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From middle earth to Tortall part five
With the help of the Fire demon, Balrog who Numair said was named Alex, the fellowship got to Lothlorien quickly. As soon as they stepped foot inside the forest, they were surrounded by elves. They had seen them coming, but not an angry Balrog, and they were thrown back by its nasty screeches. Gandalf slid down the back of it and bowed to the elves.
"We umm, had a small magical error in the Mines of Moria, Numair that mage was blasted by a love spell, as was the Balrog, we need Galadrial's help in reversing the spell." The leader of the elf scouts poked his head out from behind a tree,
"Ok, bring the umm,"
"Alex" Numair called down. The elf scout looked deeply disturbed. He muttered under his breath, "I don't know if even Lady Galadrial can reverse this one."
"Ok Alex." He called up. "This way"
The Balrog did cause havoc when they reached the palace. The Balrog couldn't fit up the long flights of stairs, and Numair threw a temper tantrum when they suggested leaving it down and coming back for it.
"No!" he exclaimed. ""His feelings are deeply hurt by your disregard for another living thing." Daine argued,
"Just for a minute Numair? Please?"
"NOOOOO!" Afraid that Numair would go crazy and order the demon to start spitting fire at everyone, Gandalf agreed to go up and plead the case to Galadrial while the rest waited.
Gandalf walked up the last light of stairs and bowed low to Galadrial and her husband, Celeborn. Celeborn spoke first.
"Nine left Rivendell, two left and came back with five before you entered Moria, and now I see only one of twelve." Suddenly he looked confused
"That really isn't right, you know, you're making our prophecies sound funny!" Galadrial closed her eyes.
"The rest are with a Balrog!" She said. "So the ring bearer is destroyed, and what of the ring?" Gandalf wrung his hands.
"Actually, the Balrog is here, umm."
"You mean you brought the Balrog here? You know we can't bring things back from the dead anymore then you can. The ring bearer is lost."
"No, you see…" Gandalf made an attempt to speak but Celeborn and Galadrial chattered back and forth frantically.
"What can we do with it?"
"What matters now is that the ring is gone…"
"Poor Legolas, he was the son of a friend."
"THE RING CELEBORN! Our world is doomed." Gandalf lost his patience.
"SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU OLD DUTTERS!!!" It worked. They had never been called that before, nor told to be quiet. Galadrial burst into tears. Celeborn glared at Gandalf.
"Now look what you've done!"
"I'm sorry it's just that…" He related what had happened to Numair in the cave." Galadrial was still crying when he finished. She replied,
"Ok, I'll come down and see to it right away."
It took several charms and quite a lot of spells to put Numair back to Normal and transport the Balrog back into the cave. Numair had very little memory of the past events and wouldn't have believed the rest of the fellowship's insistence that he had gone head over heels for it when from nowhere, Zurizip walked into their camp.
"I would never, ever fall in love with a, a, DEMON!!"
"You most unquestionably had an affair with a Balrog." Zurizip said confidently, handing him a copy of "From middle earth to Tortall." Numair flipped through it and starting cursing, crimson with embarrassment.
"And why did you have to rub it in?" He asked, exasperated
"It's a lot easier to taunt you that way, therefore more amusing to read!" Numair quickly grabbed the closest object to him, a jar of burn ointment and starting chasing after Zurizip with it.
"I'll get you!" he threatened "And your little dog too!" At that Zurizip stopped running.
"How do you know about Sadie? And aren't you a little before the wizard of oz? Also, I think you might want to keep that burn salve, you know, just in case." Numair was even more infuriated as he grabbed Alanna's sword. Brandishing it he closed in on Zurizip. Suddenly he stopped.
"Who are you?" he inquired. Zurizip shrugged.
"I got to go now." she disappeared. Numair continued to curse as Alanna carried on, after taking her sword back. Galadrial put a stop to it quickly.
"All of you need to survive to carry out this quest. At this rate, Numair will drown one of you with burn salve, and kill the rest with a soup ladle!"
Later that night, Boromir drew Alanna away from the others.
"What is it?" She asked confused. He got down on one knee.
"Alanna, will you marry me?" Alanna got up, utterly disgusted.
"NO! I love George. Why is everyone confusing me? First Jon and now you?" She ran off, tears streaming from her eyes. Boromir was utterly depressed. He just sat there until a voice from above came down.
"Weeee willlls marry Boromir. Gollum lovessssss To Get married." It was Boromir's turn to get disgusted.
They sailed down the river to the west bank. The only difference from the book in this case is that there were several more boats this time. Legolas and Daine got one finally to themselves, and Numair had to have his own to keep him from killing any of the others in the fellowship. When camp was set up each person (or elf or whatever) went his or her own ways. Alanna and Aragorn continued their never-ending dual; While Daine and Legolas went off to "talk". Numair sat muttering about horrible deaths for Alanna and the rest of the fellowship. The Hobbits, Gandalf and Gimli watched the dual. Boromir went off on his own, still depressed about Alanna's refusal to his Marriage proposal. That was when the orcs attacked. They came running through the forest yelling horrific things. When they were only a foot away from Boromir, he put out a hand and said.
"Not now, I'm too depressed to fight." The Orc leader put a worried expression in his face. Boromir motioned for them to sit down.
"Well you see it started when…"
~~~~~Ten hours later~~~~~
All the Orcs had dies of Boredom, but Boromir was still going.
"And the way that she was crying when she left..." This time kaori knight came walking in saying.
"You killed all the orcs Boromir, you can stop…" Boromir looked up at the dead orcs.
"Its soooo hard to get good listeners these day! Humph" kaori knight looked very scared and then said
"Why don't you just take Gollum, he's very uummm unique!" Boromir looked shocked, and then.
"I would, but our families have quite a bit of rivalry between us." Gollum came down from a nearby tree.
"We willlzzzz do ittttsss in secretsss" Gollum said. "Likesss Romeo and julietsssss. I dooosss the part when sheeee drinkssss the poison." Gollum got a bottle of something out and drank half of it. He closed his eyes. Boromir started crying and then randomly took up the bottle and said.
"Than with that hand that cut thy youth in twain
To sunder his that was thine enemy?
Forgive me, cousin! Ah, dear Juliet,
Why art thou yet so erm… fair? Shall I believe
That unsubstantial death is amorous,
And that the lean abhorred monster keeps
Thee here in dark to be his paramour?
For fear of that, I still will stay with thee;
And never from this palace of dim night
Depart again: here, here will I remain
With worms that are thy chamber-maids; O, here
Will I set up my everlasting rest,
And shake the yoke of inauspicious stars
From this world-wearied flesh. Eyes, look your last!
Arms, take your last embrace! and, lips, O you
The doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss
A dateless bargain to engrossing death!
Come, bitter conduct, come, unsavoury guide!
Thou desperate pilot, now at once run on
The dashing rocks thy sea-sick weary bark!
Here's to my love!
[Drinks]
O true apothecary!
Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die.
Gollum gets up and starts running around.
"Poissenns makesss gollum hyper!!! Weeeee" Gollum started jumping around. ***starts doing the can can while singing you are my sunshine...looks at Boromir "
Oh Drat! Boromir, what'd you go and do that for?"
The rest of the fellowship came running in.
"Hello" Gollum said.
"Wow, he's talking normally" Said Gandalf.
"It was an evil potion!" Gollum said wildly. "It makes gollum Hyper because gollum already evil."
Then why'd it kill Boromir?" Asked Daine Gollum shrugged. Boromir got up and groaned. Then he looked at Frodo.
"WEEE wantssss the precious!!" he called, going towards Frodo. Alanna cuffed him quickly, hitting him back to the ground.
"What did you like, do like, that for?" Boromir asked. "It was like soo rude!"
"You were trying to get the ring" Said Pippin
"Whatever" Boromir retorted.
Merry sighed. "Its back to Lothlorien I guess." he said.
From middle earth to Tortall part five
With the help of the Fire demon, Balrog who Numair said was named Alex, the fellowship got to Lothlorien quickly. As soon as they stepped foot inside the forest, they were surrounded by elves. They had seen them coming, but not an angry Balrog, and they were thrown back by its nasty screeches. Gandalf slid down the back of it and bowed to the elves.
"We umm, had a small magical error in the Mines of Moria, Numair that mage was blasted by a love spell, as was the Balrog, we need Galadrial's help in reversing the spell." The leader of the elf scouts poked his head out from behind a tree,
"Ok, bring the umm,"
"Alex" Numair called down. The elf scout looked deeply disturbed. He muttered under his breath, "I don't know if even Lady Galadrial can reverse this one."
"Ok Alex." He called up. "This way"
The Balrog did cause havoc when they reached the palace. The Balrog couldn't fit up the long flights of stairs, and Numair threw a temper tantrum when they suggested leaving it down and coming back for it.
"No!" he exclaimed. ""His feelings are deeply hurt by your disregard for another living thing." Daine argued,
"Just for a minute Numair? Please?"
"NOOOOO!" Afraid that Numair would go crazy and order the demon to start spitting fire at everyone, Gandalf agreed to go up and plead the case to Galadrial while the rest waited.
Gandalf walked up the last light of stairs and bowed low to Galadrial and her husband, Celeborn. Celeborn spoke first.
"Nine left Rivendell, two left and came back with five before you entered Moria, and now I see only one of twelve." Suddenly he looked confused
"That really isn't right, you know, you're making our prophecies sound funny!" Galadrial closed her eyes.
"The rest are with a Balrog!" She said. "So the ring bearer is destroyed, and what of the ring?" Gandalf wrung his hands.
"Actually, the Balrog is here, umm."
"You mean you brought the Balrog here? You know we can't bring things back from the dead anymore then you can. The ring bearer is lost."
"No, you see…" Gandalf made an attempt to speak but Celeborn and Galadrial chattered back and forth frantically.
"What can we do with it?"
"What matters now is that the ring is gone…"
"Poor Legolas, he was the son of a friend."
"THE RING CELEBORN! Our world is doomed." Gandalf lost his patience.
"SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU OLD DUTTERS!!!" It worked. They had never been called that before, nor told to be quiet. Galadrial burst into tears. Celeborn glared at Gandalf.
"Now look what you've done!"
"I'm sorry it's just that…" He related what had happened to Numair in the cave." Galadrial was still crying when he finished. She replied,
"Ok, I'll come down and see to it right away."
It took several charms and quite a lot of spells to put Numair back to Normal and transport the Balrog back into the cave. Numair had very little memory of the past events and wouldn't have believed the rest of the fellowship's insistence that he had gone head over heels for it when from nowhere, Zurizip walked into their camp.
"I would never, ever fall in love with a, a, DEMON!!"
"You most unquestionably had an affair with a Balrog." Zurizip said confidently, handing him a copy of "From middle earth to Tortall." Numair flipped through it and starting cursing, crimson with embarrassment.
"And why did you have to rub it in?" He asked, exasperated
"It's a lot easier to taunt you that way, therefore more amusing to read!" Numair quickly grabbed the closest object to him, a jar of burn ointment and starting chasing after Zurizip with it.
"I'll get you!" he threatened "And your little dog too!" At that Zurizip stopped running.
"How do you know about Sadie? And aren't you a little before the wizard of oz? Also, I think you might want to keep that burn salve, you know, just in case." Numair was even more infuriated as he grabbed Alanna's sword. Brandishing it he closed in on Zurizip. Suddenly he stopped.
"Who are you?" he inquired. Zurizip shrugged.
"I got to go now." she disappeared. Numair continued to curse as Alanna carried on, after taking her sword back. Galadrial put a stop to it quickly.
"All of you need to survive to carry out this quest. At this rate, Numair will drown one of you with burn salve, and kill the rest with a soup ladle!"
Later that night, Boromir drew Alanna away from the others.
"What is it?" She asked confused. He got down on one knee.
"Alanna, will you marry me?" Alanna got up, utterly disgusted.
"NO! I love George. Why is everyone confusing me? First Jon and now you?" She ran off, tears streaming from her eyes. Boromir was utterly depressed. He just sat there until a voice from above came down.
"Weeee willlls marry Boromir. Gollum lovessssss To Get married." It was Boromir's turn to get disgusted.
They sailed down the river to the west bank. The only difference from the book in this case is that there were several more boats this time. Legolas and Daine got one finally to themselves, and Numair had to have his own to keep him from killing any of the others in the fellowship. When camp was set up each person (or elf or whatever) went his or her own ways. Alanna and Aragorn continued their never-ending dual; While Daine and Legolas went off to "talk". Numair sat muttering about horrible deaths for Alanna and the rest of the fellowship. The Hobbits, Gandalf and Gimli watched the dual. Boromir went off on his own, still depressed about Alanna's refusal to his Marriage proposal. That was when the orcs attacked. They came running through the forest yelling horrific things. When they were only a foot away from Boromir, he put out a hand and said.
"Not now, I'm too depressed to fight." The Orc leader put a worried expression in his face. Boromir motioned for them to sit down.
"Well you see it started when…"
~~~~~Ten hours later~~~~~
All the Orcs had dies of Boredom, but Boromir was still going.
"And the way that she was crying when she left..." This time kaori knight came walking in saying.
"You killed all the orcs Boromir, you can stop…" Boromir looked up at the dead orcs.
"Its soooo hard to get good listeners these day! Humph" kaori knight looked very scared and then said
"Why don't you just take Gollum, he's very uummm unique!" Boromir looked shocked, and then.
"I would, but our families have quite a bit of rivalry between us." Gollum came down from a nearby tree.
"We willlzzzz do ittttsss in secretsss" Gollum said. "Likesss Romeo and julietsssss. I dooosss the part when sheeee drinkssss the poison." Gollum got a bottle of something out and drank half of it. He closed his eyes. Boromir started crying and then randomly took up the bottle and said.
"Than with that hand that cut thy youth in twain
To sunder his that was thine enemy?
Forgive me, cousin! Ah, dear Juliet,
Why art thou yet so erm… fair? Shall I believe
That unsubstantial death is amorous,
And that the lean abhorred monster keeps
Thee here in dark to be his paramour?
For fear of that, I still will stay with thee;
And never from this palace of dim night
Depart again: here, here will I remain
With worms that are thy chamber-maids; O, here
Will I set up my everlasting rest,
And shake the yoke of inauspicious stars
From this world-wearied flesh. Eyes, look your last!
Arms, take your last embrace! and, lips, O you
The doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss
A dateless bargain to engrossing death!
Come, bitter conduct, come, unsavoury guide!
Thou desperate pilot, now at once run on
The dashing rocks thy sea-sick weary bark!
Here's to my love!
[Drinks]
O true apothecary!
Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die.
Gollum gets up and starts running around.
"Poissenns makesss gollum hyper!!! Weeeee" Gollum started jumping around. ***starts doing the can can while singing you are my sunshine...looks at Boromir "
Oh Drat! Boromir, what'd you go and do that for?"
The rest of the fellowship came running in.
"Hello" Gollum said.
"Wow, he's talking normally" Said Gandalf.
"It was an evil potion!" Gollum said wildly. "It makes gollum Hyper because gollum already evil."
Then why'd it kill Boromir?" Asked Daine Gollum shrugged. Boromir got up and groaned. Then he looked at Frodo.
"WEEE wantssss the precious!!" he called, going towards Frodo. Alanna cuffed him quickly, hitting him back to the ground.
"What did you like, do like, that for?" Boromir asked. "It was like soo rude!"
"You were trying to get the ring" Said Pippin
"Whatever" Boromir retorted.
Merry sighed. "Its back to Lothlorien I guess." he said.