Chapter 8 But When It Comes To Being Loved She's First
Belle read and re-read the letter Shawn had sent his grandmother Caroline from Cadiz. He was happy at last, and his letter was full of praise for Spain, his friend Mark who apparently did nothing but woo girls and drink, and a beautiful Spanish senorita called Chris. Presumably the girl Chloe had seen him with that night. Christina, according to Shawn, was perfect, pretty, intelligent and fun to be around. Belle occasionally felt a pang of jealousy in her heart, loath as she was to admit it, but the memory of Chloe's words acted against, rather than for her jealousy. He loved her. She felt that now, though their connection was tremulous sometimes, she believe he loved her still. As she loved him.
She picked up his latest letter to Alice, written on board the ship he lived on, and scanned the lines adoringly. He was half way across the Atlantic, working hard, and had risen in the ranks in those long two and a half years apart to lieutenant.
The last lines made her heart beat faster. He was coming home, Shawn was finally coming home. Belle's loneliness was terrible. Having lost their baby, their families, and having half their friends travel across the country, it felt good to know that, after so long, she was getting her Tough Boy back. Perhaps he could forgive her for everything she had done to him, and she could forgive him for leaving her. Perhaps they could find love again. She wanted that so badly. Needed it, in fact. Her therapist told her that she had unresolved issues. She knew of only one unresolved issue: Shawn's love for her. She needed closure or continuance, this limbo hurt. Therefore, knowing that he was coming back was a balm to her wounded soul. She smiled happily and put the letter away again.
Hope was happy too, happier than the whole of Salem had seen her since that fateful summer night. Her eldest son, her first born, was coming home. Her marriage with Bo, rocky for so long, was back on track, and JT and Isaac lived with them, a happy family once again. The only thing missing was Shawn, preferably with Belle.
Shawn ran down the gangway of the ship and out onto the dock, his large bag banging on his back as he raced past Mark and his other shipmates, hurrying to catch his plane, heart full of hopes and fears. Salem was calling, and so was Belle. It had been too long.
"Going somewhere Brady?" Mark bellowed after him.
"Home!" Shawn yelled back, knowing full well that Mark had known where he was going for the past three months and was only starting the conversation to wind him up.
"Not Cadiz, then?" Mark smiled his crooked grin at him and Shawn nearly laughed. His long standing friendship with the gorgeous Chris had led to much ribbing on board the ship. She was his life line. They exchanged letters almost daily, phone calls whenever he was in port, and since that first stop in Cadiz, he had seen her five times in eighteen months. Yet both their hearts still ached, and Shawn's friendship with Mark was the lighter hearted of the two relationships, if the less deep.
"Salem, you idiot." Shawn turned around and began to run again, throwing over his shoulder just as he turned the corner, "Drop in sometime, but warn me first! I don't want my great grandmother finding you stone drunk on the front porch!"
"Bye Brady! Kiss Alice for me!" Shawn ran for it. If he stayed with Mark, he would never get home to Salem, or possibly he would take home a whore that he would never bed and a bottle of whisky.
He landed in Salem and wondered where to go first, and if Belle would be the same as he had left her. He hadn't realised the memories would be quite so fresh, so raw, and as he wandered across Salem Place remembering everything that had happened to him since he had last been there. Remembering everything he had lost, Shawn felt his eyes fill with tears. It had been two and a half years, but still the images that had haunted him then remained with him. He kept seeing himself and Belle as happy parents, watching a tiny baby boy grow into a bouncing, rambunctious toddler, and JT progress, as the child of his parents and not Hope and John, into the finest baseball player in the family. No matter what the ghosts showed him, he was always with Belle, whether she was laughing or crying, she was always there with him.
So wrapped up in his memories was he, that when Shawn first glimpsed a beautiful blonde in a light blue sundress walking along with a small boy holding her hand tightly, he half believed he was dreaming of Belle and their son again. Then he saw a tall, elegant woman with brown hair and a model's figure, bring another small boy of the same age along behind the blonde, and he realised he wasn't dreaming. It was his mother, his brother, his adopted brother, and Belle. He could barely believe it. The boys were so big, and his mother looked younger than ever, but Belle had changed the most. He had left a girl who ran around town in a leather mini skirt and red strapless top that exposed her midriff, and had returned to find an innocent looking girl in a blue sundress that fell to her knees with a high, sweetheart neckline. The breath caught in his throat as he stared at her, drinking her image in. Then she turned, the sunlight kissing her hair and highlighting the blue eyes he had missed almost as much as he had missed her warm voice. Shawn had to lean against a wall as he watched Belle smile and laugh, as he had so often dreamed she would do with him, and his knees half buckled beneath him.
Then he couldn't help himself, he stepped into the sunlight and crossed Salem Place. He stopped short though, as he saw a blond young man ran up to Belle, flinging his arms around her and swinging her around. She laughed, kissing him on the cheek and holding him closely to her. Jealousy shot through Shawn's body like fire in his blood. She had forgotten him after all, gone on without him. The undying love she had sworn to him had died. He wouldn't cry, he wouldn't allow himself to despair. He couldn't expect to be able to waltz back into Belle's life and sweep her up in his arms as if nothing had happened. He had left her behind. She had had to go on. He had been so stupid to leave her, but then he had had no choice. It was his life or hers, and he had chosen his own. Perhaps it was the wrong decision, it didn't matter anymore. It had been made. Now there was one last choice: did he fight for his Belle or did he let her go?
Belle turned her head and thought she glimpsed Shawn as he wandered through Salem Place, but dismissed the idea as he wasn't due home from the Merchant Marines for another week. Her imagination had been running wild, coming up with every conceivable scenario for his return, from finding him engaged to a pregnant and glowingly happy Chris, to his begging her to forgive him and them setting off on a round the world cruise aboard his boat, 'The Perfect Girl'. Then Isaac tugged her hand and she was brought back to reality, dismissing her fleeting vision of Shawn as nothing more than her mind playing tricks on her.
The Brady Pub was a buzzing hive of activity when Shawn strolled in, his leather jacket more beaten than ever slung lazily across one shoulder and his bag, filled with souvenirs from every port he had stopped in for the past two and a half years, clutched in his hand. The earring that had so infuriated his parents on his return from boarding school so many years before was still there, glinting in the light, though he had had to remove it when the Merchant Marines had parades or had been called up for inspection. He wore it now as a tribute to his predecessor sailors, whose earrings were not for show, but for the price of their funerals if they drowned at sea and were washed ashore. He was older, firmer around the edges, more muscular and with a face that belied his sufferings. Only his eyes showed that life had not always been a perfect delight to him.
"What's a guy got to do to get a double cheeseburger with a side of fries and a chocolate milkshake around here?" Shawn called out jokingly. Caroline dropped a plate, spinning around to see her favourite wandering grandson returned in spectacular glory.
"Shawn D.? Is that really you?" Her hand flew to her mouth and she gasped. He had never looked so much like his father.
"Hey Grandma," Shawn said softly as he wrapped his gentle loving arms around her. "I missed you."
"My darling boy," Caroline's arms gripped him hard, calling at the same time for the rest of the Brady clan. "you're home, at last you're home."
Shawn was cuddled and kissed and slapped on the back by more people than he could count. He accepted his father, his mother, the once believed situation between her and John Black, and the various confused lines of their family tree with equanimity and grace. They had expected an angry young man, even the return of the rebel Shawn, but instead found a gentle, kind young man who was as willing as his parents to set things right. His maturity surprised them, but Shawn could have told them that from his friendship with Mark, it had become necessary for him to quickly mature or get trapped into a vicious circle of being a moronic jerk only interested in girls and drink, without Mark's charm, for the rest of his life.
He had eaten, half starved after his trip with only air plane food, the most disgusting concoctions imaginable, to sustain him, and now he wanted to see his mother and his brothers, but most of all his Belle. He had to stop thinking like that, she was no longer 'his' if she ever had been. She was her own person, possibly with a boyfriend and a new life, a new life he had no part in. Burying his emotions deep, Shawn stepped away from his family to make a phone call, but as he made his way past Caroline and Shawn senior, the door of the Pub swung open and in walked his mother, JT, Isaac and his beautiful Belle. on her arm was a handsome guy of about twenty five, with dark blond hair and very good looks. They said their farewells to Hope, and stayed for just long enough for Shawn to watch their comfortable touches and movements and feel ill.
Reaching the phone and dialling up Chris's number, his heart breaking inside his chest as he pretended not to see Belle grasp her new beau firmly around the waist and smile up at him, Shawn prayed she would pick up quickly. She answered his call almost instantly and her first words put his trademark grin back on his face.
"If this isn't Tom Cruise or my favourite look alike Tom Cruise, I'm going back to my soap opera," she growled lazily into the mouth piece.
"Hey Chris," Shawn said with more happiness than he felt. "How are you?"
"I'm good baby, how are you? Back in Salem mooning over that girl again?" Chris was reading the Spanish subtitles of 'Hours of Our Existence' while talking to him, rooting for her favourite two characters, Izzy and Douglas, to finally admit their feelings to each other.
"I'm good. I'm not mooning as such, more just feeling my heart break again," Shawn sighed as the blond guy walk back out of the Pub with Belle under one arm. There had been a time, for about five minutes when he had got exceptionally drunk with Mark, when he thought he could replace Belle with Chris. Now he knew it was a fantasy. There was no one but Belle for him.
"What?" Chris half yelled. "What did she do this time?"
"Moved on without me." Shawn allowed just a little of his emotion to enter his voice, and instantly regretted it.
"I'll see you tonight," Chris barked into the mouthpiece. "Bye."
"Chris, baby, wait!" Shawn half shouted at her.
He slammed down the phone and turned to face his family, his smile fixed back into place. "Hi Mom," he said softly as his mother turned around to face her baby boy all grown up.
"Shawn? I thought you weren't back for another week yet!" Hope hung back, unsure if he wanted her to hug him or not after all that had happened before he left, but her fears were dispelled when Shawn's warm arms were flung about her, and he rocked her in his embrace. He had forgiven her, and that was all she needed to know.
Releasing her reluctantly, Shawn knelt down to the level of JT and Isaac, "Don't you two remember me? Doesn't your big brother get a hug?"
"Shawn D.!" They yelled together, rushing to him and latching onto him like limpets. "You're home!"
Shawn felt a little better when his brothers were in his arms, and his mother's heart was warmed to see her children becoming so close. It had been a long separation, but now that Shawn Douglas was home at last, perhaps happiness was not too far away. She held Bo closely to her, happy once more in her love for him, and could only pray that Shawn and Belle would be able to reunite as joyfully as her family had done.
Chris walked down the steps of the plane from Cadiz, belonging to the We Fly Anywhere Anytime Airlines, patented to that small mid-west town, and finished the short trip to America quietly plotting how to put Shawn and Belle back together and meet the rather gorgeous Mark again as well. She liked Shawn, but it was very evident that his heart belonged to Belle and always would. If she couldn't find Mark, then perhaps Belle's new beau would do. Now there was an idea.
Shawn was there waiting for her. She had called him from the plane, asking him to pick her up from the airport so she could brief him on her plan. She hugged him gently, noting the pain in his face as he told her of Belle's new boyfriend.
The hello and how are you greetings over with, Chris didn't waste any time telling Shawn exactly what she thought they should do. "Pretend I'm your girlfriend, that we're madly in love and make Belle insanely jealous. We could even pretend that I'm pregnant."
"What happens if Belle doesn't get jealous? If she's really happy with this new guy of hers, whoever he is, and she just says good on us?" Shawn started gnawing at his lower lip and Chris quickly rethought her plan. "Then what do we say about the baby? I don't even want to think about what it felt like to lose a child last time."
"I'll seduce the new guy." She said at last, as Shawn drove Bo's car back to Salem Place.
"No!" Shawn protested instantly, pushing away the image of Chris slinking her way towards the blonde bimbo Belle had fallen for. "I know you're trying to help, but that is an even worse idea. I can't let you prostitute yourself and if she really loves this guy, it would break Belle's heart."
"Shawn, you're a sweetie, but if we're going to get you back with Belle, you can't be so moral." Chris pinched his cheek and went back to her thoughts. "How about I just drag Belle into one corner and convince her that you and her are meant to be together?"
"It's better than your other plans, but still no!" Shawn was beginning to become desperate. Chris's plans were wild, but not so wild that he would not give them a second thought.
He pulled up outside of the Pub, running around the front of the car to open Chris's door for her, and led her inside to show her his home town and his family.
"Is this it?" Chris asked impatiently. "Where's the Princess?"
"How am I supposed to know?" Shawn asked her petulantly. "I've been out for the past hour picking you up."
"Come on, sweetie," Chris put her arm through Shawn's. "Let's make an entrance."
Shawn muttered under his breath, but allowed himself to be carried along by Chris's tide of enthusiasm. Entering the Brady Pub once again, this time with the Spanish girl on his arm, Shawn searched desperately for Belle. He could see the back of her head, and her shoulders with the blond guy's arm resting across them.
"Kiss me, Shawn, make the girl jealous," Chris said quickly as she watched his eyes change from their usual chocolate colour to emerald green.
"No, I'll just go say hello and if she cuts me dead, I'll introduce you as my girlfriend and see her reaction, OK?" Shawn stared intensely into her dark eyes for a moment, and she closed and opened her eyes slowly to show her agreement.
Shawn released her, and walked slowly over to Belle and her new beau.
"Hello Belle."
She spun around, her blue eyes intense and focused on him.
Her mouth dropped open. She hadn't expected him for another week. She wasn't mentally prepared to face him. She was trying not to drool as she answered, "Shawn."
"How have you been?" He asked her uncomfortably, shifting around as he stood.
"Fine. Um, you remember my brother Eric, don't you?" Staring across, with clear vision at last, Shawn felt incredibly stupid. He had been such a fool. He was jealous of her brother!
His face turning a little pink, he managed to say without a stammer, "Of course, hi Eric."
"Shawn, sweetheart," the word made an expression Shawn wasn't sure how to read flicker across Belle's face. It couldn't have been jealous anger, could it? "Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?" Chris moved up behind him and rested her chin on Shawn's shoulder, smiling down at Belle and Eric.
"Yeah, uh, this is Belle and her half brother Eric," Shawn stressed the word brother, but he needn't have bothered. Chris was totally enchanted by Eric's eyes, and probably would have gone after him even if Belle had been dating him. "Eric, Belle, this is my friend Chris. She's from Cadiz in Spain."
Chris stuck out one hand to shake Eric's, but he took it in his and kissed it gently. She nearly fainted clean away.
"Uh, Chris," Shawn started, taking his eyes off Belle just long enough to give her a knowing glance.
"Mm?" She replied dreamily, still staring into Eric's eyes.
"Chris, if you don't let go of Eric's hand, he can't finish eating." Shawn gently moved Chris's hand out of Eric's, but she wasn't paying attention. He jerked his head at Belle, and they left Chris and Eric staring at each other like they had just found their soul mates.
"So is Chris your girlfriend?" Privately, Belle hoped the answer would be no, almost as much for her brother's sake as for her own.
Shawn shook his head, and smiled a little. Belle didn't hate him completely if she was talking to him. It was a start. "No, she's just a friend."
Something in those five little words struck to Belle's heart. A memory from high school of Shawn's constant repetition of the phrase galled her. "Like we were just friends?" She spat abruptly, taking Shawn by surprise.
"No, Belle, Chris and I are good friends, but not like we were." Shawn didn't know what had gone wrong.
"Clear off, Shawn! You can't just waltz back into my life and expect me to welcome you with open arms!" Belle's blue eyes burned with a fury that was fuelled by jealousy. He had left, found new friends and travelled to exotic places, while she had remained in Salem, lonely and dissipate. Her therapist would have been disappointed in her, but the wall of anger and hurt she had so carefully constructed and then tried to destroy was not so easily overcome.
"I don't expect you to do that," he was trying to be gentle, trying to take her hand and get her to look into his eyes when he should have realised they needed one massive argument to clear the air between them. They had left so much unresolved, though neither would admit it. He had left her, she had pushed him away, both were to blame, and neither wanted to admit their own share in the downfall of their relationship. The hurt both had felt needed soothing, but the anger needed to be run through. They were both proud, and because love had not been enough the first time, now they wondered if it could ever be enough.
"Well don't even think about it!" Belle turned on her heel, not even sure why she was angry anymore and stormed out of the Pub. Shawn chased after her, trying to explain if he could why he wanted her back.
Feelings neither had expected were brought forth as they moved. It was easy to love one another when they didn't see each other, when they weren't being reminded of impassioned words and the hurt that had come later. Realising they had failed in their love was hard, seeing the pain of the failure in the other's eyes was harder still. After all they had been through, a simple 'I love you' wouldn't solve things.
"Belle, please," he began, stopping in the doorway as she paused at the curb side.
And, worst of all for their love, neither had found comfort in the other at the loss of their child. All they saw now was the memory of the worst time in their lives, and to share doubled the pain, not halving it as it should have done. She saw in him the man who had abandoned her when she needed him most, who had taken her virginity and left her wounded and broken. He saw in her the woman he had once loved more than life itself, but who had rejected him time and again, and perhaps had never loved him as he had loved her.
"No, Shawn." Belle looked at him with no love in her eyes, only hate. Her wounded pride was taking control, burying her heart's real feelings behind a wall that he would have to break through if he was ever to win her back. "You left. You ran off and had adventures. I had to pick up the pieces of my shattered life here. You can't understand what it's like to have a broken heart and no one to care."
She didn't wait for his answer, running away from him. She didn't hear his last uttered words. Perhaps if she had, everything would have been different.
Shawn's chocolate brown eyes were dull with pain, and his vision was blurred by the tears that rose in them unbidden, unwanted and unheeded by her. His voice was low and husky, not sexy but broken and raw with emotion, "But I do, Belle. I have a heart, I know I do, because you broke it, and you were the only one who really could care. You took my heart, you took my everything, you left me a shell, and now you don't even want that."
Belle read and re-read the letter Shawn had sent his grandmother Caroline from Cadiz. He was happy at last, and his letter was full of praise for Spain, his friend Mark who apparently did nothing but woo girls and drink, and a beautiful Spanish senorita called Chris. Presumably the girl Chloe had seen him with that night. Christina, according to Shawn, was perfect, pretty, intelligent and fun to be around. Belle occasionally felt a pang of jealousy in her heart, loath as she was to admit it, but the memory of Chloe's words acted against, rather than for her jealousy. He loved her. She felt that now, though their connection was tremulous sometimes, she believe he loved her still. As she loved him.
She picked up his latest letter to Alice, written on board the ship he lived on, and scanned the lines adoringly. He was half way across the Atlantic, working hard, and had risen in the ranks in those long two and a half years apart to lieutenant.
The last lines made her heart beat faster. He was coming home, Shawn was finally coming home. Belle's loneliness was terrible. Having lost their baby, their families, and having half their friends travel across the country, it felt good to know that, after so long, she was getting her Tough Boy back. Perhaps he could forgive her for everything she had done to him, and she could forgive him for leaving her. Perhaps they could find love again. She wanted that so badly. Needed it, in fact. Her therapist told her that she had unresolved issues. She knew of only one unresolved issue: Shawn's love for her. She needed closure or continuance, this limbo hurt. Therefore, knowing that he was coming back was a balm to her wounded soul. She smiled happily and put the letter away again.
Hope was happy too, happier than the whole of Salem had seen her since that fateful summer night. Her eldest son, her first born, was coming home. Her marriage with Bo, rocky for so long, was back on track, and JT and Isaac lived with them, a happy family once again. The only thing missing was Shawn, preferably with Belle.
Shawn ran down the gangway of the ship and out onto the dock, his large bag banging on his back as he raced past Mark and his other shipmates, hurrying to catch his plane, heart full of hopes and fears. Salem was calling, and so was Belle. It had been too long.
"Going somewhere Brady?" Mark bellowed after him.
"Home!" Shawn yelled back, knowing full well that Mark had known where he was going for the past three months and was only starting the conversation to wind him up.
"Not Cadiz, then?" Mark smiled his crooked grin at him and Shawn nearly laughed. His long standing friendship with the gorgeous Chris had led to much ribbing on board the ship. She was his life line. They exchanged letters almost daily, phone calls whenever he was in port, and since that first stop in Cadiz, he had seen her five times in eighteen months. Yet both their hearts still ached, and Shawn's friendship with Mark was the lighter hearted of the two relationships, if the less deep.
"Salem, you idiot." Shawn turned around and began to run again, throwing over his shoulder just as he turned the corner, "Drop in sometime, but warn me first! I don't want my great grandmother finding you stone drunk on the front porch!"
"Bye Brady! Kiss Alice for me!" Shawn ran for it. If he stayed with Mark, he would never get home to Salem, or possibly he would take home a whore that he would never bed and a bottle of whisky.
He landed in Salem and wondered where to go first, and if Belle would be the same as he had left her. He hadn't realised the memories would be quite so fresh, so raw, and as he wandered across Salem Place remembering everything that had happened to him since he had last been there. Remembering everything he had lost, Shawn felt his eyes fill with tears. It had been two and a half years, but still the images that had haunted him then remained with him. He kept seeing himself and Belle as happy parents, watching a tiny baby boy grow into a bouncing, rambunctious toddler, and JT progress, as the child of his parents and not Hope and John, into the finest baseball player in the family. No matter what the ghosts showed him, he was always with Belle, whether she was laughing or crying, she was always there with him.
So wrapped up in his memories was he, that when Shawn first glimpsed a beautiful blonde in a light blue sundress walking along with a small boy holding her hand tightly, he half believed he was dreaming of Belle and their son again. Then he saw a tall, elegant woman with brown hair and a model's figure, bring another small boy of the same age along behind the blonde, and he realised he wasn't dreaming. It was his mother, his brother, his adopted brother, and Belle. He could barely believe it. The boys were so big, and his mother looked younger than ever, but Belle had changed the most. He had left a girl who ran around town in a leather mini skirt and red strapless top that exposed her midriff, and had returned to find an innocent looking girl in a blue sundress that fell to her knees with a high, sweetheart neckline. The breath caught in his throat as he stared at her, drinking her image in. Then she turned, the sunlight kissing her hair and highlighting the blue eyes he had missed almost as much as he had missed her warm voice. Shawn had to lean against a wall as he watched Belle smile and laugh, as he had so often dreamed she would do with him, and his knees half buckled beneath him.
Then he couldn't help himself, he stepped into the sunlight and crossed Salem Place. He stopped short though, as he saw a blond young man ran up to Belle, flinging his arms around her and swinging her around. She laughed, kissing him on the cheek and holding him closely to her. Jealousy shot through Shawn's body like fire in his blood. She had forgotten him after all, gone on without him. The undying love she had sworn to him had died. He wouldn't cry, he wouldn't allow himself to despair. He couldn't expect to be able to waltz back into Belle's life and sweep her up in his arms as if nothing had happened. He had left her behind. She had had to go on. He had been so stupid to leave her, but then he had had no choice. It was his life or hers, and he had chosen his own. Perhaps it was the wrong decision, it didn't matter anymore. It had been made. Now there was one last choice: did he fight for his Belle or did he let her go?
Belle turned her head and thought she glimpsed Shawn as he wandered through Salem Place, but dismissed the idea as he wasn't due home from the Merchant Marines for another week. Her imagination had been running wild, coming up with every conceivable scenario for his return, from finding him engaged to a pregnant and glowingly happy Chris, to his begging her to forgive him and them setting off on a round the world cruise aboard his boat, 'The Perfect Girl'. Then Isaac tugged her hand and she was brought back to reality, dismissing her fleeting vision of Shawn as nothing more than her mind playing tricks on her.
The Brady Pub was a buzzing hive of activity when Shawn strolled in, his leather jacket more beaten than ever slung lazily across one shoulder and his bag, filled with souvenirs from every port he had stopped in for the past two and a half years, clutched in his hand. The earring that had so infuriated his parents on his return from boarding school so many years before was still there, glinting in the light, though he had had to remove it when the Merchant Marines had parades or had been called up for inspection. He wore it now as a tribute to his predecessor sailors, whose earrings were not for show, but for the price of their funerals if they drowned at sea and were washed ashore. He was older, firmer around the edges, more muscular and with a face that belied his sufferings. Only his eyes showed that life had not always been a perfect delight to him.
"What's a guy got to do to get a double cheeseburger with a side of fries and a chocolate milkshake around here?" Shawn called out jokingly. Caroline dropped a plate, spinning around to see her favourite wandering grandson returned in spectacular glory.
"Shawn D.? Is that really you?" Her hand flew to her mouth and she gasped. He had never looked so much like his father.
"Hey Grandma," Shawn said softly as he wrapped his gentle loving arms around her. "I missed you."
"My darling boy," Caroline's arms gripped him hard, calling at the same time for the rest of the Brady clan. "you're home, at last you're home."
Shawn was cuddled and kissed and slapped on the back by more people than he could count. He accepted his father, his mother, the once believed situation between her and John Black, and the various confused lines of their family tree with equanimity and grace. They had expected an angry young man, even the return of the rebel Shawn, but instead found a gentle, kind young man who was as willing as his parents to set things right. His maturity surprised them, but Shawn could have told them that from his friendship with Mark, it had become necessary for him to quickly mature or get trapped into a vicious circle of being a moronic jerk only interested in girls and drink, without Mark's charm, for the rest of his life.
He had eaten, half starved after his trip with only air plane food, the most disgusting concoctions imaginable, to sustain him, and now he wanted to see his mother and his brothers, but most of all his Belle. He had to stop thinking like that, she was no longer 'his' if she ever had been. She was her own person, possibly with a boyfriend and a new life, a new life he had no part in. Burying his emotions deep, Shawn stepped away from his family to make a phone call, but as he made his way past Caroline and Shawn senior, the door of the Pub swung open and in walked his mother, JT, Isaac and his beautiful Belle. on her arm was a handsome guy of about twenty five, with dark blond hair and very good looks. They said their farewells to Hope, and stayed for just long enough for Shawn to watch their comfortable touches and movements and feel ill.
Reaching the phone and dialling up Chris's number, his heart breaking inside his chest as he pretended not to see Belle grasp her new beau firmly around the waist and smile up at him, Shawn prayed she would pick up quickly. She answered his call almost instantly and her first words put his trademark grin back on his face.
"If this isn't Tom Cruise or my favourite look alike Tom Cruise, I'm going back to my soap opera," she growled lazily into the mouth piece.
"Hey Chris," Shawn said with more happiness than he felt. "How are you?"
"I'm good baby, how are you? Back in Salem mooning over that girl again?" Chris was reading the Spanish subtitles of 'Hours of Our Existence' while talking to him, rooting for her favourite two characters, Izzy and Douglas, to finally admit their feelings to each other.
"I'm good. I'm not mooning as such, more just feeling my heart break again," Shawn sighed as the blond guy walk back out of the Pub with Belle under one arm. There had been a time, for about five minutes when he had got exceptionally drunk with Mark, when he thought he could replace Belle with Chris. Now he knew it was a fantasy. There was no one but Belle for him.
"What?" Chris half yelled. "What did she do this time?"
"Moved on without me." Shawn allowed just a little of his emotion to enter his voice, and instantly regretted it.
"I'll see you tonight," Chris barked into the mouthpiece. "Bye."
"Chris, baby, wait!" Shawn half shouted at her.
He slammed down the phone and turned to face his family, his smile fixed back into place. "Hi Mom," he said softly as his mother turned around to face her baby boy all grown up.
"Shawn? I thought you weren't back for another week yet!" Hope hung back, unsure if he wanted her to hug him or not after all that had happened before he left, but her fears were dispelled when Shawn's warm arms were flung about her, and he rocked her in his embrace. He had forgiven her, and that was all she needed to know.
Releasing her reluctantly, Shawn knelt down to the level of JT and Isaac, "Don't you two remember me? Doesn't your big brother get a hug?"
"Shawn D.!" They yelled together, rushing to him and latching onto him like limpets. "You're home!"
Shawn felt a little better when his brothers were in his arms, and his mother's heart was warmed to see her children becoming so close. It had been a long separation, but now that Shawn Douglas was home at last, perhaps happiness was not too far away. She held Bo closely to her, happy once more in her love for him, and could only pray that Shawn and Belle would be able to reunite as joyfully as her family had done.
Chris walked down the steps of the plane from Cadiz, belonging to the We Fly Anywhere Anytime Airlines, patented to that small mid-west town, and finished the short trip to America quietly plotting how to put Shawn and Belle back together and meet the rather gorgeous Mark again as well. She liked Shawn, but it was very evident that his heart belonged to Belle and always would. If she couldn't find Mark, then perhaps Belle's new beau would do. Now there was an idea.
Shawn was there waiting for her. She had called him from the plane, asking him to pick her up from the airport so she could brief him on her plan. She hugged him gently, noting the pain in his face as he told her of Belle's new boyfriend.
The hello and how are you greetings over with, Chris didn't waste any time telling Shawn exactly what she thought they should do. "Pretend I'm your girlfriend, that we're madly in love and make Belle insanely jealous. We could even pretend that I'm pregnant."
"What happens if Belle doesn't get jealous? If she's really happy with this new guy of hers, whoever he is, and she just says good on us?" Shawn started gnawing at his lower lip and Chris quickly rethought her plan. "Then what do we say about the baby? I don't even want to think about what it felt like to lose a child last time."
"I'll seduce the new guy." She said at last, as Shawn drove Bo's car back to Salem Place.
"No!" Shawn protested instantly, pushing away the image of Chris slinking her way towards the blonde bimbo Belle had fallen for. "I know you're trying to help, but that is an even worse idea. I can't let you prostitute yourself and if she really loves this guy, it would break Belle's heart."
"Shawn, you're a sweetie, but if we're going to get you back with Belle, you can't be so moral." Chris pinched his cheek and went back to her thoughts. "How about I just drag Belle into one corner and convince her that you and her are meant to be together?"
"It's better than your other plans, but still no!" Shawn was beginning to become desperate. Chris's plans were wild, but not so wild that he would not give them a second thought.
He pulled up outside of the Pub, running around the front of the car to open Chris's door for her, and led her inside to show her his home town and his family.
"Is this it?" Chris asked impatiently. "Where's the Princess?"
"How am I supposed to know?" Shawn asked her petulantly. "I've been out for the past hour picking you up."
"Come on, sweetie," Chris put her arm through Shawn's. "Let's make an entrance."
Shawn muttered under his breath, but allowed himself to be carried along by Chris's tide of enthusiasm. Entering the Brady Pub once again, this time with the Spanish girl on his arm, Shawn searched desperately for Belle. He could see the back of her head, and her shoulders with the blond guy's arm resting across them.
"Kiss me, Shawn, make the girl jealous," Chris said quickly as she watched his eyes change from their usual chocolate colour to emerald green.
"No, I'll just go say hello and if she cuts me dead, I'll introduce you as my girlfriend and see her reaction, OK?" Shawn stared intensely into her dark eyes for a moment, and she closed and opened her eyes slowly to show her agreement.
Shawn released her, and walked slowly over to Belle and her new beau.
"Hello Belle."
She spun around, her blue eyes intense and focused on him.
Her mouth dropped open. She hadn't expected him for another week. She wasn't mentally prepared to face him. She was trying not to drool as she answered, "Shawn."
"How have you been?" He asked her uncomfortably, shifting around as he stood.
"Fine. Um, you remember my brother Eric, don't you?" Staring across, with clear vision at last, Shawn felt incredibly stupid. He had been such a fool. He was jealous of her brother!
His face turning a little pink, he managed to say without a stammer, "Of course, hi Eric."
"Shawn, sweetheart," the word made an expression Shawn wasn't sure how to read flicker across Belle's face. It couldn't have been jealous anger, could it? "Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends?" Chris moved up behind him and rested her chin on Shawn's shoulder, smiling down at Belle and Eric.
"Yeah, uh, this is Belle and her half brother Eric," Shawn stressed the word brother, but he needn't have bothered. Chris was totally enchanted by Eric's eyes, and probably would have gone after him even if Belle had been dating him. "Eric, Belle, this is my friend Chris. She's from Cadiz in Spain."
Chris stuck out one hand to shake Eric's, but he took it in his and kissed it gently. She nearly fainted clean away.
"Uh, Chris," Shawn started, taking his eyes off Belle just long enough to give her a knowing glance.
"Mm?" She replied dreamily, still staring into Eric's eyes.
"Chris, if you don't let go of Eric's hand, he can't finish eating." Shawn gently moved Chris's hand out of Eric's, but she wasn't paying attention. He jerked his head at Belle, and they left Chris and Eric staring at each other like they had just found their soul mates.
"So is Chris your girlfriend?" Privately, Belle hoped the answer would be no, almost as much for her brother's sake as for her own.
Shawn shook his head, and smiled a little. Belle didn't hate him completely if she was talking to him. It was a start. "No, she's just a friend."
Something in those five little words struck to Belle's heart. A memory from high school of Shawn's constant repetition of the phrase galled her. "Like we were just friends?" She spat abruptly, taking Shawn by surprise.
"No, Belle, Chris and I are good friends, but not like we were." Shawn didn't know what had gone wrong.
"Clear off, Shawn! You can't just waltz back into my life and expect me to welcome you with open arms!" Belle's blue eyes burned with a fury that was fuelled by jealousy. He had left, found new friends and travelled to exotic places, while she had remained in Salem, lonely and dissipate. Her therapist would have been disappointed in her, but the wall of anger and hurt she had so carefully constructed and then tried to destroy was not so easily overcome.
"I don't expect you to do that," he was trying to be gentle, trying to take her hand and get her to look into his eyes when he should have realised they needed one massive argument to clear the air between them. They had left so much unresolved, though neither would admit it. He had left her, she had pushed him away, both were to blame, and neither wanted to admit their own share in the downfall of their relationship. The hurt both had felt needed soothing, but the anger needed to be run through. They were both proud, and because love had not been enough the first time, now they wondered if it could ever be enough.
"Well don't even think about it!" Belle turned on her heel, not even sure why she was angry anymore and stormed out of the Pub. Shawn chased after her, trying to explain if he could why he wanted her back.
Feelings neither had expected were brought forth as they moved. It was easy to love one another when they didn't see each other, when they weren't being reminded of impassioned words and the hurt that had come later. Realising they had failed in their love was hard, seeing the pain of the failure in the other's eyes was harder still. After all they had been through, a simple 'I love you' wouldn't solve things.
"Belle, please," he began, stopping in the doorway as she paused at the curb side.
And, worst of all for their love, neither had found comfort in the other at the loss of their child. All they saw now was the memory of the worst time in their lives, and to share doubled the pain, not halving it as it should have done. She saw in him the man who had abandoned her when she needed him most, who had taken her virginity and left her wounded and broken. He saw in her the woman he had once loved more than life itself, but who had rejected him time and again, and perhaps had never loved him as he had loved her.
"No, Shawn." Belle looked at him with no love in her eyes, only hate. Her wounded pride was taking control, burying her heart's real feelings behind a wall that he would have to break through if he was ever to win her back. "You left. You ran off and had adventures. I had to pick up the pieces of my shattered life here. You can't understand what it's like to have a broken heart and no one to care."
She didn't wait for his answer, running away from him. She didn't hear his last uttered words. Perhaps if she had, everything would have been different.
Shawn's chocolate brown eyes were dull with pain, and his vision was blurred by the tears that rose in them unbidden, unwanted and unheeded by her. His voice was low and husky, not sexy but broken and raw with emotion, "But I do, Belle. I have a heart, I know I do, because you broke it, and you were the only one who really could care. You took my heart, you took my everything, you left me a shell, and now you don't even want that."