Chapter 2:
Professor Edd
Kevin walked down the lane, obviously embarrassed. He and Rolf had taken Wilfred, Rolf's pet pig, with them. "Come, Kevin," Rolf insisted, "Join us in our jubilation." Kevin frowned. "No way, man. I don't walk with the pig!" Jonny had come along too, after being yanked out of the tree by Wilfred, and his head was now jammed in the pig's mouth. "I can hear the ocean, Plank!" Jonny said. Suddenly, Wilfred spat Jonny out and began squealing deafeningly. The three kids stopped abruptly and gasped. Parallel to them stood Ed and Eddy, and attached to a leash was a shabby-looking.thing. Kevin knew automatically that the Eds were up to something. "Heh," Kevin scoffed, "What the heck is that supposed to be?" Eddy bolted in front of Kevin as he walked towards it. "Don't get too close," Eddy warned. "Our pet alligator might attack at the blink of an eye!" Kevin was far from gullible. And that was no alligator, but a football. "That ain't no alligator," he snorted. "Sure it is," Eddy protested. "Didn't you see it move?" Just as Eddy finished his sentence, he felt a tug on his leash. The alligator began to move away from him. "Check it out," Eddy said in awe. "It's really moving!" Ed threw his arms out in excitement. "Let's sing a song!" he hollered cheerily. One by one, the kids followed the reptile down the lane. "Let Rolf wrestle the beast!" Rolf said as he followed. "Feed it a rock!" Sarah said as she and Jimmy ran after it as well. Eddy grabbed Ed by the collar of his overcoat. This was gonna be the easiest buck they've ever made! "We're sitting on a goldmine, Ed!" Eddy exclaimed. "Ee-I-Ee-I-Oh!" Ed sang as the two raced after the kids.
The kids scrambled after the misconceived reptile and ended up in the direct middle of the Lane. The alligator slowed dramatically. It then lifted into the air as if someone was reeling it in. That's when the group caught sight of Edd. He held the dangling alligator, suspended by a thin, white rope. "Your attention," Edd said. "Your attention, thank you. Please be seated." The kids looked to the seats prearranged for them. They sat. "Good day, class." He said, just finishing a diagram on his foldable chalkboard that had been set up prior to this. Edd went on. He was obviously enjoying being the "Teacher" for once. "Today we will learn how to differentiate between an alligator and a recreational toy." Edd held the alligator and shook it. Different components fell off. Cardboard feet, a thin rectangular box with teeth drawn in crayon for the mouth, a few Cardboard spikes on the back, and a large sock on the back with continuing spines. The final product was nothing more than the football from earlier. The other kids were less than impressed at Ed and Eddy's once again feeble attempts for a scam. They turned sharply in their seats and glared at the two. Eddy chuckled weakly. "He's wrecking everything, Ed!" Eddy grabbed Ed's shirt collar and shook him. Ed seemed to have little to no reaction to being shook, and giggled vacantly. "Eddy," Edd said, "Nazz, please switch seats with Ed." Ed got up and hung himself over dismally, groaning like a sick dog. Nazz sat in his place. "Hi, Eddy," She said. Eddy nearly melted. Just being near Nazz made all three of the Eds sweat. Eddy was no exemption, and was equally apprehensive around her. Edd then heard a slight chewing noise. He eyed Rolf, who was, apparently chewing gum. "Rolf!" Edd hollered. "Hallo?" Rolf answered with his mouth full. "Spit out that gum." Edd ordered. "This is no gum," Rolf protested. "It is the grease off of Papa's foot soakings." "Spit it out." Edd repeated, this time his tone was sharp and harsh. Rolf sighed. He pulled the greasy wad from his mouth and stuck it to Plank. The hunk of timber and Jonny were directly in front of him. Edd continued his lecture. "That, class, is just one example of the alarming decline in rational thinking that." Kevin raised his hand. "Yes Kevin?" Edd called on him. "So, what you're sayin' is," Kevin said. "You're a dork?" With Kevin's less than origional remark, the entire group howled in laughter. Edd frowned. "I see a visual aid is in order," he said as he slammed a "dunce" cap over Kevin's head. "Hey! What th-!" Kevin spurted. Eddy took the opportunity and jammed the cap on even tighter. The kids laughed harder. "Ha ha ha ha! What a dunce!" Eddy laughed. Kevin lowered his head and rammed into Eddy like a rhino. The kids roared in laughter, except Nazz. She glared at Kevin. "Boy, Kevin, that was stupid," She remarked.
"My sentiments exactly, Nazz." Edd walked to the desk and came back with a heap of folders, all of which were labeled with each cul-de-sac resident's name. "This is why I've compiled a scavenger hunt to stimulate each of your minds. I've compiled a list of clues to aid you in the hunt." Edd handed out each folder to its owner. Nazz, Rolf, Sarah, and almost everyone else were intrigued, except for Kevin who tossed his behind him. "The first one to find everything on the list wins a grand prize!" Edd said, knowing that may get their attention sparked. It worked. The eyes of every youthful resident brightened. "What's the prize, Double Dee?" Nazz said, ringing her hands in unbearable mirth. "Is it wood varnish?" Jonny said, once again showing his unbridled love for wood. "Shiny new tweezers?" Jimmy said with equal excitement. "A new brother?" Sarah asked hopefully. "It must be a jawbreaker!" Rolf exclaimed, thrusting an extended index finger in the air. "Jawbreaker?" Eddy immediately snapped to attention. "Glistening with sugar like the sweats on Nana's upper lip." Rolf continued, drooling profusely. "Rolf accepts the challenge!" Edd smiled widely, only to be trampled by everyone in a mob to get the first item on the list. Even so, Edd was too proud to be shifted. "Look at that. the pursuit of mental cultivation and stimulation. Doesn't it make you--" "Where'd you stash the jawbreaker, Double Dee?" Eddy slammed his face into Edd's in half-blind excitement. "Hello!" Ed said, smashing into Edd from the other side. Edd slipped out from the two and Ed and Eddy slammed into each other and fell on the ground. Edd backed away, but Eddy grabbed him by the collar. "Spill it!" He demanded. "I am back!" Ed hollered as he rammed into them once again. He wrapped his arms around Edd's midsection, squeezing him like a python. ` "Say 'Toy boat' three times really fast!" He squeezed harder, lifting Edd in the air. Edd grunted in pain! "Toy boat, toy boat, toy boat-!" Ed yelled when Eddy kicked him off of Edd. Edd regained his composure. "Your impatience is really unnecessary. To win the prize, you must answer all the clues correctly." Eddy held up his paper. He read aloud. "'When I grow up, I want to be a tree.'" He stared at the paper for a moment. "This is so stupid," he nitpicked. "Absorb the clue, Eddy." Edd prodded. "I want to be a tree." He chuckled. Eddy frowned. "Oh, I know!" Ed said. He ran off, catching the paper in his face and ripping in two in Eddy's hands. "Atta boy, Ed!" Eddy called. He poked Edd in the nose. "See? Too easy!" Ed returned quickly and dropped a watermelon on the ground. "I win!" He exclaimed. "Jawbreaker please." "Ed, why would a watermelon want to be a tree?" Edd said, raising an unseen eyebrow under his hat. "Jawbreaker, please!" Ed and Eddy said in unison. Edd threw himself back, slapping his forehead. "You're not even close!" He walked up to a nearby oak tree. "A tree," he said, waving his hand towards the great tall fauna. He pulled an acorn off of one of the branches. "Oh, look! An acorn!" he said in a voice like he was teaching a child. "Huh? What's that?" Edd pretended to be listening to the seed. "Okay, I'll tell them." He used a childish voce. "'I'm a little acorn, and when I grow up, I want to be. A TREE!'" He yelled. Ed and Eddy stared at Edd's enraged lesson. "Acorn becomes a tree! Acorn.becomes tree! Acorn.TREE!" Eddy sighed. "This is gonna take."
".Forever, Jimmy." Sarah said. The two were in the park, with a laundry bag. "This is stupid." Jimmy put his hand on her shoulder. "Oh, don't say that, Sarah. Jonny's already ahead of us, see?" Sure enough, at Jimmy's cue was Jonny and Plank, who were scouring the playground equipment for items. "Yup, it's a tin can, all right," Jonny said as he giggled childishly. "Boy, Plank, you're a braniac!" Sarah extended a wrathful arm and flung Jonny back towards them. "Hold it," Sarah growled. Patience was not her strong suit. "What's the answer to number one?" Jonny scratched his fuzzy head. "Beats me," he replied. "Plank thinks we just collect stuff." Jonny snatched Sarah's sheet from her. ".Like this paper!" He laughed joyfully. "HEY!" Sarah hollered. As she ran after him, Jimmy felt weak and fell to the ground, crying wearily. Rolf walked up. He had been in the vicinity, and had overheard Jimmy's sobs. "Why do you cry, Feeble One?" Rolf asked. "You must shed tears of joy, as Rolf is victor of the scavenger hunt!" As Rolf finished his sentence, he slammed a canvas bag down in front of Jimmy. The small boy jumped in surprise. Jimmy was suspicious. The bag was taller than Rolf. He got up and fumbled around in the bag. Rolf paid him no heed, and even wore a smug look on his face. Jimmy shook the bag and something large and red fell out. It was a beet. "This bag is full of beets," Jimmy said. "What clue is beets?" "KNOW-NOTHING!" Rolf yelled, " The humble beet is the answer to all riddles. "You bore Rolf!" Rolf said, flinging Jimmy with the sack like a toothpick. Jimmy was dumbstruck. The only thing to do was to.tattle. "SARAH! ROLF IS CHEATING!" He kicked his legs in the air, frustrated.
Kevin walked down the lane, obviously embarrassed. He and Rolf had taken Wilfred, Rolf's pet pig, with them. "Come, Kevin," Rolf insisted, "Join us in our jubilation." Kevin frowned. "No way, man. I don't walk with the pig!" Jonny had come along too, after being yanked out of the tree by Wilfred, and his head was now jammed in the pig's mouth. "I can hear the ocean, Plank!" Jonny said. Suddenly, Wilfred spat Jonny out and began squealing deafeningly. The three kids stopped abruptly and gasped. Parallel to them stood Ed and Eddy, and attached to a leash was a shabby-looking.thing. Kevin knew automatically that the Eds were up to something. "Heh," Kevin scoffed, "What the heck is that supposed to be?" Eddy bolted in front of Kevin as he walked towards it. "Don't get too close," Eddy warned. "Our pet alligator might attack at the blink of an eye!" Kevin was far from gullible. And that was no alligator, but a football. "That ain't no alligator," he snorted. "Sure it is," Eddy protested. "Didn't you see it move?" Just as Eddy finished his sentence, he felt a tug on his leash. The alligator began to move away from him. "Check it out," Eddy said in awe. "It's really moving!" Ed threw his arms out in excitement. "Let's sing a song!" he hollered cheerily. One by one, the kids followed the reptile down the lane. "Let Rolf wrestle the beast!" Rolf said as he followed. "Feed it a rock!" Sarah said as she and Jimmy ran after it as well. Eddy grabbed Ed by the collar of his overcoat. This was gonna be the easiest buck they've ever made! "We're sitting on a goldmine, Ed!" Eddy exclaimed. "Ee-I-Ee-I-Oh!" Ed sang as the two raced after the kids.
The kids scrambled after the misconceived reptile and ended up in the direct middle of the Lane. The alligator slowed dramatically. It then lifted into the air as if someone was reeling it in. That's when the group caught sight of Edd. He held the dangling alligator, suspended by a thin, white rope. "Your attention," Edd said. "Your attention, thank you. Please be seated." The kids looked to the seats prearranged for them. They sat. "Good day, class." He said, just finishing a diagram on his foldable chalkboard that had been set up prior to this. Edd went on. He was obviously enjoying being the "Teacher" for once. "Today we will learn how to differentiate between an alligator and a recreational toy." Edd held the alligator and shook it. Different components fell off. Cardboard feet, a thin rectangular box with teeth drawn in crayon for the mouth, a few Cardboard spikes on the back, and a large sock on the back with continuing spines. The final product was nothing more than the football from earlier. The other kids were less than impressed at Ed and Eddy's once again feeble attempts for a scam. They turned sharply in their seats and glared at the two. Eddy chuckled weakly. "He's wrecking everything, Ed!" Eddy grabbed Ed's shirt collar and shook him. Ed seemed to have little to no reaction to being shook, and giggled vacantly. "Eddy," Edd said, "Nazz, please switch seats with Ed." Ed got up and hung himself over dismally, groaning like a sick dog. Nazz sat in his place. "Hi, Eddy," She said. Eddy nearly melted. Just being near Nazz made all three of the Eds sweat. Eddy was no exemption, and was equally apprehensive around her. Edd then heard a slight chewing noise. He eyed Rolf, who was, apparently chewing gum. "Rolf!" Edd hollered. "Hallo?" Rolf answered with his mouth full. "Spit out that gum." Edd ordered. "This is no gum," Rolf protested. "It is the grease off of Papa's foot soakings." "Spit it out." Edd repeated, this time his tone was sharp and harsh. Rolf sighed. He pulled the greasy wad from his mouth and stuck it to Plank. The hunk of timber and Jonny were directly in front of him. Edd continued his lecture. "That, class, is just one example of the alarming decline in rational thinking that." Kevin raised his hand. "Yes Kevin?" Edd called on him. "So, what you're sayin' is," Kevin said. "You're a dork?" With Kevin's less than origional remark, the entire group howled in laughter. Edd frowned. "I see a visual aid is in order," he said as he slammed a "dunce" cap over Kevin's head. "Hey! What th-!" Kevin spurted. Eddy took the opportunity and jammed the cap on even tighter. The kids laughed harder. "Ha ha ha ha! What a dunce!" Eddy laughed. Kevin lowered his head and rammed into Eddy like a rhino. The kids roared in laughter, except Nazz. She glared at Kevin. "Boy, Kevin, that was stupid," She remarked.
"My sentiments exactly, Nazz." Edd walked to the desk and came back with a heap of folders, all of which were labeled with each cul-de-sac resident's name. "This is why I've compiled a scavenger hunt to stimulate each of your minds. I've compiled a list of clues to aid you in the hunt." Edd handed out each folder to its owner. Nazz, Rolf, Sarah, and almost everyone else were intrigued, except for Kevin who tossed his behind him. "The first one to find everything on the list wins a grand prize!" Edd said, knowing that may get their attention sparked. It worked. The eyes of every youthful resident brightened. "What's the prize, Double Dee?" Nazz said, ringing her hands in unbearable mirth. "Is it wood varnish?" Jonny said, once again showing his unbridled love for wood. "Shiny new tweezers?" Jimmy said with equal excitement. "A new brother?" Sarah asked hopefully. "It must be a jawbreaker!" Rolf exclaimed, thrusting an extended index finger in the air. "Jawbreaker?" Eddy immediately snapped to attention. "Glistening with sugar like the sweats on Nana's upper lip." Rolf continued, drooling profusely. "Rolf accepts the challenge!" Edd smiled widely, only to be trampled by everyone in a mob to get the first item on the list. Even so, Edd was too proud to be shifted. "Look at that. the pursuit of mental cultivation and stimulation. Doesn't it make you--" "Where'd you stash the jawbreaker, Double Dee?" Eddy slammed his face into Edd's in half-blind excitement. "Hello!" Ed said, smashing into Edd from the other side. Edd slipped out from the two and Ed and Eddy slammed into each other and fell on the ground. Edd backed away, but Eddy grabbed him by the collar. "Spill it!" He demanded. "I am back!" Ed hollered as he rammed into them once again. He wrapped his arms around Edd's midsection, squeezing him like a python. ` "Say 'Toy boat' three times really fast!" He squeezed harder, lifting Edd in the air. Edd grunted in pain! "Toy boat, toy boat, toy boat-!" Ed yelled when Eddy kicked him off of Edd. Edd regained his composure. "Your impatience is really unnecessary. To win the prize, you must answer all the clues correctly." Eddy held up his paper. He read aloud. "'When I grow up, I want to be a tree.'" He stared at the paper for a moment. "This is so stupid," he nitpicked. "Absorb the clue, Eddy." Edd prodded. "I want to be a tree." He chuckled. Eddy frowned. "Oh, I know!" Ed said. He ran off, catching the paper in his face and ripping in two in Eddy's hands. "Atta boy, Ed!" Eddy called. He poked Edd in the nose. "See? Too easy!" Ed returned quickly and dropped a watermelon on the ground. "I win!" He exclaimed. "Jawbreaker please." "Ed, why would a watermelon want to be a tree?" Edd said, raising an unseen eyebrow under his hat. "Jawbreaker, please!" Ed and Eddy said in unison. Edd threw himself back, slapping his forehead. "You're not even close!" He walked up to a nearby oak tree. "A tree," he said, waving his hand towards the great tall fauna. He pulled an acorn off of one of the branches. "Oh, look! An acorn!" he said in a voice like he was teaching a child. "Huh? What's that?" Edd pretended to be listening to the seed. "Okay, I'll tell them." He used a childish voce. "'I'm a little acorn, and when I grow up, I want to be. A TREE!'" He yelled. Ed and Eddy stared at Edd's enraged lesson. "Acorn becomes a tree! Acorn.becomes tree! Acorn.TREE!" Eddy sighed. "This is gonna take."
".Forever, Jimmy." Sarah said. The two were in the park, with a laundry bag. "This is stupid." Jimmy put his hand on her shoulder. "Oh, don't say that, Sarah. Jonny's already ahead of us, see?" Sure enough, at Jimmy's cue was Jonny and Plank, who were scouring the playground equipment for items. "Yup, it's a tin can, all right," Jonny said as he giggled childishly. "Boy, Plank, you're a braniac!" Sarah extended a wrathful arm and flung Jonny back towards them. "Hold it," Sarah growled. Patience was not her strong suit. "What's the answer to number one?" Jonny scratched his fuzzy head. "Beats me," he replied. "Plank thinks we just collect stuff." Jonny snatched Sarah's sheet from her. ".Like this paper!" He laughed joyfully. "HEY!" Sarah hollered. As she ran after him, Jimmy felt weak and fell to the ground, crying wearily. Rolf walked up. He had been in the vicinity, and had overheard Jimmy's sobs. "Why do you cry, Feeble One?" Rolf asked. "You must shed tears of joy, as Rolf is victor of the scavenger hunt!" As Rolf finished his sentence, he slammed a canvas bag down in front of Jimmy. The small boy jumped in surprise. Jimmy was suspicious. The bag was taller than Rolf. He got up and fumbled around in the bag. Rolf paid him no heed, and even wore a smug look on his face. Jimmy shook the bag and something large and red fell out. It was a beet. "This bag is full of beets," Jimmy said. "What clue is beets?" "KNOW-NOTHING!" Rolf yelled, " The humble beet is the answer to all riddles. "You bore Rolf!" Rolf said, flinging Jimmy with the sack like a toothpick. Jimmy was dumbstruck. The only thing to do was to.tattle. "SARAH! ROLF IS CHEATING!" He kicked his legs in the air, frustrated.