A/N: Alex *really* doesn't like the Fellowship, does she? Lol!
"Right now, I'm a highly pissed off human," Alex told him brightly. She got up, and then noticed he was still pointing a bow at her. She rolled her eyes.
"Oh *grow* up. I'm not gonna kill you. In fact, considering this is one of the most realistic dreams I've had since forever, I'm probably going to commit suicide, since it means that I was thinking about you, at least on some subconcious level." Legolas was staring.
He'd never seen something that.. like *that* talk so much. And it didn't appear to be holding a weapon of some kind.
"What are you?" he repeated, drawing the string back. It looked angry, a little like Gandalf on a bad day. And it had no hair.
"Like I said, I'm human. Hu-man," she repeated, slowly, enunciating every word. "Oh why bother, this is *my* dream, and I choose to wake up right *now*! Standing in the middle of nowhere with a long haired freak isn't my idea of fun. Now if you presented me with James Masters." She looked back at Legolas. He was staring again.
"What?" she asked angrily.
"You are bald, mistress," he said politely, indicating her lack of hair. It was a strange affliction, and one he'd never seen before, but at least he'd worked out that she was female. Her voice was too high pitched to be male, and she was behaving rather like Arwen when her cloud passed over the moon.
"Oh jeezus, if you talk like that, I *will* kill you! And this is a bandanna,' she said, touching it. He cocked his head on one side.
"Oh God. I *hate* my hair, but if it will convince you, you brain dead moron," and she untied the thing.
Legolas stared as a wave of silky, shining copper coloured hair flowed to the girl's waist. Why would she wish to hide it? Was she intending to travel as a man?
Then he noticed something else.
"Your eyes," he said, reaching up, and almost stretched out to take them.
"Hey, even in a dream , *no one* touches the shades!" she said, ducking back. Seeing his perplexed look, she sighed.
"God save me from dumbassed elves!" and pulled off the shades.
Again with the staring. Legolas was staing directly at her, and she was beginning to be uncomfortable.
What do you want now?" she asked, blinking slightly as actual *light* came into contact with her eyes. Just then, the forest around them was disrupted, and the rest of the Fellowship joined them. Frodo, or the deformed version of Elijah Wood, was first into the clearing where apparently her brain was dribling out of her ears.
"Wait Mr Frodo! It could be dangerous! Legolas has not told you to come forth!" shouted Sam, closely following his friend. Alex pretended to puke.
"Oh, no not *you* as well!" she said, as she looked into the intense blue eyes of the little person that came up to her waist. Who she abhored. And had the violent urge to bash her head against a wall. She hated LOTR, and was being subjected to a full on torture session.
"Okay, you little perverts, I don't like you. I have *never* liked you. I would prfer to watch the Sound Of Music over and *over* rather than being trapped in a box with you. In fact, kill me now. Someone must have a knife. Euthanasia. Slash my wrists right now please," she told them, offering up her wrists.
"What's a pervert,Merry?" Pip asked his cohort. Merry shrugged. By now, the entire Fellowship filed out and stood in front of the ranting girl which only poured oil on the flames. (A/N: That's a *Bad* idea)
"What ails the girl, Legolas?" Boromir asked, stepping out from the small gathering to stand beside the elf as they watched bemusedly as the girl dropped to her knees, and screamed as she beat the floor with her fists. She seemed to have progressed to cursing someone with the name of Tolkien, and all of the Men present (including Legolas) clapped protective hands to their..elfhoods, and turned pale green at the thoughts the girl seemed to conjour.
"Quite good at that, isn't she?" Gimli whispered, as they waited for the hysterics to come to a full stop.
Slowly, Alex stopped screaming, then sat up. They watched her, eyes wide. She grabbed Aragorn's sword, and quickly, before he could get it back, slit the tip over her finger.
"Ow!" shit Alex came to the sudden realisation that pain didn't exist in dreams and it looked like she was in LOTR'verse for real. She lay back down again and howled.
"Does Arwen do this?" Boromir asked Aragorn curiously. Aragorn watched as Alex attempted to kill herself.
"Not to herself. To me. Once a month," he replied, still watching, and then when Alex fell silent, he bent over her.
"So I gather you do not wish tobe here?" he asked, and then stepped back. The girl had leapt to her feet, and looked ready to rip out his throat.
"Right now, I'm a highly pissed off human," Alex told him brightly. She got up, and then noticed he was still pointing a bow at her. She rolled her eyes.
"Oh *grow* up. I'm not gonna kill you. In fact, considering this is one of the most realistic dreams I've had since forever, I'm probably going to commit suicide, since it means that I was thinking about you, at least on some subconcious level." Legolas was staring.
He'd never seen something that.. like *that* talk so much. And it didn't appear to be holding a weapon of some kind.
"What are you?" he repeated, drawing the string back. It looked angry, a little like Gandalf on a bad day. And it had no hair.
"Like I said, I'm human. Hu-man," she repeated, slowly, enunciating every word. "Oh why bother, this is *my* dream, and I choose to wake up right *now*! Standing in the middle of nowhere with a long haired freak isn't my idea of fun. Now if you presented me with James Masters." She looked back at Legolas. He was staring again.
"What?" she asked angrily.
"You are bald, mistress," he said politely, indicating her lack of hair. It was a strange affliction, and one he'd never seen before, but at least he'd worked out that she was female. Her voice was too high pitched to be male, and she was behaving rather like Arwen when her cloud passed over the moon.
"Oh jeezus, if you talk like that, I *will* kill you! And this is a bandanna,' she said, touching it. He cocked his head on one side.
"Oh God. I *hate* my hair, but if it will convince you, you brain dead moron," and she untied the thing.
Legolas stared as a wave of silky, shining copper coloured hair flowed to the girl's waist. Why would she wish to hide it? Was she intending to travel as a man?
Then he noticed something else.
"Your eyes," he said, reaching up, and almost stretched out to take them.
"Hey, even in a dream , *no one* touches the shades!" she said, ducking back. Seeing his perplexed look, she sighed.
"God save me from dumbassed elves!" and pulled off the shades.
Again with the staring. Legolas was staing directly at her, and she was beginning to be uncomfortable.
What do you want now?" she asked, blinking slightly as actual *light* came into contact with her eyes. Just then, the forest around them was disrupted, and the rest of the Fellowship joined them. Frodo, or the deformed version of Elijah Wood, was first into the clearing where apparently her brain was dribling out of her ears.
"Wait Mr Frodo! It could be dangerous! Legolas has not told you to come forth!" shouted Sam, closely following his friend. Alex pretended to puke.
"Oh, no not *you* as well!" she said, as she looked into the intense blue eyes of the little person that came up to her waist. Who she abhored. And had the violent urge to bash her head against a wall. She hated LOTR, and was being subjected to a full on torture session.
"Okay, you little perverts, I don't like you. I have *never* liked you. I would prfer to watch the Sound Of Music over and *over* rather than being trapped in a box with you. In fact, kill me now. Someone must have a knife. Euthanasia. Slash my wrists right now please," she told them, offering up her wrists.
"What's a pervert,Merry?" Pip asked his cohort. Merry shrugged. By now, the entire Fellowship filed out and stood in front of the ranting girl which only poured oil on the flames. (A/N: That's a *Bad* idea)
"What ails the girl, Legolas?" Boromir asked, stepping out from the small gathering to stand beside the elf as they watched bemusedly as the girl dropped to her knees, and screamed as she beat the floor with her fists. She seemed to have progressed to cursing someone with the name of Tolkien, and all of the Men present (including Legolas) clapped protective hands to their..elfhoods, and turned pale green at the thoughts the girl seemed to conjour.
"Quite good at that, isn't she?" Gimli whispered, as they waited for the hysterics to come to a full stop.
Slowly, Alex stopped screaming, then sat up. They watched her, eyes wide. She grabbed Aragorn's sword, and quickly, before he could get it back, slit the tip over her finger.
"Ow!" shit Alex came to the sudden realisation that pain didn't exist in dreams and it looked like she was in LOTR'verse for real. She lay back down again and howled.
"Does Arwen do this?" Boromir asked Aragorn curiously. Aragorn watched as Alex attempted to kill herself.
"Not to herself. To me. Once a month," he replied, still watching, and then when Alex fell silent, he bent over her.
"So I gather you do not wish tobe here?" he asked, and then stepped back. The girl had leapt to her feet, and looked ready to rip out his throat.