Author's Notes: Well… people want to know why Batman feels "perky", and therefore I shall deliver! Wowie this story's getting a lot of response! Thanks, everyone! VERY much!
BTW, I know this seems like there's a LOT of parts to this, but when you add up the pages to this point, there's only, like, twenty pages. Part 4, things'll start wrapping up, promise!
Legalities: Property of some omniscient beings somewhere in command of the DCU… not this mere mortal. Do not smite me!
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Why the hell does Batman feel perky? And why isn't Superman talking? Basically this is them trying to deal with this hopefully temporary little situational dilemma thingy.
Circle of Friends
Part 3: Again?
"Gattaca," Flash said with a decisive nod.
"What?" Green Lantern asked, looking at him.
"They say the "F" word in Gattaca. That's a PG-13."
"Oooh… they make whoopee in that too."
"Wasn't that mirror whoopee?"
"No, it was window-to-the-ocean whoopee."
"Oh."
Superboy looked over at them, irritated.
"Will you two just GROW UP?!" he yelled. He turned back to Batman and Superman, taking the orb from where it had been placed on the floor. "Batman, what do you mean by 'perky'?" he asked.
He still couldn't comprehend that. Superman had been refusing to talk, and Batman was so physically unreadable, no one knew what he had meant when he told them that he was feeling perky. Oh, many things ran through their mind. Some things were more perverse than others, but all they could do was try to fathom until the Dark Knight spoke up and explained what he had meant.
"I mean that—"
He stopped and turned as the bathroom door opened and Robin, the Boy Wonder, peeked out. He wore a childish grin and began to giggle insanely. Blue light lined his body faintly.
"Something went BOOM didn't it?!"
He swung the door open, the door breaking the wall from the force he put in it, and bounded over to them, springing and grabbing onto Wonder Woman from behind, who had been trying to stand up. She frowned and crossed her arms.
"What do you want, Robin?" she asked.
"May I grope you, Princess?"
"Ugh, no?"
Green Lantern decided it best to merely created a large hand with his ring and pluck Robin from Wonder Woman's back and hold him. Needless to say, Robin reacted by glowing moreso and struggling hard. Superboy watched to make sure that Robin was secure, and then turned to Batman once more.
"Define 'perky' to your feelings right now, would you please, sir?" he asked.
Batman looked one way. Batman looked another way. Batman looked at the group. Batman then smiled a frighteningly warm smile. Robin nearly fainted, Wonder Girl gasped in horror, and the rest just stared. What else could they do but stare? Batman… Mr. I-don't-know-what-human-emotion-is-because-I'm-too-busy-enacting-every-personality-disorder-in-the-world-and-then-some… he doesn't SMILE.
But there he was, grinning rather welcomingly. All they had to do was give him a fuzzy little white bunny and call him the next child-show phenomenon. Big Bird, Barney, Power Rangers, Batman.
"Holy SHIT," Wonder Girl said, staring. "I should've become religious before this happened!!!!!!!" she screamed. She looked skyward, hands clutched in fists as she shook them high. "Damn you, signs of the Apocalypse!!!"
Wonder Woman whapped her shoulder.
"What is WRONG with you, child?!"
"Gaaaah! Child abuse!"
Meanwhile, Robin just hovered in the air, hands over his mouth in utter shock of the smile—while hiding behind Flash. Superboy was the only one not frightened, but highly concerned. He looked between Batman, who was visibly musing over the reactions of the others.
"Batman… what are you thinking right now?"
Batman looked at him.
"I'm thinkiiiinnnnggggg… I need to ask Wonder Woman on a date and then go buy a giraffe or a kitty. I think a kitty would be nice. Diana? You want to get something to drink?"
Wonder Woman's eyes widened. Slowly, she backed away behind Superman. He was still looking rather disgruntled.
"Ooookay," Superboy said with a sigh. "Plan C!" When no one moved, but just stared at him, he groaned. "Separate!"
**
THE KITCHEN
"I think we should karaoke, Tim."
"Are you SERIOUS, Bruce?"
"Dead serious! We could sing Whitney Houston."
Robin stared at him.
"Batman?"
"Yes, Robin?"
"Are you Superman or are you gay?"
Batman looked at him, confused. Robin sighed and sipped some of his coffee he got. Batman looked out the window over the kitchen sink, out to the playground and beyond.
"Would you feel better if we went boating?"
"With…?"
"WONDER WOMAN."
Robin grinned.
"Yummy. Can we time-share 'er?"
Batman responded by slapping him upside the head.
**
THE BALLROOM
"Flashing people is a GOOD thing!" Wonder Girl insisted to Cissie King-Jones and Wonder Woman. "See?! Watch!"
She grabbed the lower part of her shirt, but Cissie recoiled in fear, which stopped Wonder Girl in her tracks.
"DON'T DO THAT!" Cissie pleaded.
"Oh stop," Wonder Girl sneered, "you're a lesbian and you know it."
Wonder Woman sighed and shook her head. She leaned her chin on the palm of her hand, and her elbow on her knee, looking to the side.
"Can't you two just GROW UP?"
"I'm trying to, but she's stunting my growth!" Cissie said.
"I dun wanna grow up," Wonder Girl sang, "I'm a Toys'R'Us kid…"
Wonder Woman sighed a bit and looked to Cissie.
"Do you know where Cadmus is at?"
Cissie thought a moment, absently twirling her hair. Meanwhile, Wonder Girl continued to sing:
"…a million toys…"
"I think you'll have to go to Hawaii… I THINK…"
"Then I'll have to go hunting, because I don't want to confront Superboy."
"…that I can play with!"
"That's probably wise, even though he's the more normal of the three."
"That's what frightens me."
"I dun wanna grow up…"
"When're you going to leave?"
"Right after I can discuss with Superman and Batman."
"I'mma Toys'R'Us—"
"*SHUTUP!*"
**
A BEDROOM… somewhere… within…
"Can I be honest with you, Clark?"
A grunt.
"… I'm no good at this leader thing."
"…"
"Robin is. At one time I thought it was just maturity that made him a good leader, that he was no smarter than the rest of us."
By this time, Superman, who was standing by a window, was looking at Superboy as he was verbalizing his epiphany.
"But he is, you know that? I haven't thought up one good plan this entire time. I mean, I'm trying, because Robin's not competent enough to do it. Wonder Girl isn't, and normally when Robin can't be leader, she can! …I'm not really smart enough to be leader, I don't think. Not now."
Superman watched him a long moment, emotion lacking on his face. Superboy just stared back at him with knowing baby blues he called his eyes. He studied Superman's face, and it began to literally creep him out. The normally soft and caring face that Superman would show he was listening and understanding with was now replaced with a stone-still face and eyes that seemed to be looking not AT Kon-El, but through him.
After a moment, Superman looked away.
"He has more experience."
That's all he said. Superboy sat, eyes wide as Superman went to look back out the window.
"That's… it? No lecture? No… no talk of support or something?" Superboy asked, surprisingly calm.
Superman didn't turn to look at him.
"No."
Superboy sighed and looked at his hands.
"Go me."
**
THE BALLROOM
Impulse was reeling in laughter. Truly sorry he ran out just before the first explosion of the orb, he was finding even the spoken flashback too hilarious to handle. He had tried so very hard to not laugh at the issues they were having, but after .05 seconds of agonizing self-control, he lost it and hit hysteria, rolling around in the chair he had took up.
"Impulse, you're being totally uncool about this," Cissie said blandly.
Meanwhile, Wonder Girl was running around in a bikini that she had stolen out of Cissie's bag. Wonder Woman was hunched over near the main doors, wanting everyone to shut up. Her head was throbbing in pain from all the stress. While Cissie and Impulse argued about what true humor was, she felt a hand slide onto her bare shoulder. She looked beside her to see Batman standing there.
"Can I talk with you a moment?" he asked gently. "Outside?"
Wonder Woman quirked an eyebrow, and then rose to her feet.
"Sure, Batman… Lead the way."
They exited, as Robin ran in. Before Wonder Girl could react, he tackled her to the ground, behind the couch. Flash, who had still been there (Green Lantern insisted to go "home" for himself and the Speedster, but Flash simply didn't want to miss this), watched the hidden scene. Suddenly, he "gah"ed and ran forward, pulling Robin away.
"Nonononono-no-no-no-NO!" he yelled.
He threw Robin over the back of the couch, onto the couch cushions.
"HEY!" he yelled.
"Little Robins don't DO those sorta things with little WONDYS!" Flash protested.
Wonder Girl flipped up to her feet and punched Flash in the shoulder.
"Jerk!"
"Ow!"
"I can do whatever the fuuuu---hell I want to!"
Flash grabbed her by the back of the neck and dragged her away.
"Not while you're fourteen frickin' years old!"
"I'm FIFTEEN!"
**
OUTSIDE
"Yes, Batman?" Wonder Woman asked once Batman and she had emerged into the sunset colored playground.
Batman turned to her slowly.
"Diana, I was wondering if you're… available sometime within the next week?" he asked.
Wonder Woman blinked at the question.
"Well, my availability depends on the event in question." Crossing her arms professionally, she continued with her ever-formal tone with him, "Why? What's wrong?"
"Nothing's *wrong*. I… I was just hoping maybe… you were available to go yachting with me on Friday."
The offer made Wonder Woman drop her arms by her side as her eyes grew wide. Not in so much surprise, but rather awe. Did Superman's personality really change the man THAT much? She stood there, staring at the normally emotionless face, and saw that the faintest show of hope was in there. Batman was a basket case. Then again, she was friends with him. FRIENDS. So she said the first thing that came to mind…
"No."
Ouch.
**
"Ya see. It's called 'unprofessionalism'…" Flash said as he pretended to have drunken moves from the Pepsi he was holding. "When you're a superhero and you do something outta the blue that's totally not expected from your character to someone who REALLY knows you… say, a colleague… that's unprofessional. For example… Say Nightwing started ragging on me for SOME stupid reason—which, by the way, he has and does but we love him for it—and I decide enough is enough and I punch him out… Then *I* would be considered unprofessional. This situation? With Robin and Batman and Wonder Woman and Superman and Wonder Girl and Superboy? DRIPPING with unprofessionalism, it's pathetic. Totally and utterly pathetic. That's why I hope you are SMART enough not to get sucked into this dreadful, dreadful situation that will get you, no doubt, labeled as unprofessional."
As he spoke the last sentence, he slung an arm around Empress and poked her cheek every word he deemed important. Empress turned and slapped him.
"Stop being stupid!"
"Owww!"
He rubbed his cheek as Impulse hopped past, Cissie at his side.
"You REALLY sure you want me around?" he asked, grinning like an idiot. "I might make something go explodey!"
"YOU can handle Robin and Wonder Girl."
"I kinda like the switch!"
"They're too extreme, Bart."
"Yeah, yeah, I know, but st—"
He gasped as suddenly all the light fixtures in the room, and down the hall blew in an array of sparks and sparkling glass. In the ballroom, down the hall, Impulse and Cissie watched as the large crystal chandelier shattered and rained down on the hardwood floor like hail.
"What the hell was that?!" Flash yelled in the dark.
"SORRY!" they heard Robin scream from somewhere within. "Accident!"
There was faint giggling that echoed through, that could be recognized as Wonder Girl's. Flash's feet began to light in lightning.
"Sonofa… HebetternothavedonewhatIthinkhe—"
He launched off and after searching the entire compound in two seconds, he found the two in the bathroom Robin had claimed as his own.
"—did! WHAT the hell was that all about?!"
Robin rubbed the back of his neck.
"It was… nothing!"
"Is that Wonder Girl's belt?!"
Robin looked at the belt he held in his hand. Flash and he immediately looked to her pants, in which the top button is undone. Robin flashed a big, toothy, innocent grin as he casually gave Wonder Girl her belt.
"Nope!"
"That is IT!" Flash declared with a cross wave of both his hands. "You are BOTH in SO MUCH TROUBLE!"
**
Superman was the first to arrive on the scene of the dining room, where Flash called for everyone.
"What's going?" he asked, tone dark, reminiscent of the Batman once upon a time.
Flash was holding the two by the ears.
"Superman!! These two were gettin' it on in the bathroom!!" he yelled, as temporarily looking as the others started to come in, and then looked back to Superman. "They need to have the TALK! I *swear*!! These kids didn't take the traits of one another, these kids took the EXTREMES of one another!!"
"How does that explain the lights?" Batman asked, walking up next to Superman.
Robin held up his hands as they started glowing blue.
"You think this stuff is EASY to control?!" he yelled. "Think AGAIN, pointy!"
Wonder Woman walked over and grabbed Wonder Girl by the back of the waistband of her pants.
"What in Tartarus is WRONG with you, Cassandra? Get a grip on yourself!"
"I love young Boy Wonder butt, what can I say?" Wonder Girl asked, smiling cute.
"Alright, lets try to head on out," Superboy said. "I'm sure Cadmus could give us a few ans—"
"I have a better idea!" someone said behind them. "Why don't we try MY way this time?"
**
TO BE… *gasp* Concluded!