I'll Stand By You
A Friend in Need
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you
Pan woke the next morning, hoping it had all been just a dream. No such luck. She was still sore and sorry for herself, more so now, because of the way she had slept: curled up in her armchair. She stood, and limped to the kitchen to make herself some breakfast. She heated up some leftovers that she found in a container, since she wasn't in the mood to actually prepare something.
She ate the food with another cup of herbal tea. While she ate, Pan listened to the radio. She turned it off when a report was presented, warning girls about a new date-rape drug.
Pan spent the rest of the day in her apartment. She was too afraid to leave its safety.
* * * * * *
"Bra!" Juunanagou called. He had woken up to find her missing. She wasn't anywhere in the cabin, but he found her outside, sitting by a tiny creek.
"There you are." He sat down with her. "What's the matter?"
"Remember how I had that dream last night?" Bra looked up at the jinzouningen. "I can't shake this awful feeling that I've had ever since."
"What sort of feeling?"
"Guilt. In my dream, Pan was in trouble…and I wasn't there for her. I…I think that maybe something really did happen to Pan. And it's all my fault."
"You can't blame yourself, Bra-chan. Pan is responsible for her own life. Come back inside. I'll make you some breakfast. Maybe that will make you feel better."
"Okay." Bra followed Juunanagou back to their cabin. Pan-chan…I'm sorry.
* * * * * *
Marron parked the car out in front of Pan's apartment. It had been two days since Marron had left a message on Pan's machine, and Pan still hadn't returned the call. Marron was worried about her. She took a deep breath, and walked up to Pan's apartment.
Marron gasped when her friend opened the door. Pan looked awful. The bruise around her eye was now a mixture of colours – blue, purple, yellow and black. To add to this, there were also dark circles under both of Pan's eyes, indicating her lack of sleep.
"Oh my gosh! Pan, what happened?" Marron cried.
"I…uh…went to a party on Saturday night," Pan mumbled. "And I got myself into a drunken brawl."
"Pan, you have to be more careful. Look at this." Marron examined Pan's black eye. "How big was the guy who did this? I didn't think you Saiyans could be injured like this. I grew up with Trunks and Goten, and I don't think I ever saw them do this much damage to one another."
"Well…I…ah…was kinda drunk. So my defence wasn't all that good." Pan knew her excuses were pretty pathetic, but she didn't want to tell Marron the truth. Marron was such a perfect, good-natured girl. If she knew that Pan had been raped – without protection – she probably wouldn't want to speak to Pan ever again.
"So, are you alright?"
"I'm fine. I think I just need to rest a little bit."
"Okay. I was going to see if you wanted to come out shopping with me today. But I'll let you rest. Do you want me to stay and look after you?"
Pan knew that if Marron stayed, she'd end up telling the real story. "No, it's okay Marron. I'll be fine. Thanks anyway."
"Well, I'll see you later then." Marron started to leave. Then she turned back. "Ummm…Pan?"
"Yeah?"
"I…uh…Oh, it doesn't matter. It's not important. Call me if you need anything. Even just someone to talk to."
"I'll remember that. Thank you, Marron." Pan watched her blonde friend leave, wondering what Marron had been going to say. The thing that wasn't important.
Once out of earshot and site of Pan, Marron cursed herself. I am the most pathetic loser! I have no courage whatsoever! I had the perfect opportunity to tell Pan that I love her, and I blew it. Completely. She drove home.
* * * * * *
Pan's injuries healed fairly quickly. After a fortnight, there was hardly any sign of her attack. But, by that stage, Pan had something more important to worry about than her obvious injuries. Her period was late…by a week and a half. That was really something to worry about, since she had always been as regular as clockwork. The latest her period had ever been was a day.
And then the sickness started. Every morning, Pan would have to race to the bathroom, where she would throw up. Her denial began. "I must've eaten some bad food." "It's probably stress. That'd explain the throwing up and the lateness." "I'm not eating enough."
After a week of this, Pan finally went to see a doctor. She purposely went to one out of her general area, and the area where her parents lived. A twenty minute examination, and Pan's worst fear was confirmed. She was pregnant.
Seeing how upset Pan looked, the female doctor asked, "Do you know who the father is, sweetie?" Pan nodded. "Are the two of you…together?"
"W-we sort of were," Pan managed to say.
"Were you sleeping together?"
Pan burst into tears. "No. I…I…wasn't ready for sex. With any of them. But…he…he just took it. He said he'd earned it. It's not fair."
The doctor asked Pan if she wanted to tell the police, but Pan shook her head. If she told the police, she would have to tell her parents, and at the moment, she didn't want them to know. The doctor assured Pan that complete confidentiality would be kept, and gave her some phone numbers she could call for support. Before Pan left, the doctor took a few more tests, to check for STDs, and told Pan she would ring her when the results came in.
Pan walked out of the doctor's surgery, and to her car, miserable. She slowly drove back to her home…and saw Marron walking out of the building.
Marron spotted Pan, and ran over waving. Her smile faded when she saw the look on Pan's face. "Pan-chan, is something wrong?"
In reply, Pan burst into tears. Marron helped her out of the car and up to the apartment. By the time they were inside, Pan's crying had reduced to occasional sobs and hiccups. Marron made her sit down, and went to the kitchen to get her a drink.
Marron returned with a glass of water. Pan drank it, and felt marginally better. She wiped her eyes.
"Now, Pan, tell me what's wrong," said Marron, kindly. "I'm your friend, and I'm here for you."
"I…I…Do you remember how I told you that I got myself into a drunken brawl? Well, I lied. I…I don't know why, but I just didn't want to tell anybody. I thought you'd all look down on me, and hate me because I let it happen."
"Let what happen? Pan, you're not making any sense."
"I was…raped." Pan's voice faded away.
"Oh, Pan. It wasn't your fault." Marron wrapped an arm around Pan's shoulder. "Just remember that. Don't let anyway say that you're to blame because you 'let it happen'. I'm sure you tried everything you could to stop it from happening."
"But it is my fault…sort of," Pan sniffled. "He did it because I wouldn't agree to sleep with him, and because he found out about my other boyfriends. He and one of the others planned it together. Darien made the drug to disable me, and Kaji fucked me. If…if I had only had one boyfriend, this never would've happened."
Marron hadn't known about Pan's multiple relationships. But then again, she always tuned out when Pan started talking about her boyfriends. Still, Pan wasn't to blame. No woman was ever to blame for her own rape.
"Pan, whatever happened, it's all in the past. You can make it through this. You're strong. And I'll be here for you, to help you."
Pan looked up at Marron. "You don't understand. That's not all of it. He…he didn't use any protection. And now I'm…I'm…"
"You're pregnant!?!"
Pan bit her lip, and nodded. "Please don't tell anyone, Marron. Promise me you won't."
"Pan, I swear I won't tell. You know that you can trust me."
"Oh, Marron. Thank you! Thank you so much!" Pan threw her arms around Marron and held her tight.
Marron felt like she was in heaven. This was what she had always wanted…well, not the part about Pan being raped, but having Pan so close to her. Alright, Marron. You missed your chance last time.
"Pan, I have something to tell you," Marron started. Pan looked up at her, curious. "I…I also have a secret. I've kept it for…many years now. I can't remember how many. I…I'm…a…lesbian…"
Pan's eyes widened. "A lesbian? Really?"
"Yeah…" Okay, she knows I'm a lesbian. Now I just have to tell her that I love her with all of my heart, and everything will be fine. Ha! Yeah, right. Marron had no idea how she was going to tell Pan that she loved her. Then, something came over her. She reached forward, placed her hand on Pan's cheek, and kissed her.
Pan didn't know what to do. When Marron had admitted she was gay, Pan never expected that she herself would be Marron's crush. She sat, paralysed as Marron pressed her lips against Pan's own.
Marron broke the kiss, and smiled slightly at Pan. The younger woman was completely shocked. Pan shook her head to break her daze. She looked at Marron, and backed away.
"Get out."
"What?" Marron couldn't believe this was happening.
"Get out of my home right now!"
"But, Pan…" Marron reached out to touch Pan's arm.
"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Pan screamed. Her voice quietened to a whisper. "Please, just leave."
Tears already forming in her eyes, Marron ran out of Pan's apartment.
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