Gandaldore?

The first thing that caught Harry's eye was a hat. A gray hat. A tall, conical, grey hat.

"GANDALF!" Harry shouted with glee, running up to the tall man in the grey conical hat and giving him a big hobbit hug.

"I feel loved," The old man declared as he turned around, "Yet strangely violated. Who the Brady are you?"

"Why, who else but Bilbo Baggins of Bag-End, Underhill, the Shire!" Harry said, laughing. "Silly Gandalf. You do realize you sent the dwarves to the wrong hobbit-hole. Why, I had to go halfway across the Shire looking for them!"

Gandalf blinked.

And blinked again.

And blinked again

And blinked again.

Harry, because he was trying to convey LOADS of emotion, stared blankly into space.

"Riiiiiight," Ian McKellen answered, suddenly rather convinced that this boy was a complete lunatic and/or a LotR internet cultist. Being Gandalf, he decided to have some fun before he called security. "Hey Elwood!" he called. Into the fic strode the HUGELY TALENTED, PERFECT, AND DAMN HOTT ELIJAH WOOD. Gandalf turned the angelic hobbit's attention to the odd looking child before them. "Elijah, this is your…er… cousin, Bilbo."

Elijah blinked.

And blinked again.

And blinked again.

And blinked again.

"Frodo?" Harry asked.

"Elijah," the otherworldly one corrected.

"Frodo?"

"Elwood."

"Frodo?"

"Elijah."

"Frodo?"

"LIJAH! Dude, Frodo is just my character in the LotR movies."

"Oh," Harry said, quite confused. "But you must be related to me somehow. We both have obnoxiously blue eyes."

"YOU BRAT!" DarkRose snapped, inserting herself in the fic rather randomly. "NOTHING about Lijah's eyes will ever be obnoxious… and besides, yours are supposed to be GREEN!" Quite indignant at having a character in her own fic making fun of Elwood, she typed:

DANIEL RADCLIFFE HAS EYES OF GREEN… GREEN EYES, BY BRADY!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! My life is POINTLESS! My eyes are actually the right color! It's RUINED, RUINED!" Harry fell to his knees in emotional anguish, iron-curled head bobbing as he bawled. "WHY, DarkRose? Why did you do that to me? Why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why -"

The other characters just stared at him for a while. And blinked.

DarkRose shuddered at her own wickedness. "Daniel Radcliffe… showing emotion? Brady Almighty. Lijah… I'm scared…"

"Me too," said Elijah, putting one arm around the author in comfort. "Change him back, quick." And so DarkRose did some more typing….

And Harry's eyes were annoyingly blue once more. He went back to staring blankly. Elijah wiped his brow in avid relief.

"Now what?" Harry asked. "What do I do? Gandalf? Where are the dwarves? Where are the elves? Where are the men of Laketown?"

"Why does it talk to us, precious? What is it up to? It's a tricksy little creature…" Lijah hissed, hand flying to THE RING which he hadn't returned to the prop people yet. Everyone gave him "the look" (O_o) -- except for Harry, who just stared blankly.

"Uh…."

"Whatever, Elwood," DarkRose said, shrugging. "Anyways, Har- I mean, uh, Bilbo, I think there's some Floo Powder in your hair. Why don't you go to the set-- I mean, uh, your house, and use the fireplace to get back to the dwarves/"

"Good heavens, man, hurry! Just look at the time! It's already… Half-past ten!"

"Oh, be-bother and confusticate it all!!!" Harry shouted. "Thorin will leave without me!" And so he rushed down the fake stone road to the set location of Bag-End.

Watching him go with an adorable smile, Elijah suggested, "Hey, who votes we blow this joint."

"I'm on," said DarkRose. "Got a car?"

Gandalf pulled some keys from his sleeve (How? Magic!!!!! ………………………………................................................................................................................ XDXDXD pun intended!!!!!! Oh, never mind.)

"LET'S RIDE, BABY!" he shouted, whooping, and putting on some killer shades.. So the trio hopped in Ian McKellen's shiny convertible and drove away into the sunset.

*******************

Meanwhile…. Harry had found Bilbo's house. It was quite empty, since they were done shooting and the prop people were all gone. In fact, it was rather spooky.

"Hello???" he called. "Hello??? Anyone got a fireplace???"

Suddenly, some sinister muttering filled the room.

"What??? Who's there?"

More muttering.

Harry slowly backed into the foyer, near enough to the exit that he could make a quick escape. "HELLO??? WHO IS MAKING THAT SINISTER MUTTERING???"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Harry screamed. The next thing he knew, something came at him from behind and he was knocked to the ground.

He waited a while, frightened to death and therefore staring blankly. From the darkness came the words:

ALAN HOWARD IS……..

THE ONE RING.

A/N: kwweeeeeeeeeeeeee and mwahahahahahaha! What will happen next? Will Harry be okay? Will he ever stop pretending he's Bilbo? Will Elwood's eyes still be blue?

Ha! Unless the world comes to an aprupt end…. NO!!!!! mwahahaha!

SECTION 3, ORDINANCE 1232, ITEM JKL:

you must review if:

- you are wondering right now what the Brady happened to this fic - is nothing sacred?

-you have no idea why BRADY is used as an expletive

-you think Danny Radcliffe is a great actor O_o

-you think Elijah Wood is a great actor ^__^

-you watched all the LotR credits and SAW Alan Howard's name in them

-you're wearing pink bunny pajamas

-you know how to pronounce the name Cecco

-you are very very very very very very looooooooooooooossssssst.

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