Disclaimer: BtVS belongs to Joss and Mutant Enemy – I'm just playing and wishing for what might have been.  But Simon and Jessica are mine (if a little cliché).

OK, I've had a complaint from a friend of mine who is a big Anya fan.  So, I want to apologize to all the Anya fans out there.  I did try and bring her back from her holiday, but I have found out that I can't write her – I can't get a realistic Anya, so I'd rather leave her out.  Give me some time and some practice and I might put her in another fic.

So, here goes – on with the plot…

Confrontations

Buffy and Spike stood and stared for a moment.  Spike was vaguely aware that his arm was still around her waist and he could still smell her closeness.

Simon hesitantly took a step forward. "We have to stop them."

"We?  Listen, Mate; we don't have to do anything."

"My sister could destroy this town with three of the Horsemen at her side," the young man visibly slumped, "And after that, I don't know what she'll do.  I'm here to try and help."

Automatically, Buffy put out a restraining hand and stopped Spike, "You'd better come in."

"My name is Simon Fields.  Jessica was my sister.  About a year ago, she was killed by a vampire.  I didn't know back then that they even existed, so when she turned, I didn't know what to expect.  I thought she would be… I thought she was suffering."

"Too many Anne Rice books, huh?" Willow asked.

Simon nodded, "I couldn't live with that.  I loved her more than anything in this world and I wanted revenge.  I wanted to end the world that had caused her pain.  I didn't understand; she wasn't suffering, she was enjoying herself.  I thought Jessica couldn't kill me after she turned because I was her brother; her own blood, but she wouldn't kill me because she saw what I wanted.  I could give her the chaos her demon craved, so she still needed me.  Now I understand.  My little sister has gone; she died a year ago and whatever came back wasn't my Jessica.  It was an evil, soulless thing." He paused to take a sip of water.  Buffy glanced at Spike.  He was sitting in the corner, staring blankly ahead.  His hands were gripped tightly together and when Dawn touched his arm, he visibly started.  Dawn looked askance.

"I'm fine, bit," he smiled.

Simon replaced the glass on the table and ran his hands through his hair wearily, "I was successful in one way.  Three of the Horsemen have risen and Jessica will have her chaos."

"Of course.  Preventing one from rising only put a stop to the Apocalypse," Giles interrupted, "It could not prevent the rising of the others because they have already been turned.  They're vampires; they must rise.  How could I have been so blind?"

"And I've given them power." Simon whispered.

"Great.  Now what?" Xander demanded.

Spike got to his feet slowly, his eyes fixed on Buffy. "We kill them."

Buffy nodded and turned to the chest.  She handed out the weapons to the others quickly, then stood and made for the door.  Spike pulled on his duster and handed Xander his jacket.

"What about me?" Dawn asked.

"You're staying here and locking all the doors and windows," her sister told her.

Dawn folded her arms and pouted, "No way.  I'm coming with you.  I can fight.  I can…"

"No," Spike put a hand on her shoulder," These aren't normal vampires, niblet."

"That's not fair!  You can't just…"

There was a crash from the dining room.  Buffy was the first to get there, just as one of the curtains caught fire.  There was glass everywhere from the smashed window.  Spike pushed past her and dragged the burning curtain to the floor, stamping out the flames.  Another bottle flew through the window and smashed at his feet, igniting his duster.  He dropped to the floor and started to roll as Buffy and Xander threw the remaining curtain over him and beat out the flames.

"The table.  Help me," Giles was struggling to overturn the heavy dining table.  Willow and Dawn helped him to drag it over to the window and push it over to block the window.  Xander pushed the sideboard into place behind it.

"You OK?" Buffy asked Spike as he untangled himself from the curtain, holding his side and swearing under his breath.  He tried to sit up, then lowered himself back to the floor.

"Just gimme a sec," he gave her a little smile, "Why's it always me?"

Buffy grinned, "It's more fun that way."  She got up and turned to the others. "Board up the windows and lock the doors."

Spike struggled to his feet, leaning on Dawn for a moment.  Buffy moved to the window in the lounge and peered out.  Jessica was standing in the middle of the street, surrounded by vampires.  Most of them were armed.

"Coo-ee!  Brother!  I'm going to rip your heart out with my bare hands!"

"Charming girl," Giles noted.  Spike opened the front door a little and took aim with a crossbow.  Simon threw himself forward and knocked it to one side, the bolt flying harmlessly into the night.

"No!"

Jessica laughed and ran out of range down the street.

Spike grabbed Simon, "You said yourself she wasn't your sister.  She's a bloody vampire – we gotta kill her."

"I know.  But I have to do it."

Spike let go of him.  Digging into his pocket, he brought out a stake, handing it to Simon.

"When you do, make it quick.  Best thing you can do for your sis," he told him gently.  He slammed the door and dragged a dining chair over to wedge under the handle.

"What're they doing, Buffy?" Willow asked.

"She's just standing there."

Xander appeared from the cellar, odd bits of wood under his arm and a couple of hammers in his hand.

"Dawnie's locked the back and she's putting some boards up." He handed some nails and the hammer to Willow. "Start on the windows.  I'll go and see what else I can find."

"Wait! She's doing something." Buffy opened the curtain a little more, "She's sending some of them around the back."

Xander dropped the wood and grabbed another crossbow.  Spike was already in the kitchen.  He dragged Dawn away from the door and peered out of the window.

"Can't see a bloody thing," he muttered.

The glass in the back door shattered.  A hand came through and the vampire on the other side started to try and lever the wood away from the doorframe.  Spike turned in time to see Dawn bring the hammer down as hard as she could on the arm; he heard the sickening sound of bone breaking.  Dawn hit the vamp again and pulled back the hammer for the third time.  Spike caught her arm.

"I think you got him, bit."

She grinned at him sheepishly and put the hammer down.  The shattered arm had been withdrawn, but there were more vampires at the window, smashing the glass on the outside and trying to get past the temporary blocks that had been put up.  Spike fired the crossbow wildly at them and was pleasantly surprised to see a vampire turn to dust.

"Holy water!" Dawn turned and ran out of the kitchen as Spike picked up the hammer and started smashing it onto the hands and fingers tearing at the wood.  He could hear shouting from the lounge and the occasional whine of a crossbow being fired.  Dawn raced back in, tearing at the top of a small bottle, splashing it wildly over the vampires.  The hands were pulled back out of range.

In the lounge, the vamps had broken through the front door and the fighting was at close quarters.  Willow was firing bolts randomly at the group who were trying to get through the window, while Xander and Buffy held back the few who had tried to get in the door.  They were picking them off easily.

There was a shout from outside.  The vampires turned and ran.  Buffy slammed the door closed again and dragged the sofa in front of it.  Spike and Dawn ran in.

"Where'd they go?"

Xander shrugged, "Was it me, or were they real easy?"  Dawn smirked at him. "I mean, easy to kill.  I didn't mean, y'know, 'easy', as in… oh, never mind," he glared at Dawn.

"What?  I can't have a sense of humour?"

"Not that kind, no," her sister told her.

Willow peered through the window between the boards. "What did they want?"

"Me."

They turned to Simon who stood in the corner, the stake still in his hand.  "I left her, so now she's going to kill me."

"No offense, but why hasn't she?" Giles asked, coming in from the dining room, "Why warn us of their presence first?  There are at least fifty of them out there; they could have got in here and killed us all without losing as many of their number, if they hadn't let us prepare."

"Jessica's playing with us.  She wants us trapped and scared, just to make it more fun."

Spike shook his head, "No, there's more to it.  Vampires aren't too ready to get killed just for a bit of a laugh."

"Well, we don't have time to stand around discussing it," Buffy said, "We need to put up better barriers.  Use the furniture; use anything that'll make it difficult for them."

"Why don't we just fight our way out and go somewhere easier to defend?" Dawn asked.

"You heard Giles; there's too many of them," Xander put his arm around her shoulder.

"We have to be quick," Willow's voice was strange and distant.  Her eyes were unfocussed, but seemed to be looking at a spot near the top of the stairs. "They're going to distract us at the front and make their real attack upstairs.  In about ten minutes." Her eyes focused again and she looked back to the others.  Buffy glanced up the stairs.

"Was it…?"

"Yes.  She's still helping us.  She's still with me."

Spike started up the stairs, "Harris, come and help me."

"Yeah," Xander followed him, looking vaguely unsettled.

Ten minutes later, they were still preparing.  Spike and Xander had dragged furniture and beds in front of all the upstairs windows and Dawn had put as many chairs as she could on the stairs to make it difficult for any vamps who might make it past the barricades.  Willow and Buffy had taken the cellar door down and used it to block the back door and Simon was just finishing nailing the front door firmly shut.  Giles was piling anything he could in front of the remaining windows when the attack came.

This time, they were almost ready for it.  As Willow had said, most of the vampires concentrated on the front, desperately trying to break through the barriers.  Everyone stood ready in case they succeeded.  After a few minutes of noise, they could hear Jessica in the back garden, screaming abuse at the vampires trying to get in upstairs.  Spike moved over to Buffy and pulled her gently away from the others.

"What if they try and burn the place down?  We'll never get out of here." He kept his voice low.

Buffy glanced over to make sure none of the others had heard him, "Whatever they're up to, I'm hoping Jessica still wants her brother alive.  Burning him would be less satisfying."

"I hope you're right, love."

She smiled slightly, "We can hold out in here until sunrise if I'm right.  If I'm wrong, there's not much I can do about it."

Outside, the noise stopped.  They waited, straining to hear anything.

"What now?" Dawn broke the silence.

"They've given up." Xander replied.

Spike moved to the lounge window, "Don't you believe it, mate." He picked up a hammer and reversed it, easing the nails out and sliding the coffee table quietly to one side.  He put his eye to a gap in the boards.

"Shit!" He threw himself to the side as a bolt flew past him, ripping his duster and burying itself in a cushion on the floor.  Xander and Buffy hurled themselves against the table and slammed it back into place.  Giles hammered the nails back in.

"Well, I'd say they're armed," Spike grinned as Dawn helped him to his feet.

"OK, so we're not going anywhere for a while.  Got any cards?" Xander pulled the crossbow bolt out of the cushion and settled himself down.  He looked up at the others watching him. "What?"

Buffy yelled in triumph, "Yes!  That's $200!"

Spike threw his cards down in disgust, "Remind me not to play for real cash with you."

Buffy pulled the pile of Monopoly money towards her.  She was sitting in the middle of the floor with Spike, Xander and Dawn.  They had reinforced the barricades, settled down and had been playing poker for a couple of hours now.  The noise from outside had been coming and going, but getting less and less enthusiastic as the night wore on.  It had been quiet for half an hour.  Giles had found a corner and was reading.  Willow was curled up asleep next to him, her head resting on his shoulder, a blanket covering her.  Simon was also asleep.  He had settled with his back against the barricade and was muttering occasionally under his breath.

"Is it light yet?" Dawn whined.  In front of her were three Monopoly dollar bills.

"Another hour yet, bit."  He started to deal the cards again.

"No, don't bother," Buffy told him, "I'm gonna go and get cleaned up.  I feel like I've been wearing these clothes for a week."

"What about the vampires?" her sister asked.

"I don't think they're getting in here any time soon."

Xander looked up, "Maybe that should be our new strategy; barricade ourselves in and bore the forces of darkness to death."

Buffy grinned and got to her feet, "Won't be long.  Give me a call if you need me."

They played a few more hands, but Dawn's heart wasn't really in it, even after the boys started to let her win.

"I'm hungry," she moaned.

Spike sighed and rolled his eyes, "Kids."

"Who'd have them?" Xander finished.  He got up and dragged Dawn to her feet, "Come on then, Dawnie.  Let's see what calorie-filled goodness you have in there."  The vampires were back, hammering listlessly on the barriers.  Spike joined the others in the kitchen, just in case something managed to get through.

"Everything OK?" Buffy called from upstairs, the shower running in the background.

"Yeah, no problem, love," he told her.  The bathroom door closed again.

Dawn was humming to herself and gathering the ingredients for what appeared to be a cereal and assorted cheese sandwich when Spike entered the room.  Xander was standing out of the way, a look of vague disgust on his face.

"D'you think Buffy'd mind if I smoked in the cellar?" Spike asked.

Dawn glared at him. "I told you to give those things up."

"Sorry, niblet; can't.  Not even for you." He shrugged.

Dawn gestured vaguely at the cellar steps with a piece of bread, "Knock yourself out."

Spike settled himself in a corner of the cellar with his back to the wall and lit his cigarette.  He rested his head back against the wall and listened to the muffled sound of the conversation drifting to him from the kitchen, smiling to himself when he heard Dawn's laugh.  He took another drag, letting the almost quiet of the house wash over him, allowing himself to stop thinking; to just be for a moment.  Upstairs, Xander and Dawn faded slightly; they must have gone back into the lounge.  He stood and ground the cigarette out on the dirt floor.  His stomach growled and he smiled again; it was still strange to feel that and not crave something warm and red.  Slowly, he made his way up to the kitchen.  Buffy was filling the kettle at the sink and she turned and smiled at him.  He stopped dead in his tracks, half way into the room.  His mind had gone blank again, but this time it was different.  He stared at her for a moment, his mouth working soundlessly, the static in his head clouding his thoughts.  She was wearing the robe she'd had on when he had tried to rape her; her hair was swept back in the same kind of loose ponytail - she looked just the same.  Just as beautiful, just as delicate.  The last few days were lost to him; all the pain flooded over him again.  His head dropped to his chest and his breathing became heavy.

"Spike?" Buffy moved over to him and tried to place a hand on his arm.  As the arm of her robe touched his skin, he pulled away, a strange whimper escaping his throat.  Buffy looked down at what she was wearing, "Oh, crap.  Dawn!"  Spike flinched again.

Dawn came racing in, stopping short at the sight of Spike.  His breathing was very laboured now.

"What happened?"

"Stay here with him; I have to get changed."  Buffy left the room at a run.  Dawn stepped in front of Spike and took his arm, leading him over to the island.  All the chairs had been used in the barricades, so she had to leave him standing.  He slumped and leaned against the island.

"What did they do?"

Spike stared at her blankly for a moment, trying to clear his head, "Who?"

"Them.  Outside.  Are they using magic?"  Slowly, Spike shook his head.  Dawn watched him for a moment, then turned and took the kettle from where Buffy had left it.  She busied herself making tea, occasionally glancing over to check on Spike.  He didn't move.  As she put the mug down next to him, Buffy came back in.  She had changed into jeans and a shirt and had let her hair down.  She caught Dawn's eye and her little sister left quickly.

"Spike?"

He started again and turned away from her.

"I'm gonna say some stuff that will hurt you.  But I have to say it, 'cause you're killing yourself with this."  Buffy went over and stood in front of him.  He tried to move away, but she caught him by the shoulders and pushed him gently back against the island.  He still avoided looking at her.

"I used to see things the way you do now.  Good and bad, nothing in between.  It was why I was afraid of how I felt; of what I am.  But you're wrong."  She took a deep breath, "You hurt me that night.  You know you did.  But I've told you I forgave you somewhere along the way.  It wasn't really you; at least, not the you that's standing here now.  You have to stop seeing yourself like that."

"I can't.  I've tried, but it just keeps coming back.  Everything I've ever done, everyone I ever hurt.  It's too painful."

Buffy let her arms drop. "You told me that life is just living.  You were wrong then, too.  Life is Living.  You were more alive when you were dead.  I can't help you if you can't help yourself."

Spike stepped away, "So what do you want?  You want me to snap out of it?  Stiff upper lip, old boy?  You think I can just turn this off?"

"No, I don't!  I don't want you to forget what happened.  I just want you to stop reliving it.  Just a few hours ago, you were kissing me.  What happened?"

"I don't know… It was seeing you looking like… I can't do this!"  He kicked the back door.

"We've all got problems; we're all in pain sometimes.  Look at Willow; look at me.  Look at what we've all done in the past – the people we've hurt, people we love.  But we got past it.  We didn't forget, we didn't forgive ourselves, but we let it make us stronger."

"I'm terrified I'm going to hurt you again!" Spike turned to her, "I couldn't carry on if I did that."

Buffy sighed, "That's what you don't understand.  Being so scared of it, being so afraid; that's what will stop you."

He stopped, all the fight gone from him.  Buffy went to him and took his hand.  "That's what having a soul really means.  Not pain, not guilt, just letting it guide you, letting yourself live.  I almost didn't work it out in time, but I did.  And now you have to."

Spike looked down at their hands and took a deep, deep breath.  He felt the oxygen flow in to his lungs, felt his heart beating.  His universe shrank to the place, the moment; just his heart beating and her hand in his, soft and warm.  He looked at her watching him, her face open and beautiful; his world encapsulated in her small body.  Everything he felt was for her, everything he had was because of her.

"I love you," he said and it seemed at that moment that he had never felt it or said it before.  Buffy looked up at him and smiled, "I know." 

There was no denial, no rejection, just a calm, gentle acceptance of that love and as he stood there, he felt his soul as if for the first time, but this time it wasn't pain, it wasn't suffering or guilt; there was only peace.

"Wow," he grinned, "An epiphany."

"Buffy?"  Giles was at the kitchen door.

"Everything's fine, Giles."

"Er, no – I'm afraid it's not."

Buffy dropped Spike's hand and turned to Giles, "What's happened?"

"It seems that Tara has paid Willow another visit.  And it doesn't sound like good news."  They followed Giles back into the lounge.  Willow was sitting on some cushions, Dawn's arm around her and Xander hovering anxiously.

"Will?"

Willow looked up at her friend, her face white, "She said she doesn't know what's going to happen any more.  Someone else is in charge out there and she can't see what they'll do."  Willow stood up, "Buffy, she was scared."

There was a crash against the front door, then another under the window.  The heard some shouting from the back and three more loud crashes.  Spike started for the stairs, grabbing the chairs and throwing them out of his way as he scrambled over the wood and disappeared into one of the bedrooms.  Buffy was half-way up the stairs after him, followed by Giles, when he threw himself back out into the hallway again, slamming hard against the opposite wall.  His eyes met Buffy's.

"The house is on fire."