Thine Own Self

-0o0o0-

Epilogue

"... I tried to persuade her to stay on, but she feels her talents would be put to better use in a more active role during these difficult times. It's an admirable decision, of course, but Professor Noira will be missed here at Hogwarts. It will take some time to find another Arithmancy professor, to say nothing of a new Head of House for Slytherin."

Dumbledore paused and Katherine came back from the gray fog she'd been drifting in, realizing he was waiting for a reply. "Yes, sir." He tilted his head, his eyes sympathetic; evidently, that wasn't what he'd been looking for.

But he didn't press, simply continued, "Of course, you have more than enough concerns of your own. Is Miss Slopak still settling in with her new roommates, now that they've all returned from Christmas break?"

"They're fine, sir."

"The third-years don't mind having a first-year in their midst?"

"No, sir." He lifted his eyebrows knowingly and she amended, "Not much, rather. All of them still feel a bit protective, especially now, since we heard..." She swallowed and leveled her voice, finishing, "And Rina's trying to behave."

"And is she succeeding?"

"...As well as can be expected."

He smiled appreciatively, either of Rina's efforts, or of Katherine's diplomatic phrasing. "Excellent. You'll be pleased to know, I'm sure, that Mr. Ryan is also doing well with the Hufflepuffs. I'm sure this first Interhouse Exchange experiment will work out quite well." He said the last part wryly; everyone in Hogwarts knew why Andrew no longer slept with his housemates in Slytherin. "And you, Miss Mitchell -- how are the advanced Charms and Defense Against Dark Arts tutorials going?"

"Very well, thank you, sir." He waited again, expectantly, and she cast about for something to add. "Professors Flitwick and Halbard have been very helpful; I appreciate the time they've been willing to put in with me."

"They tell me you obviously worked quite hard over the holiday. Dedication is admirable, but please remember that even the strongest wizard must occasionally rest."

"Yes, sir."

"And I do hope you'll come to me when it's time to apply for Auror training -- if, of course, you feel my recommendation would be helpful."

"Yes, sir, it would. Thank you."

"Oh, it's the least I can do for a prefect."

"Yes, sir." Katherine looked reflexively down at the badge she still wasn't quite used to wearing, even though she'd had it the entire last six weeks of the previous term, since the morning after... "About that, Headmaster... I did have a question."

"Yes, Miss Mitchell?"

"Malana Kurtz, sir, and Derek Istan, and the others who were expelled after... After." She'd worked on the question for weeks, but her tongue still stumbled over the words, as if appalled she was actually going to voice them. "How do you know they were the ones who attacked us that night? Attacked the others, I mean," she corrected hastily. No one had done anything to her, after all; they'd been too busy going after the children who couldn't defend themselves. Such a shock they'd gotten...

"Didn't I tell you--?" The headmaster looked shocked for a moment, then closed his eyes and rubbed them with one hand, sighing. "I hope you'll accept an old man's apology, Miss Mitchell; I didn't realize you hadn't been informed... Well. As if happens, there was a witness to the events of that night."

"A witness, sir? David... David and I were both out of our rooms first, and we didn't see anyone."

"The witness chose not to be seen, as is his privilege." Dumbledore seemed to recover a shadow of his usual good humor at the confusion on Katherine's face. "It seems the Bloody Baron took it upon himself to monitor events in Slytherin House in my absence."

"The Baron?" She shuddered in spite of herself. "Why would he...?"

"Whatever his highly questionable opinions of your birth, I understand he was quite impressed with your self-sufficiency -- he regards it as representative of the highest traditions of Slytherin House. I was also impressed, I must admit -- though by somewhat different actions, and for somewhat different reasons. And I would wish such efforts had never been needed.

"Adults like to believe we are all-knowing and all powerful, but we are not, and there is nothing I regret more deeply. Especially during such times as these..." He trailed off for a moment, lost in his thoughts, then suddenly focused on Katherine again. "I hope you will never face circumstances such as those again, Miss Mitchell, but that is not something I can promise. But I hope you will remember this: if ever any of my students need my help, or that of anyone else at Hogwarts -- any professor, any prefect, anyone -- it will be given them, to the full extent of my powers. They have only to ask... however difficult I know the asking can be."

She had no trouble now facing the hatred in Malfoy's eyes, but she couldn't quite meet the compassion in Dumbledore's. "Yes, Headmaster," she said quietly, studying her hands where they lay twisted in her lap.

The silence stretched a long time, pulled far too thin. She finally had to break it. "Sir, if I may... the others will be waiting for me."

"Of course, Miss Mitchell, I'm sorry to keep you from them for so long. I'll see you in the Great Hall in a few minutes?"

"Yes, sir."

She escaped as quickly as she could without being rude or undignified, and leaned against the wall outside the Headmaster's office for a long while before she was calm enough to wind through the staircases between her and the Great Hall.

The disturbance was audible long before it was visible -- from two flights above the scene, Katherine could see the group clustered together: Rina protected in the center, Erin, Shivani and their roommates defiantly facing down the group of Slytherin sixth-years, three boys and two girls, that had them cornered.

Katherine sighed and hurried down the stairs, adding together the number of points Slytherin would lose for this, and not feeling nearly as badly about taking points from her own house as she should.

But before she could get close enough to do anything, five students wearing Gryffindor red and gold appeared behind the sixth-years, who were too busy tormenting their prey to realize they had become the prey.

"Aren't you a little too old to be picking on third-years?" Potter asked, startling the sixth-years into whirling around. Evans smiled sweetly at them from his side.

"Oh, haven't you heard?" Black stood next to his friends, giving the sixth-years a cheerful smile that would make anyone with sense run in the opposite direction. "Slytherins prefer to take on third-years, or even first-years. You know, so they can't fight back."

"Actually, I understand that even third-years are a bit much for them," Lupin contributed from Potter's other side. "Shameful, that."

"Absolutely," Black agreed. "Maybe they need more practice? Against opponents that are up their weight level?"

Pettigrew nodded agreement and all four boys took one steps closer to the Slytherins; Black actually pushed up the sleeves of his robes in anticipation. Evans stayed back, watching with her head cocked in interest, obviously not about to intervene. The sixth-years took a step back, only to run into their former victims. None of whom were looking particularly victimized.

Katherine took her time going the rest of the way; when she left the stairs, the Gryffindors and the third-years had turned the tables, forming an ever-smaller circle around the increasingly-panicked Slytherin sixth-years. She lingered just that little bit longer, before finally asking, "Is there a problem here?"

The sixth-years' eyes flashed to her with relief, which turned into blatant fear when they realized who had come to their 'rescue'. She smiled blandly, then looked past them at Potter.

The Head Boy smiled back, just as blandly. "No problem, thanks. Just reminding a few people of their manners."

"So I see. Well, I'm sure they've the idea now. Perhaps they should be moving on to the Hall? Before things get nasty?"

The sixth-years took the hint and began edging their way to freedom. Black and Erin took their time opening a hole, but finally stepped aside. The sixth-years fled.

"By the way," Katherine called after them, "ten points from Slytherin."

"Each," Evans added, finishing with a toss of her hair, "for being great bullying gits." The third-years giggled a little in startled appreciation, Erin imitating the hair toss.

Potter watched the last of sixth-years scurry out of sight with a satisfied nod, then turned back, sobering. "May we offer you an escort into the Hall?" he asked Katherine specifically and the group as a whole.

Rina and the third-years were all in favor, several of them smiled bashfully up at the older boys, but Katherine shook her head. "We'll be fine from here."

Erin looked briefly mutinous, then suddenly serious again, as if remembering what they were gathering in the Hall for. "Yeah," she echoed quietly, staring at her feet. "We're fine."

Evens touched her shoulder gently, then began to lead her gang away, one arm looped tightly through Potter's. Katherine suddenly heard Dumbledore's voice in her head again -- 'if ever any of my students need my help... however difficult the asking may be...' -- and called out on impulse, "Lily!"

Evans turned back, and Katherine took a breath, then tried to smile. The very corners of her lips turned up, if not easily, than a bit more naturally than she was accustomed to. "Thank you," she said simply, gesturing at the girls around her.

Evans smiled back, and Katherine envied the warmth even as she soaked it in. "You're welcome. And... I'm sorry."

Katherine nodded acknowledgment, then began to gather her flock as the Gryffindors disappeared into the Great Hall.

The walls were dressed in Slytherin green and silver, the tables bare, the students strangely subdued. Three young Gryffindors laughed suddenly, loudly, but Black, of all people, silenced them with a single sharp word. The head of Slytherin table was empty; after only a moment, Katherine led the others up to take the seats. Malfoy was only a few feet away, but except for one hard look, he chose to ignore their existence. He'd had to do some fancy footwork to keep his prefect's badge, but there had been no proof he'd put Kurtz and the others up to the attacks that night -- or any other night since, no matter what she knew in her heart. There was no proof... Not yet.

Andrew appeared a few minutes after the rest, surrounded by his new Hufflepuff friends and shadowed by a sixth-year prefect. He peeled off from them as they came through the doorway and sat next to Rina, across from Shivani. "Hi, guys," he greeted them softly, his eyes red and slightly swollen still. "Hi, Kit."

They whispered back greetings and Dumbledore rose from the head table, as if Andrew's arrival had been some sort of signal. Which it might have been. He cleared his throat, and the few quiet murmurs faded to silence.

"We gather today," he began, "not in celebration, but in remembrance."

Erin and Shivani leaned together, their shoulders touching; Pandora and Natalie shuffled just a little closer to them on either side.

"We always feel regret when students leave us, even when we know they are bound for better and greater things."

Rina's hand slipped into Andrew's and he squeezed it with a smile that worked its way out around tears, a twelve-year-old boy trying to be a man.

"Our sorrow, then, is so much greater when we lose our students, not to the future, but to that power from which not even magic can secure us forever."

Lucius Malfoy's expression was pious and respectful, as befitted his prefect's badge. But his eyes sneered at Dumbledore's words, as if he knew better; when he felt Katherine's eyes on him, he turned just enough to smirk and tap his fingers against his left arm, just below the elbow. Her fingers twitched for her wand, twitched for proof, and found only air. Not yet...

"This is not the first time we have gathered here, in this Hall, to mark the passing of one of our own. It shall not be the last."

Involuntarily, she followed Malfoy's eyes when they flicked to the other end of the table; Severus Snape sat alone, as far from the others as he could get, staring past Dumbledore up at the clear, starry sky of the Great Hall. One hand rubbed absently at his arm, as if it was hurting him.

His left arm, just below the elbow.

"But even in sorrow, we may find joy, in remembering those who have gone before us, and the countless gifts they have left behind."

Katherine's breath caught hard in her chest, and Snape looked over as if he'd heard her. There was nothing in his face -- no guilt, no excuse, no triumph, no regret. Rina sniffled suddenly, loudly, breaking Katherine's gaze from Snape's, and when she glanced back up, Snape was staring again at the sky.

"In this way, we honor them -- everything they were, and everything we can be, if we aspire to match their gifts."

Tears streamed down Erin's cheeks, and Shivani's, and Andrew's valiant reach for adulthood crumbled in silent, wracking sobs. Rina leaned against Katherine's shoulder, crying softly, and Katherine stiffened at the contact, then slowly relaxed.

"We dare to hope that, when our time comes, we too shall leave something worth celebrating in our wake."

Carefully, awkwardly, Katherine laid her arm around Rina's shoulders, reaching a little further to cup the back of Andrew's neck with fingers and palm. Her other hand found Erin's across the table.

"And so, tonight, we remember our fallen friend. We remember his intelligence and his compassion as a student of Hogwarts. We remember his heroism as it shone just two weeks ago, on a dark Christmas Eve, when he fought alone for the lives of his family against a vicious and cowardly Death Eater attack." She remembered Malfoy's thwarted fury, six weeks ago, and saw him now in the corner of her eye, his face calm and satisfied. She breathed deeply, carefully -- not yet -- and turned her eyes back to Dumbledore, putting Malfoy and Snape firmly from her mind. There would be time for them later. "We remember his dreams of fighting for all -- Muggle-born and magic-born alike -- against the darkness that threatens our world. But it is not, I believe, by fighting that we can best honor his memory."

The future stretched ahead of them in a long line of battles -- prejudice, training, danger. Snape, Malfoy, Voldmort.

"Instead, we remember those we have lost by striving to create, someday, a world where we need no longer fight -- where we need not struggle to live as we choose, but may simply live."

But maybe -- maybe -- they wouldn't have to face them alone.

Katherine let her head slip to the side, until her cheek came to rest on Rina's hair; Erin's hand tightened in hers as she closed her eyes, Dumbledore's voice washing over and around her.

"As David Ryder lived, and as he died, so shall we all be challenged to equal his spirit."

The future would come soon enough. She would rest a little while now, until it was time to fight again.

-0o0o0-

"but still there is so much left unanswered
for so many innocent lives
they close the doors and are letting nobody in
and only the strong will survive"

Sarah McLachlan, "Shelter"

-0o0o0-

Fin

-0o0o0-

Notes
Thanks go to: the fabulous Kiki for not letting me go nuts even when I couldn't talk about it, assuring me repeatedly that it didn't suck, and editing even when she was wigged; Diane, for tolerating me on Days 4 and 5, asking to read it, pointing out the potential confusion in the timeline, and supplying more than a little of David's personality; Lizbet, for restarting RTDS and inadvertently setting Katherine loose; Cath, in the hopes she won't mind her name being maligned, since I'm fairly certain someone was trying to reach her with this one, not me; Bruce (BK the Irregular) for arm-wrestling his Muse while I was arm-wrestling mine -- we writers gotta stick together; the members of The Sugar Quill, for feeding my habit with the good stuff; angel-wings76 and Proud Dream Teamer, whose reviews kept me posting; Beaker, for the really great feedback and for catching the boner mistake; and the rest of the Horsechicks, for all the usual things.

I was heavily influenced in my age selection by the work of rabbit and -v-Jinx-v, before we got anything resembling canon. Go read everything they've written; it'll influence you, too. :)