Blankets

Legolas is cold on Cahadras. Legolas/Aragorn, implied Frodo/Aragorn. Humour. AU.

Disclaimer: I own my fingers.

Aragorn pulled his blanket higher over his head and shivered. Well, it was better than going through Moria, though it would have been warmer. He rubbed his hands together and curled into the fetal position. Damn. He was still cold. The fire had burned itself out and everyone seemed to be huddled together, except for Legolas who was fighting with the final scrap of blanket. As he was immortal he'd been pushed to the back in the blanket queue and had about half the amount of blanket Aragorn had.

Aragorn shuddered. He was too cold to care about Legolas and curled even tighter into the fetal position. The snow blanketed him in a way that the ragged piece of cloth couldn't, but it froze the very blood in his bones.

He was startled out of an uneasy sleep by the feel of a hand on his leg. A very warm, delicate hand, distinctly elvish in feel.

"Frodo?" he whispered joyfully, feeling warmer than before, but it must be the snow was easing up…

There was an exasperated sigh, quickly muffled, "It's Legolas."

"Legolas!" Aragorn began to feel himself warm up, in "other" ways. "Er… how nice to see you..."

"Yes…" the elf snuggled into him.

"Uh… Legolas… why are you doing… that?" Aragorn said. He was now feeling distinctly uncomfortable.

"I'm cold." Legolas said, cuddling deeper into his shoulder.

"Er… Legolas… you are aware that I'm… engaged…"

"Yes, Aragorn."

"To… Arwen…"

"Yes, Aragorn."
"Daughter of Elrond…"
"Yes, Aragorn."

"Oh." Aragorn thought a moment. "Alright then."

"Yes, Aragorn."
A few minutes later…

"Er… Legolas…"
"Yes, Aragorn?"

"Erm… why are you cuddling me…?"
"I'm cold, Aragorn." Yes, the smug patronizing note had crept into the elf's voice. Bloody elves.

"Erm… well you're very… erm… close."

"Are you too warm, Aragorn?"

"Er… no…"

"Well don't complain."

"Alright, mother."

"..." for the first time a note of uncertainty crept into the elf's voice, "What did you just call me…"

"Sorry, it's automatic."
"Ah." Legolas snuggled even closer, and relaxed with a gentle sigh. "Ai Valar! What is THAT?"

In the next second he was up and shaking and Aragorn was red faced with embarrassment.

"Sorry!" Aragorn said, cursing himself.

Legolas went quite white, "Pervy hobbit fancier! Don't tell me otherwise! That is a hobbit custom!" he said.

"Er… sorry…"

"Sorry! I wouldn't be surprised if that was illegal! And immoral! AND fattening!"

"It's just pipeweed…"
"In a VERY inappropriate place! You keep it in your breast pocket you uncultured Ranger! Not in your trouser pocket where anyone might… ugh!"

"Shut up! And stop going ugh! You'll wake the others!"
"Make me!"
Aragorn leapt up and clapped his hand over the elf's mouth. "There!"

"Mmph!"
"Ow! Don't bite!"

Legolas sniggered under the hand and sank his teeth in again, causing Aragorn to yelp with pain.

"Stop it! Alright! Alright! I'm taking my hand off!" Aragorn removed it, quite quickly. Legolas grinned, in a way that if seen in a toddler would have its parents down the counselor with nervous stress.

"You fancy Frodo don't you?"

"I do not have any interest in hobbits!"

"Well, what was with you carrying up Cahadras? He has feet, he can use them! And the business with Boromir…"
"I believe him to be a danger to the Ring!"

"Or the Ringbearer? Which?"

"Both!"

"Ah…" the elf sighed and then snuggled down in the blankets again. Aragorn, rather cautiously, joined him.

The elf was actually rather cuddly, for his just-come-out-of-a-really-cold-shower appearance. Aragorn wished he could pull that off, especially when some of his parts were warmer than they could be. He wished Legolas would stop twitching like that; it was disturbing in the extreme, and yet part of him was actually interested in this.

Fortunately Legolas then decided to fall asleep, and an elf asleep is in no way a turn on, especially Legolas. He wriggled, turned over and after an hour of ceaseless movement put his arms around Aragorn's neck and cuddled him close.

Aragorn didn't quite know what to do. After five minutes he decided to slowly wriggle away, but the elf just clasped him to his chest tighter… and he was warming up again. He could feel it.

"Er… Legolas? Are you awake?"
Snore. Elves aren't meant to snore, the monologue screamed. They're meant to be noble and good and…

Disquietingly aware that his internal monologue sounded like Sam, Aragorn shifted. So did Legolas. They ended up so close as whenever they breathed it caused major friction.

"Thranduilstoppit…"

Ew. Aragorn did not want to think about how totally… weird that sounded.

"Icanfiremyownbowimnotachild…"

Trying to keep down the giggles, Aragorn snorted. Legolas' head jerked.

"Wha'?" before falling back into unconsciousness again.

Aragorn seriously needed help now. He was going to have to move. Sharply. Making Legolas wake up. Legolas was an Elf.

Aragorn quickly rethought his plans. He had once woken Elrond up by jumping on his stomach… the mental scars were still with him…

He had been seven then… but still…

Argh… Valar. Aragorn dipped his head and decided to try to get to sleep. Think about … normal things. Arwen! Yes! Think about Arwen!

"Argh… Legolas, are you doing this deliberately? Aaah…" Aragorn then realized he'd spoken aloud. How humiliating. It was lucky Legolas… or Frodo weren't awake to hear that.

"Aragorn?" Legolas' eyes fluttered. "Arglegolasareyoudoingthisdeliberatelyaah? Whatthe?"
"Erm… nothing?"
"Ew… Aragorn… have you got more pipeweed down there…"

"No, Legolas."

"I don't believe you."

"Oh… don't look!"

Legolas had actually purposefully stuck his hand down… there. Aragorn was now so warm he was convinced he was melting the snow for miles around.

"Yup… one pipe… one packet of pipeweed."
"I'm sorry?"
"I am. This stuff is bad for your lungs! It's fattening!"

"Sorry Legolas."

"Are you?"

"'es."
"Well…"

"I will never smoke again."
"You promise?"
"I promise on Arwen's life that I shall never smoke pipeweed again."
"Good. Well, make sure you keep it... ugh… ugh…"

Legolas had pushed Aragorn too far. The Man was kissing him, with no lack of passion.

"Yes…" he whispered, breaking apart.

"Ugh… Aragorn! You're engaged."

"I know."

"Well… alright. No more Frodo fancying then."
"Yes, mother."

"And no more pipeweed.

"I know, Legolas, why don't you just write up the terms of relationship and I can go break them."
A muffled chuckle. "Alright then… But…" He sighed. "First I'm going to sleep."