~*Give Me Tonight*~
A Seiya-Usagi [and Mamoru] fanfiction (yay for love triangles!)
by Abigail
[drive_me_mercury@hotmail.com]
[http://www.makenai.org]
--Sailormoon & all related characters are copyright of Naoko Takeuchi, Toei, Kodansha, and
all those other people--
-Part 8-
She couldn't meet his eyes. She could only stare at his feet as tears welled up in her eyes
and she realized the cruelty of the thing she had just done to him. Mamoru still said
nothing, gazing in silence for several long minutes at the girl he called his love, the girl
he trusted, not knowing what to think, what to feel.
Usagi's head jerked up at his movement, as Mamoru began to walk, not toward her, but across
the room toward the balcony. "Mamo-chan!" She barely choked the words out, stumbling off the
bed and toward him, entangled in the sheets. "Mamo-chan..." He didn't respond or turn and
she walked she felt her legs giving out from under her. She reached out in desperation, but
he was moving farther and farther away. Overcome with tears, she collapsed to the floor,
clutching the sheets as the only thing she had to hold on to, unable to control the violent
sobs that wracked her entire body even as she heard the sliding door close between them.
"Mamo-chan, I'm sorry... I'm so sorry...."
If she had been on the other side of the balcony door, she might have seen the hot, salty
drops that fell onto Mamoru's white knuckles as he gripped the cold railing. *Usako... I
thought I knew you. I thought you loved me. Why...?* Did she care that much for him? He
remembered that day after the final battle with Galaxia, when the girlish boy who was Sailor
Star Fighter looked at his Usako with sad longing. "I'll never forget you," he had said.
So... she hadn't forgotten him either, it seemed. *Friends. You told me you were just
friends. Usako, why did you lie to me?*
Mamoru gripped the railing even tighter, so hard that the edges dug into his skin, trying in
vain to control the emotions that trembled through his body. *You told me you loved me. Why
would you do this?*
************
Usagi pulled her knees to her chin, letting the hot water of the shower run through her
hair, tasting it on her lips as it flowed in rivers down her face and over her bare body.
Why? Why had she been so thoughtless? Why had she let her lust and emotions get the better
of her? Could Mamo-chan ever forgive her? *Would you forgive yourself?* She didn't want to
face the answer to that question.
*************
She came out of the bathroom wearing the clothes she'd retrieved from the dryer. Her long,
wet hair hung down her backing, already soaking the dry shirt. Her eyes were red and
bloodshot from crying. Mamoru sat at the table, already halfway through his second cup of
coffee. He looked up as she entered, then turned away to bury his nose in his coffee cup
indifferently, immediately chiding himself for thinking how beautiful she was. He couldn't
let himself fall helpless into her deep blue eyes like he had so many times before. No, not
after tonight.
She stood in the doorway, twisting and wringing her fingers together, desperately fishing
for words to say to express her feelings, but coming up empty. After a very long moment, the
sound of Mamoru's coffee cup connecting with the table broke the silence, and seemed to
resonate in the semi-dark room.
"Usagi..."
She winced inwardly. *'Usagi'... not 'Usako'*
Mamoru's voice was soft and unsteady, as if he was struggling with emotions. "Please tell
me... please tell me the scene I walked in on was not what it appeared to be. Tell me there
is another explanation."
Silence.
He cursed under his breath. He had hoped against hope that she would tell him this was all
just a misunderstanding. Mamoru looked up and studied the girl before him - her hands were
clasped tightly in front of her and she was still looking down. Her tears threatened to
spill over again. There was one thing he couldn't understand. "Why?"
"M-Mamo-chan, I... I'm so sorry... I should never have -"
"Did he force you?" Mamoru stood up as if he would run out the door and murder Seiya if she
answered 'yes'.
A whisper - "No."
Her answer stung deep. Then his love, of her own free will, had slept with another man.
"Do you love him?"
Silence.
Finally, her barely audible answer - "Yes."
Mamoru turned away stepped toward the kitchen. His hands reached out and grasped the edge of
the counter, feeling sick and faint with grief. Shoulders slumped, he felt as if her one
word had just sealed the stone on his grave. He couldn't live without her. But he couldn't
live with a woman who loved another man.
Usagi rushed to her lover and wrapped her arms around his waist from behind. She pressed her
face to his back, wetting his shirt with tears. "Wait, Mamo-chan. Please. Yes... I love
Seiya. And I love Taiki-san... and Yaten-kun and Kakyuu-hime. Like I love Rei-chan, and
Ami-chan-tachi, and Haruka-san-tachi...... and......and... Mamo-chan. I love many people,
but..." she squeezed him tighter, hands balling into fists. "You hold a special place in my
heart. You always have, and you always will. No one can ever came into my heart to replace
you. I've loved you... forever. And it's not just passion, it's deep, forever love... that
fills my whole soul, and I can't get rid of it. No matter what happens to us...... and no
matter what horrible things I do. Even if you decide to leave me." She knew now this was a
real possibility. "I still love you Mamo-chan..... if you can find it in your heart to
forgive me..." Suddenly the words seemed so useless against the situation she had brought on
herself.
Mamoru's face was a mask of struggling emotions. He could feel her body pressed warmly
against his, and now she was sincerely begging forgiveness. It was all he could do not to
take her in his arms and hold her and say everything would be alright. His hands found hers
where they hugged his stomach, yet he held back.
Usagi's heart fluttered with a glimmer of hope when she felt the warmth of his hands over
hers. But then he took them and unwrapped her arms from around him. He was walking away,
toward the door.
'Please, no..... don't go....' her heart pleaded, but there was nothing she could do to stop
him. His hand fell on the doorknob. She struggled to get the words out - "Where... are you
going?"
"I need to take a walk." That was it. No emotion in his voice. He opened the door and left.
The closing of the door resonated in the empty room. The *lonely* room. Her legs gave out
from under her once again, and Usagi dropped to her knees on the carpet. She had no tears,
and no breath left in her. She had taken the love of two men, because she couldn't bear to
hurt either of them, and in the end, she had hurt both deeply, and she had lost them both.
She was alone in the dark apartment.
One hour past, then another. Mamoru didn't come back. With each passing minute the painful
thought grew stronger - "He isn't coming back. Not to you, at least."
The walls seemed to be closing in around her as hope seeped from her body, and despair
weighed down heavier and heavier. Finally she found herself fleeing the apartment, feet
echoing down the stairwell, until she was wandering the dim, deserted streets, searching for
what, she didn't know.
She thought of running to Seiya, but she didn't know where to find him. And was it really
fair, after all she'd put him through, to come crying back to Seiya when she knew she could
only offer him half her heart? No, she couldn't do that.
Mamoru's eyes haunted her as she walked one nameless street after another. 'Why?' they
asked. 'why...?' She didn't have an answer. Was it because she loved Seiya? But the words
she had spoken to Mamoru were true. She couldn't imagine living without him. So why did her
heart jump to her throat whenever Seiya's eyes met her own? What was it that had driven her
to surrender herself completely to him tonight? Lust? a need for excitement? or something
more?
Seiya's kisses seemed like centuries and not just hours ago. Everything that mattered to her
had come crashing down in a matter of minutes. Could a person really love two people at the
same time? If so, what did you do next?
If Mamoru wouldn't forgive her, she had nowhere to go. She was sure Seiya would welcome her
with open arms, but deep in her heart she knew he would always be second place. No matter
how much he or she wished it. Seiya deserved better.
That's right. Seiya didn't deserve her. He needed a smart, loving woman who would devote
herself fully to him. And Mamo-chan, who had always loved, comforted, and protected her -
she had turned around and betrayed him.
She found herself for the second time today overlooking the river. Here it ran swift and
rough where it merged with the drainage pipes, and embankments were steep and high. 'Who am
I?' The swirling waters seemed to rise up to her, hypnotizing, as noise and life faded away.
'You are a person who doesn't deserve to live.'
'But... I don't want to die.'
'He isn't going to forgive you. You have no reason to live.'
'That's right... he left. He's not coming back. I have... no reason... to...'
'No reason to live...'
Tears mixed with rain on her unfeeling cheeks, and she let go. A breath of wind, and the
water was jarring for only a second. Then she was swallowed up in its warm, eternal
embrace... oddly comforting even as it tossed and pulled her wildly...
'I'm sorry... Seiya... Mamo-chan......'
*************
It was chilly, although it was summertime. Not only that, but a cold rain had begun to fall,
soaking his clothes within a short while and pasting black tendrils of hair to his forehead.
It had to be sometime around 3 or 4 AM, though he had lost track of time. Not another soul
could be seen or heard in the sleeping city.
Seiya had been wandering the streets for how long, he didn't know. It dawned on him after
one or two hours, that he had no place to go. His brain barely registered the cold drops;
her touch still burned on his skin, even now. He must have thought a hundred times of
turning around and going back to that apartment, but stopped himself each time. He knew his
further presence could do nothing but cause trouble. If he hadn't destroyed her relationship
with her boyfriend altogether tonight...
If that was the case, he should go and take her back - *stop it, you can't do that. It'll
never happen. She'll work things out with him, surely* He was feeling sick and guilty
already - all he had done tonight was cause her yet more pain, all for his own selfish
purposes. And now he was alone again, with the crying sky.
This Earth, that had caused him nothing but pain and loneliness - why was he drawn back to
it again and again? Why couldn't he let her go?
***************
'Please...... please, God... don't let her go...'
The frail figure cradled in his arms was cold as death. Wet hair, now entangled with dirt
and grass from the riverbank, hung limply from her scalp. Eyes closed, her features were
motionless, breathless. He was too late. Too late...
"Usako." Pleading whispers. "Usako, wake up."
Watching over in solemn silence was the girl who had first spotted the body near the
riverbank, and the group of strangers who had helped to pull her out, only to find their
efforts had yielded a lifeless body from the uncaring waters. Passing, Mamoru had seen the
commotion at the river's edge, and dismissed it as nothing but a gang of revelling
teenagers.
Until he saw the pale white arm. And the mass of yellow-gold hair.
Mamoru buried his hand in the golden tresses at her neck. No... It couldn't happen this way.
She had to be alive. He *needed* her. Trembling lips descended on her cold blue ones. A
kiss... a kiss of life. Surely, she would come back, she would open her eyes and smile up at
him, like she had so many times before. She was too bright and beautiful for the chill rays
of death. But his touch yielded no tremor of movement, no sign of response.
Mist clouded his eyes as the world grew cold. His body grew heavier with each moment until
he felt he could barely hold the pale, pale girl clutched to his chest. Her forehead against
his lips was cold, so cold. Every happiness, every sorrow, every reason for living lay dead
in his arms. Mamoru felt his soul slowing draining from him. She was his past, his present,
his future... how would he survive without her? In one moment, eternity had vanished into
the pale waterdrops on a pair of lifeless lips. She meant everything to him. Why hadn't he
realized that just hours ago?
"Usako, I'm sorry. I forgive you."
"Please come back."
"...I forgive you..."
********************
She was dead.
He couldn't bring his mind to comprehend it, but the truth was, she was dead.
And it was his fault.
Rain fell in tears down his face as he ran, not knowing where, not caring where. He had seen
her - clutched in the arms of a sobbing Mamoru by the riverside. He knew - she was dead.
Stumbling wildly through the streets, Seiya was haunted by images. Her, smiling at him just
hours ago. *It wasn't true.* It was a dream, nightmare, if he could only escape. But every
street looked the same, every person faceless.
She was dead.
With every footstep that pounded the pavement the realization hit harder. For nearly two
years he had let her consume his soul, and now she had gone, leaving nothing but a bare
void. And every ounce of anguish and guilt he felt couldn't bring her back.
His body forced him to stop, choking and breathless, as he clung to the alley wall for
support. He was numb to the hard brick pressing into his forehead; the only sensation was
burning tears.
Why? Why? Why?
Why had he ever come back?
A faint touch to his shoulder made Seiya spin, and his eyes widened at a face he had never
expected to see.
"Princess!" The raven Starlight crumpled at his princess' feet in more sobs.
"She's dead. She's dead and it's all because of me."
Kakyuu's heart couldn't help but ache for the pitiful figure below her, clawing at the
ground in his grief. She knelt, and touched his chin so that wide swollen eyes rose up to
meet her own.
"Fighter... come home."
A Seiya-Usagi [and Mamoru] fanfiction (yay for love triangles!)
by Abigail
[drive_me_mercury@hotmail.com]
[http://www.makenai.org]
--Sailormoon & all related characters are copyright of Naoko Takeuchi, Toei, Kodansha, and
all those other people--
-Part 8-
She couldn't meet his eyes. She could only stare at his feet as tears welled up in her eyes
and she realized the cruelty of the thing she had just done to him. Mamoru still said
nothing, gazing in silence for several long minutes at the girl he called his love, the girl
he trusted, not knowing what to think, what to feel.
Usagi's head jerked up at his movement, as Mamoru began to walk, not toward her, but across
the room toward the balcony. "Mamo-chan!" She barely choked the words out, stumbling off the
bed and toward him, entangled in the sheets. "Mamo-chan..." He didn't respond or turn and
she walked she felt her legs giving out from under her. She reached out in desperation, but
he was moving farther and farther away. Overcome with tears, she collapsed to the floor,
clutching the sheets as the only thing she had to hold on to, unable to control the violent
sobs that wracked her entire body even as she heard the sliding door close between them.
"Mamo-chan, I'm sorry... I'm so sorry...."
If she had been on the other side of the balcony door, she might have seen the hot, salty
drops that fell onto Mamoru's white knuckles as he gripped the cold railing. *Usako... I
thought I knew you. I thought you loved me. Why...?* Did she care that much for him? He
remembered that day after the final battle with Galaxia, when the girlish boy who was Sailor
Star Fighter looked at his Usako with sad longing. "I'll never forget you," he had said.
So... she hadn't forgotten him either, it seemed. *Friends. You told me you were just
friends. Usako, why did you lie to me?*
Mamoru gripped the railing even tighter, so hard that the edges dug into his skin, trying in
vain to control the emotions that trembled through his body. *You told me you loved me. Why
would you do this?*
************
Usagi pulled her knees to her chin, letting the hot water of the shower run through her
hair, tasting it on her lips as it flowed in rivers down her face and over her bare body.
Why? Why had she been so thoughtless? Why had she let her lust and emotions get the better
of her? Could Mamo-chan ever forgive her? *Would you forgive yourself?* She didn't want to
face the answer to that question.
*************
She came out of the bathroom wearing the clothes she'd retrieved from the dryer. Her long,
wet hair hung down her backing, already soaking the dry shirt. Her eyes were red and
bloodshot from crying. Mamoru sat at the table, already halfway through his second cup of
coffee. He looked up as she entered, then turned away to bury his nose in his coffee cup
indifferently, immediately chiding himself for thinking how beautiful she was. He couldn't
let himself fall helpless into her deep blue eyes like he had so many times before. No, not
after tonight.
She stood in the doorway, twisting and wringing her fingers together, desperately fishing
for words to say to express her feelings, but coming up empty. After a very long moment, the
sound of Mamoru's coffee cup connecting with the table broke the silence, and seemed to
resonate in the semi-dark room.
"Usagi..."
She winced inwardly. *'Usagi'... not 'Usako'*
Mamoru's voice was soft and unsteady, as if he was struggling with emotions. "Please tell
me... please tell me the scene I walked in on was not what it appeared to be. Tell me there
is another explanation."
Silence.
He cursed under his breath. He had hoped against hope that she would tell him this was all
just a misunderstanding. Mamoru looked up and studied the girl before him - her hands were
clasped tightly in front of her and she was still looking down. Her tears threatened to
spill over again. There was one thing he couldn't understand. "Why?"
"M-Mamo-chan, I... I'm so sorry... I should never have -"
"Did he force you?" Mamoru stood up as if he would run out the door and murder Seiya if she
answered 'yes'.
A whisper - "No."
Her answer stung deep. Then his love, of her own free will, had slept with another man.
"Do you love him?"
Silence.
Finally, her barely audible answer - "Yes."
Mamoru turned away stepped toward the kitchen. His hands reached out and grasped the edge of
the counter, feeling sick and faint with grief. Shoulders slumped, he felt as if her one
word had just sealed the stone on his grave. He couldn't live without her. But he couldn't
live with a woman who loved another man.
Usagi rushed to her lover and wrapped her arms around his waist from behind. She pressed her
face to his back, wetting his shirt with tears. "Wait, Mamo-chan. Please. Yes... I love
Seiya. And I love Taiki-san... and Yaten-kun and Kakyuu-hime. Like I love Rei-chan, and
Ami-chan-tachi, and Haruka-san-tachi...... and......and... Mamo-chan. I love many people,
but..." she squeezed him tighter, hands balling into fists. "You hold a special place in my
heart. You always have, and you always will. No one can ever came into my heart to replace
you. I've loved you... forever. And it's not just passion, it's deep, forever love... that
fills my whole soul, and I can't get rid of it. No matter what happens to us...... and no
matter what horrible things I do. Even if you decide to leave me." She knew now this was a
real possibility. "I still love you Mamo-chan..... if you can find it in your heart to
forgive me..." Suddenly the words seemed so useless against the situation she had brought on
herself.
Mamoru's face was a mask of struggling emotions. He could feel her body pressed warmly
against his, and now she was sincerely begging forgiveness. It was all he could do not to
take her in his arms and hold her and say everything would be alright. His hands found hers
where they hugged his stomach, yet he held back.
Usagi's heart fluttered with a glimmer of hope when she felt the warmth of his hands over
hers. But then he took them and unwrapped her arms from around him. He was walking away,
toward the door.
'Please, no..... don't go....' her heart pleaded, but there was nothing she could do to stop
him. His hand fell on the doorknob. She struggled to get the words out - "Where... are you
going?"
"I need to take a walk." That was it. No emotion in his voice. He opened the door and left.
The closing of the door resonated in the empty room. The *lonely* room. Her legs gave out
from under her once again, and Usagi dropped to her knees on the carpet. She had no tears,
and no breath left in her. She had taken the love of two men, because she couldn't bear to
hurt either of them, and in the end, she had hurt both deeply, and she had lost them both.
She was alone in the dark apartment.
One hour past, then another. Mamoru didn't come back. With each passing minute the painful
thought grew stronger - "He isn't coming back. Not to you, at least."
The walls seemed to be closing in around her as hope seeped from her body, and despair
weighed down heavier and heavier. Finally she found herself fleeing the apartment, feet
echoing down the stairwell, until she was wandering the dim, deserted streets, searching for
what, she didn't know.
She thought of running to Seiya, but she didn't know where to find him. And was it really
fair, after all she'd put him through, to come crying back to Seiya when she knew she could
only offer him half her heart? No, she couldn't do that.
Mamoru's eyes haunted her as she walked one nameless street after another. 'Why?' they
asked. 'why...?' She didn't have an answer. Was it because she loved Seiya? But the words
she had spoken to Mamoru were true. She couldn't imagine living without him. So why did her
heart jump to her throat whenever Seiya's eyes met her own? What was it that had driven her
to surrender herself completely to him tonight? Lust? a need for excitement? or something
more?
Seiya's kisses seemed like centuries and not just hours ago. Everything that mattered to her
had come crashing down in a matter of minutes. Could a person really love two people at the
same time? If so, what did you do next?
If Mamoru wouldn't forgive her, she had nowhere to go. She was sure Seiya would welcome her
with open arms, but deep in her heart she knew he would always be second place. No matter
how much he or she wished it. Seiya deserved better.
That's right. Seiya didn't deserve her. He needed a smart, loving woman who would devote
herself fully to him. And Mamo-chan, who had always loved, comforted, and protected her -
she had turned around and betrayed him.
She found herself for the second time today overlooking the river. Here it ran swift and
rough where it merged with the drainage pipes, and embankments were steep and high. 'Who am
I?' The swirling waters seemed to rise up to her, hypnotizing, as noise and life faded away.
'You are a person who doesn't deserve to live.'
'But... I don't want to die.'
'He isn't going to forgive you. You have no reason to live.'
'That's right... he left. He's not coming back. I have... no reason... to...'
'No reason to live...'
Tears mixed with rain on her unfeeling cheeks, and she let go. A breath of wind, and the
water was jarring for only a second. Then she was swallowed up in its warm, eternal
embrace... oddly comforting even as it tossed and pulled her wildly...
'I'm sorry... Seiya... Mamo-chan......'
*************
It was chilly, although it was summertime. Not only that, but a cold rain had begun to fall,
soaking his clothes within a short while and pasting black tendrils of hair to his forehead.
It had to be sometime around 3 or 4 AM, though he had lost track of time. Not another soul
could be seen or heard in the sleeping city.
Seiya had been wandering the streets for how long, he didn't know. It dawned on him after
one or two hours, that he had no place to go. His brain barely registered the cold drops;
her touch still burned on his skin, even now. He must have thought a hundred times of
turning around and going back to that apartment, but stopped himself each time. He knew his
further presence could do nothing but cause trouble. If he hadn't destroyed her relationship
with her boyfriend altogether tonight...
If that was the case, he should go and take her back - *stop it, you can't do that. It'll
never happen. She'll work things out with him, surely* He was feeling sick and guilty
already - all he had done tonight was cause her yet more pain, all for his own selfish
purposes. And now he was alone again, with the crying sky.
This Earth, that had caused him nothing but pain and loneliness - why was he drawn back to
it again and again? Why couldn't he let her go?
***************
'Please...... please, God... don't let her go...'
The frail figure cradled in his arms was cold as death. Wet hair, now entangled with dirt
and grass from the riverbank, hung limply from her scalp. Eyes closed, her features were
motionless, breathless. He was too late. Too late...
"Usako." Pleading whispers. "Usako, wake up."
Watching over in solemn silence was the girl who had first spotted the body near the
riverbank, and the group of strangers who had helped to pull her out, only to find their
efforts had yielded a lifeless body from the uncaring waters. Passing, Mamoru had seen the
commotion at the river's edge, and dismissed it as nothing but a gang of revelling
teenagers.
Until he saw the pale white arm. And the mass of yellow-gold hair.
Mamoru buried his hand in the golden tresses at her neck. No... It couldn't happen this way.
She had to be alive. He *needed* her. Trembling lips descended on her cold blue ones. A
kiss... a kiss of life. Surely, she would come back, she would open her eyes and smile up at
him, like she had so many times before. She was too bright and beautiful for the chill rays
of death. But his touch yielded no tremor of movement, no sign of response.
Mist clouded his eyes as the world grew cold. His body grew heavier with each moment until
he felt he could barely hold the pale, pale girl clutched to his chest. Her forehead against
his lips was cold, so cold. Every happiness, every sorrow, every reason for living lay dead
in his arms. Mamoru felt his soul slowing draining from him. She was his past, his present,
his future... how would he survive without her? In one moment, eternity had vanished into
the pale waterdrops on a pair of lifeless lips. She meant everything to him. Why hadn't he
realized that just hours ago?
"Usako, I'm sorry. I forgive you."
"Please come back."
"...I forgive you..."
********************
She was dead.
He couldn't bring his mind to comprehend it, but the truth was, she was dead.
And it was his fault.
Rain fell in tears down his face as he ran, not knowing where, not caring where. He had seen
her - clutched in the arms of a sobbing Mamoru by the riverside. He knew - she was dead.
Stumbling wildly through the streets, Seiya was haunted by images. Her, smiling at him just
hours ago. *It wasn't true.* It was a dream, nightmare, if he could only escape. But every
street looked the same, every person faceless.
She was dead.
With every footstep that pounded the pavement the realization hit harder. For nearly two
years he had let her consume his soul, and now she had gone, leaving nothing but a bare
void. And every ounce of anguish and guilt he felt couldn't bring her back.
His body forced him to stop, choking and breathless, as he clung to the alley wall for
support. He was numb to the hard brick pressing into his forehead; the only sensation was
burning tears.
Why? Why? Why?
Why had he ever come back?
A faint touch to his shoulder made Seiya spin, and his eyes widened at a face he had never
expected to see.
"Princess!" The raven Starlight crumpled at his princess' feet in more sobs.
"She's dead. She's dead and it's all because of me."
Kakyuu's heart couldn't help but ache for the pitiful figure below her, clawing at the
ground in his grief. She knelt, and touched his chin so that wide swollen eyes rose up to
meet her own.
"Fighter... come home."