping her tears away with his thumbs. "I missed you like hell, but I understand. I do. Just please, please don't shut me out again."
Catherine shook her head. "Never again. I love you." She took a huge shuddering breath. "It sounds so.I don't know.not enough."
"It is enough, it's more than enough." Gil told her. "Can I kiss you now?" His smile was tender, full of love and forgiveness.
"Please." Catherine met his lips with hers, the kiss soft, almost hesitant; as if they were rediscovering each other, and the love they shared. He wove his fingers through her hair, holding her to him as Catherine's hands rested on his hips. He slanted his mouth over hers, his tongue seeking entrance to her mouth, which she granted willingly. Their tongues met and the kiss turned passionate and they moaned in unison, reveling in the sensation of tongues sliding against tongues, bodies pressed tightly together, hands roaming and caressing. The desire and passion exploded within them and Gil's fingers went to the collar of her shirt at the same time hers found the button of his black slacks. Clothing was rapidly removed and thrown or kicked out of the way in their haste for each other. Gil walked backwards to his couch, pulling her with him. She reached around him and quickly threw the blanket from the back of the couch down onto the cushions. She smiled at him and playfully shoved him backwards, watching him land with a soft thump. She climbed into his lap and locked eyes with his.
He slid into her slowly, inch by inch until he was fully inside her. They sighed in unison savoring the feel of each other and then began to move. Gil threaded his fingers into her hair, pulling her close to him and whispering sensually into her ear as Catherine bit her lip to stifle her cries of pleasure, her nails digging into his back. Their lovemaking was hot and fast, their separation making it impossible for them to take it slow. He came right after she did, her orgasm triggering his.
Catherine slumped against him, gasping. After a few moments she sat back and looked at him. "I love you and I missed you," she giggled and gestured around his office. "And I can't believe we just did this here."
Gil grinned at her, brushing her hair out of her eyes. "I'll never look at this couch the same way again," he admitted. "We'll have to keep this in mind for when we have a slow night. Instead of doing paperwork we can do this." His voice was triumphant.
"You are always looking for a way out of paperwork," she accused him.
"This is true," he said unapologetically. "You look better. Do you feel better?"
"Yes, I do." To her frustration, the tears came back. "I needed the time, but I missed you so much. I'm so sorry, Gil. I hurt you and I can't forgive myself for that."
"Cath, there's nothing to forgive. I missed you and I'm glad you're back. And if you do that again, I'll drag you back myself." He smiled at her. "Let's move on. Okay?"
Nodding, she wiped her eyes. "Agreed." She blew out a frustrated breath. "I thought I was done with this crying thing." She leaned forward and kissed him, hard. Deciding he was right, she changed the subject. "So how have things been here?"
"Oh they've been alright. Not too busy, but busy enough. Same old, same old, I guess." He sat back and then popped back up again. "Oh, wait!" He said excitedly. "Ecklie's gone. They have a replacement already lined up. Starts Saturday, I guess."
"Really? What happened? Who is it?" Catherine stood up and searched for her shirt.
"I have no idea. That's the strange part, no one is really saying. Just that it's a 'her' and she's got the reputation of being a real barracuda. For some reason it seems all hush-hush." He got up to put on his boxers. He turned around looking before he spied them over on a shelf, right next to Miss Piggy. Wondering momentarily how they wound up across the room, he shrugged his shoulders and slid them on. He missed the look on Catherine's face.
"A barracuda? Wow. Must be a real hard ass." She sat on the couch, clad in just the shirt she wore in. "Gil, I need to tell you something."
"I guess she is. I don't know. It just strikes me as strange. You know how this place can be with the gossip, especially with new people. Why haven't we heard more."
"Gil, I really need to tell you something," Catherine interrupted him.
".about her?" Gil continued as if she hadn't spoken. "I have to meet this woman on Saturday morning and would like some kind of idea of who she is. I mean I don't even have a name. You have to be there with me, Cath. You're much better with people than I am. We need a united front from the night shift. Man, I bet she's as bad as Ecklie. I was happy to get rid of him, he was a pain in the ass, but I don't think I can deal with a female version of him."
"Gil!" Catherine was getting frustrated. "Come here. I have to tell you something."
He walked over to her, warily, the last time she told him she had to tell him something, she left for days. "What?" He asked, sitting next to her.
Catherine took his hand in hers. "Gil, I've made a decision. About us and my job."
"And that is?" He didn't think he liked the way this was going at all. "I'm leaving the night shift." She smiled at him. "I took another job."
"You did what?" He exclaimed, jumping up off the couch. "Catherine! You tell me this now? Why not when you first walked in? Have you gone completely around the bend?"
Catherine got up and walked over to him, trying to suppress a grin. "No, Gil, I have not 'gone completely around the bend' as you so eloquently put it. Will you just listen please?" Taking a deep breath, she continued, " I swear you have the people skills of a fence-post sometimes. I will be with you Saturday morning, Gil. Trust me. I'm the barracuda."
Gil's mouth dropped open and he stared at her. "What did you say?"
"I said I am the 'barracuda' that people have been talking about. I'm Ecklie's replacement." She reiterated, she gestured to the door.
"You're Ecklie's replacement?" Gil was in shock. "And you didn't discuss this with me?"
"Gil, you know that we were going to have to do this someday. Brass called me with the sad," she broke into a smile, "news of Ecklie's departure and I had first right of refusal." She ran her hand up his chest. "I told you that I wasn't gonna be second banana forever and that I knew I could do his job."
Gil wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close to him. "I know you can. And you're right. This is the only way." He grinned at her. "You know what this means?"
Catherine's ecstatic smile made him weak at the knees. "We can go public?"
"Yes. We can. No more sneaking around, no more hiding. I can actually take you out to dinner." He sobered. "I'm gonna miss you like hell. Who's gonna keep me in line? Who's gonna keep me from killing Greg?"
"Yes we can. And I'll still be around keeping an eye on things. And you better not kill Greg, he's the best chemist we have." She leaned up for a kiss, which turned into several.
Gil pulled back slightly as a thought occurred to him. "Do you have it with you? Where is it?"
"It's in my purse. I love you, Gil Grissom."
"I love you too, Catherine Grissom. Now go get your ring." He turned her around and swatted her rear.
Catherine laughed and fetched her wedding ring from her purse. It was a Princess cut solitaire diamond, with a plain gold wedding band. There was nothing fancy about it, but she loved it. It was like their love; an ordinary, everyday kind of love but it was tempered by fire and shone brighter than the sun. She padded in her bare feet over to Gil and handed him her ring set.
He held her left hand in his right and slid the rings onto her finger, his eyes never leaving hers. He leaned forward and their lips met and clung. He stepped back and fished in his pocket. He handed her a matching gold band and she slid it onto his finger. They kissed again.
"We are never taking these off again, Gil." Catherine said softly, pulling back.
"We don't have to now." He held her for a moment then suddenly, looked at his watch. "Shit! I'm over an hour late handing out assignments." He spun around and looked for his pants.
Catherine giggled and looked around for her bra. She found it lying haphazardly over the tarantula aquarium. She picked it up, inspecting it for any signs of spider gunk. She knew how he loved his bugs, and for the most part, they didn't bother her, but his spider made her shudder. She decided she would forget the bra until it was washed. She quickly buttoned her shirt, silently thankful that it was loose fitting and spotted her jeans lying over by the couch. She picked them up but didn't see her panties anywhere.
Gil was already dressed and ready to go. "What are you waiting for?" He asked as she stood in the middle of the room, a perplexed look on her face.
"Gil? Where are my panties?" She looked around the room again. "I've got my jeans and my bra was adorning junior's house, but I don't see my underwear."
Gil laughed, he couldn't help it.
She glared at him. "Laugh it up, Bugman. We'll see how funny you think it is when someone, say Greg, comes in here and finds my panties. How are you gonna explain THAT one? I mean do you really want him seeing your wife's underwear?" She put her jeans on, grimacing slightly.
Gil sobered quickly. "Point taken. I'll keep the door locked until I find them." He grabbed her hand and pulled her to the door. "Shall we tell them now?"
"Might as well. Get it over with." She paused and tugged on his hand. "Do I look alright? Hair's not a mess? Lipstick over my face? I don't want to go in there looking like we just had sex. I mean they're gonna suspect, Warrick saw me come in, but I don't want to advertise it."
He studied her for a moment. "No, you look ravishing as always. What about me?"
"Devastatingly sexy. And no lipstick anywhere." She grimaced. "I really hate this loose feeling," she complained, tugging at her jeans. "Ok, let's go."
They walked to the lounge silently, both a little nervous. Gil stopped outside of the lab and shouted to Greg over his radio. "I need you in the lounge, ASAP." They continued on their way.
He opened the door and let her precede him into the lounge.
"Catherine," Warrick said coming over to them, and giving her a hug. "I'm glad you're back. We've missed you."
"Thank you Warrick." She turned to Nick. "Have you been behaving yourself, Nicky?"
"Yes ma'am," he said grinning, enveloping her in his arms. "Glad to have you back."
"It's good to be back," she said and took a step back. She turned and looked at Sara. "Hello, Sara."
"Hey, Cath." Sara felt ill at ease, she knew she needed to talk to Catherine, but wasn't sure how to broach the subject. Catherine beat her to it.
"I know we need to talk. How about in a few minutes?" Catherine asked quietly. Sara nodded and Catherine sighed in relief. Maybe this wasn't going to be as bad as she thought it might be.
"Ok, everyone, now that Greg is here, why don't you all have a seat. I have something to tell you."
Catherine and Gil remained standing as everyone else sat down. Catherine noted that Nick sat next to Sara and moved his chair closer to hers. She covered her small smile with her right hand and looked to Gil.
They exchanged glances and Gil took a deep breath. He hated talking about his personal life and this was just about as personal as it got. "Catherine is leaving the night shift, effective now." Looks were exchanged between the four seated at the table. "And meet the new day shift supervisor. Catherine Willows.my wife." Effectively shocked into silence, the three younger CSI's and Greg gaped at them.
"Grissom," Catherine murmured to Gil.
"What? Did you want to tell them?"
"No, I mean its Grissom, not Willows. You said Catherine Willows," Catherine explained patiently.
"You're right, I did." He moved closer to her. "I'm going to have to get used to that."
"So am I. We have hidden it for too long." Catherine took a step to him, oblivious of the others in the room. She met him halfway, tilting her face to his. Their lips and before they could deepen the kiss they were interrupted.
"Ok," Warrick began. "I'll bite. How long?"
tbc
AN: A huge thank-you to Angie, for beta-ing this, as well as Rita.
And to Ann for her insight and my friend Em (who listens to me go on
and on about Cath and Gil and never complains). Again this is
dedicated to the group. I love you guys. Y'all are great. Thank you
so much for standing by me.
Earlier~~~~~~
"Tahoe, I left all the information on the counter for you. I'll have
my cell phone, but, Gil don't come after me. Let me have this time.
Please." She stood and placed a kiss to the top of his head. "I love
you, don't you ever forget that." She turned and walked away, his
voice stopping her at the doorway.
"Cath, I'll leave the light on. just in case you get tired of being
gone."
She smiled wanly and walked, shoulders sagging, out of the bedroom.
The last glimpse she saw of Gil was his blue eyes glistening with
tears, watching her leave.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Catherine made it one block from her house before the tears in her eyes made driving impossible. She pulled over and let the tears flow; resting her head on the steering wheel. After a few minutes she wiped her eyes and sat there staring out the windshield, torn between what she felt she had to do and what she longed to do. She put the car in drive and slowly started forward; turning the wheel to the left, ready to make the U-turn that would take her back home. She braked again, her red Nissan XTerra blocking the street, took a deep breath and said softly. "Never doubt, never look back." She chuckled ruefully. "Who are you trying to fool?" Making up her mind, she slipped on her sunglasses, straightened her spine and resolutely drove toward Lake Tahoe.
Her friend had told her that she kept the cabin stocked with everything she'd need except for food, so she had stopped at a small grocery store and bought a few things she needed. After unpacking, she took a walk to the dock and sat at the edge, pulling her knees up to her chin and wrapping her arms around them. She stared out over the water, letting the motion of the water lull her into a trance. She couldn't have told anyone what she thought about had they asked, or if she even thought anything at all. Before she knew it, the sun had set over the water and she was sitting there in the twilight, shivering. Rising and stretching, Catherine turned back to the cabin. Forgoing food, she took a long hot shower, setting the showerhead to massage and leaned against the wall and letting the water pound over her back, easing tight muscles.
Later, after the hot water ran out, she pulled on a pair of Gil's flannel pajama bottoms, rolling up the legs, cinching the waist and slipped into his old UCLA sweatshirt. She pilferred it months ago, it always wound up in her drawer after laundry and that was Gil's job. She didn't mind washing the clothes, but she hated putting them away. Climbing into bed she automatically settled on 'her' side of the bed. She tried to read, but couldn't concentrate on the printed words. She was tired emotionally and physically, so she turned off the lamp and rolled to her left side. The bed looked and felt so empty and if she concentrated, she could see the outline of Gil next to her, even hear him breathing. She reached a hand to the other pillow, as if to touch his hair, but the vision vanished, leaving her alone. She thought she didn't have any more tears left, that she had cried them all out, but they flowed out of her eyes, wetting the pillow. She continued to stare, willing the vision to come back, to 'feel' his arm around her, 'hear' his whispered words of love, but it never did and eventually her eyes slid shut in sleep.
She spent the first few days in Tahoe not leaving the cabin, except for her daily runs along the path into the woods. She didn't want to see anyone, so she kept to herself, running, sleeping and sitting on the dock watching the water. The only time she went into town was to replenish the food. She ate, slept, and took long runs and even longer walks. And she thought about work and Gil and Lindsey and what she wanted, needed and hoped for. Catherine thought until she couldn't think anymore and then she planned.
She'd been gone a week when the phone call from Brass came. She'd been hoping he would call her with news. And he did. He had friends all over, had pulled some strings and he was faxing her the particulars of the job. She promised to look them over, sign the contract and fax it back to him as soon as she could. She had extracted his promise that he wouldn't say anything to Gil when he worked with him; this was something she had to do on her own. She loved working with him and didn't want to quit, but this job offer was too good to pass up. Right now, the only people who knew of their relationship were their coworkers on the nightshift, but they had only known for a short time and weren't going to say anything. But someone else outside of the small night crew would find out eventually and one of them would be forced to leave. She decided that she would leave first. She felt it really was the only way.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It had been 11 days, 11 long nights and even longer days since Catherine left. He'd spoken to Catherine three times in the days that she had been gone. Each phone call had been short, too short in his opinion, consisting mostly of talk about Lindsey. She'd assured him that she was taking care of herself and eating, satisfied herself that he was doing the same, exchanged 'I love yous' and disconnected. Each call had left Gil feeling despondent. He missed her more than he thought was possible. In his professional, he realized just how much insight she brought to each case. In his personal life, he'd never before known just how much he needed her. She made him complete, a whole person, even when he hadn't known there was something in him that was missing.
While Catherine was gone, he'd found out first hand what she went through with raising Lindsey single-handedly. Lindsey was a good child, bright and inquisitive; a total delight, but she wasn't perfect. He knew she was missing her mother and sensed that something wasn't right between them, so he'd tried to be understanding and cut her some slack, but not being that used to kids, he was finding it difficult. The only 'fight' they really had, had started with Lindsey wanting to stay up late on a school night to watch her favorite movie on the Disney channel. He'd said no, and Lindsey kept arguing, refusing to move from her spot on the couch, and he actually yelled at her, surprising both of them. It ended with Lindsey running to her room crying and Gil wanting desperately to run crying to Catherine. After a few minutes of pacing and wondering how in the hell Catherine did this everyday, Gil went in and talked to Lindsey. He held her as she cried for her mother and wanted to know why she would 'go away' if she loved them so much. Gil was hard pressed to find a suitable answer. So he settled for reassuring the little girl that her mother loved her very much and would be home as soon as she could.
Work surprised him. He'd expected things between him and Sara as well as between Nick and Warrick to be strained, but it wasn't. And she'd seemed genuinely surprised and concerned when she found out Catherine had taken a leave of absence. Gil sensed that the younger woman had wanted to talk to her, but he didn't ask, and she didn't offer.
He remembered with painful clarity, the night Sara returned from suspension. They had been in the lounge waiting for report. He'd walked in with assignments and started passing them out when Nick spoke.
"Aren't we going to wait for Catherine? It's not like her to be late."
"Catherine isn't going to be here for awhile," Gil spoke; his voice low and everyone in the room could hear the pain in it. "She is on leave for two," he paused, cleared his throat and continued, "maybe three weeks."
"But she is coming back, right?" Sara's voice was shocked.
Gil looked down at the files in his hands, unwilling to meet anyone's eyes. "I hope so," was all he said. He cleared his throat again and continued with the assignments. "Warrick, Nick you two have the robbery at the Excalibur. Sara, you and I are on the murder-suicide at New York, New York."
If Sara had any doubts about working with him, she never voiced them. She did her job as she always did, showing dedication and precision. Over the next few days, Gil continued to pair her up with one of them, never letting her go solo, until he was sure that there weren't going to be any problems between them. He did notice, however, that her relationship with Nick had changed; at times he'd walked in to find them deep into conversation, and he got the feeling that it wasn't work that they were talking about.
Gil continued as he always had, one piece of evidence after the other. One case after the other, but he had changed. He'd become even quieter, if possible. He never let, or really tried not to let his personal life come to work with him. But now, for the first time, he had personal 'stuff' and he finally understood Catherine's argument from years before.
He knew Catherine was right about the potential problems of their working together while having a relationship, but the knowledge of the facts didn't make it any easier on him. He managed to make it through the long nights when she was gone, immersing himself in work and Lindsey, but the days were the hardest. He slept in fits and starts, never more than a couple hours at a time. And he never turned off the lights. He left them on continuously, knowing he was running up the electricity bill, but not caring. He kept every light in the house on, often turning them after Lindsey had turned them off. He'd replaced every bulb the day she left and had bought enough bulbs to open his own hardware store. He wanted to make sure the lights never went out; he wanted her to know that she was loved and missed.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Catherine knocked softly on the door to Gil's office. She was back a few days earlier than she had told him, but she couldn't stay away any longer. She was going to leave first thing tomorrow morning, but by 4 pm, she was pacing the floor of the cabin where she was staying, chewing her fingernails, longing to be home. By 5, her things had been thrown into the back of her SUV and she was one her way to Vegas and hopefully her future.
She took a deep breath and opened the door, stepped in a few feet, and stood quietly waiting for him to look up from the papers he was perusing. Not being able to stand the silence any longer, she spoke.
"Hey."
Gil's head snapped up at the familiar voice. He blinked once, as if trying to decide if she was really there or if he was seeing things.
"Hey yourself," was his reply. They stared at each other before the silence once again became too much for Catherine to bear.
"I'm back," she said, stating the obvious. She noticed the deep lines around his eyes, ones that hadn't been there before and the fatigue in his face and she hated herself, knowing she had put them there.
"I see that," Gil never took his eyes off of hers. She looked incredible in faded jeans and an old flannel button-down shirt. Her hair was done in his favorite style, curly, and hanging loose around her shoulders. It always made him want to bury his hands and face in it, inhaling the fragrance of her shampoo and the scent that was uniquely hers.
"Can we talk?"
Her words galvanized him and he rose from his chair and walked toward her, brushing past her to the door.
Catherine's breath left her body in a whoosh and she dropped her head, the tears welling in her eyes as she heard the door close. Her worst fear had come true. She'd lost him. She tried to breath, but her lungs wouldn't obey. Feeling a soft brush against her cheek, she jerked her head up to see him standing inches from her.
"I missed you," he whispered softly, so softly she could barely hear him.
She threw her arms around him, burying her face in his shoulder as her tears fell. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," she repeated over and over, choking on the words.
"Why are you sorry?" Gil whispered in her ear, as he held her tightly to him.
"Because.because I lied to you," she admitted and the tears came faster, making breathing difficult. "I lied to you and.and. I.I.pushed you away." Her voice was rising in near hysteria and she felt like she was going to gag. "I swore I'd never do that. And I hurt you. I hurt you and I'm so sorry. God, Gil, I'm sorry."
"Stop. You're going to make yourself sick."
Catherine responded to the authority in his voice and struggled to stop her tears and catch her breath. She took a small step back, accepted the tissue he handed her and blew her nose.
"It's okay, Cath." Gil turned her face to his, wiping her tears away with his thumbs. "I missed you like hell, but I understand. I do. Just please, please don't shut me out again."
Catherine shook her head. "Never again. I love you." She took a huge shuddering breath. "It sounds so.I don't know.not enough."
"It is enough, it's more than enough." Gil told her. "Can I kiss you now?" His smile was tender, full of love and forgiveness.
"Please." Catherine met his lips with hers, the kiss soft, almost hesitant; as if they were rediscovering each other, and the love they shared. He wove his fingers through her hair, holding her to him as Catherine's hands rested on his hips. He slanted his mouth over hers, his tongue seeking entrance to her mouth, which she granted willingly. Their tongues met and the kiss turned passionate and they moaned in unison, reveling in the sensation of tongues sliding against tongues, bodies pressed tightly together, hands roaming and caressing. The desire and passion exploded within them and Gil's fingers went to the collar of her shirt at the same time hers found the button of his black slacks. Clothing was rapidly removed and thrown or kicked out of the way in their haste for each other. Gil walked backwards to his couch, pulling her with him. She reached around him and quickly threw the blanket from the back of the couch down onto the cushions. She smiled at him and playfully shoved him backwards, watching him land with a soft thump. She climbed into his lap and locked eyes with his.
He slid into her slowly, inch by inch until he was fully inside her. They sighed in unison savoring the feel of each other and then began to move. Gil threaded his fingers into her hair, pulling her close to him and whispering sensually into her ear as Catherine bit her lip to stifle her cries of pleasure, her nails digging into his back. Their lovemaking was hot and fast, their separation making it impossible for them to take it slow. He came right after she did, her orgasm triggering his.
Catherine slumped against him, gasping. After a few moments she sat back and looked at him. "I love you and I missed you," she giggled and gestured around his office. "And I can't believe we just did this here."
Gil grinned at her, brushing her hair out of her eyes. "I'll never look at this couch the same way again," he admitted. "We'll have to keep this in mind for when we have a slow night. Instead of doing paperwork we can do this." His voice was triumphant.
"You are always looking for a way out of paperwork," she accused him.
"This is true," he said unapologetically. "You look better. Do you feel better?"
"Yes, I do." To her frustration, the tears came back. "I needed the time, but I missed you so much. I'm so sorry, Gil. I hurt you and I can't forgive myself for that."
"Cath, there's nothing to forgive. I missed you and I'm glad you're back. And if you do that again, I'll drag you back myself." He smiled at her. "Let's move on. Okay?"
Nodding, she wiped her eyes. "Agreed." She blew out a frustrated breath. "I thought I was done with this crying thing." She leaned forward and kissed him, hard. Deciding he was right, she changed the subject. "So how have things been here?"
"Oh they've been alright. Not too busy, but busy enough. Same old, same old, I guess." He sat back and then popped back up again. "Oh, wait!" He said excitedly. "Ecklie's gone. They have a replacement already lined up. Starts Saturday, I guess."
"Really? What happened? Who is it?" Catherine stood up and searched for her shirt.
"I have no idea. That's the strange part, no one is really saying. Just that it's a 'her' and she's got the reputation of being a real barracuda. For some reason it seems all hush-hush." He got up to put on his boxers. He turned around looking before he spied them over on a shelf, right next to Miss Piggy. Wondering momentarily how they wound up across the room, he shrugged his shoulders and slid them on. He missed the look on Catherine's face.
"A barracuda? Wow. Must be a real hard ass." She sat on the couch, clad in just the shirt she wore in. "Gil, I need to tell you something."
"I guess she is. I don't know. It just strikes me as strange. You know how this place can be with the gossip, especially with new people. Why haven't we heard more."
"Gil, I really need to tell you something," Catherine interrupted him.
".about her?" Gil continued as if she hadn't spoken. "I have to meet this woman on Saturday morning and would like some kind of idea of who she is. I mean I don't even have a name. You have to be there with me, Cath. You're much better with people than I am. We need a united front from the night shift. Man, I bet she's as bad as Ecklie. I was happy to get rid of him, he was a pain in the ass, but I don't think I can deal with a female version of him."
"Gil!" Catherine was getting frustrated. "Come here. I have to tell you something."
He walked over to her, warily, the last time she told him she had to tell him something, she left for days. "What?" He asked, sitting next to her.
Catherine took his hand in hers. "Gil, I've made a decision. About us and my job."
"And that is?" He didn't think he liked the way this was going at all. "I'm leaving the night shift." She smiled at him. "I took another job."
"You did what?" He exclaimed, jumping up off the couch. "Catherine! You tell me this now? Why not when you first walked in? Have you gone completely around the bend?"
Catherine got up and walked over to him, trying to suppress a grin. "No, Gil, I have not 'gone completely around the bend' as you so eloquently put it. Will you just listen please?" Taking a deep breath, she continued, " I swear you have the people skills of a fence-post sometimes. I will be with you Saturday morning, Gil. Trust me. I'm the barracuda."
Gil's mouth dropped open and he stared at her. "What did you say?"
"I said I am the 'barracuda' that people have been talking about. I'm Ecklie's replacement." She reiterated, she gestured to the door.
"You're Ecklie's replacement?" Gil was in shock. "And you didn't discuss this with me?"
"Gil, you know that we were going to have to do this someday. Brass called me with the sad," she broke into a smile, "news of Ecklie's departure and I had first right of refusal." She ran her hand up his chest. "I told you that I wasn't gonna be second banana forever and that I knew I could do his job."
Gil wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close to him. "I know you can. And you're right. This is the only way." He grinned at her. "You know what this means?"
Catherine's ecstatic smile made him weak at the knees. "We can go public?"
"Yes. We can. No more sneaking around, no more hiding. I can actually take you out to dinner." He sobered. "I'm gonna miss you like hell. Who's gonna keep me in line? Who's gonna keep me from killing Greg?"
"Yes we can. And I'll still be around keeping an eye on things. And you better not kill Greg, he's the best chemist we have." She leaned up for a kiss, which turned into several.
Gil pulled back slightly as a thought occurred to him. "Do you have it with you? Where is it?"
"It's in my purse. I love you, Gil Grissom."
"I love you too, Catherine Grissom. Now go get your ring." He turned her around and swatted her rear.
Catherine laughed and fetched her wedding ring from her purse. It was a Princess cut solitaire diamond, with a plain gold wedding band. There was nothing fancy about it, but she loved it. It was like their love; an ordinary, everyday kind of love but it was tempered by fire and shone brighter than the sun. She padded in her bare feet over to Gil and handed him her ring set.
He held her left hand in his right and slid the rings onto her finger, his eyes never leaving hers. He leaned forward and their lips met and clung. He stepped back and fished in his pocket. He handed her a matching gold band and she slid it onto his finger. They kissed again.
"We are never taking these off again, Gil." Catherine said softly, pulling back.
"We don't have to now." He held her for a moment then suddenly, looked at his watch. "Shit! I'm over an hour late handing out assignments." He spun around and looked for his pants.
Catherine giggled and looked around for her bra. She found it lying haphazardly over the tarantula aquarium. She picked it up, inspecting it for any signs of spider gunk. She knew how he loved his bugs, and for the most part, they didn't bother her, but his spider made her shudder. She decided she would forget the bra until it was washed. She quickly buttoned her shirt, silently thankful that it was loose fitting and spotted her jeans lying over by the couch. She picked them up but didn't see her panties anywhere.
Gil was already dressed and ready to go. "What are you waiting for?" He asked as she stood in the middle of the room, a perplexed look on her face.
"Gil? Where are my panties?" She looked around the room again. "I've got my jeans and my bra was adorning junior's house, but I don't see my underwear."
Gil laughed, he couldn't help it.
She glared at him. "Laugh it up, Bugman. We'll see how funny you think it is when someone, say Greg, comes in here and finds my panties. How are you gonna explain THAT one? I mean do you really want him seeing your wife's underwear?" She put her jeans on, grimacing slightly.
Gil sobered quickly. "Point taken. I'll keep the door locked until I find them." He grabbed her hand and pulled her to the door. "Shall we tell them now?"
"Might as well. Get it over with." She paused and tugged on his hand. "Do I look alright? Hair's not a mess? Lipstick over my face? I don't want to go in there looking like we just had sex. I mean they're gonna suspect, Warrick saw me come in, but I don't want to advertise it."
He studied her for a moment. "No, you look ravishing as always. What about me?"
"Devastatingly sexy. And no lipstick anywhere." She grimaced. "I really hate this loose feeling," she complained, tugging at her jeans. "Ok, let's go."
They walked to the lounge silently, both a little nervous. Gil stopped outside of the lab and shouted to Greg over his radio. "I need you in the lounge, ASAP." They continued on their way.
He opened the door and let her precede him into the lounge.
"Catherine," Warrick said coming over to them, and giving her a hug. "I'm glad you're back. We've missed you."
"Thank you Warrick." She turned to Nick. "Have you been behaving yourself, Nicky?"
"Yes ma'am," he said grinning, enveloping her in his arms. "Glad to have you back."
"It's good to be back," she said and took a step back. She turned and looked at Sara. "Hello, Sara."
"Hey, Cath." Sara felt ill at ease, she knew she needed to talk to Catherine, but wasn't sure how to broach the subject. Catherine beat her to it.
"I know we need to talk. How about in a few minutes?" Catherine asked quietly. Sara nodded and Catherine sighed in relief. Maybe this wasn't going to be as bad as she thought it might be.
"Ok, everyone, now that Greg is here, why don't you all have a seat. I have something to tell you."
Catherine and Gil remained standing as everyone else sat down. Catherine noted that Nick sat next to Sara and moved his chair closer to hers. She covered her small smile with her right hand and looked to Gil.
They exchanged glances and Gil took a deep breath. He hated talking about his personal life and this was just about as personal as it got. "Catherine is leaving the night shift, effective now." Looks were exchanged between the four seated at the table. "And meet the new day shift supervisor. Catherine Willows.my wife." Effectively shocked into silence, the three younger CSI's and Greg gaped at them.
"Grissom," Catherine murmured to Gil.
"What? Did you want to tell them?"
"No, I mean its Grissom, not Willows. You said Catherine Willows," Catherine explained patiently.
"You're right, I did." He moved closer to her. "I'm going to have to get used to that."
"So am I. We have hidden it for too long." Catherine took a step to him, oblivious of the others in the room. She met him halfway, tilting her face to his. Their lips and before they could deepen the kiss they were interrupted.
"Ok," Warrick began. "I'll bite. How long?"
tbc