You Know This is a Bad Idea Right?
Well, it's the moment you've all been waiting for! Watching me attempt and fail at yaoi even if it is just humor.
Cell: And to see who Kurama's mystery boyfriend is how Hiei's gonna kill the unlucky bastard.
DD: Oh yes you will be surprised. I'm not giving any hints either cause a hint would give it away. A warning would too...ah no it won't. Go for it Doc.
Warnings: Hmmm...yaoi or no yaoi...bah, well it KINDA is. Wait, no it's not just implied. Damnit I tell ya I freeze when it comes ta sex!
DD: Okay, enough stalling let's see what da Doc can do.
Cell: Begin transmission
_______________________________________________________________
Green-Eyed Monster
(Scene: Kurama's house. Hiei is watching the last 9 hours of the Twilight Zone marathon. Kurama is out)
Hiei: I have GOT to find this movie. I wonder where Kurama is.
El Nino: *Leans over couch* He said he was going out.
Hiei: But out where?
El Nino: *Shrugs* Bah, who knows? Whoa, he's got three arms!
Hiei: And he has three eyes! I wish I could have an eye removed from my head like that.
El Nino: ...That's stupid man!
Hiei: *Flashes third eye* Is it El Nino, is it?
El Nino: ...I suppose it's not. I'm gonna go up stairs now. *Goes upstairs*
Hiei: You do that.
Kurama: *Comes in through door* Oh Hiei, you won't BELIEVE what happened today!
Hiei: You got run over by a truck and lived?
Kurama: ...Uh no.
Hiei: Then I'm dry.
Kurama: ...You twit. I've got a BOYFRIEND!
Hiei: ...Yer gay?
Kurama: You know what? I guess I am!
Hiei: Damn. Hey El Nino!
El Nino: *From upstairs* What?!
Hiei: Kurama's GAY!
El Nino: Seriously?! Whoa!!
Kurama: ...Right.
Hiei: So who's the guy?
Kurama: He's right outside. I'm having him live with us.
Hiei: As long as he stays out of my personal space I'm fine.
Kurama: Promise?
Hiei: Cross me heart.
Kurama: Yay! HEY KUWABARA!
Hiei: OO!! WHAAAAAAAAT?!
Kuwabara: *Pokes his head in* Oh, hey shorty! I didn't know you stayed here.
Hiei: *Face frozen in a look of horror*
Kuwabara: *To Kurama* Uh, is he okay?
Kurama: Yeah, he's just in shock. Come on, I'll show you yer room. *Takes him upstairs*
Hiei: *Face is still frozen in look of horror*
El Nino: *Comes down stairs* Hey, did you see Kurama's boyfriend? He's not the best looking guy in the world, but he's kinda cute I guess. Has nice fashion sense! I've never seen anyone wear cashmere—Hiei?
Hiei: *Goes into shock* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!
El Nino: O_o?!
Hiei: *has mental breakdown* Oh my LORD!!
El Nino: *Slaps Hiei* Dude, your having a breakdown!!
Hiei: *Calms down some* Th-thanks...I n-needed that...
El Nino: Uh are you going to be alright?
Hiei: *Grabs Nino's shirt* NO I'M NOT ALRIGHT!! THAT FREAK OF NATURE IS MOVING IN ON MY TERRITORY!
El Nino: O_O!!
Hiei: *Drops Nino* I must reclaim my fox! *Paces* But how...I can't just call upon a massive army of demons and go around wearing a skirt and a sword conquering cities...
El Nino: *Watching Twilight Zone marathon* Hey, it's my favorite one! The one about the doll!
Hiei: Doll...*watches episode* ...That's IT! El Nino, you are a GENIUS!
El Nino: I know that! ...What'd I do?
Hiei: You just gave me a brilliant idea! And now, as my lackey, yer gonna help me OFF that red-haired bastard.
El Nino: I take it you mean Kuwabara-san.
Hiei: Yes, now here's what we're going to do.
(Later that night)
Kuwabara: *Sitting on the couch with Kurama* I wonder where Hiei is.
Kurama: Don't know. He usually doesn't disappear like this...y'know, El Nino's gone too...I smell trouble afoot and I do NOT like it.
Kuwabara: Aw don't worry Kura-kun; they're probably off doing...something...
Kurama: ...You just may be right. Let's go upstairs. *Winks*
Kuwabara: *Oblivious* Okiedokie. *They go upstairs*
Hiei: *Comes out of shadows*
El Nino: *Comes from under couch* If I hadn't seen you do that I wouldn't have believed it.
Hiei: It's a gift. *Hears shouts and moans from upstairs* It's time to KILL! *Takes out notepad and pencil. Writes*
El Nino: *Sets up ladder at top of stairs* What are you writing?
Hiei: *Grins* Suicide note. If it looked like a murder it'd be automatically linked to me and you.
El Nino: *Cringes at screams and moans* I wonder if we'll have enough time?
Hiei: ...Oh they shall be busy for a while. Get going.
El Nino: Fine—wait, won't Kurama-san recognize your handwriting?
Hiei: I am a master of handwriting me friend.
El Nino: ...Man, will you ever cease to amaze me?
Hiei: Probably not. Let's get to work.
(Early the next morning)
Kuwabara: *Walks out in pajamas. Has suicide note on his back* I wonder if it's natural for my back to be hurting...oh, what's this? *Sees rope hanging over ladder* Hmmm...that shouldn't be there. *Climbs ladder. There's a note at the top* "Put your head through"...oh, suuuuure. I may not be the brightest crayon in the box but I'm not an idiot!
El Nino: *From downstairs* Yes you are! *Dashes off*
Kuwabara: What the hell—HEY! *Accidentally sticks his head through rope*
Hiei: *Pushes ladder. Cackles*
Kuwabara: Yikes! *Waves his arms but lands unharmed on the first step*
Hiei: OO!! What the?!
Kuwabara: *Slowly turns his head around* Hiei...what are you doing there...in gloves...?
Hiei: Oh, uh, I was just going down stairs!
Kuwabara: But why are you on the floor...in leather gloves...?
Hiei: I...tripped...
Kuwabara: Leather gloves?
Hiei: ...I'm a Michael Jackson fan.
Kuwabara: He doesn't—
Hiei: OH EL NINO!
El Nino: *Shoots rope*
Kuwabara: WHOA! *Falls down stairs. Lands in a heap*
Hiei: That's quite an un-natural position! He's DEAD! *Cackles* The fox is MIIIINE!
El Nino: *Thinks* This fool is crazy and a liiittle TOO obsessed.
Hiei: Let's split! *He and Nino run like hell*
Kurama: *Rushes downstairs. Sees Kuwabara* NOOOOOO! MY LOVE! *Reads suicide note. Pulls senzu[1] out of no where*
Kuwabara: *Eats senzu* Ow, what happened?
Kurama: *Slaps Kuwabara* DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN DAMNIT! *Storms off*
Kuwabara: Okay...what did I do?
(Later that day)
Hiei & El Nino: *Walk in looking discouraged*
Kurama: Hiei, El Nino! Why the long faces?
Hiei: *Mutters incoherently*
El Nino: *Silently goes upstairs*
Kurama: Hiei, what's wrong?
Hiei: I couldn't find the Twilight Zone movie anywhere!
Kurama: Awww...*Sobs* MY BOYFRIEND TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE!
Hiei: *Thinks* I forgot about that! *Speaks* Oh, I'm sure you'll find someone else!
Kurama: *Stops crying* Oh, he's fine. I found a senzu.
Hiei: *Jaw hits ground* He WHA?! *Rushes to El Nino's Room*
El Nino: *Playing PS2* Wazzup?
Hiei: We need to think of another plan! Damnit, the man LIVED!
El Nino: What?! That plan was fool-proof!
Hiei: I know! Shit! *Runs back downstairs*
Kurama: *Raises eyebrow* What was that?
Hiei: Oh nothing, nothing.
Kurama: ...I'M KEEPING MY EEEEEYE ON YOU KOOOOORIIMEEEEEE!
Hiei: *Scared* I know! Don't hurt me!
Kurama: Hmph. I and my boyfriend are gonna have an orgy at Yuusuke's house. Care to join?
Hiei: ...
Kurama: Take that as a no. I'm off. Ta-ta! *Leaves*
Hiei: ...NOOOO! KURAMA!
El Nino: *Comes back down stairs* What now homes?
Hiei: *Eye twitches* I don't...know...
El Nino: I could always get Nina to send a storm down here...nah, to suspicious cuz not many people know her...I'm bone-dry.
Hiei: Nino, I have no choice.
El Nino: What are we going to do?
Hiei: *Stands up* COME BOY! TONIGHT, WE RIDE!
El Nino: ...Oh shit what have I gotten myself into?
(At the Orgy)
Kurama: *In black leather* This is fun!
Kuwabara: *In a dress* Indeed. Hey, anyone else feel that rumbling?
Hiei & El Nino: *Bust in the wall wearing red kilts with swords and a huge tsunami wave and a back of demons behind them*
Kurama: *Rips of leather to reveal a kilt and sword* Hey! Only I can rip off Braveheart goddamnit!
Hiei: KUWABARA! You can take my freedom, you can crush my pride, hell you KILL me if that were at all possible but no one, NO ONE TAKES What IS MIIINE!
Kuwabara: *Quickly changes clothes* What the HELL!?
Hiei: CHARGE MEN! TAKE NO PRISONERS! *Demons charge*
El Nino: *Cackles and unleashes tsunami*
(3 weeks of battle later...at Kurama's house)
Kurama: *Has multiple bruises and broken bones and a black eye* Y'know...maybe going out with Kuwabara WASN'T such a good idea...
Hiei: *Broken arm* No it wasn't.
Kurama: You know...I think you were JEALOUS!
El Nino: *Fractured leg* *sarcastically* No, what gave you THAT idea?
Kurama: The fact that he ripped off Braveheart and took it too far...
Hiei: Oh that wasn't jealousy that was ANGER!
El Nino: But you know what? This aaaall had a happy ending!
Hiei: And what would that be?
El Nino: I taped the Twilight Zone movie...both of them!
Hiei: What?! AWSOME!
El Nino: I know. Now as soon as we can all walk we'll watch it.
Hiei: That could be a while yet.
_______________________________________________________________
[1] C'mon, if I let Kuwabara die this would be over too soon!
And there's the rise and fall of the short lived romance between Kuwabara and Kurama...wasn't it a shock?
DD: Yes, yes it was.
Cell: And we got to see Hiei rip off Braveheart. I was tired of Kurama doing it.
DD: Next: Fame...Get's the Best of Us
See you all...and review!
Well, it's the moment you've all been waiting for! Watching me attempt and fail at yaoi even if it is just humor.
Cell: And to see who Kurama's mystery boyfriend is how Hiei's gonna kill the unlucky bastard.
DD: Oh yes you will be surprised. I'm not giving any hints either cause a hint would give it away. A warning would too...ah no it won't. Go for it Doc.
Warnings: Hmmm...yaoi or no yaoi...bah, well it KINDA is. Wait, no it's not just implied. Damnit I tell ya I freeze when it comes ta sex!
DD: Okay, enough stalling let's see what da Doc can do.
Cell: Begin transmission
_______________________________________________________________
Green-Eyed Monster
(Scene: Kurama's house. Hiei is watching the last 9 hours of the Twilight Zone marathon. Kurama is out)
Hiei: I have GOT to find this movie. I wonder where Kurama is.
El Nino: *Leans over couch* He said he was going out.
Hiei: But out where?
El Nino: *Shrugs* Bah, who knows? Whoa, he's got three arms!
Hiei: And he has three eyes! I wish I could have an eye removed from my head like that.
El Nino: ...That's stupid man!
Hiei: *Flashes third eye* Is it El Nino, is it?
El Nino: ...I suppose it's not. I'm gonna go up stairs now. *Goes upstairs*
Hiei: You do that.
Kurama: *Comes in through door* Oh Hiei, you won't BELIEVE what happened today!
Hiei: You got run over by a truck and lived?
Kurama: ...Uh no.
Hiei: Then I'm dry.
Kurama: ...You twit. I've got a BOYFRIEND!
Hiei: ...Yer gay?
Kurama: You know what? I guess I am!
Hiei: Damn. Hey El Nino!
El Nino: *From upstairs* What?!
Hiei: Kurama's GAY!
El Nino: Seriously?! Whoa!!
Kurama: ...Right.
Hiei: So who's the guy?
Kurama: He's right outside. I'm having him live with us.
Hiei: As long as he stays out of my personal space I'm fine.
Kurama: Promise?
Hiei: Cross me heart.
Kurama: Yay! HEY KUWABARA!
Hiei: OO!! WHAAAAAAAAT?!
Kuwabara: *Pokes his head in* Oh, hey shorty! I didn't know you stayed here.
Hiei: *Face frozen in a look of horror*
Kuwabara: *To Kurama* Uh, is he okay?
Kurama: Yeah, he's just in shock. Come on, I'll show you yer room. *Takes him upstairs*
Hiei: *Face is still frozen in look of horror*
El Nino: *Comes down stairs* Hey, did you see Kurama's boyfriend? He's not the best looking guy in the world, but he's kinda cute I guess. Has nice fashion sense! I've never seen anyone wear cashmere—Hiei?
Hiei: *Goes into shock* AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!
El Nino: O_o?!
Hiei: *has mental breakdown* Oh my LORD!!
El Nino: *Slaps Hiei* Dude, your having a breakdown!!
Hiei: *Calms down some* Th-thanks...I n-needed that...
El Nino: Uh are you going to be alright?
Hiei: *Grabs Nino's shirt* NO I'M NOT ALRIGHT!! THAT FREAK OF NATURE IS MOVING IN ON MY TERRITORY!
El Nino: O_O!!
Hiei: *Drops Nino* I must reclaim my fox! *Paces* But how...I can't just call upon a massive army of demons and go around wearing a skirt and a sword conquering cities...
El Nino: *Watching Twilight Zone marathon* Hey, it's my favorite one! The one about the doll!
Hiei: Doll...*watches episode* ...That's IT! El Nino, you are a GENIUS!
El Nino: I know that! ...What'd I do?
Hiei: You just gave me a brilliant idea! And now, as my lackey, yer gonna help me OFF that red-haired bastard.
El Nino: I take it you mean Kuwabara-san.
Hiei: Yes, now here's what we're going to do.
(Later that night)
Kuwabara: *Sitting on the couch with Kurama* I wonder where Hiei is.
Kurama: Don't know. He usually doesn't disappear like this...y'know, El Nino's gone too...I smell trouble afoot and I do NOT like it.
Kuwabara: Aw don't worry Kura-kun; they're probably off doing...something...
Kurama: ...You just may be right. Let's go upstairs. *Winks*
Kuwabara: *Oblivious* Okiedokie. *They go upstairs*
Hiei: *Comes out of shadows*
El Nino: *Comes from under couch* If I hadn't seen you do that I wouldn't have believed it.
Hiei: It's a gift. *Hears shouts and moans from upstairs* It's time to KILL! *Takes out notepad and pencil. Writes*
El Nino: *Sets up ladder at top of stairs* What are you writing?
Hiei: *Grins* Suicide note. If it looked like a murder it'd be automatically linked to me and you.
El Nino: *Cringes at screams and moans* I wonder if we'll have enough time?
Hiei: ...Oh they shall be busy for a while. Get going.
El Nino: Fine—wait, won't Kurama-san recognize your handwriting?
Hiei: I am a master of handwriting me friend.
El Nino: ...Man, will you ever cease to amaze me?
Hiei: Probably not. Let's get to work.
(Early the next morning)
Kuwabara: *Walks out in pajamas. Has suicide note on his back* I wonder if it's natural for my back to be hurting...oh, what's this? *Sees rope hanging over ladder* Hmmm...that shouldn't be there. *Climbs ladder. There's a note at the top* "Put your head through"...oh, suuuuure. I may not be the brightest crayon in the box but I'm not an idiot!
El Nino: *From downstairs* Yes you are! *Dashes off*
Kuwabara: What the hell—HEY! *Accidentally sticks his head through rope*
Hiei: *Pushes ladder. Cackles*
Kuwabara: Yikes! *Waves his arms but lands unharmed on the first step*
Hiei: OO!! What the?!
Kuwabara: *Slowly turns his head around* Hiei...what are you doing there...in gloves...?
Hiei: Oh, uh, I was just going down stairs!
Kuwabara: But why are you on the floor...in leather gloves...?
Hiei: I...tripped...
Kuwabara: Leather gloves?
Hiei: ...I'm a Michael Jackson fan.
Kuwabara: He doesn't—
Hiei: OH EL NINO!
El Nino: *Shoots rope*
Kuwabara: WHOA! *Falls down stairs. Lands in a heap*
Hiei: That's quite an un-natural position! He's DEAD! *Cackles* The fox is MIIIINE!
El Nino: *Thinks* This fool is crazy and a liiittle TOO obsessed.
Hiei: Let's split! *He and Nino run like hell*
Kurama: *Rushes downstairs. Sees Kuwabara* NOOOOOO! MY LOVE! *Reads suicide note. Pulls senzu[1] out of no where*
Kuwabara: *Eats senzu* Ow, what happened?
Kurama: *Slaps Kuwabara* DON'T YOU EVER DO THAT AGAIN DAMNIT! *Storms off*
Kuwabara: Okay...what did I do?
(Later that day)
Hiei & El Nino: *Walk in looking discouraged*
Kurama: Hiei, El Nino! Why the long faces?
Hiei: *Mutters incoherently*
El Nino: *Silently goes upstairs*
Kurama: Hiei, what's wrong?
Hiei: I couldn't find the Twilight Zone movie anywhere!
Kurama: Awww...*Sobs* MY BOYFRIEND TRIED TO COMMIT SUICIDE!
Hiei: *Thinks* I forgot about that! *Speaks* Oh, I'm sure you'll find someone else!
Kurama: *Stops crying* Oh, he's fine. I found a senzu.
Hiei: *Jaw hits ground* He WHA?! *Rushes to El Nino's Room*
El Nino: *Playing PS2* Wazzup?
Hiei: We need to think of another plan! Damnit, the man LIVED!
El Nino: What?! That plan was fool-proof!
Hiei: I know! Shit! *Runs back downstairs*
Kurama: *Raises eyebrow* What was that?
Hiei: Oh nothing, nothing.
Kurama: ...I'M KEEPING MY EEEEEYE ON YOU KOOOOORIIMEEEEEE!
Hiei: *Scared* I know! Don't hurt me!
Kurama: Hmph. I and my boyfriend are gonna have an orgy at Yuusuke's house. Care to join?
Hiei: ...
Kurama: Take that as a no. I'm off. Ta-ta! *Leaves*
Hiei: ...NOOOO! KURAMA!
El Nino: *Comes back down stairs* What now homes?
Hiei: *Eye twitches* I don't...know...
El Nino: I could always get Nina to send a storm down here...nah, to suspicious cuz not many people know her...I'm bone-dry.
Hiei: Nino, I have no choice.
El Nino: What are we going to do?
Hiei: *Stands up* COME BOY! TONIGHT, WE RIDE!
El Nino: ...Oh shit what have I gotten myself into?
(At the Orgy)
Kurama: *In black leather* This is fun!
Kuwabara: *In a dress* Indeed. Hey, anyone else feel that rumbling?
Hiei & El Nino: *Bust in the wall wearing red kilts with swords and a huge tsunami wave and a back of demons behind them*
Kurama: *Rips of leather to reveal a kilt and sword* Hey! Only I can rip off Braveheart goddamnit!
Hiei: KUWABARA! You can take my freedom, you can crush my pride, hell you KILL me if that were at all possible but no one, NO ONE TAKES What IS MIIINE!
Kuwabara: *Quickly changes clothes* What the HELL!?
Hiei: CHARGE MEN! TAKE NO PRISONERS! *Demons charge*
El Nino: *Cackles and unleashes tsunami*
(3 weeks of battle later...at Kurama's house)
Kurama: *Has multiple bruises and broken bones and a black eye* Y'know...maybe going out with Kuwabara WASN'T such a good idea...
Hiei: *Broken arm* No it wasn't.
Kurama: You know...I think you were JEALOUS!
El Nino: *Fractured leg* *sarcastically* No, what gave you THAT idea?
Kurama: The fact that he ripped off Braveheart and took it too far...
Hiei: Oh that wasn't jealousy that was ANGER!
El Nino: But you know what? This aaaall had a happy ending!
Hiei: And what would that be?
El Nino: I taped the Twilight Zone movie...both of them!
Hiei: What?! AWSOME!
El Nino: I know. Now as soon as we can all walk we'll watch it.
Hiei: That could be a while yet.
_______________________________________________________________
[1] C'mon, if I let Kuwabara die this would be over too soon!
And there's the rise and fall of the short lived romance between Kuwabara and Kurama...wasn't it a shock?
DD: Yes, yes it was.
Cell: And we got to see Hiei rip off Braveheart. I was tired of Kurama doing it.
DD: Next: Fame...Get's the Best of Us
See you all...and review!