Rampaging Hobbits
"Harry?" said an extremely obnoxious, annoying voice in Harry's ear. "Harry?"
Harry opened his BLUE eyes and then put on his glasses. "Arwen?"
"Hermoine," the annoying girl before him said. "Harry, what's gotten into you? Draco Malfoy found you knocked out outside Potions class.. For heaven's sake, Harry, look at yourself?"
"Why do you keep calling me Harry? You know as well as anyone that I'm Bilbo Baggins of Bag-End, Underhill, the Shire!" Harry protested. "And where am I? It seems oddly familiar."
"This is the infirmary. Harry, are you sure you're feeling alright?"
"Bilbo," Harry corrected, "Where is this infirmary?"
"At Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, of course," Hermoine answered in her know-it-all-sort-of-way.
"Wizardry???? GANDALF!!!" Harry shouted happily, jumped out of bed, and dashed out of the room and down the hallway.
Hermoine blinked.
And blinked again.
And blinked again.
"That was sooo last chapter," Elijah Wood informed her, popping his angelic self into this chappy as well ^__^. "Brady Almighty. You're annoying AND you can't keep up with stupid excuses for jokes?"
"You're sooo last chapter too," Hermoine pointed out. "Get out of here so I can do some annoying smart stuff. This is supposed to be a Harry Potter fic, not a LotR one, anyways."
Lijah pouted adorably, using his TRAGIC FRODO-EYES POWER on the crimp-haired student. "But... but... but... DarkRose said I could be in this chapter too..."
Even Hermoine had to soften at this. "Fine, then. but stay out of my way. Go run amok or something."
"YEY!!!" Lijah exclaimed, and promptly raced out of the door after Harry.
Hermoine looked annoyingly exasperated for a while, and then happened to notice the random classic-looking book on Harry's bedside. "By JRR Tolkein... hmm..."
************************
Meanwhile, Harry was running amok around Hogwarts looking for Gandalf.
And he found him.
"Why is that so anticlimactic?" Harry wondered briefly before crying out: "Gandalf! There you are!"
"I'm not here," Ian McKellen said fervently. "I'm not here. I'm not here. I'm not here..."
"Gandalf, I don't know where the dwarves are and I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing."
"not here. I'm not here. I'm not here. I'm not..."
"GANDALF!"
"If I tell you where they are, will you leave me alone?" Harry nodded. "Alright then. Um.... Here things are mildly different than what you might remember. The dwarves are called... um... *skims through random Harry Potter book* Gryffindors! The Elves are Ravenclaws, and the Men are Hufflepuffs. Oh, and beware the...er.... Slytherin, who are really Orcs."
"Goblins?" Harry asked. 'ooooooo-"
"Oh, shut up!" Ian McKellen said, stopping Harry before he made a scene. "Go find the dwarves and resume your quest. After all, you're late."
"Okay!" Harry said, and dashed off again.
Ian McKellen sighed and said, "Note to Self: read the fine print before signing on new jobs."
*******************
While this was going on, Elijah Wood had managed to find himself on the Quidditch field, where - lo and behold - the Gryffindors were having one of their EXCEPTIONALLY RARE Quidditch practices.
"Oy! Spikey guy! Geet oof the field!" Olly called.
OLLLLLLLLLYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!
"What? What are you doing??? Flying?" Lijah called up.
Olly signaled to stop playing, then flew down towards the inredibly hot intruder. "Nu, really. Haven't you ever seen a queedeetch match before?"
Lijah shrugged. "Um.... no."
Olly stared at him. "Ach, you poor deeprived child. Mebbe we'll give you sume lessons, then?"
"Sounds good to me," Elwood said happily. "Uh..."
"Name's Oliver Wood, Quidditch Fanatic, Speaker of GHEMME accents, and Roaming Badger extroadinare," Olly said. "And I reecognize yer eyes. You're Elijah Wood."
Lijah nodded. "Can I fly?"
"Sure. Go geet yerself a broomstick."
"Score!" Lijah said, grinning.
**************
And so, Hogwarts was in chaos. Harry was single-handedly running to every Gryffindor classroom and pulling out students. Most were happy enough to get out of class, so in time he had a good following and was ready to get Ori, Nori, and the last of the dwarves from the Quidditch Field...
Where nearly all of the female student/teacher population were fanatically watching the Quidditch match with Olly and Elwood, which was also better than classes....
And therefore many of the teachers were knocking on Dumbledore's door. But he wasn't listening anyways, since he was busy taking a veeeeeeerry hot bubble bath and pondering where he could get some Floo powder to get OUT OF HERE...
And DarkRose cackled evilly, "Mwahahaha! What am I going to have them do next?"
A/N: kwee! perhaps that was a short chapter. But I wanted to get it up -- nothing better to do when snowed in ^__^ (okay, or not). Anybadger, that means CHAPTER 6 IS COMING!!! soon i hope.... If you want more olly until then, go to seanbiggerstaff.com. It's funny. And yes, he really IS a ROAMING BADGER...
REVIEW IF YOU WANT MORE! REVIEW IF YOU ABSOLUTELY DON'T! REVIEW IF.. UM.. REVIEW SINCE THERE'S NO EXCUSE, AND IF YOU DON'T I'LL TRACK YOU DOWN AND GIVE YOU KAVI, THEREFORE MAKING YOUR LIFE MIIIIIIISSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEERABLE UNTIL YOU DO!!!