"Do you think they'd miss us if we went home?" Trapper asked, trying to
lighten the mood in the OR.
"Trapper, shut up, I'm up to my neck in this kid's lung," Hawkeye snapped.
"Fine."
This set the tone for the rest of the huge shift, tense, uncomfortable and depressing. When it finally ended Hawkeye said, "I need a drink."
Trapper smiled wryly, "Now that's a good idea, care to join us Sidney?"
Sidney was exhausted, "I don't know how you guys do that. A massive shift like that and you still have the energy to drink."
"It's not a matter of simply having the energy, after a shift like that, a drink has become necessity if we want to sleep. Especially when you consider the past couple of days," Hawkeye explained.
Sidney yawned, "To tired for psycho babble, night."
"Good night or morning or whatever it is."
Hawkeye and Trapper went back to the Swamp. "I need a drink," Hawkeye repeated.
"Is that all you ever think about?"
"No. . .maybe. . .most of the time."
Trapper rolled his eyes, "It doesn't fix anything."
"I know, but it makes it go away for a bit. It makes the hurt and fear blur and dissolve."
"There are other ways of doing that."
"What?"
"Making the pain stop. You could try opening up about it instead of trying to drown it. I'm here, you don't have to be strong or drunk all the time."
"The words pot, kettle and black come to mind."
"Good point."
"How about alcohol now and opening up in the morning?"
Trapper lay down on his cot, "Works for me."
Hawkeye lay down with him, "I'm sorry I snapped at you in the OR."
"That's okay," Trapper said. He planted kiss on Hawkeye's head. Hawkeye got up again and got two drinks, "Here you go."
"Why thank you."
Hawkeye lay back down, "Why do you think Frank did it?"
"It was a way out, a way of making the pain go away."
"I still can't believe it. Ferret face, the one we loved to torment, gone. After everything he went through, he died by himself. That doesn't seem fair."
"It isn't," Trapper said simply.
"Maybe if we hadn't been so awful to him. . ."
"I don't think this is our fault per se."
"No you're right, it isn't. We both know whose fault it is."
"God, how do you live with something like that?"
"You don't unless you get help. Look what happened to Frank, it ate him inside, he became a shell not a person."
The only response was a soft snore. Hawkeye finished his drink and climbed into his own cot.
They woke up the next morning and headed for the Mess Tent.
The PA sounded, "The 4077th bids a reluctant farewell to Major Frank Burns. You will be sorely missed. A memorial service will be held at 1100 hours in the Mess Tent."
The morning was a blur, until the service. The entire camp gathered to bid farewell for their fallen comrade. Radar arrived, pushing Henry in a wheel chair. Despite how intensely everyone disliked him, they all found at least one positive thing to say about him, especially now everyone knew about his child hood.
Weeks passed, the horror of the events became less vivid. Margaret had a slight break down and was transferred to the 8063rd and Henry was making a steady recovery. Hawkeye and Trapper were in the Swamp alone; they still hadn't been able to get a replacement surgeon. Conversation drifted back to the fateful night. They were lying on Hawkeye's bunk. "I was so terrified," Trapper said.
"I was too, but not for me," Hawkeye admitted.
"Why not? I was terrified for both of us."
"When I go home, all I've got is my Dad, but you, you have a family, you have daughters. They can't grow up without a Daddy."
"Hawkeye, I love you, but you're insane. When you go home you'll have the world at your feet. You'll find someone you love, settle down and lead the beautiful life you deserve."
"I have already found someone I love."
"But this won't transfer over into the real world. It can't."
"I know, but I still love you. Even if after Korea I never see you again, I'll have this."
"We were always going to be forever. . ." he trailed off, planting gentle kisses along Hawk's jaw.
"Mmmm, as friends or lovers, we are forever. We'll probably never see each other after the war, but I'll know I had you, even if for only a short time. It's still more than a lot of people get," Hawkeye moaned softly as Trapper went to work on his neck.
Trapper looked up, "If all we have is now, I intend to make the most of it."
A/N: On that note, I think it's finished! There is a very slim chance I will do a bit more on it, but at this stage. . .I just finished my second fan fiction! Thank you to everyone, who gave me feedback, I love each and every one of you. You know, when I started this was just going to be a piece of slashy fluff, boy did that change.
"Trapper, shut up, I'm up to my neck in this kid's lung," Hawkeye snapped.
"Fine."
This set the tone for the rest of the huge shift, tense, uncomfortable and depressing. When it finally ended Hawkeye said, "I need a drink."
Trapper smiled wryly, "Now that's a good idea, care to join us Sidney?"
Sidney was exhausted, "I don't know how you guys do that. A massive shift like that and you still have the energy to drink."
"It's not a matter of simply having the energy, after a shift like that, a drink has become necessity if we want to sleep. Especially when you consider the past couple of days," Hawkeye explained.
Sidney yawned, "To tired for psycho babble, night."
"Good night or morning or whatever it is."
Hawkeye and Trapper went back to the Swamp. "I need a drink," Hawkeye repeated.
"Is that all you ever think about?"
"No. . .maybe. . .most of the time."
Trapper rolled his eyes, "It doesn't fix anything."
"I know, but it makes it go away for a bit. It makes the hurt and fear blur and dissolve."
"There are other ways of doing that."
"What?"
"Making the pain stop. You could try opening up about it instead of trying to drown it. I'm here, you don't have to be strong or drunk all the time."
"The words pot, kettle and black come to mind."
"Good point."
"How about alcohol now and opening up in the morning?"
Trapper lay down on his cot, "Works for me."
Hawkeye lay down with him, "I'm sorry I snapped at you in the OR."
"That's okay," Trapper said. He planted kiss on Hawkeye's head. Hawkeye got up again and got two drinks, "Here you go."
"Why thank you."
Hawkeye lay back down, "Why do you think Frank did it?"
"It was a way out, a way of making the pain go away."
"I still can't believe it. Ferret face, the one we loved to torment, gone. After everything he went through, he died by himself. That doesn't seem fair."
"It isn't," Trapper said simply.
"Maybe if we hadn't been so awful to him. . ."
"I don't think this is our fault per se."
"No you're right, it isn't. We both know whose fault it is."
"God, how do you live with something like that?"
"You don't unless you get help. Look what happened to Frank, it ate him inside, he became a shell not a person."
The only response was a soft snore. Hawkeye finished his drink and climbed into his own cot.
They woke up the next morning and headed for the Mess Tent.
The PA sounded, "The 4077th bids a reluctant farewell to Major Frank Burns. You will be sorely missed. A memorial service will be held at 1100 hours in the Mess Tent."
The morning was a blur, until the service. The entire camp gathered to bid farewell for their fallen comrade. Radar arrived, pushing Henry in a wheel chair. Despite how intensely everyone disliked him, they all found at least one positive thing to say about him, especially now everyone knew about his child hood.
Weeks passed, the horror of the events became less vivid. Margaret had a slight break down and was transferred to the 8063rd and Henry was making a steady recovery. Hawkeye and Trapper were in the Swamp alone; they still hadn't been able to get a replacement surgeon. Conversation drifted back to the fateful night. They were lying on Hawkeye's bunk. "I was so terrified," Trapper said.
"I was too, but not for me," Hawkeye admitted.
"Why not? I was terrified for both of us."
"When I go home, all I've got is my Dad, but you, you have a family, you have daughters. They can't grow up without a Daddy."
"Hawkeye, I love you, but you're insane. When you go home you'll have the world at your feet. You'll find someone you love, settle down and lead the beautiful life you deserve."
"I have already found someone I love."
"But this won't transfer over into the real world. It can't."
"I know, but I still love you. Even if after Korea I never see you again, I'll have this."
"We were always going to be forever. . ." he trailed off, planting gentle kisses along Hawk's jaw.
"Mmmm, as friends or lovers, we are forever. We'll probably never see each other after the war, but I'll know I had you, even if for only a short time. It's still more than a lot of people get," Hawkeye moaned softly as Trapper went to work on his neck.
Trapper looked up, "If all we have is now, I intend to make the most of it."
A/N: On that note, I think it's finished! There is a very slim chance I will do a bit more on it, but at this stage. . .I just finished my second fan fiction! Thank you to everyone, who gave me feedback, I love each and every one of you. You know, when I started this was just going to be a piece of slashy fluff, boy did that change.