Roses are red, violets are blue, me no own, so you no sue! ^_^
A/N: I would like to thank and dedicate this chapter to Juliet and Vampire, both of whom held my hand and let me cry when I go my 12.5. It was scary for me, but you two were ultra cool and I could never hope for better friends. Thank you.
~*Angela*~
Ok, maybe I am a little drunk. It just makes it easier to do. I mean, if someone you shared a room with died, and that little thing changed your life, wouldn't you want something at least, to 'ease the pain'?
I don't know how she did it, but props to Jolene, for managing to kill herself. I mean, it was a truly spectacular performance. One minute, she's fine and dandy, speaking to me for the first time in ages, laughing and dancing. Then, with wonderful theatrics, she dies. And I mean really brilliant. First, she went pale, and staggered around. Then she grabbed Michael, clutching onto his robe and grabbing his shoulders. Then, when he carried her over to her bed, running and calling for the nurse, she turned to me. I could see that her right eye had gone totally red, all around. Her pupil wasn't moving, and it was seeping tears of blood. Her lips were blue, and her whole face was tinged blue. It was like she was blushing blue blood. Then she just said
"Well, I guess this is it."
Then, she died. I mean she just totally started foaming at the mouth and her eyes went really wide and her right hand, the one nearest me, dropped off the edge of the bed. A movie company couldn't have staged it better. Well, they would have had the music and the voice over and shit, but it wouldn't have been half as cool. If I could choose anyone as a death mentor, it would totally be Jolene.
The whole ward (all three of us) was invited to the funeral, on account of the fact that Jolene had put in her diary that we were her best friends and we were the only ones who understood her. I was totally mad, cos if I died I wouldn't want anyone to read my diary. Which is why I have written out a list of the people I want at my funeral.
Back to me being hammered.
After the funeral, we went to a party. The hospital let us go because Doris said that her nephew would be there and he would look after us. Of course, we had to get rid of the nephew, so we bribed him, but he wouldn't go away. We tried everything, and eventually James was like well, why don't you, kiss him or something? I knew he didn't mean kiss the guy. He meant I should sleep with him. Well, it was a cool party. What was I supposed to do? Looking back, it was a totally stupid decision, but I suppose I cant take it back, so whats the point in worrying about it?
To make a long story short, we went to the party, minus nephew.
It was cool there, but we were only interested in one thing.
Booze. Alcohol. Shots. The really good stuff.
There was tonnes of it at the party, and we took full advantage. Of course, if you're gonna drink, why bother with the wimpy option? You're gonna go for the hardcore stuff, the stuff that you know is going to dull whatever noise is going on in your head. Fortunately, the liquor cabinet was well stocked with whisky and tequila. So I sat in Michael's lap, with my head on his shoulder, while James poured us shot glass after shot glass of amber liquid. By the time we got round to the tequila, we'd been solidly downing the whisky for about half an hour. It was around then that I started noticing a change in myself. I wasn't drunk, just, different. Me left leg went a bit fuzzy, and my arms felt heavy. My fingers were fat and pudgy, and it felt weird standing up. I stretched and suggested to Michael that we should go to the bathroom.
"Why?"
"Dude, do you know how many calories we've swallowed? If we don't purge we'll put on about a million pounds." I grabbed his stomach and put my left arm around his waist. I tickled him "and you don't want a beer belly, do you?"
All the colour totally drained form his face. "Lets go."
He let me go first, holding my now long hair as I leaned over the bowl, expelling the alcohol from my body. Then he asked if he would be able to do his alone. I thought it was weird, but I didn't have a problem with it. So I waited outside while he purged all the disgusting things that he'd consumed. While I was waiting someone came up to me and asked if Michael was in the bathroom. What happened next was weird. Without even thinking I replied
"Dude, would I be waiting outside here if he wasn't." and then it hit me. I loved Michael. Maybe not the same as I loved Duo, but I loved him in some capacity.
Someone offered me something in a glass. It was electric blue, and looked really cool. So I downed it and laughed. It tasted like liquorice. I remembered the taste from ages and ages ago. The last time I had had any was when I was about 9, just before I got my eating disorder. I didn't know it, but that was the moment my whole life changed.
"Are you there, Sweets?" Michael was calling from inside the bathroom.
"Sup?" I answered, turning towards the door.
"I think we should go. I'm not sure James is doing too well. He looked slammed last time I saw him."
" 'Kie dokie. Just lets dance a bit first." He came out, and he didn't have his shirt on. His ultra buff pecs shone out at me.
"Just us two?" he inquired, grabbing my hand and dragging me to the dance floor, totally oblivious to the fact that I was staring at his body.
"Yeah" I whispered.
He pulled me close to him, and I wrapped my arms loosely around his neck. I closed my eyes and cocked my head to the side, just drinking in his aura. It was a fast song, but we swayed slowly, side to side, turning around on the spot.
"Angela,"
"Yeah?"
"I think I love you."
"No Michael," I put my head on his shoulder and opened my eyes, I could feel my tears as I listened to his heart, like I used to do with Duo. "You're in love with the idea of me."
"Well anyway, you're my best friend."
That was really cool. But the problem is he was holding me up. Maybe he hadn't noticed, because he was naturally about six inches taller than I was and he has holding me off the floor anyway, but my legs had collapsed. The whole world was spinning around and it felt like it had in the gym, everything rushing up really close to me. Then he let go and I fell to the floor. My eyes fluttered around, and I could feel him tapping my face, yelling to me to answer him. Then, I heard a familiar voice. Duo was there. He started yelling at Michael, asking him what I'd taken, what Michael had given me. Michael just stood there, stuttering and saying that we'd only had the whisky, that we hadn't touched any drugs of any kind.
Duo came closer and leaned down, and I could smell him. I smiled and he put his arms around me, then put one arm under my knees and carried me into a room, laying me gently onto the bed. I came around a bit then, but not much
"Angela," he seemed to be speaking to me from a long way away. "Angela!"
"Duo, Duo." I giggled at my joke.
"Angela, what have you taken?" Duo was sitting next to me, holding my head up and cradling me.
"Noth- nothing'. Just got rid of the last of the, the, the," my mind went off track then, and everything seemed to get very clear. I could see everything about Duo, his bangs hanging over his wonderful brilliant cobalt eyes, his gold earring just glinting in the dim light, his gorgeous nose and his lovely, full lips.
"Kiss me Duo. Now. Please?" I sat up on my own, leaning back on my elbows and arching my back. "I love you so so much." I sat up straight, put my right hand on his cheek and kissed him gently on the lips, then rained angel kisses down on his face. Somewhere in the background someone had a Celine Dion song on repeat. It had been playing for about ten minutes, but I only noticed it then.
"No, Angela, you're drunk." Was his whispered answer, but I could tell he was just being polite. He knew where that kiss would lead, and he had told me before that he wasn't going to sleep with me until we were both ready.
"Please? I know what I'm doing, what I'm asking for." And at the time I did.
So very carefully, I kissed him again, and he kissed me back. I started leaning backward and his body followed mine. I took my shaking hands down and tugged his top softly over his head. I could feel his ribs, and his six pack felt hard and sturdy. I ran my hands along his back, feeling for his spine. It was there, the bones jutting out for me to feel. He in turn ran his hand under my top. He pulled it over my head and discarded it onto the floor. He took in my body, drinking in the sight of me, as I did him. Then he took his trousers off, and they puddled on the floor. He was still wearing his boxers when he put one leg over both of mine. He lowered himself and kissed me again. It was a soft kiss, and when I playfully bit him on the lip I could feel him smile against my mouth.
It was so wonderful, so blissful, just lying there with him kissing me and holding me. I got really happy and really sleepy. He leaned down and kissed me on the cheek, and I smiled against him. He whispered in my ear
"Love you, Angela, and one day I'll make love to you, but not now. Ok?"
"Ok." I smiled. Everything seemed perfect to me, and the fact that I had presented Duo with exactly what he wanted, and he had turned me down, seemed too wonderful for words. I was listening to the words of the song playing in the background, and I started to repeat them, for no real reason, save that they seemed to fit the situation.
"Hush now, I see the love in your eyes, Oh, it's almost blinding me, I can't believe I've been touched by an angel with love. Let the rain come down and wash away my tears, Let it fill my soul and drown my fears."
"Angela?" I could feel him smiling against my neck, and he lay down beside me, on his side with his arm over my stomach.
"Duo?" I turned my back so that it was pressed lightly against his front, and I closed my eyes and held the hand that was around me.
"I think you're a little bit crazy. In the head." He smiled and kissed me again, on my shoulder.
"You know it sweets. As crazy as you or I, yet not as crazy as they."*
Then I just fell asleep. When I woke up I was back in the hospital, Michael was in the bed next to mine, instead of six beds away, and Duo was sleeping in the chair next to my bed.
I lay there for a long time, just looking at him, my hands curled under my head and my eyes staring. Eventually the sunlight began to seep through the windows, and I gently reached down and held duo's hand. It seemed to me that he tightened it gently around my own, and with the reassurance that he would always be by my side, no matter what, I fell asleep.
***********
Okie dokie, this chapter just proves beyond a reasonable doubt that I have gone mad. BTW, I was really really drunk when I wrote Angela's thing, so I cannot be held accountable for the content. You would not believe how atrocious my spelling was, and how much time I spent just correcting everything I'd written.
I used the Celine Dion song because it (as well as 'Hero' by Chad Kroeger and Josie Scott, and 'Never Ever' by All Saints) is the song that I always associate with Duo and myself. I once considered explaining in a fic why, but I found that I just couldn't be arsed.
Also, it would just scare the readers beyond belief, because they would be seeing the little movie thingys that I make up in my head. The voices in my head are fun and interesting, but only to me. To most other people, they are just plain SCARY.
* This is a quote from an essay I wrote about my experience with Anorexia Nervosa. I cant post the essay, because it isn't a fic, therefore ff.net will not allow me to post it. Although I doubt anybody would want to, you may use this quote in your fic, just ask me first. If you would like to read the essay (I know there are some people who find these things interesting) then please just give me your email address in a review, and I will be glad to send it to you.
A/N: I would like to thank and dedicate this chapter to Juliet and Vampire, both of whom held my hand and let me cry when I go my 12.5. It was scary for me, but you two were ultra cool and I could never hope for better friends. Thank you.
~*Angela*~
Ok, maybe I am a little drunk. It just makes it easier to do. I mean, if someone you shared a room with died, and that little thing changed your life, wouldn't you want something at least, to 'ease the pain'?
I don't know how she did it, but props to Jolene, for managing to kill herself. I mean, it was a truly spectacular performance. One minute, she's fine and dandy, speaking to me for the first time in ages, laughing and dancing. Then, with wonderful theatrics, she dies. And I mean really brilliant. First, she went pale, and staggered around. Then she grabbed Michael, clutching onto his robe and grabbing his shoulders. Then, when he carried her over to her bed, running and calling for the nurse, she turned to me. I could see that her right eye had gone totally red, all around. Her pupil wasn't moving, and it was seeping tears of blood. Her lips were blue, and her whole face was tinged blue. It was like she was blushing blue blood. Then she just said
"Well, I guess this is it."
Then, she died. I mean she just totally started foaming at the mouth and her eyes went really wide and her right hand, the one nearest me, dropped off the edge of the bed. A movie company couldn't have staged it better. Well, they would have had the music and the voice over and shit, but it wouldn't have been half as cool. If I could choose anyone as a death mentor, it would totally be Jolene.
The whole ward (all three of us) was invited to the funeral, on account of the fact that Jolene had put in her diary that we were her best friends and we were the only ones who understood her. I was totally mad, cos if I died I wouldn't want anyone to read my diary. Which is why I have written out a list of the people I want at my funeral.
Back to me being hammered.
After the funeral, we went to a party. The hospital let us go because Doris said that her nephew would be there and he would look after us. Of course, we had to get rid of the nephew, so we bribed him, but he wouldn't go away. We tried everything, and eventually James was like well, why don't you, kiss him or something? I knew he didn't mean kiss the guy. He meant I should sleep with him. Well, it was a cool party. What was I supposed to do? Looking back, it was a totally stupid decision, but I suppose I cant take it back, so whats the point in worrying about it?
To make a long story short, we went to the party, minus nephew.
It was cool there, but we were only interested in one thing.
Booze. Alcohol. Shots. The really good stuff.
There was tonnes of it at the party, and we took full advantage. Of course, if you're gonna drink, why bother with the wimpy option? You're gonna go for the hardcore stuff, the stuff that you know is going to dull whatever noise is going on in your head. Fortunately, the liquor cabinet was well stocked with whisky and tequila. So I sat in Michael's lap, with my head on his shoulder, while James poured us shot glass after shot glass of amber liquid. By the time we got round to the tequila, we'd been solidly downing the whisky for about half an hour. It was around then that I started noticing a change in myself. I wasn't drunk, just, different. Me left leg went a bit fuzzy, and my arms felt heavy. My fingers were fat and pudgy, and it felt weird standing up. I stretched and suggested to Michael that we should go to the bathroom.
"Why?"
"Dude, do you know how many calories we've swallowed? If we don't purge we'll put on about a million pounds." I grabbed his stomach and put my left arm around his waist. I tickled him "and you don't want a beer belly, do you?"
All the colour totally drained form his face. "Lets go."
He let me go first, holding my now long hair as I leaned over the bowl, expelling the alcohol from my body. Then he asked if he would be able to do his alone. I thought it was weird, but I didn't have a problem with it. So I waited outside while he purged all the disgusting things that he'd consumed. While I was waiting someone came up to me and asked if Michael was in the bathroom. What happened next was weird. Without even thinking I replied
"Dude, would I be waiting outside here if he wasn't." and then it hit me. I loved Michael. Maybe not the same as I loved Duo, but I loved him in some capacity.
Someone offered me something in a glass. It was electric blue, and looked really cool. So I downed it and laughed. It tasted like liquorice. I remembered the taste from ages and ages ago. The last time I had had any was when I was about 9, just before I got my eating disorder. I didn't know it, but that was the moment my whole life changed.
"Are you there, Sweets?" Michael was calling from inside the bathroom.
"Sup?" I answered, turning towards the door.
"I think we should go. I'm not sure James is doing too well. He looked slammed last time I saw him."
" 'Kie dokie. Just lets dance a bit first." He came out, and he didn't have his shirt on. His ultra buff pecs shone out at me.
"Just us two?" he inquired, grabbing my hand and dragging me to the dance floor, totally oblivious to the fact that I was staring at his body.
"Yeah" I whispered.
He pulled me close to him, and I wrapped my arms loosely around his neck. I closed my eyes and cocked my head to the side, just drinking in his aura. It was a fast song, but we swayed slowly, side to side, turning around on the spot.
"Angela,"
"Yeah?"
"I think I love you."
"No Michael," I put my head on his shoulder and opened my eyes, I could feel my tears as I listened to his heart, like I used to do with Duo. "You're in love with the idea of me."
"Well anyway, you're my best friend."
That was really cool. But the problem is he was holding me up. Maybe he hadn't noticed, because he was naturally about six inches taller than I was and he has holding me off the floor anyway, but my legs had collapsed. The whole world was spinning around and it felt like it had in the gym, everything rushing up really close to me. Then he let go and I fell to the floor. My eyes fluttered around, and I could feel him tapping my face, yelling to me to answer him. Then, I heard a familiar voice. Duo was there. He started yelling at Michael, asking him what I'd taken, what Michael had given me. Michael just stood there, stuttering and saying that we'd only had the whisky, that we hadn't touched any drugs of any kind.
Duo came closer and leaned down, and I could smell him. I smiled and he put his arms around me, then put one arm under my knees and carried me into a room, laying me gently onto the bed. I came around a bit then, but not much
"Angela," he seemed to be speaking to me from a long way away. "Angela!"
"Duo, Duo." I giggled at my joke.
"Angela, what have you taken?" Duo was sitting next to me, holding my head up and cradling me.
"Noth- nothing'. Just got rid of the last of the, the, the," my mind went off track then, and everything seemed to get very clear. I could see everything about Duo, his bangs hanging over his wonderful brilliant cobalt eyes, his gold earring just glinting in the dim light, his gorgeous nose and his lovely, full lips.
"Kiss me Duo. Now. Please?" I sat up on my own, leaning back on my elbows and arching my back. "I love you so so much." I sat up straight, put my right hand on his cheek and kissed him gently on the lips, then rained angel kisses down on his face. Somewhere in the background someone had a Celine Dion song on repeat. It had been playing for about ten minutes, but I only noticed it then.
"No, Angela, you're drunk." Was his whispered answer, but I could tell he was just being polite. He knew where that kiss would lead, and he had told me before that he wasn't going to sleep with me until we were both ready.
"Please? I know what I'm doing, what I'm asking for." And at the time I did.
So very carefully, I kissed him again, and he kissed me back. I started leaning backward and his body followed mine. I took my shaking hands down and tugged his top softly over his head. I could feel his ribs, and his six pack felt hard and sturdy. I ran my hands along his back, feeling for his spine. It was there, the bones jutting out for me to feel. He in turn ran his hand under my top. He pulled it over my head and discarded it onto the floor. He took in my body, drinking in the sight of me, as I did him. Then he took his trousers off, and they puddled on the floor. He was still wearing his boxers when he put one leg over both of mine. He lowered himself and kissed me again. It was a soft kiss, and when I playfully bit him on the lip I could feel him smile against my mouth.
It was so wonderful, so blissful, just lying there with him kissing me and holding me. I got really happy and really sleepy. He leaned down and kissed me on the cheek, and I smiled against him. He whispered in my ear
"Love you, Angela, and one day I'll make love to you, but not now. Ok?"
"Ok." I smiled. Everything seemed perfect to me, and the fact that I had presented Duo with exactly what he wanted, and he had turned me down, seemed too wonderful for words. I was listening to the words of the song playing in the background, and I started to repeat them, for no real reason, save that they seemed to fit the situation.
"Hush now, I see the love in your eyes, Oh, it's almost blinding me, I can't believe I've been touched by an angel with love. Let the rain come down and wash away my tears, Let it fill my soul and drown my fears."
"Angela?" I could feel him smiling against my neck, and he lay down beside me, on his side with his arm over my stomach.
"Duo?" I turned my back so that it was pressed lightly against his front, and I closed my eyes and held the hand that was around me.
"I think you're a little bit crazy. In the head." He smiled and kissed me again, on my shoulder.
"You know it sweets. As crazy as you or I, yet not as crazy as they."*
Then I just fell asleep. When I woke up I was back in the hospital, Michael was in the bed next to mine, instead of six beds away, and Duo was sleeping in the chair next to my bed.
I lay there for a long time, just looking at him, my hands curled under my head and my eyes staring. Eventually the sunlight began to seep through the windows, and I gently reached down and held duo's hand. It seemed to me that he tightened it gently around my own, and with the reassurance that he would always be by my side, no matter what, I fell asleep.
***********
Okie dokie, this chapter just proves beyond a reasonable doubt that I have gone mad. BTW, I was really really drunk when I wrote Angela's thing, so I cannot be held accountable for the content. You would not believe how atrocious my spelling was, and how much time I spent just correcting everything I'd written.
I used the Celine Dion song because it (as well as 'Hero' by Chad Kroeger and Josie Scott, and 'Never Ever' by All Saints) is the song that I always associate with Duo and myself. I once considered explaining in a fic why, but I found that I just couldn't be arsed.
Also, it would just scare the readers beyond belief, because they would be seeing the little movie thingys that I make up in my head. The voices in my head are fun and interesting, but only to me. To most other people, they are just plain SCARY.
* This is a quote from an essay I wrote about my experience with Anorexia Nervosa. I cant post the essay, because it isn't a fic, therefore ff.net will not allow me to post it. Although I doubt anybody would want to, you may use this quote in your fic, just ask me first. If you would like to read the essay (I know there are some people who find these things interesting) then please just give me your email address in a review, and I will be glad to send it to you.