The Real World: Nosgoth
Disclaimer: All characters associated with Legacy of Kain do not belong to us
Intro- One day a couple of vampires were watching The Real World and decided it need shall we say a little "seasoning." So they busted up MTV and took matters into their own hands. Lets zoom in on a meeting while our "new staff" is looking at the bios for the newest series The Real World: Nosgoth. OH! And lets just pretend that the said to be cast don't know each other.
************************************************************
(Camera zooms to vampire sitting at the head of the table. Rahab still hasn't gotten over his new found leadership)
Rahab: Now then let's review the following eight people we have chosen.
Dumah: I don't like 'um. It's going to be boring. (Rolls his eyes. And flashes a "call me" sign to a girl standing be the door and gives her a knowing wink. Zephon slaps him to get him to focus)
Malchiah: I think who we chose will be just dandy! (He seems some what over excited)
Zephon: If you ever say "dandy" again we aren't brothers anymore.
(Malchiah looks slightly hurt)
Rahab: So whom do we favor for the show.
Dumah: I like the Umah girl. She had a nice rack!
(All of the other male vampires in the room grumble a "yes" while the female vampires are silently disgruntled)
Rahab: Yes I do agree about Uma. I think Raziel (Before fallen) and Kain (from Blood Omen 2) might make fine additions.
Malchiah: They're both a bit cocky though.
Zephon: But think about the possibilities! (His eyes gleam triumphantly.)
Dumah: Did you take your medicine this morning Zephon?
(Zephon glares at Dumah)
Zephon: I have even better people to add! We NEED Janos, Vorador, and
Mobieus. And what luck it is that they have no idea who any of them are.
Malchiah: Ju' crazy Zeffie
Rahab: I like it! We should have them. So Malchiah who do you have to present to us for the show.
(The room turns it's full attention to Malchiah)
Malchiah: Err……… two teenagers from Texas who are human
All: WHAT!
Dumah: Malchiah you idiot, the humans would be done for before the third episode.
Rahab: It could work.
Dumah: Lemme think about it (Pauses for one second) NO!
Zephon: It would add more to the show. I could see it.
Rahab: As long as we keep the fridge in their house stocked with blood the girls will be fine.
Dumah: Fine be that way but when someone decides to mix gasoline and a lit match don't count on me to save you.
Zephon: What DOES happens when you mix those though. HEY! LETS GO TRY IT!!!! (Zephon almost makes it out of the room before Rahab grabs him)
Rahab: Oh no you don't! Well that's it. This is THE REAL WORLD: NOSGOTH!
************************************************************************************************
(Staff room fades out to a black screen wit the words "The First Day" on it in white. Crowds of people are standing by a bus stop. Vorador is waiting nervous and anxious and is very surprised at who it is he sees.)
Vorador: (with a tear in his eye) Daddy?
Janos: Don't call me that! People might notice!
Vorador: Yes mommy!
Janos: (with a horrified look on his face) WHAT WAS THAT!?!?!?!
Vorador: Nothing! Nothing at all sir.
Janos: Good
(The two vampires get into a green jeep and begin the drive to their new home. On the way…)
Vorador: So how did you end up on the show?
Janos: I wish for a female vampire sometimes too you know
Vorador: Finally we have something in common!
Janos: (sighs) at least I am NOT a pervert like you.
(Vorador smirks. Fade out from the jeep to a train station. A human girl is waiting somewhat nervously for someone from the show to come. Umah steps out of the train drawing men like flies to a lamplight)
Shira: Hi I'm Shira. You must be Umah. Jeez She looks like such a ho (She mumbles)
Umah: I heard that! (Shira jumps out of surprise)
Shira: Err…he he he. Why don't we get going! (Umah gives her a look of hatred. They get into a taxi and speed off to the house. On the way Umah prepares herself in more ways then one)
Shira:……¬_¬...( thinking: either A: she is a whore or B: she is trying to get laid....yet either way ....ya she's a whore..or perhaps she is a child crying out for love and attention .....)
Audience: OK WE GET THE POINT!!!
Shira: AAHHH OK OK SORRY BACK TO THE FIC
Umah: O_O (Thinking: Something smells human! Why didn't I notice it before! That little brat is human. Hee hee he)
Taxi Driver: There's evil afoot!
Umah: Shut up and drive you old fogey!
(Fade out from taxi. Fade into boat dock. Mobieus is waiting relaxed for someone to come. He is holding a cardboard sign that says "Real World" Marcy steps onto the dock and spots Mobieus. She waves and walks up to him)
Marcy: Hi I'm Marcy! So who are you!
Mobieus: (blushes) I'm Mobieus. Pleased to meet you. (Marcy looks weirded out by him)
Marcy: uh lets look for the cab
Mobieus: (mumbling) sure thing toots
Marcy: What was that!?!
Mobieus: Nothing. nothing at all
Marcy: there is the car!! YAY!! *jumps a few times and then runs to the car*
(The car drives out to the house like all the other people and we fade to our last pair. Guess who!)
(Fade to a modernly decorated TV room. Before fallen Raziel is slumped lazily on the couch flipping channels and finally settles on Jerry Springer when the door bell rings. Blood Omen 2 Kain walks in. He doesn't care if no one answers. Kain sits on the couch and watches Jerry with Raziel. They have no idea of their relation to each other. Vorador and Janos walk in to the TV room. They are shocked out of their mind. If you haven't already figured
it out they know that Kain is Raziel's father)
Vorador and Janos: Oh my god!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! (They fall down and roll over on the floor laughing their heads off. Strangely Kain and Raziel have not tore their heads of from the transvestite that married her pet chimp. Next Marcy, Mobieus, Umah, and Shira walk in. Marcy an obvious LOK fan sees Kain and goes spastic)
Marcy: (Jumping up and down excitedly) You are Kain right?!!!!! OH MY GOD!!!!!
Kain: Who wants to know? (Never tearing his eyes off the set to look at Marcy)
Marcy: I do!!!!
Kain: Hmph! (Marcy wraps her arms around his neck. Kain looks up at her and throws her onto Vorador)
Vorador and Marcy: OOF!
Kain: The little brat was annoying me.
Vorador: You want to be my tenth bride? (Marcy slaps Vorador and quickly
stands up and walks to where Shira is standing. Vorador follows her. Shira
and Marcy meet each other and Shira hands her a coke)
Vorador: Why hello. I am Vorador and I do accept sexual favors.
Shira: (narrows her eyes) Why don't you go talk to Umah I'm pretty sure she will give plenty of favors.
Marcy: Well I'm hungry! ( She walks to the fridge)
All vampires: (Looking at Marcy and Shira) So are we! (They all stand and move over to where Marcy and Shira are with a hungry look in their eyes)
Marcy: (Both Shira and her are scared by the vampires who are getting too close for comfort. Marcy opens the fridge and finds a huge stock of blood and a note) NOW WAIT A SECOND!! ( The vampires back off a step. Shira snatches the note and begins to read out loud)
Shira: Dear Real World Nosgoth, welcome to your new home. There are some ground rules we have set for you for safety purposes. DO NOT KILL THE TWO HUMAN GIRLS! There is enough blood in the fridge to keep you satisfied and if you do kill them there will be severe punishment from none other than the Olsen twins and we all know that is scary. There is a map to the market attached to this note so you can buy provisions.
Marcy: HA!!! In your face !! (She grabs a hamburger out of the fridge an jumps on the couch and steals the remote to watch Sailor Moon. She starts singing the theme song and Shira joins in)
Marcy and Shira: Fighting evil by moonlight. Winning love by daylight. Never running from a real fight. She is the one named Sailor Moon. WHACK!
(Mobieus has just hit them both in the face with his snake staff out of pure annoyance. Marcy turns around very angrily and drop kicks him and walks over him and sits down to return to her show. Shira stands up and gives him a short kick and sits back down again.)
Raziel: Hey! Look Mobieus got beat down by those two. What a wimp.
Kain: Heh! (Mobieus stays on the ground for a while and then stands up and limps to his room. But not without glaring at Marcy and Shira first. After a while it gets late and Shira and Marcy are still watching TV. Shira yawns and gets up. Marcy eventually clicks off the TV. They walk into a black painted hall way with four doors with names painted on them.)
Marcy: (Looking at a door that reads "Marcy and Kain". Her eyes widen with horror) I AM ROOMING WITH KAIN!!!!! NOOOOOOO!!!!!
Kain: Someone call for me? (He sees the door with their names on it) I AM ROOMING WITH HER!!!! NOOOOOOOO (He gives her a dirty look) I hate you
Marcy: I am glad we feel the same way about each other! GOOD NIGHT! (She opens her room and shuts the door in his face)
Shira: (Sees a door with "Raziel and Shira" on it) Who on earth is Raziel
Raziel: That would be me ( He is suddenly noticed leaning coolly against the wall. He too sees the door and is unfazed) Admit it you think I'm totally sexy.
Shira: (obviously displeased by having to room with him) If you touch me I will pop a cap in your ass!
Raziel: I can guarantee I wont try a thing but I'm not sure you wont!
Shira: Whatever! (She goes into her room and shuts the door. Fade out from the last scene to a black screen rolling credits in white. In other words THE END for the clueless)
************************************************************************************************
Comments: This story is an original idea of Marcy and Shira the TWO writers of this story. And until I can find a way to make both of our author's names show on the same story, just remember that it's not just my story but Shira's too. Main Typing was done by Shira. I talked to her and we made the story over the phone and IMing. oh and BTW if Kain really was in my room i sware I would be all over him!! I love him!! anyway, I hope you liked it..A LOT!! so I..WE will see ya later! R&R!