"Possible return of the USA Sports team." Part 1.
The KOF head office in Osaka, Japan. It is here that the teams invited to the King of Fighters tournament come to register themselves for the contest. Chizuru Kagura, one time KOF host, sits at a desk, with a computer, surronded by badly arranged papers, dirty coffee mugs and crap novelty toys. Since failing to impress anyone in KOF 97, Chizuru has been relegated to working in the office. At the other side of the desk, the USA Sports team, Mr T lookalike boxer Heavy D!, lanky ex basketball star Lucky Glauber and huge American footballer Brian Battler. They sit, trying to convince Chizuru to let them into KOF, despite having no invites. The team have not competed since 1994.
Heavy D!- You have to let us in. KOF needs it's oversized sportsmen. We've earned our spot there.
Chizuru- Well, let's see. In 94, you all lost to Kyo in the first round...
Heavy D!- Now come on, he went on to become the champion. Hey Brian, remember how he melted Lucky's old puffa jacket with a "Serpent Wave"?
Heavy and Brain laugh, while Lucky is pissed off.
Lucky- I liked that jacket. Cost me a fortune.
Chizuru- If I may continue, you then lost to the Physco Soldiers in the losers vs losers rounds.
Brian- Damn it. They cheated on us.
Flashback to KOF 94. Team USA vs the Phsyco Soldiers. The last round, Heavy D! against Athena. The boxer is quite clearly beating the crap out of her, before time runs out.
Ref- Time over. Winner is Hea...
Athena- Let us win! Please?! I'll give you a signed CD. (she starts crying her eyes out).
Ref- Are you trying to bribe me? (he then goes up and whispers to Athena) Throw in the photos you did for "Barely Legal" magazine, and it's a deal.
Athena (whispering)- Done.
Ref- Winner is Athena!
Athena is cheering. Heavy D! is angry, having been cheated.
Back to the present.
Lucky- We beat the Koreans after that. We came 7th in that tournament. One place above them.
Chizuru- Well, duh! Everybody beats the Koreans. That's why we hire them every year.
Brian- Explain that one to me?
Chizuru- You see, we pay Kim to bring those useless jobbers Chang and Choi, to give everyone else warm up opponents. Kim is then paid a bit more to lose himself. We had Jhun run over in 2001, because he refused to cooperate with the scam.
The Sports team cannot beleive this. Their one big win, and it was all a fix. They are gutted.
Chizuru- Moving on to 95, you were invited, but turned up late, high on every drug going and leading a conga of freaks and weirdos into the KOF opening ceremony.
Another crappy flashback scene, this time in 1995. The other seven original teams have long since taken part in the ceremony, and they and the audience are bored shitless waiting for our large sportsmen
Kyo- Where the hell are the USA team?
Terry- This stupid ceremony should have finished three hours ago.
Mai- Jesus! What the hell's that!
Ralf- I don't wanna know.
The USA team finally appear. They are completely mashed and humming the Conga tune, with the entire cast of World Heroes behing them, just as high.
Heavy D!- Wa Hey! Conga, Aw man those E's were good. Join in guys.
KOF offical- Did he say E's?
Lucky- Come on everyone, let's all pop some acid. Dance, God damn you.
KOF official- We can't have drugs in the KOF! We've got kids watching, as well as competing. (we see Chin covering the eyes of Athena and Kensou).
Back to the here and now.
Chizuru- So after that, you were kicked out of KOF 95, and we quickly had to replace you with a team of Iori, Billy and Eiji.
Brian- So they kick us out for drug use, and invite a team of criminals and phsycos.
Lucky- Now that's hypocrisy.
Chizuru- Don't blame me, I joined in 96. Speaking of which, just before KOF 96, Lucky and Brian enjoyed a brief affair with Orochi secretaries Mature and Vice.
The two men are lost in dreamland at the memories of the affair, and all the sex that came with it. They are grinning like retards, and Heavy notices that they are drooling.
Heavy D!- HEY! Stop that!
No response. The boxer then smacks his partners across the back of their heads. This brings them back to reality.
Brian- Dammit you bastard! Just cause you didn't get any with those ladies.
Lucky- Your just jealous Heavy, we screwed tose fine orochi babes every which way, and let me tell you something, they loved every minute of it.
Lucky and Brian give their friend a smug look. This lasts until Chizuru finishes the story.
Chizuru- And then the Orochi assasins beat the shit out of you, leaving you both hospitalised and stole your invites to enter themselves into KOF.
The smug looks disappear. Heavy D! gives a little laugh.
Brian- Oh, yeah. You know, I forgot that part.
Lucky- Hey, Heavy. What happened to your invite in 96?
Heavy D! has to think for a minute before answering them.
Heavy D!- I, uhh... I gave it away. To, err, charity. Yeah, that's it. Charity.
He is lying through his teeth and the others can tell. Actually, Our Mr T lookie like sold his invite for a large sum of money to Kasumi Todo. Whilst his partners were in hospital, Heavy treated himself to, among other things, a new sports car and wild nights with Mr Big's ho's.
Will the team get into KOF? What happened from 97 onwards? Find out in part two. Want a copy of Athena's "Barely Legal" photoshoot? Too bad, I made that up.
The KOF head office in Osaka, Japan. It is here that the teams invited to the King of Fighters tournament come to register themselves for the contest. Chizuru Kagura, one time KOF host, sits at a desk, with a computer, surronded by badly arranged papers, dirty coffee mugs and crap novelty toys. Since failing to impress anyone in KOF 97, Chizuru has been relegated to working in the office. At the other side of the desk, the USA Sports team, Mr T lookalike boxer Heavy D!, lanky ex basketball star Lucky Glauber and huge American footballer Brian Battler. They sit, trying to convince Chizuru to let them into KOF, despite having no invites. The team have not competed since 1994.
Heavy D!- You have to let us in. KOF needs it's oversized sportsmen. We've earned our spot there.
Chizuru- Well, let's see. In 94, you all lost to Kyo in the first round...
Heavy D!- Now come on, he went on to become the champion. Hey Brian, remember how he melted Lucky's old puffa jacket with a "Serpent Wave"?
Heavy and Brain laugh, while Lucky is pissed off.
Lucky- I liked that jacket. Cost me a fortune.
Chizuru- If I may continue, you then lost to the Physco Soldiers in the losers vs losers rounds.
Brian- Damn it. They cheated on us.
Flashback to KOF 94. Team USA vs the Phsyco Soldiers. The last round, Heavy D! against Athena. The boxer is quite clearly beating the crap out of her, before time runs out.
Ref- Time over. Winner is Hea...
Athena- Let us win! Please?! I'll give you a signed CD. (she starts crying her eyes out).
Ref- Are you trying to bribe me? (he then goes up and whispers to Athena) Throw in the photos you did for "Barely Legal" magazine, and it's a deal.
Athena (whispering)- Done.
Ref- Winner is Athena!
Athena is cheering. Heavy D! is angry, having been cheated.
Back to the present.
Lucky- We beat the Koreans after that. We came 7th in that tournament. One place above them.
Chizuru- Well, duh! Everybody beats the Koreans. That's why we hire them every year.
Brian- Explain that one to me?
Chizuru- You see, we pay Kim to bring those useless jobbers Chang and Choi, to give everyone else warm up opponents. Kim is then paid a bit more to lose himself. We had Jhun run over in 2001, because he refused to cooperate with the scam.
The Sports team cannot beleive this. Their one big win, and it was all a fix. They are gutted.
Chizuru- Moving on to 95, you were invited, but turned up late, high on every drug going and leading a conga of freaks and weirdos into the KOF opening ceremony.
Another crappy flashback scene, this time in 1995. The other seven original teams have long since taken part in the ceremony, and they and the audience are bored shitless waiting for our large sportsmen
Kyo- Where the hell are the USA team?
Terry- This stupid ceremony should have finished three hours ago.
Mai- Jesus! What the hell's that!
Ralf- I don't wanna know.
The USA team finally appear. They are completely mashed and humming the Conga tune, with the entire cast of World Heroes behing them, just as high.
Heavy D!- Wa Hey! Conga, Aw man those E's were good. Join in guys.
KOF offical- Did he say E's?
Lucky- Come on everyone, let's all pop some acid. Dance, God damn you.
KOF official- We can't have drugs in the KOF! We've got kids watching, as well as competing. (we see Chin covering the eyes of Athena and Kensou).
Back to the here and now.
Chizuru- So after that, you were kicked out of KOF 95, and we quickly had to replace you with a team of Iori, Billy and Eiji.
Brian- So they kick us out for drug use, and invite a team of criminals and phsycos.
Lucky- Now that's hypocrisy.
Chizuru- Don't blame me, I joined in 96. Speaking of which, just before KOF 96, Lucky and Brian enjoyed a brief affair with Orochi secretaries Mature and Vice.
The two men are lost in dreamland at the memories of the affair, and all the sex that came with it. They are grinning like retards, and Heavy notices that they are drooling.
Heavy D!- HEY! Stop that!
No response. The boxer then smacks his partners across the back of their heads. This brings them back to reality.
Brian- Dammit you bastard! Just cause you didn't get any with those ladies.
Lucky- Your just jealous Heavy, we screwed tose fine orochi babes every which way, and let me tell you something, they loved every minute of it.
Lucky and Brian give their friend a smug look. This lasts until Chizuru finishes the story.
Chizuru- And then the Orochi assasins beat the shit out of you, leaving you both hospitalised and stole your invites to enter themselves into KOF.
The smug looks disappear. Heavy D! gives a little laugh.
Brian- Oh, yeah. You know, I forgot that part.
Lucky- Hey, Heavy. What happened to your invite in 96?
Heavy D! has to think for a minute before answering them.
Heavy D!- I, uhh... I gave it away. To, err, charity. Yeah, that's it. Charity.
He is lying through his teeth and the others can tell. Actually, Our Mr T lookie like sold his invite for a large sum of money to Kasumi Todo. Whilst his partners were in hospital, Heavy treated himself to, among other things, a new sports car and wild nights with Mr Big's ho's.
Will the team get into KOF? What happened from 97 onwards? Find out in part two. Want a copy of Athena's "Barely Legal" photoshoot? Too bad, I made that up.