Alex blinked. Her tongue was all furry, and her head buzzed like she'd
woken up after an all night frat party. She groaned. And sat up. She
couldn't remember much, but what she *did* remember...
Oh God, no! Someone must have a knife! Her mind blasted through images of sitting on the Gay One's lap, and apparently, he *wasn't* so gay, after all. Then dancing with him, to really *drunk* hobbits singing, then.. Slowly, she turned her head, and saw a glint of blond hair at her side.
"YOU FU**ING TRAITOR!!!!!!!!!" she screamed. Legolas woke up to find Alex standing over him grimly, slitting his bedclothes into shreds.
"So you're not cured, then?" he asked, eyeing the knife sliding down to his nether regions.
"OF COURSE I'M CURED, YOU BLASTED IDIOT!!!!" Legolas massaged his temples, and said quietly, "Do you think we could dispense with the yelling? I have quite good hearing, you know."
After he'd recovered from the spam to the back of his head, Alex was hissing in his ear.
"Why the flying f**k didn't you stop to think? I have never liked you! I never at any point in the *sane* part of my existance wanted 5to sleep with you! And the one time those deformed midgets you call friends *poison* me you...!!!" She gestured with the knife to his undressed body beneath the bedsheets.
"I did *not* take advantage of you! I'm a 5000 year old elf, not a human with a hard on! (A/N: I apologise for the unMiddleEnglish. ) "
Alex gave a wicked little smirk. "It didn't appear to be that way last night!"
Legolas blushed.
"You were the one that climbed into my lap! I'm male, I can't exactly control these things!" he replied defensively. "And if you can remember *that*, then surely you can recall that I *didn't* take advantage of you!"
"Budge up, Pip!" Merry said, sitting down on the log where the Fellowship were watching, with increasing degrees of amusement, the full scale warfare that was Alex, when she thought she'd done the worst thing possible.
"Pass the sausages, Sam!" Merry called along the row, and the hobbits ate with great enjoyment. "It's better than Bilbo telling stories!" Frodo said, chuckling, at the latest insult Alex had thrown at Legolas.
"Look, stop trying to kill me! I'm the wounded here, you tried to kill me this morning, and all I did was what Gandalf told me to do! Stay by you all night, in a platonic way, when you were obviously bloodthirsty in your sleep!"
"And you couldn't have slept with clothes *on*?" Alex demanded.
"So I have to be uncomfortable because *you* fall in love with me? Perfect way to end the day!"
*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*
After much arguing, Alex managed to piece together what had happened, (with much help from snickering hobbits), and when Merry and Pippin had been retreived from flying five foot into the air, and Sam set up watch for anything suspicious.
Now, the only person Alex would talk to, was Aragorn. And that was about ways to kill elves. A few dark mutters about smashing his pendant, and legolas was begininning to think he would never be allowed any degree of sanity.
*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&
An end to the humour. Next up, Mines of Moria, and then onward to Lothlorian! Should be finished around Chapter 10, but don't count on it! I am planning a sequel, if people want one, so if you do, put a yea, or nay if you don't in a REVIEW, and send it. Alternatively, you could come up with a *reason* for Alex to return, that doesn't involve killing Gollum.
Love to you all,
*S*
Oh God, no! Someone must have a knife! Her mind blasted through images of sitting on the Gay One's lap, and apparently, he *wasn't* so gay, after all. Then dancing with him, to really *drunk* hobbits singing, then.. Slowly, she turned her head, and saw a glint of blond hair at her side.
"YOU FU**ING TRAITOR!!!!!!!!!" she screamed. Legolas woke up to find Alex standing over him grimly, slitting his bedclothes into shreds.
"So you're not cured, then?" he asked, eyeing the knife sliding down to his nether regions.
"OF COURSE I'M CURED, YOU BLASTED IDIOT!!!!" Legolas massaged his temples, and said quietly, "Do you think we could dispense with the yelling? I have quite good hearing, you know."
After he'd recovered from the spam to the back of his head, Alex was hissing in his ear.
"Why the flying f**k didn't you stop to think? I have never liked you! I never at any point in the *sane* part of my existance wanted 5to sleep with you! And the one time those deformed midgets you call friends *poison* me you...!!!" She gestured with the knife to his undressed body beneath the bedsheets.
"I did *not* take advantage of you! I'm a 5000 year old elf, not a human with a hard on! (A/N: I apologise for the unMiddleEnglish. ) "
Alex gave a wicked little smirk. "It didn't appear to be that way last night!"
Legolas blushed.
"You were the one that climbed into my lap! I'm male, I can't exactly control these things!" he replied defensively. "And if you can remember *that*, then surely you can recall that I *didn't* take advantage of you!"
"Budge up, Pip!" Merry said, sitting down on the log where the Fellowship were watching, with increasing degrees of amusement, the full scale warfare that was Alex, when she thought she'd done the worst thing possible.
"Pass the sausages, Sam!" Merry called along the row, and the hobbits ate with great enjoyment. "It's better than Bilbo telling stories!" Frodo said, chuckling, at the latest insult Alex had thrown at Legolas.
"Look, stop trying to kill me! I'm the wounded here, you tried to kill me this morning, and all I did was what Gandalf told me to do! Stay by you all night, in a platonic way, when you were obviously bloodthirsty in your sleep!"
"And you couldn't have slept with clothes *on*?" Alex demanded.
"So I have to be uncomfortable because *you* fall in love with me? Perfect way to end the day!"
*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*
After much arguing, Alex managed to piece together what had happened, (with much help from snickering hobbits), and when Merry and Pippin had been retreived from flying five foot into the air, and Sam set up watch for anything suspicious.
Now, the only person Alex would talk to, was Aragorn. And that was about ways to kill elves. A few dark mutters about smashing his pendant, and legolas was begininning to think he would never be allowed any degree of sanity.
*&*&*&*&*&*&*&*&
An end to the humour. Next up, Mines of Moria, and then onward to Lothlorian! Should be finished around Chapter 10, but don't count on it! I am planning a sequel, if people want one, so if you do, put a yea, or nay if you don't in a REVIEW, and send it. Alternatively, you could come up with a *reason* for Alex to return, that doesn't involve killing Gollum.
Love to you all,
*S*