Disclaimer: all characters belong to J K Rowling and Warner brothers.
a/n see bottom.
Wah! More great ideas, Hagrid and Draco's reactions. Humm… it's tempting, it really is, I think I'll add it as an interlude. *runs off to write that* I understand how everyone wants more Sirius in the last chapter, so I wrote another blurp and stuck it on here. The only downside to that is I had to cut the last scene short, and made this chapter a cliffhanger. Oopsie. Sorry about that.
I cleaved this chapter in half, but it's posted earlier. The second part is still under revision (ack, I really need to get rid of the habit of reediting a story over and over again after its finished.). A question, would you like shorter chapters but shorter wait time, or longer chapters with a longer wait time?
Cheating Death
By neutral
Chapter six - cheating guilt
Sirius leaned against the edge of the four poster bed, staring dully ahead at nothing in particular. He barely registered the cold wood behind his back, or the crisp blankets beneath him. All he could feel was the small weight of the body nesting comfortably against his. Sirius ran his fingers through Harry's hair, trying to smooth out his untamed locks. The skin was warming from the heat, and if he imagined hard enough, Harry was still alive.
His body was tired; he could feel the ache of his strained muscles and the burn in his dry eyes. But he could seem to close them, he didn't dare sleep. Dreams were all that seemed real now. Those were the only things that still gave him some semblance of emotion. But every time he rested, he could see the face of Harry, screaming out in pain and disbelief, and feel his hands warm and slippery with Harry's blood.
No! Fight it, Sirius. I know you can!
A sickening crack. A scream.
Sirius shuddered. Harry had faith in him, but he let him down. His fault. Harry died because of him. All his fault. His fault. What would James say?
James…
"You know, Sirius, you're going to be the worst godfather in the world."
"Wh--?!" Sirius choked on his drink, coughing incoherently. He flushed angrily for several minutes, trying to regain his power of speech.
"But that's the whole point! You're going to teach him all the secret passages, tricks, pranks, and miscellaneous stuff that you can think of and set him lose on his eleventh birthday on Hogwarts grounds," James laughed, brown eyes shining as he patted his friend on the back condescendingly. Sirius swatted it away with mock anger. "You're going to corrupt him!"
"And you're not?" Sirius looked at his friend incredulously.
James made a face. "Lily would skin me."
Sirius shivered again, pulling the small form tighter. He failed. He couldn't do anything James asked him to do. Harry grew up alone, without anyone who loved or cared. Even when he returned, it wasn't for Harry, but for Wormtail. James was right, he was the worst godfather in the world…
For the past three days, he stared at Harry's unmoving form, he couldn't help but wonder, why?
Was I really that important? Was I worth dying for? Harry barely even knew me. He was so desperate for someone who cared…
Thinking back, he probably spent less than twenty-four hours in Harry's company. Their longest conversation was probably their first meeting in the Shrieking Shack, Sirius decided. And that didn't well for any godfather - godson bonding.
When he met Harry, he was rather surprised at the similarities between him and James. Only, James was one of the tallest boys in his year, and Harry was the shortest (probably malnutrition, he thought bitterly). The exact same face, the same build. They were both ridiculously stubborn, lazy in their school work, great at quittich. That was it, he thought then. If he ever got custody of Harry, it would be like raising James. He was excited, it was like meeting his friend all over again. But that time, Sirius had loved Harry not as himself, but as what he represented to him. He didn't really know Harry at all.
But as he watched Harry, it soon became more and more obvious the differences between the two. Harry was much more quiet and introverted. He didn't play pranks, in fact, he did everything to stay out of trouble. He didn't trust easily; he shared very little of his secrets. Then, at the first quittich game during Harry's third year, everything came and struck him right between the eyes. Harry was heavily affected by dementors, enough to actually pass out in mid-air and fall off his broom. What sort of memories and experiences did he have to make him have such a violent reaction? He was a thirteen year-old boy! Harry wasn't James, he realized then. When he saw Harry's face twisted in hate and anger, accusing him of his parent's death, Sirius finally realized the toll his past took on him.
"You never heard her, did you? My mum… trying to stop Voldermort killing me… and you did that… you did it…"
Those words were like a solid blow to his face. He stumbled as if Harry had just struck him in the face, or perhaps it was James he saw that night. It was like seeing that dream of his best friend from Akzaban again, face twisted in anger, accusing him of his death, accusing him of his betrayal. Sirius wanted to break down and apologize then, make him understand, but he couldn't. He just couldn't.
His fault. It all came back to him. If he hadn't asked James to switch, then Harry would still have his parents. If he still had his parents, then he would never have found himself in his position.
Harry would never have been so haunted. He would never have given up his life so thoughtlessly.
Sirius shuddered, burying his face in Harry's unruly hair, wishing with all his heart that somehow…. Somehow he could give Harry his life to wash away his guilt.
He never asked for this. He just wanted Harry to be happy. He'd do anything to make Harry happy.
Sirius could feel the mistiness in his eyes again. He choked back tears, pulling Harry closer. It was his fault. He never deserved such a sacrifice. He should be the one dead. Not Harry… never Harry…
It was extremely dark. Fire burned at the corners of his vision, and in every direction he looked, there was nothing but thick swampy earth. Silence rested across the world like a heavy blanket. His breath was thick in his throat.
A dark, wet marsh. He was walking, each foot sinking into the mud up to the knee. It seemed to take hours pulling it out, and he swore he felt the earth pull back, clamping around his legs like a mouth. But he had to keep moving. He moved forward at a painfully slow pace, but where was he going?
He didn't know, but he knew he didn't want to stay still. How long was he there? Four, maybe five days? It was impossible to tell.
Harry frowned. Why was he here? All he remembered was Sirius and the killing curse. He had run forward, intent on saving him, and just when everything faded into darkness, he fell, and woke up here. His arm wasn't broken, his sides didn't hurt. Only shadows of the bruises were left, but they were painless. His clothes were the only testimony as to what happened, tattered and ripped, smudged with blood.
At first, he was reluctant to move. He sat shivering on a small patch of dry land for hours, or was it days before he realized no one was coming. So now, he was walking through a no-man's land, without even the soft song of birds to keep him company.
Step. Step. Step.
Harry froze, looking around him in shock. He rubbed his eyes, looking again. What the hell--?
It was like walking into a dark room and suddenly finding he was in a green house full of life. One minute, he was trudging through the marshland, then the next, the ground was dry and firm, sunlight filtering through the trees above him. The air was pleasantly warm like an early summer morning. Harry looked around, but all he saw on either sides were miles and miles of forest.
"Hello?" he asked tentatively.
There was no answer.
He walked forward, picking his way through the dense forest. For some strange reason, he felt at ease here, as if nothing could hurt him.
"Potter? Harry Potter?!" a voice behind him exclaimed.
Harry jumped, spinning around and reaching for his wand instinctively. His heart when he realized his pockets were empty. The man behind him didn't seem to pose a threat. The look on his aged face was one of admiration.
"You're The Boy Who Lived," he choked out, eyes drifting over his scar. "My name's Diggle. It's a pleasure to finally meet you."
He gripped Harry's hand and shook it furiously, still looking at Harry in awe.
"You look a bit different from those pictures, but you're not insane at all! What was that Skeeter woman thinking? Such and honor, such a honor," Diggle said, his train of thought inconsistent. Harry could barely make out the words coming from his mouth. "I was going to congratulate you on your Triwizard Tournament victory, but considering the unfortunate circumstances, I'm sure you wouldn't like it. But it's still wonderfully shocking. Wonderful, wonderful…"
Harry tore his hand away with great difficulty, trying to keep his facial expression neutral. "Thank you, sir."
"And so polite too! So humble, such a sweet little boy," Diggle continued.
Harry scowled at being termed to so condescendingly, but all the admiration seemed to vanish from the other man's face in a heartbeat.
"Why are you here?" Diggle asked, looking serious quite suddenly.
"What do you mean?" Harry asked, bewildered. "Do you know where this is?"
"How could this happen? You're the survivor," the man looked increasingly agitated, twitching slightly as he rubbed his hands. "How… how did you..?"
"What?"
"How did you come here?"
"I don't know. That's what I was asking you!" Harry was beginning to get a bit annoyed. Diggle spoke in mixed messages that ran in circles.
"This is the land of the dead. You're dead, Mr. Potter."
*
Humm… do you want shorter chapters so I can post sooner, or longer chapters and a longer wait in between?
I cut this chapter in half, ack, but that means I can post every 2 days instead of five. But what do you think?
Sirius reaction doesn't seem that well done. Originally, I wanted him to be really confused, but I ended off running around in a tangent and this was the result. Crappo.
Thanks for all those great reviews!
Saber202 - thanks!
Lady Foxfire - * hands Lady a tissue* it's okay….
Connie - *grin* don't worry! I haven't even hit the climax of the story yet! Although, I think my writing quality's going down. Crud.
Shei - that's a great idea! *plots on how to bring Hagrid into the story* humm… do you want to see more reactions, or jump start to the action? Reactions are so much more fun to write though… humm…
Jimmy Bilenko - woah, that's a good idea. But then, crud, I already write out parts of the sequel and the epilogue, nooooooo!!
Vmr - thanks!
Nicky - yup, here it is. I hope you liked Sirius' reaction!
Shayla - hehe, blame everything on Snape, yes! I'm not telling what happened to Harry.
SiriusBPadfoot - yeah, but just yesterday, I butchered chapter eight and cut and pasted new scenes. I have a really bad habit of doing that… eep. What do you think about Sirius' reaction? I didn't think I handled it really well…
Black Sparkles - wah, I'm trying! Thanks for your encouragements though!
Gaby - humm… yeah, that would seem right. I thought Ron would be in denial, and Hermione, who usually thinks objectively, would accept the knowledge of Harry's death more willingly. I'm glad you liked the Dursley's reactions! I was afraid they seemed too bland…
Keara Jordan - wow, was that scene really that tear jerking? Wow… I'm flattered! Thank you so much! Draco's reaction? Humm… that makes a nice interlude chapter, of how he's dealing with Harry's death. *rubs hands together excitedly* thanks for the idea!
Tilly & MercS - eep! *hides* I made this chapter sort of a cliffhanger, and the next chapter is too! Ack ack ack! *runs into the closest and hides*
Lin-z - thanks for the encouragement! I was afraid of not being able to finish this too. I have a really bad habit of not finishing anything, so… I might just take you up on your offer! I hit a sort of writer's block, well, not really writer's block, more like plot block towards the middle of the story, and I'm trying to work my way around it. If it doesn't go away, I'll email you for advice! Thanks you!
Alexz - I'm trying! I really am!
Starlight - well… I donnuo…
BK - here it is! Tell me what you think
Kate Potter - thank you!
Gia - it's not even partly finished. If all the chapters remain cleaved, I'm guessing it's going to be about 20 chapters in length, I think. Not sure yet though…
~AK~ ~AM~ ~JT~ - *grin* I'm not telling…
Jessie - well… I donnuo… but I can tell what happened to Harry…
Evie - well… Harry's fate is a secret! Yes, it is. Harry is dead *cackles wildly* muhahahaha! I don't know what happens at the end yet… haven't planned that far. Still haven't gotten past the stupid plot block… *sigh* uhoh *runs off to hide*
a/n see bottom.
Wah! More great ideas, Hagrid and Draco's reactions. Humm… it's tempting, it really is, I think I'll add it as an interlude. *runs off to write that* I understand how everyone wants more Sirius in the last chapter, so I wrote another blurp and stuck it on here. The only downside to that is I had to cut the last scene short, and made this chapter a cliffhanger. Oopsie. Sorry about that.
I cleaved this chapter in half, but it's posted earlier. The second part is still under revision (ack, I really need to get rid of the habit of reediting a story over and over again after its finished.). A question, would you like shorter chapters but shorter wait time, or longer chapters with a longer wait time?
Cheating Death
By neutral
Chapter six - cheating guilt
Sirius leaned against the edge of the four poster bed, staring dully ahead at nothing in particular. He barely registered the cold wood behind his back, or the crisp blankets beneath him. All he could feel was the small weight of the body nesting comfortably against his. Sirius ran his fingers through Harry's hair, trying to smooth out his untamed locks. The skin was warming from the heat, and if he imagined hard enough, Harry was still alive.
His body was tired; he could feel the ache of his strained muscles and the burn in his dry eyes. But he could seem to close them, he didn't dare sleep. Dreams were all that seemed real now. Those were the only things that still gave him some semblance of emotion. But every time he rested, he could see the face of Harry, screaming out in pain and disbelief, and feel his hands warm and slippery with Harry's blood.
No! Fight it, Sirius. I know you can!
A sickening crack. A scream.
Sirius shuddered. Harry had faith in him, but he let him down. His fault. Harry died because of him. All his fault. His fault. What would James say?
James…
"You know, Sirius, you're going to be the worst godfather in the world."
"Wh--?!" Sirius choked on his drink, coughing incoherently. He flushed angrily for several minutes, trying to regain his power of speech.
"But that's the whole point! You're going to teach him all the secret passages, tricks, pranks, and miscellaneous stuff that you can think of and set him lose on his eleventh birthday on Hogwarts grounds," James laughed, brown eyes shining as he patted his friend on the back condescendingly. Sirius swatted it away with mock anger. "You're going to corrupt him!"
"And you're not?" Sirius looked at his friend incredulously.
James made a face. "Lily would skin me."
Sirius shivered again, pulling the small form tighter. He failed. He couldn't do anything James asked him to do. Harry grew up alone, without anyone who loved or cared. Even when he returned, it wasn't for Harry, but for Wormtail. James was right, he was the worst godfather in the world…
For the past three days, he stared at Harry's unmoving form, he couldn't help but wonder, why?
Was I really that important? Was I worth dying for? Harry barely even knew me. He was so desperate for someone who cared…
Thinking back, he probably spent less than twenty-four hours in Harry's company. Their longest conversation was probably their first meeting in the Shrieking Shack, Sirius decided. And that didn't well for any godfather - godson bonding.
When he met Harry, he was rather surprised at the similarities between him and James. Only, James was one of the tallest boys in his year, and Harry was the shortest (probably malnutrition, he thought bitterly). The exact same face, the same build. They were both ridiculously stubborn, lazy in their school work, great at quittich. That was it, he thought then. If he ever got custody of Harry, it would be like raising James. He was excited, it was like meeting his friend all over again. But that time, Sirius had loved Harry not as himself, but as what he represented to him. He didn't really know Harry at all.
But as he watched Harry, it soon became more and more obvious the differences between the two. Harry was much more quiet and introverted. He didn't play pranks, in fact, he did everything to stay out of trouble. He didn't trust easily; he shared very little of his secrets. Then, at the first quittich game during Harry's third year, everything came and struck him right between the eyes. Harry was heavily affected by dementors, enough to actually pass out in mid-air and fall off his broom. What sort of memories and experiences did he have to make him have such a violent reaction? He was a thirteen year-old boy! Harry wasn't James, he realized then. When he saw Harry's face twisted in hate and anger, accusing him of his parent's death, Sirius finally realized the toll his past took on him.
"You never heard her, did you? My mum… trying to stop Voldermort killing me… and you did that… you did it…"
Those words were like a solid blow to his face. He stumbled as if Harry had just struck him in the face, or perhaps it was James he saw that night. It was like seeing that dream of his best friend from Akzaban again, face twisted in anger, accusing him of his death, accusing him of his betrayal. Sirius wanted to break down and apologize then, make him understand, but he couldn't. He just couldn't.
His fault. It all came back to him. If he hadn't asked James to switch, then Harry would still have his parents. If he still had his parents, then he would never have found himself in his position.
Harry would never have been so haunted. He would never have given up his life so thoughtlessly.
Sirius shuddered, burying his face in Harry's unruly hair, wishing with all his heart that somehow…. Somehow he could give Harry his life to wash away his guilt.
He never asked for this. He just wanted Harry to be happy. He'd do anything to make Harry happy.
Sirius could feel the mistiness in his eyes again. He choked back tears, pulling Harry closer. It was his fault. He never deserved such a sacrifice. He should be the one dead. Not Harry… never Harry…
It was extremely dark. Fire burned at the corners of his vision, and in every direction he looked, there was nothing but thick swampy earth. Silence rested across the world like a heavy blanket. His breath was thick in his throat.
A dark, wet marsh. He was walking, each foot sinking into the mud up to the knee. It seemed to take hours pulling it out, and he swore he felt the earth pull back, clamping around his legs like a mouth. But he had to keep moving. He moved forward at a painfully slow pace, but where was he going?
He didn't know, but he knew he didn't want to stay still. How long was he there? Four, maybe five days? It was impossible to tell.
Harry frowned. Why was he here? All he remembered was Sirius and the killing curse. He had run forward, intent on saving him, and just when everything faded into darkness, he fell, and woke up here. His arm wasn't broken, his sides didn't hurt. Only shadows of the bruises were left, but they were painless. His clothes were the only testimony as to what happened, tattered and ripped, smudged with blood.
At first, he was reluctant to move. He sat shivering on a small patch of dry land for hours, or was it days before he realized no one was coming. So now, he was walking through a no-man's land, without even the soft song of birds to keep him company.
Step. Step. Step.
Harry froze, looking around him in shock. He rubbed his eyes, looking again. What the hell--?
It was like walking into a dark room and suddenly finding he was in a green house full of life. One minute, he was trudging through the marshland, then the next, the ground was dry and firm, sunlight filtering through the trees above him. The air was pleasantly warm like an early summer morning. Harry looked around, but all he saw on either sides were miles and miles of forest.
"Hello?" he asked tentatively.
There was no answer.
He walked forward, picking his way through the dense forest. For some strange reason, he felt at ease here, as if nothing could hurt him.
"Potter? Harry Potter?!" a voice behind him exclaimed.
Harry jumped, spinning around and reaching for his wand instinctively. His heart when he realized his pockets were empty. The man behind him didn't seem to pose a threat. The look on his aged face was one of admiration.
"You're The Boy Who Lived," he choked out, eyes drifting over his scar. "My name's Diggle. It's a pleasure to finally meet you."
He gripped Harry's hand and shook it furiously, still looking at Harry in awe.
"You look a bit different from those pictures, but you're not insane at all! What was that Skeeter woman thinking? Such and honor, such a honor," Diggle said, his train of thought inconsistent. Harry could barely make out the words coming from his mouth. "I was going to congratulate you on your Triwizard Tournament victory, but considering the unfortunate circumstances, I'm sure you wouldn't like it. But it's still wonderfully shocking. Wonderful, wonderful…"
Harry tore his hand away with great difficulty, trying to keep his facial expression neutral. "Thank you, sir."
"And so polite too! So humble, such a sweet little boy," Diggle continued.
Harry scowled at being termed to so condescendingly, but all the admiration seemed to vanish from the other man's face in a heartbeat.
"Why are you here?" Diggle asked, looking serious quite suddenly.
"What do you mean?" Harry asked, bewildered. "Do you know where this is?"
"How could this happen? You're the survivor," the man looked increasingly agitated, twitching slightly as he rubbed his hands. "How… how did you..?"
"What?"
"How did you come here?"
"I don't know. That's what I was asking you!" Harry was beginning to get a bit annoyed. Diggle spoke in mixed messages that ran in circles.
"This is the land of the dead. You're dead, Mr. Potter."
*
Humm… do you want shorter chapters so I can post sooner, or longer chapters and a longer wait in between?
I cut this chapter in half, ack, but that means I can post every 2 days instead of five. But what do you think?
Sirius reaction doesn't seem that well done. Originally, I wanted him to be really confused, but I ended off running around in a tangent and this was the result. Crappo.
Thanks for all those great reviews!
Saber202 - thanks!
Lady Foxfire - * hands Lady a tissue* it's okay….
Connie - *grin* don't worry! I haven't even hit the climax of the story yet! Although, I think my writing quality's going down. Crud.
Shei - that's a great idea! *plots on how to bring Hagrid into the story* humm… do you want to see more reactions, or jump start to the action? Reactions are so much more fun to write though… humm…
Jimmy Bilenko - woah, that's a good idea. But then, crud, I already write out parts of the sequel and the epilogue, nooooooo!!
Vmr - thanks!
Nicky - yup, here it is. I hope you liked Sirius' reaction!
Shayla - hehe, blame everything on Snape, yes! I'm not telling what happened to Harry.
SiriusBPadfoot - yeah, but just yesterday, I butchered chapter eight and cut and pasted new scenes. I have a really bad habit of doing that… eep. What do you think about Sirius' reaction? I didn't think I handled it really well…
Black Sparkles - wah, I'm trying! Thanks for your encouragements though!
Gaby - humm… yeah, that would seem right. I thought Ron would be in denial, and Hermione, who usually thinks objectively, would accept the knowledge of Harry's death more willingly. I'm glad you liked the Dursley's reactions! I was afraid they seemed too bland…
Keara Jordan - wow, was that scene really that tear jerking? Wow… I'm flattered! Thank you so much! Draco's reaction? Humm… that makes a nice interlude chapter, of how he's dealing with Harry's death. *rubs hands together excitedly* thanks for the idea!
Tilly & MercS - eep! *hides* I made this chapter sort of a cliffhanger, and the next chapter is too! Ack ack ack! *runs into the closest and hides*
Lin-z - thanks for the encouragement! I was afraid of not being able to finish this too. I have a really bad habit of not finishing anything, so… I might just take you up on your offer! I hit a sort of writer's block, well, not really writer's block, more like plot block towards the middle of the story, and I'm trying to work my way around it. If it doesn't go away, I'll email you for advice! Thanks you!
Alexz - I'm trying! I really am!
Starlight - well… I donnuo…
BK - here it is! Tell me what you think
Kate Potter - thank you!
Gia - it's not even partly finished. If all the chapters remain cleaved, I'm guessing it's going to be about 20 chapters in length, I think. Not sure yet though…
~AK~ ~AM~ ~JT~ - *grin* I'm not telling…
Jessie - well… I donnuo… but I can tell what happened to Harry…
Evie - well… Harry's fate is a secret! Yes, it is. Harry is dead *cackles wildly* muhahahaha! I don't know what happens at the end yet… haven't planned that far. Still haven't gotten past the stupid plot block… *sigh* uhoh *runs off to hide*