Heero's Egg
Disclaimer: I don't own GW...doing this for fun...sort of.
-Begin Story-
"Maxwell, you are a baka after all!" Chang Wufei looked at the braided wonder and shook his head. "Do you expect us to believe the story you've just told us?"
"As far as I can tell, it's the truth." Duo Maxwell did his best to look serious. The other pilots didn't buy it for a second.
"On the other hand, it would explain a few things about Heero's oddities." Trowa Barton 's one uncovered eye looked impassive as he spoke. "I think we should at least pay attention to his actions now. After all, what do we really know about Heero?"
Quatre, who as usual was quite rattled by Duo's story, nervously tried to sum up what he had just heard. "S...so you're saying that Heero is really a girl. An a..alien girl who looks like a guy, including his...his...." Quatre blushed and was so flustered that he couldn't bring himself to mention Heero's equipment. "And he lays eggs instead of gets pregnant, and he lays his eggs through his...his..."
Duo looked at Cat in bemusement and finished the sentence. "His dick. That's pretty much it, Cat."
"And you expect us to believe that. Plus the absurd notion that his period lasts 27 of 28 days, the only time he's not on is right after he lays his egg?" Wufei still wouldn't believe the braided baka.
"Maybe that's why I'm so attracted to him. I'm Bi. He's a girl, but for all intents and purposes functions the same as a guy except for when he's laying his egg. And believe you me, when I say he functions...."
Wufei suddenly grabbed for the tissue box as his nose started to bleed. "Enough already."
"And yet, it does seem Heero's only happy maybe once a month, at least around us." Trowa looked thoughtfully as he considered the possibility.
"I've managed to hack his laptop. He keeps a diary. Wanna see something really strange?" Duo asked.
"You hacked Heero's laptop? Right! You of all people couldn't hack a loogie, much less a laptop, Maxwell." Wufei was holding a wad of tissues to his nose.
"He keeps video files of me and him doing it. I can show you those to, Wu-babe!" Maxwell chuckles as Wufei's nose seemed to hit a gusher. He decided to let his friend off easily. "Let's go look at his diary. And Wuffie, I won't open the vids." Wufei was getting so weak that he couldn't even reply to Duo, but he followed the others to Duo and Heero's room.
Duo opened Heero's laptop, and after a couple of tries, gained access to the desktop. "What'd I tell you! I'm a hacking fiend!" Duo smiled at his seeming accomplishment. "Now, here's where he keeps his reports. You'll notice that he's named them by date." The other three pilots all nodded in unison. "Cat, why don't you open a few and check to see that this is what they are?" Quatre sat in front of the the laptop and quickly opened and scanned several of the files.
"They look like reports. He seems to have a big head about most of the events, but they're pretty much as they happened." Quatre made a mental note to check out why Heero had only used his own and Quatre and Duo's names, while mentioning Wufei and Trowa only as the pilots of the respective Gundams.
"I found out a pattern. I did a search in file for the word 'happy' from the files in this directory. Look what happened." Duo stood before the screen and did the search. "Trowa, you're the best at pattern recognition and dates. What do you see?"
Trowa looked at the screen for a moment. As he scrolled down the list, he looked shocked and the let out a gasp. "The files with 'happy' in them are exactly 28 days apart."
"You guys are shitting me. Let me take a look." Wufei pushed Trowa out of the way and after a few moments realized that the unibanged sexpot was telling the truth. "By Nataku's Kitana! Maxwell's right."
"H...Have you actually seen him lay an egg?" Quatre was now very nervous and hung on to Trowa for dear life.
"He does that in private. Usually in one of the bathrooms. Y'know that time Wufei thought he caught Heero wanking?" Duo looked at the others. Trowa was smirking and the others were blushing at the memory. Wufei had also started bleeding again. "It's the closest any of us have come to seeing him lay an egg."
The other three young men all pondered Duo's statement when the vidphone rang. Duo answered and Relena Peacecraft appeared on the screen. "Hiya, Relena. Wassup?"
"Heero wanted me to call and tell you he'd be back in a few minutes. He just left." Relena had a perplexed look on her face.
"What's wrong, babe?" Duo's slight endearment would never have been uttered if Relena hadn't finally come to her senses about the Maxwell–Yuy relationship. Heero's idea of playing Russian Roulette with the gun in Relena's mouth had been a really good idea.
"Well, Duo, it was the strangest thing. When Heero came in for his regular security check, he was wearing a front baby carrier. The thing was, it only had an egg in it."
Three 'eeps' were uttered behind Duo simultaneously.
"And he was calling himself mommy and the egg Todd." Relena shook her head at the thought. "The most amazing thing, though, was that he would sing it lullabies. I don't know what you're doing with him Duo, but he actually seemed both happy and content."
Duo smiled at the thought. He heard a car pulling up to the front of Quatre's mansion. "There's Heero." The other three pilots ran to the front window to see Heero as he got out of the car. "By the way, Relena. Do you and Sally want to come over for dinner Friday?"
Relena looked surprised. She had thought that she had kept her dating Sally reasonably discreet. But, after all, Duo was a Gundam pilot. "That'll be fine, Duo. How about 8 or so?"
"Kewl. I think we're planning lasagna tomorrow. Trowa's a pretty good cook, and Cat's pretty good at helping him."
"Great, we'll see you then. Say hi to Heero. Bye!"
The vidphone shut off and Duo walked over to the laptop and closed it. He snickered as he walked toward the other pilots. The three had looks of utter horror as they saw Heero get out of the car and go to the back driver's side. As he opened the door, they saw a baby seat. Heero reached in and unlatched the seat. As he pulled the carrier out, it was obvious what was inside. An egg. Heero then said "We're home, Toddikens. Mommy's just so happy at how you've behaved today. Let's go in and give daddy the biggest hug and kiss in the world."
Before Heero could turn to head toward the house, he saw three figures rush from the front door yelling things like "Aarraugh...aliens", "Helllllllp" and "Thank Nataku I'm straight!" The Japanese pilot saw a laughing Duo in the window, so it was safe to assume that the three terrorized figures were Fei, Cat and Trowa.
As Heero entered the house, Duo said "Hiya mommy! How's the sex-ed project going?"
"Toddy's been a good boy and he wants his daddy to give him a kiss." Duo walked up to Heero and then kissed the egg. Heero put down the baby carrier and looked at Duo. "I don't think Todd will mind if I say thank God it's only for 24 hours. But mommy wants her kiss now!" Duo obliged in his most voraciously horny manner possible. After the kiss Heero asked "I assume what I saw with the other three had something to do with your psych class project?"
"All taped and ready to go. You'll be glad to know that I don't have to give a presentation."
Heero then gave Duo a lascivious grin. "Since the others will probably be gone for a bit, how's about us doing that mommy-daddy thing?"
Duo grinned back, equally as lecherously. "You bet babe. And remember your the mommy for 24 hours."
"I'll go get the lube, then. But I'll be back!" Heero walked toward their room with the most sexy sashay to his butt.
When Heero got back, he was dressed in a pink teddy. He wasn't dressed for very long. In fact, he ended up on the sofa in front of the windows in record time. Somewhere during the mommy-daddy thing, Heero heard someone yell "Allah preserve us...they're mating!" but didn't think anything more of it.
-End Story-
Disclaimer: I don't own GW...doing this for fun...sort of.
-Begin Story-
"Maxwell, you are a baka after all!" Chang Wufei looked at the braided wonder and shook his head. "Do you expect us to believe the story you've just told us?"
"As far as I can tell, it's the truth." Duo Maxwell did his best to look serious. The other pilots didn't buy it for a second.
"On the other hand, it would explain a few things about Heero's oddities." Trowa Barton 's one uncovered eye looked impassive as he spoke. "I think we should at least pay attention to his actions now. After all, what do we really know about Heero?"
Quatre, who as usual was quite rattled by Duo's story, nervously tried to sum up what he had just heard. "S...so you're saying that Heero is really a girl. An a..alien girl who looks like a guy, including his...his...." Quatre blushed and was so flustered that he couldn't bring himself to mention Heero's equipment. "And he lays eggs instead of gets pregnant, and he lays his eggs through his...his..."
Duo looked at Cat in bemusement and finished the sentence. "His dick. That's pretty much it, Cat."
"And you expect us to believe that. Plus the absurd notion that his period lasts 27 of 28 days, the only time he's not on is right after he lays his egg?" Wufei still wouldn't believe the braided baka.
"Maybe that's why I'm so attracted to him. I'm Bi. He's a girl, but for all intents and purposes functions the same as a guy except for when he's laying his egg. And believe you me, when I say he functions...."
Wufei suddenly grabbed for the tissue box as his nose started to bleed. "Enough already."
"And yet, it does seem Heero's only happy maybe once a month, at least around us." Trowa looked thoughtfully as he considered the possibility.
"I've managed to hack his laptop. He keeps a diary. Wanna see something really strange?" Duo asked.
"You hacked Heero's laptop? Right! You of all people couldn't hack a loogie, much less a laptop, Maxwell." Wufei was holding a wad of tissues to his nose.
"He keeps video files of me and him doing it. I can show you those to, Wu-babe!" Maxwell chuckles as Wufei's nose seemed to hit a gusher. He decided to let his friend off easily. "Let's go look at his diary. And Wuffie, I won't open the vids." Wufei was getting so weak that he couldn't even reply to Duo, but he followed the others to Duo and Heero's room.
Duo opened Heero's laptop, and after a couple of tries, gained access to the desktop. "What'd I tell you! I'm a hacking fiend!" Duo smiled at his seeming accomplishment. "Now, here's where he keeps his reports. You'll notice that he's named them by date." The other three pilots all nodded in unison. "Cat, why don't you open a few and check to see that this is what they are?" Quatre sat in front of the the laptop and quickly opened and scanned several of the files.
"They look like reports. He seems to have a big head about most of the events, but they're pretty much as they happened." Quatre made a mental note to check out why Heero had only used his own and Quatre and Duo's names, while mentioning Wufei and Trowa only as the pilots of the respective Gundams.
"I found out a pattern. I did a search in file for the word 'happy' from the files in this directory. Look what happened." Duo stood before the screen and did the search. "Trowa, you're the best at pattern recognition and dates. What do you see?"
Trowa looked at the screen for a moment. As he scrolled down the list, he looked shocked and the let out a gasp. "The files with 'happy' in them are exactly 28 days apart."
"You guys are shitting me. Let me take a look." Wufei pushed Trowa out of the way and after a few moments realized that the unibanged sexpot was telling the truth. "By Nataku's Kitana! Maxwell's right."
"H...Have you actually seen him lay an egg?" Quatre was now very nervous and hung on to Trowa for dear life.
"He does that in private. Usually in one of the bathrooms. Y'know that time Wufei thought he caught Heero wanking?" Duo looked at the others. Trowa was smirking and the others were blushing at the memory. Wufei had also started bleeding again. "It's the closest any of us have come to seeing him lay an egg."
The other three young men all pondered Duo's statement when the vidphone rang. Duo answered and Relena Peacecraft appeared on the screen. "Hiya, Relena. Wassup?"
"Heero wanted me to call and tell you he'd be back in a few minutes. He just left." Relena had a perplexed look on her face.
"What's wrong, babe?" Duo's slight endearment would never have been uttered if Relena hadn't finally come to her senses about the Maxwell–Yuy relationship. Heero's idea of playing Russian Roulette with the gun in Relena's mouth had been a really good idea.
"Well, Duo, it was the strangest thing. When Heero came in for his regular security check, he was wearing a front baby carrier. The thing was, it only had an egg in it."
Three 'eeps' were uttered behind Duo simultaneously.
"And he was calling himself mommy and the egg Todd." Relena shook her head at the thought. "The most amazing thing, though, was that he would sing it lullabies. I don't know what you're doing with him Duo, but he actually seemed both happy and content."
Duo smiled at the thought. He heard a car pulling up to the front of Quatre's mansion. "There's Heero." The other three pilots ran to the front window to see Heero as he got out of the car. "By the way, Relena. Do you and Sally want to come over for dinner Friday?"
Relena looked surprised. She had thought that she had kept her dating Sally reasonably discreet. But, after all, Duo was a Gundam pilot. "That'll be fine, Duo. How about 8 or so?"
"Kewl. I think we're planning lasagna tomorrow. Trowa's a pretty good cook, and Cat's pretty good at helping him."
"Great, we'll see you then. Say hi to Heero. Bye!"
The vidphone shut off and Duo walked over to the laptop and closed it. He snickered as he walked toward the other pilots. The three had looks of utter horror as they saw Heero get out of the car and go to the back driver's side. As he opened the door, they saw a baby seat. Heero reached in and unlatched the seat. As he pulled the carrier out, it was obvious what was inside. An egg. Heero then said "We're home, Toddikens. Mommy's just so happy at how you've behaved today. Let's go in and give daddy the biggest hug and kiss in the world."
Before Heero could turn to head toward the house, he saw three figures rush from the front door yelling things like "Aarraugh...aliens", "Helllllllp" and "Thank Nataku I'm straight!" The Japanese pilot saw a laughing Duo in the window, so it was safe to assume that the three terrorized figures were Fei, Cat and Trowa.
As Heero entered the house, Duo said "Hiya mommy! How's the sex-ed project going?"
"Toddy's been a good boy and he wants his daddy to give him a kiss." Duo walked up to Heero and then kissed the egg. Heero put down the baby carrier and looked at Duo. "I don't think Todd will mind if I say thank God it's only for 24 hours. But mommy wants her kiss now!" Duo obliged in his most voraciously horny manner possible. After the kiss Heero asked "I assume what I saw with the other three had something to do with your psych class project?"
"All taped and ready to go. You'll be glad to know that I don't have to give a presentation."
Heero then gave Duo a lascivious grin. "Since the others will probably be gone for a bit, how's about us doing that mommy-daddy thing?"
Duo grinned back, equally as lecherously. "You bet babe. And remember your the mommy for 24 hours."
"I'll go get the lube, then. But I'll be back!" Heero walked toward their room with the most sexy sashay to his butt.
When Heero got back, he was dressed in a pink teddy. He wasn't dressed for very long. In fact, he ended up on the sofa in front of the windows in record time. Somewhere during the mommy-daddy thing, Heero heard someone yell "Allah preserve us...they're mating!" but didn't think anything more of it.
-End Story-