MORE DISCLAIMER: …. A tie covered in pizza sauce. I don't own Fitness Friday. I don't own Dobby or Yoda. I don't own the actor who plays Count Dooku. I don't own a mariachi band. I don't own duct tape…
Go, you must not!
"Go back to Hogwarts, Harry Potter must not!"
Harry blinked at the strange sight he was being forced by Kavi to see. A small, elf/troll-like creature was standing on his bed, with large, blinking eyes, green skin, oversized ears which flopped and twitched at random, and a cane and Jedi robes.
"Dobby?" he asked incredulously, sinking into an overstuffed green armchair and reaching for his pipe. Oh, wait - NO, SMOKING IS BAD FOR YOU!!! STUPID GANDALF, WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN TEACHING THESE LITTLE HOBBITS? YOU CALL YOURSELF A ROLE MODEL? YOU OUGHT TO BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF, ENDORSING DRUGS!!!!! OH, FOR SHAME….
*ahem*
"Dobby?" he asked incredulously, sinking into an overstuffed green armchair and reaching for his bubble-blower toy.
"Dobby, I am. Go back to Hogwarts, Harry Potter must not!"
"Stop the repetitiveness!" Harry exclaimed, and smacked Kavi (he's my pet tree monkey. Everything in this fic gets blamed on him, in case you haven't figured that out yet). Then Harry turned back to the odd-looking creature before him. "What happened to you?"
"Saw Star Wars, I did. My relative, I have found." He cleared his throat and said, "Begun, the clone wars have…."
"Wow, that's really really creepy. You do look like you could be related to Yoda," Harry admitted.
"Go to Hogwarts, Harry must not!" Dobby-Yoda insisted for the third time.
"Well……….. ok. I did get hurt last year. Besides, it's an awfully adventurous place, and I've no use for adventures. Nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable things - why, adventures are known to make one late for dinner!" ("Seems more like a grocer than a burglar!" Bombur said, and all the dwarves and Gandalf laughed while Tail glowered, until only Gandalf was left laughing, which was rather creepy including the fact that he slapped his knee…)
"NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Dobby shouted, shaking his head. "Reverse psychology, this is!"
"Well, it's not working," Harry replied. Then he remembered something. "you're not even supposed to be here. Unless… Unless you're Thorin, come with the dwarves to take me to Lonely Mountain… Are you?"
"Thorin, I am not," Dobby-Yoda insisted, hiding his blue hood behind his back.
"Well, then, go away." Just then, a knock came on the door, and without further ado or introduction, a stunningly beautiful, brave, talented, and clever creature came bursting in the door - also known as Cho Chang.
"Hi Harry! I found this random owl outside your door and, well, I figured it was for you since it has your name on it……." She blinked and shut up.
"A telegraph? Oh, but of course. It's bound to be from Thorin," Harry replied, directing this last comment to Dobby-Yoda with a knowing nod. He took the piece of paper from Cho. It read:
Harry Stop Go to Hogwarts you must not Stop
But this was all too repetetive for Harry's brain. He looked at the words and saw something else…
"To Burglar Bilbo:
For your hospitality our sincerest thanks… and for your offer of professional asistance, our grateful acceptance. Terms: cash on delivery, up to and no exceeding one fourteenth of all total profits; al travelling expenses guaranteed, as well as funeral expenses… bla bla bla bla bla…. Yours deeply, Thorin Oakenshield & Dori Ori Nori Dwalin Balin Fili Kili Bifur Bofur Bomber Oin
"And Gloin…." Harry finished triumphantly. "I mean… ahem… Oh no! They're probably waiting for me, be-bother and confusticate it all -"
"Confusticate and be-bother," Dobby-Yoda corrected randomly. Both Cho and Harry gave him "the look" (O_o)
"Well, I'd better be on my way - don't want to make them too late, after all…" And, grabbing a random green tailcoat from a random coathanger which ended up being a photographer's assisstant. Harry dashed off.
"Is he okay?" Cho asked. "Never mind - I think I know…." She turned to Dobby-Yoda. "Hey, you kicked ass in that movie."
"Kicked ass, I did. Fun, I had." Dobby-Yoda paused. "Look like Sarumon, Dooko did. Play Dumbledore as well, the same actor may."
"Don't be stupid… that's just icky. Now that Harry left, this chapter has very little point. Let's end it before we lose what little readers we have…." Cho and Dobby thought of how to end the chapter.
And they thought.
And they thought.
And they thought.
And suddenly a pair of flying green ducks wearing black turtlenecks swooped in from the sky and carried them both off into the sunset.
Kwee! End of the second chapter, this is! Now y'all be good lil chillens - stay home from Hogwarts and review instead, or I'll get Olly to put a curse on you to make you talk like Yoda!!! Mwhahahaha….