Following Buffy in her search for Dawn, Spike tried to remain calm. He knew that Dawn would end up at the hospital with Glory and he wanted to get there as soon as possible, but Buffy had her mission. They entered the park and passed the playground equipment.
"Dawn?! DAWN?!" Buffy called.
"Yeah, that should do it," he groused, annoyed.
"Shut up," she snapped.
"The Nibblet's scampered off to get away from you. She hears you bellowing she'll pack it in the opposite direction. Can't say I blame her," he responded.
Buffy sagged, defeated and stopped to look at him.
"You were right. We should have told her…"
He stood there awkwardly, hating to see her in pain and helpless to do anything about it.
"She probably would have skipped off anyway, even if she never found out. She's not just a blob of energy - she's also a fourteen-year-old hormone bomb. Which one's screwing her up more right now? Spin the bloody wheel." He paused, eyeing the night. "You'll find her, just in the nick of time. That's what you hero types do." At her uncertain expression, he added sincerely, "You'll find her."
"And then what?"
"Then you bring her home. Joyce'll ground her until she's twenty-one and you won't have to worry about her skippin' off anymore," he offered.
At the mention of her mother, Buffy smiled slightly. "Only if we cut down that tree, get rid of the trellis and padlock her door."
Spike shrugged. "Suppose we *could* build a stone tower onto your house and put her in it, but I think that'd give it away just a bit."
Buffy laughed softly, glad for the reprieve. "Just a bit."
He gave her a smile and looked around. "How is Joyce doing anyway?"
"Better. Worried about Dawn, but we all are. Thanks for asking," she answered sincerely.
"Like your mum. She's a good woman. Doc put her on blood thinners?" he asked suddenly.
There was a pause, then Buffy answered slowly, "Yes."
He nodded, distracted. "'S good."
"Why?"
"Huh? Why what?" he replied, pausing to look at her.
"Why is it important that my mom be on blood thinners?" she responded, fixing him with a knowing, expectant stare.
Caught off guard, he tried to back pedal, his mind working on a glib lie that would gloss over his concern with a plausible explanation. Buffy stepped up to him, cutting him off as he began to stammer his answer.
"No," she said firmly. "Don't you dare make something up. If it's one thing I have learned, it's that you don't do anything without a reason. What's wrong with Mom?"
He worked his mouth a few times and looked away from her steady stare.
"I…"
"Do you smell something wrong?" she asked suddenly, and his head shot up to look wide-eyed at her. Under his stunned look, she explained, "Giles told me. You knew about Mom's illness because you smelled it on her. Do you smell something wrong now?"
And the lie that wasn't really a lie at all was handed to him on a silver platter, wrapped up in a big red bow. Sighing, faking defeat, he hung his head and nodded.
"Yeah. I smell old blood. Could just be the incision healin' but it's been a while. Could be a hematoma… big blood clot."
"I know what a hematoma is, Spike."
He nodded, keeping his head down so she would think she had him. "It's probably nothin' but I figured it couldn't hurt for her to be on blood thinners. Just in case."
"Thank you, Spike," she said softly, making him look up in surprise. His look made her squirm and she had to look away.
"I'm sorry," she said suddenly.
He had to shake his head because he wasn't certain he'd heard her correctly and it could have been the alcohol that he'd imbibed that had him hearing things.
"Pardon?" he stammered.
"I said: I'm sorry," she repeated more plainly. "I'm sorry I beat you up. I'm sorry I didn't listen to you when you kept telling me to take Mom for a CAT scan. I'm sorry you felt you couldn't tell me that something was wrong."
Spike hung his head again, unable to process her apology. "You wouldn't have believed me anyway if I had."
"You're right. I wouldn't have. And I'm sorry for that too."
They fell into uncomfortable silence, each not knowing what to say, until finally, he looked at her and nodded.
"Thanks. Let's go find Nibblet."
He took a few steps, then smiled to himself at his own stroke of genius and made a show of sniffing the air. The action caught Buffy's attention immediately and she was at his side in a heartbeat.
"What? What is it?"
"I smell Dawn. She's been here, and recently too."
"Can you tell which way she went?" she asked excitedly.
He sniffed and nodded, "Yeah, 's this way."
Thankful that Slayers also had vampire speed when needed, he pretended to follow Dawn's scent directly to the hospital. Buffy ran past him as they approached the building.
"You don't think she…" Buffy breathed, hurrying into the ER waiting room.
Her absence while she checked to see if Dawn had been brought into the ER gave Spike enough time to catch Dawn's real scent trail. He sniffed it out, walking slowly around the exterior. He knew that they had found Dawn on the third floor before, but there was no telling where she had been when she first ran into Glory or how she entered the building.
"She hasn't been brought in," Buffy told him, relief in her voice, as she rejoined him outside.
He shook his head. "No, I suppose not. Looks like she walked in on her own two feet."
"You can still smell her?" Buffy asked, amazed.
He nodded, focusing in on a set of closed doors that led to an interior corridor. "Yeah."
"Even with all these… hospital smells?"
"Once a vamp gets a scent and starts trackin', very little can knock him off the trail. It's this way."
He moved forward, Buffy following close on his heels as he made his way through the unlocked doors and down the corridor. It was night, so the hospital staff was on graveyard shift. No one saw them come in as they moved across the hall and into a stairway.
"You sure she came this way?" Buffy asked.
"Yeah. Not long ago either. Scent's strong."
"Spike, the mental ward with all of Glory's loonies is up this way."
He paused on the stairs and looked at her. "You don't think…"
"Crazy people can see what she is."
There was no answer to that and they hurried up the stairs. Entering the mental ward, they found Dawn standing at the foot of one of the mental patients' beds.
"You know what I am, don't you? You all know? Tell me," she was demanding of the man in the bed.
"Can't hear it can't hear it can't hear it…" the man babbled.
"What am I?"
"Dawnie!" Buffy cried, running over to her.
"No!" Dawn argued, shrugging off Buffy's attempts to grab her. "What am I!?"
"The Key!" yelled another mental patient.
Dawn whirled around to face the new voice and Spike recognized the man as one of the Knights of Byzantium at the same time Buffy recognized him too.
"Knights of Hack and Slash…" she breathed as Dawn hurried over.
"I found it!" the insane Knight said, squeezing his eyes shut. "Thank you. Thank you…"
Dawn edged in close to his bed.
"You know what the Key is? Where did I come from? Who made me? What am I? Please…"
"Dawnie…" Buffy tried.
"I want to know!" Dawn yelled back angrily, but jerked back as the Knight lunged for her, his restraints barely stopping him.
"Destroyer! Cracked earth and bones! The sun bleeding into the sky!" he cried.
"No…" Dawn choked, stepping back, crushed.
Spike stepped up to her, flanked by Buffy.
"Dawn," he whispered, trying to get her attention.
"The Key is the link! The link must be severed!"
The rest of the mental patients went into fits, terrifying Dawn. She covered her mouth with her hands and turned to flee, just as Ben entered the mental ward.
"What the? What are you doing here?" the intern asked, surprised.
Spike moved forward immediately, placing himself next to Dawn as Buffy ran interference.
"Dawn... she was trying to understand how my mom could get so crazy with the… y'know brain tumor, so she ran here," Buffy tried to explain hastily.
"Oh," Ben answered, looking past them to the agitated patients. The Knight was still lunging for Dawn, pulling at his manacles.
"So… umm… we were just going. Come on, Dawnie…" Buffy said, grabbing her sister and dragging her, struggling, out of the ward.
"The Key! The Key! Bring back the Key!" they heard the Knight cry as the doors banged shut.
"No, no! I want to know!" Dawn argued, trying to pull out of Buffy's Slayer grip.
"Dawn!" Buffy hissed, dragging her into the stairwell.
Spike guarded the door and gave Buffy a nod at her askance glance. "Benny stayed to calm down the loonies," he said.
"Dawn, those crazies know you're the Key!" Buffy scolded.
"I know! They can tell me what I am," Dawn replied, squirming, tears running down her cheeks.
"What they can tell is Glory's minions that you're the Key so she can come snatch you!" Spike growled.
"But I have to know…" Dawn sobbed.
"Dawn… Dawnie… What you are is my sister…"
Dawn shook her head. "I'm not… I'm not anything…"
"You are. You are flesh and blood and we love you."
"No! No! I'm not! I'm not real. I'm not real! I'm not…" the teen began to wail, growing hysterical.
Spike stepped forward and slapped her, stunning her out of her hysteria and making him yowl from the chip shock.
"You're real, Bit!" he snarled, one fist to his temple. "Real enough to give me a migraine."
"And that means you're human," Buffy affirmed.
"But…" Dawn stuttered. "Buffy…"
She broke down, collapsing against her sister in a sobbing heap. Buffy wrapped her arms around her and held her close, rocking her as she cried. Spike stood close by, knowing he didn't have the right to join them, but desperately wanting to. He waited, fists and teeth clenched, until Dawn settled and they pulled apart.
"Dawn, we need to get out of here," Buffy said softly.
Dawn nodded through her sniffles and Buffy helped her to her feet. They began making their way down the stairs, but Dawn tripped from exhaustion and emotional stress. Buffy moved to catch her, but Spike was faster, hoisting Dawn into his arms as if she weighed nothing at all.
"I've got 'er, Slayer," he said, his voice thick with emotion.
Buffy gave him a look and seemed to come to a decision. She gave him a short nod and watched from the corner of her eye as they walked down the stairs. They didn't speak again until they were out of the hospital.
"You want to go alert the troops while I take her home?" Spike asked, still cradling Dawn. The teen had her head resting against his leather-clad shoulder, her eyes blank and staring.
Buffy looked at the darkened Sunnydale streets and frowned.
"I told the gang to check in at the Magic Box. I'll run there and leave a message, then join you."
Surprised and secretly pleased that she was trusting him with Dawn, he nodded. "Right then. See you back at your place."
She gave him a final, pensive look, before heading off for the Magic Box. He waited a moment, watching her leave, before setting off for Revello Drive. He walked quickly, purposefully, taking the shortest route possible. Dawn's fingers curled themselves into the lapels of his duster as he carried her, silent but strong, homewards.
Joyce was waiting at the door when he stepped up to the porch. Somewhere along the way, Dawn had fallen asleep and he was grateful Joyce was there to open the door so he wouldn't jostle her awake struggling with the doorknob.
"Buffy called me from the Magic Box. She's on her way," Joyce whispered at his silent question.
He nodded, crossing the threshold and following her up the stairs to Dawn's bedroom. He gently laid her down as Joyce held back the covers, and stood protectively by as Joyce removed Dawn's sneakers and covered her with the blankets. They both looked at the exhausted girl on the bed whose face was still pained even in sleep.
"What monsters would do this to an innocent child?" Joyce wondered aloud. "Didn't they think before doing this to her? Making her sentient, turning her into a human girl?"
"Brown robe types rarely look at the big picture, Joyce. All they saw was a way to protect the Key from Glory by giving it to the Slayer. I doubt they considered the consequences of making the Key human."
Joyce shook her head sadly. "And messing with our minds, our memories… It's like a type of rape."
He grimaced, his soul constricting at the sound of the word rape.
"I dunno, Joyce. Just a vampire here. I don't have any answers for you. What I do know is that we can't make Nibblet feel less than human. We have to convince her that we love her just the same, whether she's been with us 14 years or 4 months," he replied.
"You love her, don't you?" Joyce asked suddenly.
He started and stared at her, then he put on airs and shrugged. "What's not to love? I mean, she's a great kid even if she is a blob of energy."
"I didn't mean Dawn. I meant Buffy. You love Buffy."
He squirmed under her piercing gaze and tried to weasel out. "Soulless demon here, Joyce. We can't love."
"A soulless demon who visits a sick woman in the hospital and brings her chocolate, who shows concern and protects her daughters, who laughs with her and watches soap operas, and cares about her health and well being. That doesn't sound like a being that is incapable of love."
He looked away, unable to meet her eyes. "Doesn't matter," he said finally, emotion overwhelming him.
Joyce cocked her head and looked at him with a look only astute mothers could own. "Doesn't it?"
He sighed, closing his eyes. "No, it doesn't."
"A year ago, I told Angel that if he loved Buffy he should leave and let her have a normal life. I didn't know… I didn't realize that Buffy would never have a normal life, that she would never have the life I envisioned for her," Joyce admitted softly, her voice tinged with a sadness that could not be fathomed, the sadness of knowing that she would probably bury her daughter before her child's 25th birthday.
"I want her to have a normal life, Spike, but Slayers don't live normal lives. They live short, desperate lives full of violence and darkness, and happiness is as fleeting as sand between your fingers."
He watched her move about the room, smoothing Dawn's coverings and brushing the girl's hair from her face gently.
"I thought Riley was perfect for Buffy. He was military and fought the same darkness Buffy fought, but the darkness consumed him and he betrayed Buffy in a terrible way," she continued, walking from Dawn's room and coming to stand in the hallway. He followed, interested in hearing what she had to say.
"I remember you from 4 years ago, when you first attacked my daughter at the high school. I remember when you allied yourself with her to fight against Angel when he took my daughter's virtue and turned evil. I remember when you returned the following year, heartbroken that Drusilla had left you. I remember the trouble Buffy had with you her first year of college, and your struggle with the chip that army operation put into your brain. I also remember how you helped Buffy this last year, how you helped me and looked after Dawn, how you have protected and aided both of my daughters. I have seen you change and become someone no one thought you could be, but I have seen you struggle with it anyway, without help or encouragement."
She moved close to him, her eyes sad and resigned. "I know you are a soulless being, but you have more soul than some humans I know. You are loyal and faithful and strong, and you accept my daughter for all that she is, not just the parts of her that are attractive or pleasing to you. I don't approve, but I do understand. And I have come to terms with the reality that my daughter is a Slayer, and that means she won't be with me for very long. If she can find happiness with someone who loves her so fiercely that he would change his very nature for her, I can't find any fault in that."
He stared at her, unable to hold back the tears that welled in his eyes at her soft words and tacit acceptance.
"Thanks, Mum," he managed, and allowed himself to dream of what it would be like to be accepted by Buffy and loved by her.
He dreamed of long nights slaying and loving, followed by quiet days watching soaps with Joyce, helping Dawn with her homework, and feeling part of a family again, of *belonging* somewhere. But it was a dream and he knew it, and he let it slip away, fading behind his eyes like a fond memory.
"However, your eldest doesn't love me, and she never will, and that's how it should be. Vampires and Slayers… they weren't meant to be together. But I will love her until I am dust, and I will protect her and hers with every last ounce of strength I have inside me. I give you my word, Joyce Summers, as the English gentleman I once was. I will never hurt your daughter," he promised, looking her directly in the eye.
"I believe you, William. I believe you."
"Believe what?" Buffy's voice came from the doorway, making them both jump.
Spike stared at her, horrified that she might have heard their conversation, and he didn't know what to say. Luckily, Buffy's mother was as glib as her daughter, and easily came to the rescue.
"Spike was assuring me that Dawn hadn't put herself in any undue danger tonight by going to the hospital. He swore to me that he didn't hear or smell any of that Glory woman's minions around when you were there or when he was bringing her home."
Buffy looked at him and he tried to see what she was thinking, but her face was closed and her eyes unreadable.
"That's good. That's really… good."
"So, did you leave a message for the others?" Joyce asked.
"I ran into Willow and Tara on my way from the Magic Box. They promised to tell the rest of the gang. Is Dawn okay?"
"Yes," her mother assured. "She's asleep. Spike brought her safely home."
Buffy graced him with a measured look. "I knew he would."
He couldn't hold her gaze and dropped his eyes.
"I'd best be off. It's late and I've got telly to catch up on," he said, suddenly feeling the need to run and run very far.
Joyce laid a gentle hand on his arm and gave him a fond look.
"Goodnight, Spike and thank you."
"Night Joyce, night Buffy," he mumbled, making his hasty exit. It was too much and he couldn't take it. He had to get out of there before he lost it completely and started bawling like a ponce.
He didn't see Buffy staring thoughtfully after him as he hurried out.