Don't Let Go

by Cami of Queenscove

Kel had told herself that they would never be as close as they had used to be. She had acknowledged and accepted it. But small actions can sometimes have large consequences... A K/N songfic.

Disclaimer: Don't own them. Just the plot. Kudos to En Vogue.

Don't Let Go

What's it gonna be 'cuz I can't pretend
Don't you want to be more than friends
Hold me tight and don't let go
Don't let go
You have the right to lose control
Don't let go

Kel felt her breath catch in her throat. That wild, passionate feeling she got whenever she was around him. It was intoxicating, unrestrainable, and very unrequited.

"So... how's married life treating you?"

"Hm?"

Kel looked at him. He was off thinking of her, again. She couldn't think of a time where he wasn't thinking about her, anymore. She felt like she was losing him to this horrible – force that just wouldn't relent. She couldn't look into his eyes and know what he was thinking anymore. It scared her that they weren't as close as they used to be. They probably never would be, not anymore. Not thanks to her.

"I asked," she paused, "how's married life treating you?"

Neal shrugged. "It's all right. No more worrying about stupid things, at least. At least she doesn't bother me to eat my vegetables like you did."

Kel snorted. "I'll be sure to tell Yuki the next time I see her."

Neal turned a bit pale. "No, that's all right. Really," he said, putting emphasis on his words as he forced a smile.

I often told myself that we could be more than just friends
I know you think that we move to soon it would all end
I live in misery when you're not around
And I won't be satisfied till we've taken those vows

"You sissy."

"I am not a sissy. I can't believe you just called me that."

"Sissy. Afraid of a little vegetable."

"You would be too."

"Excuse you, I eat my vegetables."

Neal stuck his tongue out at her. "Why don't you go tell it to Dom?" he retorted, giving a smug smile. When her face automatically fell, his grin faded. "What?"

Kel blinked and regained her composure. "Oh, it's nothing."

"No, it's something. You don't put on your mask for me, not unless you're trying to hide something."

"Oh, yeah, like you know me so well," Kel responded bitterly.

"I do. And resentful, much?"

Kel swallowed and looked up at him, her eyes cool.

"Drop it, would you?"

There'll be some love makin', heart breakin', soul shakin' oh
Love makin', heart breakin', soul shakin'.....

Neal looked at her for a moment. "Fine," he said finally, shrugging his shoulders. He glanced at her as she looked away. She had suddenly found the mantel above her fireplace very interesting. Neal knew that she got like this when she was depressed. The thing was, this time around, he couldn't fathom what she would be depressed about. It should have been one of the happiest times of her life, what with being betrothed to Dom –

'And we have our culprit.'

"You broke up with Dom?"

Kel looked at him, her eyes barely registering what he said. "What?"

"You broke up with Dom." Kel noticed the transition from a question to a statement.

"No," she responded.

"Oh."

Kel was silent for a minute. "He broke up with me."

What's it gonna be 'cuz I can't pretend
Don't you want to be more than friends
Hold me tight and don't let go
Don't let go
You have the right to lose control
Don't let go

Neal blinked. Dom had broken up with her? Of all the lame brained things for him to do... Why would he go and do that?

"Why?"

Kel shrugged. "I don't know. All of a sudden, he just went and said we should see other people and ran off before I could ask him anything else. He left with the Own the next day."

"Oh."

Neal couldn't think of anything to say. Telling her that he was sorry sounded too cliché. Not saying anything didn't seem appropriate. So he settled on the alternative.

"He's a dumb ass."

Kel couldn't help it. She just - couldn't. She laughed. "Blunt, you? Never."

"I get it from yours truly."

"Oh... shut up, Neal."

I often fantasized the stars above are watchin'
They know my heart to speak to you as like only lovers do
If I could wear your clothes I'd pretend I was you and I lose control

"Why?" he asked, slinging an arm around her shoulder and pulling her closer.

Kel felt her heart hammering in her chest. Why was this happening? She wasn't supposed to feel like this... it was stupid, and cliché, and dumb... and she was babbling inside her head. This couldn't be good...

"Because. You're being annoying and stuff."

"Annoying and stuff? Kel, I think we need to arrange a lesson with our old speech teacher. He would be abhorred."

"Would you stop – doing that?"

"Doing what?" Neal asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Being all – stupid! It's annoying!" Kel shook him away from her. Neal frowned.

"What's wrong, Kel?"

She turned to him, eyes flaring, before she regained her control. She sighed and looked at him with sad eyes. "Nothing's wrong Neal."

There'll be some love makin', heart breakin', soul shakin' oh
Love makin', heart breakin', soul shakin'.....

Neal simply looked at her for a moment before turning away from her scrutiny. She was looking at him a bit too intently for his liking. If he didn't know better, he would say that they were a tad to close to be considered to be acting in a friendly manner. But that was ridiculous. He was married. And she was on the rebound...

'Oh, shit.'

Kel looked down at her feet and away from him. Why did her bed have to seem so comfortable at times like this? And bouncy...

Kel blanched. She did not just think that...

"Eh... Neal?"

"Yeah?"

"How's Yuki?"

What's it gonna be 'cuz I can't pretend
Don't you want to be more than friends
Hold me tight and don't let go
Don't let go
You have the right to lose control
Don't let go

Neal swallowed. "Oh. She's – fine. She said she would be coming over here soon to see you herself."

"Oh."

"We're – we're trying to have a baby."

"O-oh."

Kel cursed in her mind. Stuttering did not give a good impression...

"We were planning – well, when we did have a baby, to name you godmother."

Kel blinked. All this talk about babies was not boding well with her...

"That's – I'm honored, Neal. Really I am."

"I sense a but coming up."

She smiled reassuringly at him and shook her head. "No. No buts. I'm honored. A little shocked, but honored."

Neal grinned at her. "What about Keladry of Queenscove?"

"Now you're pushing it."

Neal snorted.

Run a minute
I'm alive
Has got me so confused
You gotta make the sacrifice
Somebody's gotta choose
Will we make it if we try
For the sake of you and I
Together we can make it right

Kel looked down at her boots. She was acutely aware that their shoulders were touching. She didn't want them to touch. She wanted to be as far away from him as possible at that moment. When she was far away from him, she wouldn't have this silly fluttering in her stomach. And places lower than her stomach, for that matter. It was a tad – sickening, that she would feel like a teenage girl even after her twenty-two years.

Kel came to a realization.

She wanted to jump him.

That was a bad, bad, thought.

What's it gonna be 'cuz I can't pretend
Don't you want to be more than friends
Hold me tight and don't let go
Don't let go
You have the right to lose control
Don't let go

Neal looked at her and tried to ignore the fact that his heart was beating irregularly quickly. He wasn't used to this. This – uncertainty. It was why he liked marriage so much. There wasn't any guessing when you were married. No wondering into the late hours of the night if she felt the same way you did. Marriage was safe, comfortable...

And incredibly boring at times.

He had to admit, he sometimes missed the wild, unrestrained passion that came with the first waves of lust. He hadn't felt that in a long time, he was sorry to say. That intangible rush... he wanted that so badly it hurt sometimes. And that need was wearing off on Kel, apparently.

'Did she always smell this good? Bad thought, bad thought... Must stop thinking like this. She's – Kel. Not Yuki.'

'I think that's the point. She's not Yuki. That's what makes you like her so much.'

'Gah! Go away.'

'Oh, come on... you know you feel something for her. You missed her, all those months at Queenscove with just Yuki to keep you busy...'

Neal closed his eyes. This was not happening... He was married. He couldn't do this...

And yet he found himself wanting to.

Can't keep a running
I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive

You've got the right, you've got the right, I said you've got the right to lose control

Kel continued to look down at her feet. Looking up would be a very, very bad thing. Looking up might make her want to do something stupid. Like... tucking his hair behind his ear. Or maybe touching his face. Or the all time favorite, kissing him. They were all bad, bad thoughts. Just thinking them should have set off the alarms in her brain to get a hold of herself.

And they did. She just – chose to ignore them.

"Eh... Kel..."

She kissed him.

And heard the door open at the exact same time.

What's it gonna be 'cuz I can't pretend
Don't you want to be more than friends
Hold me tight and don't let go
Don't let go
You have the right to lose control
Don't let go

"Neal?"

'Fuck, fuck, fuck...'

They broke apart in a matter of milliseconds. Yuki was standing there in the doorway, her mind barely registering the scene in front of her.

'Neal... and Kel?'

Her head moved up and down in a barely perceivable nod as she turned to leave. She stumbled out of the room, not even bothering to look back.

Kel was aware that Neal had a choice. He could either go and chase after Yuki and try to save their marriage...

Or he could stay here, with her.

She looked up at him, her eyes questioning. He was still staring at the door Yuki had just retreated from. He could barely comprehend all this... it was happening so bloody fast...

"I – I have to go," he said as he got up from Kel's bed. Kel's hand shot up to grab his arm. He looked at her in a moment of uncertainty. "Unless... unless you don't want me to."

Kel jaw quivered just slightly. She couldn't ask him to stay. It would be selfish and out of character for her. She couldn't just let him throw away what could possibly be the best thing that ever happened to him... it wouldn't be fair...

"Stay?"

Neal blinked.

"Please?"

He swallowed and looked at her for a long time.

"Okay."

What's it gonna be 'cuz I can't pretend
Don't you want to be more than friends
Hold me tight and don't let go
Don't let go
You have the right to lose control
Don't let go

A/N: All right. Here's the deal. I was listening to No Doubt's 'Don't Speak' on xsao.net, and I was getting all emotional, because it's that time of the month. So I was like... I need to write a songfic. So I wrote one, and I was gonna have Neal go after Yuki at the end.

But then I got to the end.

And I just couldn't bring myself to write it. It was too sad! Gah! I'm no good with the sadness... so I had Kel and Neal get together at the end, picked a new song, and voila. The song is 'Don't Let Go (Love)' by En Vogue. It's a great song, if you've ever heard it. Go on xsao or kazaa and listen to it. Anyway, I should go. Review, and you will automatically rock my box. Love and Peace.

Love,

Stacey