A/N: You guys like this, huh? Okay, second chapter in one day, but I've
been away for a week. This is fun! And I got my GCSE year coming up. So I'm
having as mucxh fun as possible. I go back in a week and a bit's time, five
day's before my birthday, which is in two weeks time, on Monday, so it
stiks, quite frankly. I would love a review as a birthday present though!
Lol! ^_^
It was about three hours later, when the entire Fellowship had finally collapsed happily into bed, when Alex woke up. With an urgent desire to, well, you know, *pee*.
She threw the covers off, and evacuated herself from the bedding, allowing herself a small smile at the fact that her pile had been given a two foot radius by all the others, and then winced. Yeah, she now *really* had to go. The problem was though, where?
She crept over to a tree, and then Aragorn, Legolas, Boromir, and Gimli jumped up, armed, and had various nasty looking weapons pointed at her.
"Hold, where do you go?" demanded Aragorn, seeing only a dark form with it's back to him. Alex sighed, and turned around. Necessary time was being taken out now.
"Look, point me in the direction of the John, and you can go back to sleep," she explained, crossing her legs.
The Fellowship stared at the squirming female, and then looked at one another. The others were now starting to wake up.
"Oh brother!" Alex said, as the sleepy hobbits rubbed their eyes.
"The john? What is that, Mistress?" Boromir asked politely.
"Jeez, can't you guys speak American? It's the WC, dumbass!" Alex yelled, she was now in a state that required extreme control.
"WC? What runes are these?" Gimli said, his brow furrowing.
"I need the bloody loo!" Alex hollered. A dozen birds woke and shot out of the nearest tree.
They all looked at her in bewilderment.
"Don't you have *bodily functions* you need to attend to at some point?" Alex demanded. Her full bladder was making her extremely edgy.
A look of understanding dropped over every face.
"When we need to, uh, *vacate* ourselves, we do so over there," said Aragorn, pointing to a clump of bushes.
"And the bog roll?" Alex asked hopefully.
"Nay Mistress, we are men! We do not need such.. Trivalties," Gimli said proudly, understanding what Alex meant.
"I *would* kick your ass for that comment, but I need to pee too bad. Remind me, kay?" Alex's parting shot echoed as she scuttled toward the bushes.
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The smell of sausage was carried on the wind, as Alex woke up grumpily. She smelt it, and her stomach turned over. Yep, definitely PMSy this morining.
She stalked over to the campfire in the garment Arwen had given her called a 'nightshift'. As far as she was concerned, it covered more than her normal clothes, and she was hungry. The Fellowship could just *deal*.
However, (A/N: Alex hates these little 'howevers'. Don'tcha just love em?) at the sight of her in the long white dress, every member of the Fellowship closed their eyes, and puttheir backs to her.
"Jeez, I didn't think I looked *that* bad in the morning," she muttered, picking up a piece of bread from the pan.
"Nay, it is not, well, Mistress, would that you *dressed* before you joined us, it would be most.." Sam stuttered. (A/N: I'd not forgotten him)
"What the boy means to say is that, you are in your *nightwear*!" Boromir said loudly with his hands folded behind his back. Every hobbit, and Aragorn and Legolas blushed. Gandalf carried on munching on a sausage, and Gimli looked as if he wanted to turn around.
"So?" she asked.
"Alexandra!" Arwen's tones rang out in the clearing, as she cantered into it. She dismounted, and dropped the reins. She glanced at the embarassed Fellowship, and then at Alex, who stared in genuine confusion.
"Alex, it is not a good idea to appear at breakfast in your undergarments!" she said.
"But this *isn't*!" Alex protested. "It's a nightdress!"
"Exactly. Now go and get dressed." Alex left, muttering something about ancient customs, and went behind the bushes to get dressed. The Fellowship let out a sigh of relief.
&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*
Three long days had passed, as far as Alex was concerned. The Ringwraiths were about, which meant the journey was to be done is a short a time as possible. And guess what? All the Fellowship were mightly annoyed with her.
First, there had been the little scene when Alex had thrown the frying pan at Frodo, claiming she would have gone insane if she had not. Then, when Legolas tried to teach her how to shoot, she'd shot him. In the ear. After the screams of pain had stopped, she had calmly announced that she didn't want to carry on, and was quite prepared to wait for a convient portal to show up. And screamed, "Ringwraiths! Grub's up this way!" very loud, while waving Frodo in the air.
Then, there had been the day when Arwen had tried to convince her to do the cleaning, and to aid her in making cloaks for the men, a chore they expected her to do along the way. She had threatened to shove any mending up the ex-elf's ass, and stalked off. Arwen, quite annoyed by then, had said quite a few choice curses in elvish, which immediately, Alex had picked up. Legolas had got quite bored of being told in his own language his mother was a two bit, no good whore.
Aragorn had got smacked with a wooden stick after he had said that she would be tied to her horse if she couldn't stop getting off to use the bushes.
And Gimli? Let's just say that Alex sided with the elves when it came to opinions on dwarves. He learnt quite a few new words in English. And his beer had sugar and berries stirred into it. Sam had found worms in his cooking, and Merry and Pippin got their heads bashed together. All in all, not a happy Fellowship.
She had bad PMS, a headache, from all the constant singing, and cramps, which signalled the arrival of her period any day.
"Guys, can't we juat give the damn thing *back* to Sauron, and then kill him?" she said tersely, when that evening they were discussing their various homes. They ignored her.
She put a hand to her aching stomach, and sat down, moodily glaring at the fire.
"What ails you?" Boromir snapped.
"Nothing," she snapped back, and then sighed. Sam finished describing his garden, and then they turned to look at her.
"What?" she demanded, as nine pairs of eyes turned to her.
"What is your home like?" Sam asked softly. A smile sprang up before she could subdue it.
"Home is where I'd like to be *right* now," she told him.
"But what is it like?" he persisted.
"It's huge. I live in the city, which is all kinds of colours, and noises, but then right in the centre, there's a huge park, and it's green, and leafy, and me and my friends hang out in it all the time," she said.
"What do you do?" Pippin asked.
"I go to school, mostly, which is a real drag," she replied. "What's school?" he asked.
"A big place filled with boredom and despair," she grinned.
"Like Mordor!" Merry piped up.
"Yep," Alex said with a straight face.
*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&**&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&
That night, she awok with a particularly vicious cramp, then realised that her period had arrived.
"Damn this place!" she said, a tear catching her unawares, as she beat her fists against a tree.
"What is it?" Aragorn asked, coming up to her. She instinctively turned away.
He caught sight of her problem, and sighed. She blushed. Standing up, he walked over to a patch of grass, wherein grew some herbs, and clover. Grabbing a handful, he walked back, and taught her what he knew from Arwen.
*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&
It was about three hours later, when the entire Fellowship had finally collapsed happily into bed, when Alex woke up. With an urgent desire to, well, you know, *pee*.
She threw the covers off, and evacuated herself from the bedding, allowing herself a small smile at the fact that her pile had been given a two foot radius by all the others, and then winced. Yeah, she now *really* had to go. The problem was though, where?
She crept over to a tree, and then Aragorn, Legolas, Boromir, and Gimli jumped up, armed, and had various nasty looking weapons pointed at her.
"Hold, where do you go?" demanded Aragorn, seeing only a dark form with it's back to him. Alex sighed, and turned around. Necessary time was being taken out now.
"Look, point me in the direction of the John, and you can go back to sleep," she explained, crossing her legs.
The Fellowship stared at the squirming female, and then looked at one another. The others were now starting to wake up.
"Oh brother!" Alex said, as the sleepy hobbits rubbed their eyes.
"The john? What is that, Mistress?" Boromir asked politely.
"Jeez, can't you guys speak American? It's the WC, dumbass!" Alex yelled, she was now in a state that required extreme control.
"WC? What runes are these?" Gimli said, his brow furrowing.
"I need the bloody loo!" Alex hollered. A dozen birds woke and shot out of the nearest tree.
They all looked at her in bewilderment.
"Don't you have *bodily functions* you need to attend to at some point?" Alex demanded. Her full bladder was making her extremely edgy.
A look of understanding dropped over every face.
"When we need to, uh, *vacate* ourselves, we do so over there," said Aragorn, pointing to a clump of bushes.
"And the bog roll?" Alex asked hopefully.
"Nay Mistress, we are men! We do not need such.. Trivalties," Gimli said proudly, understanding what Alex meant.
"I *would* kick your ass for that comment, but I need to pee too bad. Remind me, kay?" Alex's parting shot echoed as she scuttled toward the bushes.
&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*
The smell of sausage was carried on the wind, as Alex woke up grumpily. She smelt it, and her stomach turned over. Yep, definitely PMSy this morining.
She stalked over to the campfire in the garment Arwen had given her called a 'nightshift'. As far as she was concerned, it covered more than her normal clothes, and she was hungry. The Fellowship could just *deal*.
However, (A/N: Alex hates these little 'howevers'. Don'tcha just love em?) at the sight of her in the long white dress, every member of the Fellowship closed their eyes, and puttheir backs to her.
"Jeez, I didn't think I looked *that* bad in the morning," she muttered, picking up a piece of bread from the pan.
"Nay, it is not, well, Mistress, would that you *dressed* before you joined us, it would be most.." Sam stuttered. (A/N: I'd not forgotten him)
"What the boy means to say is that, you are in your *nightwear*!" Boromir said loudly with his hands folded behind his back. Every hobbit, and Aragorn and Legolas blushed. Gandalf carried on munching on a sausage, and Gimli looked as if he wanted to turn around.
"So?" she asked.
"Alexandra!" Arwen's tones rang out in the clearing, as she cantered into it. She dismounted, and dropped the reins. She glanced at the embarassed Fellowship, and then at Alex, who stared in genuine confusion.
"Alex, it is not a good idea to appear at breakfast in your undergarments!" she said.
"But this *isn't*!" Alex protested. "It's a nightdress!"
"Exactly. Now go and get dressed." Alex left, muttering something about ancient customs, and went behind the bushes to get dressed. The Fellowship let out a sigh of relief.
&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*
Three long days had passed, as far as Alex was concerned. The Ringwraiths were about, which meant the journey was to be done is a short a time as possible. And guess what? All the Fellowship were mightly annoyed with her.
First, there had been the little scene when Alex had thrown the frying pan at Frodo, claiming she would have gone insane if she had not. Then, when Legolas tried to teach her how to shoot, she'd shot him. In the ear. After the screams of pain had stopped, she had calmly announced that she didn't want to carry on, and was quite prepared to wait for a convient portal to show up. And screamed, "Ringwraiths! Grub's up this way!" very loud, while waving Frodo in the air.
Then, there had been the day when Arwen had tried to convince her to do the cleaning, and to aid her in making cloaks for the men, a chore they expected her to do along the way. She had threatened to shove any mending up the ex-elf's ass, and stalked off. Arwen, quite annoyed by then, had said quite a few choice curses in elvish, which immediately, Alex had picked up. Legolas had got quite bored of being told in his own language his mother was a two bit, no good whore.
Aragorn had got smacked with a wooden stick after he had said that she would be tied to her horse if she couldn't stop getting off to use the bushes.
And Gimli? Let's just say that Alex sided with the elves when it came to opinions on dwarves. He learnt quite a few new words in English. And his beer had sugar and berries stirred into it. Sam had found worms in his cooking, and Merry and Pippin got their heads bashed together. All in all, not a happy Fellowship.
She had bad PMS, a headache, from all the constant singing, and cramps, which signalled the arrival of her period any day.
"Guys, can't we juat give the damn thing *back* to Sauron, and then kill him?" she said tersely, when that evening they were discussing their various homes. They ignored her.
She put a hand to her aching stomach, and sat down, moodily glaring at the fire.
"What ails you?" Boromir snapped.
"Nothing," she snapped back, and then sighed. Sam finished describing his garden, and then they turned to look at her.
"What?" she demanded, as nine pairs of eyes turned to her.
"What is your home like?" Sam asked softly. A smile sprang up before she could subdue it.
"Home is where I'd like to be *right* now," she told him.
"But what is it like?" he persisted.
"It's huge. I live in the city, which is all kinds of colours, and noises, but then right in the centre, there's a huge park, and it's green, and leafy, and me and my friends hang out in it all the time," she said.
"What do you do?" Pippin asked.
"I go to school, mostly, which is a real drag," she replied. "What's school?" he asked.
"A big place filled with boredom and despair," she grinned.
"Like Mordor!" Merry piped up.
"Yep," Alex said with a straight face.
*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&**&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&
That night, she awok with a particularly vicious cramp, then realised that her period had arrived.
"Damn this place!" she said, a tear catching her unawares, as she beat her fists against a tree.
"What is it?" Aragorn asked, coming up to her. She instinctively turned away.
He caught sight of her problem, and sighed. She blushed. Standing up, he walked over to a patch of grass, wherein grew some herbs, and clover. Grabbing a handful, he walked back, and taught her what he knew from Arwen.
*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&