Disclaimer: I own nothing, (I'm running out of funny things to say).
A quick point to the reviewer called Chris. He said something like; all the Spike and Buffy stories are taking space that could be used for Buffy and Xander stories. Here's a thought, off the top of my head, right out of the gate. If you don't like Buffy and Spike stories, STOP READING THEM!!
Okay feeling better now. Thanks to everyone else out there who reviewed. This one's kinda long so get comfortable.
Dawn was looking at the vampire seated at her side. He hadn't made anymore to attack either her or her sister and she had to admit, he was kinda cute. He had helped her when Buffy had been wigging out. Buffy was getting something to eat and she was starting to get antsy, "Spike?"
Spike, pulled out of his thoughts of Buffy and Joyce and Dawn took a second to respond, "What nibblet?"
"What is a cat scan exactly?"
Spike fought the urge to try to comfort her somehow. She was so like Buffy. The innocent and young part of Buffy. He didn't want her to be hurt, he wanted to protect her from hurt, from this, "I don't really know pet."
Dawn voice was starting to shake, "Where do they get the 'cat' scan from? I mean do they test it on cats. Or does the machine sortta look like a cat."
Spike could smell the fear coming off her. She seemed so small. He reached out and slipped an arm around her shoulders. He hadn't really shown a human platonic affection in over a hundred years. But seeing how frightened she was he didn't bother with trying to be the big bad. He pulled the small girl towards him and she laid her head on his shoulder, allowing herself to be comforted.
Buffy smiled as she walked down the corridor Spike was comforting her little sister. The big bad vampire was comforting the Slayer's sister. And the girl was allowing herself to be comforted. Buffy could see the beginnings of a big brother syndrome in Spike here. It was. . . well it was so sweet.
Buffy handed Spike a can of coke, "Hey you two. You okay?"
Dawn lifted her head sleepily. The girl was exhausted; she hadn't slept or eaten, "I'm okay." She spotted the coke, "Please tell me that's for me. I'm dying over here."
Spike smiled and handed her the can. Buffy pulled another one out of her bag, "I got plenty. I also got a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich from the canteen. I know they're you're favourite Dawn."
Dawn smiled and shook her head, "I'm really not hungry."
Buffy wasn't having any of that, "Don't even think about it. If you don't eat it, I'll take you home for some breakfast. I don't want to go either, but sick or not, Mom would kill me if I don't make you eat."
Spike took the sandwich, "Come on nibblet, you really should."
Buffy watched as Dawn took the sandwich and ate. Buffy smiled.
Riley went round to Buffy's. He was feeling a little bit horny. Time for a visit to the girl friend. They hadn't actually made love since the day after he had come out of hospital. He didn't know why. Maybe they had just not got round to it. But Riley was getting the feeling that maybe Buffy was . . . He had been afraid of this. Buffy was going off him. Oh God. He knew that she didn't love him; she hadn't ever actually loved him. She had . . .Buffy . . . Riley didn't know what he was going to do if he couldn't keep her. He loved her. Riley scanned the house, but he couldn't see anyone there. Grabbing his jacket, he headed for the magic box. He would keep her please God he would.
Buffy stood by the door. Her mom was getting her results. Buffy had never been so terrified in all of her life. She would rather go to fight the Master, Angel, and Faith all over again and at the same time than go in there and find out what was happening to her mother. Thank God that Dawn was asleep in the other room. She didn't want her sister to hear it unprepared if it was bad news. Buffy took a breath and felt two arms slip around her waist. She knew that it was Spike. She leant back for a second into his touch, "I can't go in there Spike. I just can't."
Spike pressed his lips to the column of her throat, "You will Slayer. You know that you have to."
Buffy shivered and pulled his arms tighter around her, "What if it's bad news? I don't know if I can deal with it."
Spike rubbed her arms, "If it's bad news pet . . .well, she'll need you. Do you want her to be in there getting the bad news alone?"
Buffy turned around in his grasp, "You're right. I don't want her to be alone. Will you stay with Dawn until I get back, and will. . ?"
"What pet?"
Buffy swallowed the lump in her throat, "Don't go anywhere. I need you okay?"
"Yeah pet. I love you." Spike kissed her on the forehead.
Buffy turned and taking a deep breath, she opened the door.
Buffy slipped out of the room. She felt as though her knees were going to collapse beneath her. The world was spinning. She couldn't seem to stand straight. All the sounds in the room sounded as though they were coming through cotton wool. Buffy felt sick. She leant against the wall and tried to support her weight. Buffy didn't try to stop the tears that were cascading down her face. She had never cried so much in any twenty-four hours as she had this twenty-four. Buffy felt her knees give and she slid down the wall. Before she hit the floor she felt a pair of arms encircle her. Despite the lack of the leather coat, she knew that the arms belonged to Spike.
"What happened pet?"
Buffy sobbed, "There's a shadow on the scan. They don't know what it is. But I know. It's something bad and she's going to get sick and I can't help her and she's going to get sicker and then she's going to di . . . "
Spike pressed his lips to hers. Pulling away, he held her tightly, "Don't even say that. You don't know that yet. Even the doctors don't know what's happening yet. You can't fall apart yet. Dawn needs you."
Buffy couldn't seem to stop shaking. She lifted her head and kissed Spike. "Spike, I don't know what to do."
Spike kissed her back. She clung to his back. Spike took both of her hands, "I'll help you. We have to go and stay with Dawn and when she wakes up we need to tell her."
Buffy shook her head, "I don't think that we should tell her yet."
Spike shrugged, "She's not stupid you know pet and from what she was saying before there isn't much you could tell her that's worse than what she's imagining."
Buffy nodded, "All right. How do I tell her that her mother could be dying?"
Spike gripped her hands, "You don't. We do."
Riley pushed open the door, "Buffy?"
Anya came forward; apparently disappointed that Riley wasn't a customer, "Buffy's not here. She called early on and spoke to Giles. Something's wrong. They have to go to the hospital and do some tests on Joyce. Giles, Willow, or Xander could probably tell you more."
Riley slipped into the shop and saw Willow and Xander sat at the table, apparently still researching that demon woman, that Buffy had fought a couple of weeks ago. "Hey guys. What's happening with Mrs Summers?"
Giles came through and thought that it was a sign of Riley's lack of connection that he was still the only one to call Joyce 'Mrs Summers'. Even Tara called her by her Christian name. He had told Willow and Xander everything that he had been told by Buffy, everything except the part about Spike going with them. Buffy had told him not to mention that part. She had said that she wanted to tell them herself. One at a time, probably Willow first. She loved them both, but Willow was much more accepting than Xander. . .and over Spike . . .well Buffy was going to need all the acceptance she could get. Buffy said she was still with Riley, but it wasn't Riley that was at the hospital with her now. It was Spike. She wanted her friends to know about Spike's feeling for her. She hated keeping anything from them. She was already keeping secrets about Dawn. She didn't want anymore from them.
But now that Riley was on his . . .That was all they needed, for Riley to go to the hospital and find Spike there. "Buffy and Dawn took their mother to the hospital for a CAT scan. They doctor's still aren't sure what's wrong but they're trying to find out."
Riley turned, "I'd better get down there. I don't want Buffy to be alone."
Giles spoke quickly, "She's not alone. The girls are together and they need each other at a time like this."
"Yeah but Buffy'll need me too"
Willow picked up a sharp glare from Giles. Why was Giles trying to stop Riley from going? Whatever it was it was probably a hell of a reason. She spotted his appeal for help, "Riley. Don't you think that the sisters should be together . . .with each other?"
Riley looked at them all like they'd gone crazy, "I'm going."
Riley walked out of the door.
Giles gestured to the back room and Willow followed, leaving a very confused Xander to shrug and get back to work.
"Care to fill me in on what that was all about."
Giles looked at the redhead. "Buffy wants to tell you herself. She told me almost by accident, she said that she wanted to tell you herself."
A look of horror dawned on Willow's features, "Is it something bad? Is the world ending? Is her mom bad? Is. . ."
Giles put both of his hands on her shoulders, "Willow. Calm down. It's nothing like that. It's a personal issue. Let's just say that she's going to need your support. I'm trying to deal with it at the moment, and even though I'm not comfortable with . . . Well we have to trust that Buffy knows what she's doing."
Buffy didn't know what she was doing. She was just holding Dawn as she cried. As they both cried . . . again. But it was their mom. So they cried.
Spike stood and Buffy shook her head slightly. She didn't want him to go. But he smiled, "I'll be back in a bit pet. You girls need a little time to yourselves."
Spike slipped on his duster and disappeared around the corner. Buffy clung to her sister. The girl didn't even seem to have heard Spike.
Buffy couldn't take her eyes of Dawn. She looked so small, so helpless, so . . . real, so Dawn. Buffy was about to stand up and go look for Spike when she felt a hand touch her shoulder. Lifting her own hand to take hold of his, she found the hand was warm. Riley.
Buffy stood and hugged her boyfriend, "Hey. Sorry I didn't call. I didn't know about it until last night and then we just came here."
Riley felt his stomach clench. She had found the time to call Giles after all. "It's okay. I understand." He wrapped his arms around her tiny shoulders and hugged her fiercely. Maybe she was just not thinking clearly, when she didn't call him, after all she obviously needed him to be here. Needed his support. Well she needed someone anyway and now he was here.
Spike turned the corner. On his way, back he had decided to get them some food. He thought that when girls were upset they liked chocolate. He had cut his knuckles putting his fist through the glass, but if it helped to calm them even a little it was going to be worth it. To pacify Buffy he had also gotten a few sandwiches and some drinks. As soon as he saw Riley, he stopped. Buffy's head was resting on her 'boyfriend's' shoulder. She saw him as soon as he saw her. She stirred as though she was going to come over to him. But Spike held up his hand dropping the food her turned and walked towards the basement. Sewer tunnels it was.
Buffy was feeling terrible. She had let him just go. She should have gone after him, she should have stopped him, but . . .Riley was there. She couldn't do anything in front of Riley. Why? Did she need him? No. But she wanted him. He was a part of her life, her normal life and she wasn't going to give him up, not even for Spike. It would be truly an admission of defeat, waving goodbye to all that was normal in her life. She wasn't ready to do that yet. She didn't know if she ever would be.
So what about Spike? When he told her he loved her, she liked it. It felt wonderful, because she knew it was true, wonderful, and amazing, yet she never said it back. She couldn't say it back, she never would. She wanted him to love her but she couldn't love him back. Did that make her selfish? Of course it did. She just didn't know what to do about it. She felt something for him. She cared for him. She wanted him. She wanted him in her life. She wanted him to have her in his life, but that wasn't love. It couldn't be . . .please God it couldn't be.
And now her mom. She felt so helpless. The only thing close to this had been when Angel had killed Miss Calendar. She had felt a twinge of it then. Responsible and lost, because she knew that she couldn't fix it.
Buffy was pulled out of her thoughts. The doctor was coming to speak to her.
"Well, everything went fine and we're moving her into recovery."
Buffy swallowed even though her throat was dry. She glanced over at her sleeping sister, "Do we have the results yet?"
The doctor frowned, "Let's sit down over . . ."
"No." The doctor's brow furrowed at her harsh tone and she rapidly back- peddled, "Excuse me no. I don't mean to be rude it's just that I have been sitting for hours, I don't wanna sit, I just . . . tell me please."
"Your mother has a low grade gleoma. It's a brain tumour. The official term is . . . "
The doctor's voice petered out as Buffy got lost inside her own thoughts. Her mother had a brain tumour. A tumour. A brain tumour. Her mother had a brain tumour. She wanted to get out of there. She couldn't seem to focus. She wanted to take her mother and her key of a sister and run . . .she wanted Spike.
A quick point to the reviewer called Chris. He said something like; all the Spike and Buffy stories are taking space that could be used for Buffy and Xander stories. Here's a thought, off the top of my head, right out of the gate. If you don't like Buffy and Spike stories, STOP READING THEM!!
Okay feeling better now. Thanks to everyone else out there who reviewed. This one's kinda long so get comfortable.
Dawn was looking at the vampire seated at her side. He hadn't made anymore to attack either her or her sister and she had to admit, he was kinda cute. He had helped her when Buffy had been wigging out. Buffy was getting something to eat and she was starting to get antsy, "Spike?"
Spike, pulled out of his thoughts of Buffy and Joyce and Dawn took a second to respond, "What nibblet?"
"What is a cat scan exactly?"
Spike fought the urge to try to comfort her somehow. She was so like Buffy. The innocent and young part of Buffy. He didn't want her to be hurt, he wanted to protect her from hurt, from this, "I don't really know pet."
Dawn voice was starting to shake, "Where do they get the 'cat' scan from? I mean do they test it on cats. Or does the machine sortta look like a cat."
Spike could smell the fear coming off her. She seemed so small. He reached out and slipped an arm around her shoulders. He hadn't really shown a human platonic affection in over a hundred years. But seeing how frightened she was he didn't bother with trying to be the big bad. He pulled the small girl towards him and she laid her head on his shoulder, allowing herself to be comforted.
Buffy smiled as she walked down the corridor Spike was comforting her little sister. The big bad vampire was comforting the Slayer's sister. And the girl was allowing herself to be comforted. Buffy could see the beginnings of a big brother syndrome in Spike here. It was. . . well it was so sweet.
Buffy handed Spike a can of coke, "Hey you two. You okay?"
Dawn lifted her head sleepily. The girl was exhausted; she hadn't slept or eaten, "I'm okay." She spotted the coke, "Please tell me that's for me. I'm dying over here."
Spike smiled and handed her the can. Buffy pulled another one out of her bag, "I got plenty. I also got a bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich from the canteen. I know they're you're favourite Dawn."
Dawn smiled and shook her head, "I'm really not hungry."
Buffy wasn't having any of that, "Don't even think about it. If you don't eat it, I'll take you home for some breakfast. I don't want to go either, but sick or not, Mom would kill me if I don't make you eat."
Spike took the sandwich, "Come on nibblet, you really should."
Buffy watched as Dawn took the sandwich and ate. Buffy smiled.
Riley went round to Buffy's. He was feeling a little bit horny. Time for a visit to the girl friend. They hadn't actually made love since the day after he had come out of hospital. He didn't know why. Maybe they had just not got round to it. But Riley was getting the feeling that maybe Buffy was . . . He had been afraid of this. Buffy was going off him. Oh God. He knew that she didn't love him; she hadn't ever actually loved him. She had . . .Buffy . . . Riley didn't know what he was going to do if he couldn't keep her. He loved her. Riley scanned the house, but he couldn't see anyone there. Grabbing his jacket, he headed for the magic box. He would keep her please God he would.
Buffy stood by the door. Her mom was getting her results. Buffy had never been so terrified in all of her life. She would rather go to fight the Master, Angel, and Faith all over again and at the same time than go in there and find out what was happening to her mother. Thank God that Dawn was asleep in the other room. She didn't want her sister to hear it unprepared if it was bad news. Buffy took a breath and felt two arms slip around her waist. She knew that it was Spike. She leant back for a second into his touch, "I can't go in there Spike. I just can't."
Spike pressed his lips to the column of her throat, "You will Slayer. You know that you have to."
Buffy shivered and pulled his arms tighter around her, "What if it's bad news? I don't know if I can deal with it."
Spike rubbed her arms, "If it's bad news pet . . .well, she'll need you. Do you want her to be in there getting the bad news alone?"
Buffy turned around in his grasp, "You're right. I don't want her to be alone. Will you stay with Dawn until I get back, and will. . ?"
"What pet?"
Buffy swallowed the lump in her throat, "Don't go anywhere. I need you okay?"
"Yeah pet. I love you." Spike kissed her on the forehead.
Buffy turned and taking a deep breath, she opened the door.
Buffy slipped out of the room. She felt as though her knees were going to collapse beneath her. The world was spinning. She couldn't seem to stand straight. All the sounds in the room sounded as though they were coming through cotton wool. Buffy felt sick. She leant against the wall and tried to support her weight. Buffy didn't try to stop the tears that were cascading down her face. She had never cried so much in any twenty-four hours as she had this twenty-four. Buffy felt her knees give and she slid down the wall. Before she hit the floor she felt a pair of arms encircle her. Despite the lack of the leather coat, she knew that the arms belonged to Spike.
"What happened pet?"
Buffy sobbed, "There's a shadow on the scan. They don't know what it is. But I know. It's something bad and she's going to get sick and I can't help her and she's going to get sicker and then she's going to di . . . "
Spike pressed his lips to hers. Pulling away, he held her tightly, "Don't even say that. You don't know that yet. Even the doctors don't know what's happening yet. You can't fall apart yet. Dawn needs you."
Buffy couldn't seem to stop shaking. She lifted her head and kissed Spike. "Spike, I don't know what to do."
Spike kissed her back. She clung to his back. Spike took both of her hands, "I'll help you. We have to go and stay with Dawn and when she wakes up we need to tell her."
Buffy shook her head, "I don't think that we should tell her yet."
Spike shrugged, "She's not stupid you know pet and from what she was saying before there isn't much you could tell her that's worse than what she's imagining."
Buffy nodded, "All right. How do I tell her that her mother could be dying?"
Spike gripped her hands, "You don't. We do."
Riley pushed open the door, "Buffy?"
Anya came forward; apparently disappointed that Riley wasn't a customer, "Buffy's not here. She called early on and spoke to Giles. Something's wrong. They have to go to the hospital and do some tests on Joyce. Giles, Willow, or Xander could probably tell you more."
Riley slipped into the shop and saw Willow and Xander sat at the table, apparently still researching that demon woman, that Buffy had fought a couple of weeks ago. "Hey guys. What's happening with Mrs Summers?"
Giles came through and thought that it was a sign of Riley's lack of connection that he was still the only one to call Joyce 'Mrs Summers'. Even Tara called her by her Christian name. He had told Willow and Xander everything that he had been told by Buffy, everything except the part about Spike going with them. Buffy had told him not to mention that part. She had said that she wanted to tell them herself. One at a time, probably Willow first. She loved them both, but Willow was much more accepting than Xander. . .and over Spike . . .well Buffy was going to need all the acceptance she could get. Buffy said she was still with Riley, but it wasn't Riley that was at the hospital with her now. It was Spike. She wanted her friends to know about Spike's feeling for her. She hated keeping anything from them. She was already keeping secrets about Dawn. She didn't want anymore from them.
But now that Riley was on his . . .That was all they needed, for Riley to go to the hospital and find Spike there. "Buffy and Dawn took their mother to the hospital for a CAT scan. They doctor's still aren't sure what's wrong but they're trying to find out."
Riley turned, "I'd better get down there. I don't want Buffy to be alone."
Giles spoke quickly, "She's not alone. The girls are together and they need each other at a time like this."
"Yeah but Buffy'll need me too"
Willow picked up a sharp glare from Giles. Why was Giles trying to stop Riley from going? Whatever it was it was probably a hell of a reason. She spotted his appeal for help, "Riley. Don't you think that the sisters should be together . . .with each other?"
Riley looked at them all like they'd gone crazy, "I'm going."
Riley walked out of the door.
Giles gestured to the back room and Willow followed, leaving a very confused Xander to shrug and get back to work.
"Care to fill me in on what that was all about."
Giles looked at the redhead. "Buffy wants to tell you herself. She told me almost by accident, she said that she wanted to tell you herself."
A look of horror dawned on Willow's features, "Is it something bad? Is the world ending? Is her mom bad? Is. . ."
Giles put both of his hands on her shoulders, "Willow. Calm down. It's nothing like that. It's a personal issue. Let's just say that she's going to need your support. I'm trying to deal with it at the moment, and even though I'm not comfortable with . . . Well we have to trust that Buffy knows what she's doing."
Buffy didn't know what she was doing. She was just holding Dawn as she cried. As they both cried . . . again. But it was their mom. So they cried.
Spike stood and Buffy shook her head slightly. She didn't want him to go. But he smiled, "I'll be back in a bit pet. You girls need a little time to yourselves."
Spike slipped on his duster and disappeared around the corner. Buffy clung to her sister. The girl didn't even seem to have heard Spike.
Buffy couldn't take her eyes of Dawn. She looked so small, so helpless, so . . . real, so Dawn. Buffy was about to stand up and go look for Spike when she felt a hand touch her shoulder. Lifting her own hand to take hold of his, she found the hand was warm. Riley.
Buffy stood and hugged her boyfriend, "Hey. Sorry I didn't call. I didn't know about it until last night and then we just came here."
Riley felt his stomach clench. She had found the time to call Giles after all. "It's okay. I understand." He wrapped his arms around her tiny shoulders and hugged her fiercely. Maybe she was just not thinking clearly, when she didn't call him, after all she obviously needed him to be here. Needed his support. Well she needed someone anyway and now he was here.
Spike turned the corner. On his way, back he had decided to get them some food. He thought that when girls were upset they liked chocolate. He had cut his knuckles putting his fist through the glass, but if it helped to calm them even a little it was going to be worth it. To pacify Buffy he had also gotten a few sandwiches and some drinks. As soon as he saw Riley, he stopped. Buffy's head was resting on her 'boyfriend's' shoulder. She saw him as soon as he saw her. She stirred as though she was going to come over to him. But Spike held up his hand dropping the food her turned and walked towards the basement. Sewer tunnels it was.
Buffy was feeling terrible. She had let him just go. She should have gone after him, she should have stopped him, but . . .Riley was there. She couldn't do anything in front of Riley. Why? Did she need him? No. But she wanted him. He was a part of her life, her normal life and she wasn't going to give him up, not even for Spike. It would be truly an admission of defeat, waving goodbye to all that was normal in her life. She wasn't ready to do that yet. She didn't know if she ever would be.
So what about Spike? When he told her he loved her, she liked it. It felt wonderful, because she knew it was true, wonderful, and amazing, yet she never said it back. She couldn't say it back, she never would. She wanted him to love her but she couldn't love him back. Did that make her selfish? Of course it did. She just didn't know what to do about it. She felt something for him. She cared for him. She wanted him. She wanted him in her life. She wanted him to have her in his life, but that wasn't love. It couldn't be . . .please God it couldn't be.
And now her mom. She felt so helpless. The only thing close to this had been when Angel had killed Miss Calendar. She had felt a twinge of it then. Responsible and lost, because she knew that she couldn't fix it.
Buffy was pulled out of her thoughts. The doctor was coming to speak to her.
"Well, everything went fine and we're moving her into recovery."
Buffy swallowed even though her throat was dry. She glanced over at her sleeping sister, "Do we have the results yet?"
The doctor frowned, "Let's sit down over . . ."
"No." The doctor's brow furrowed at her harsh tone and she rapidly back- peddled, "Excuse me no. I don't mean to be rude it's just that I have been sitting for hours, I don't wanna sit, I just . . . tell me please."
"Your mother has a low grade gleoma. It's a brain tumour. The official term is . . . "
The doctor's voice petered out as Buffy got lost inside her own thoughts. Her mother had a brain tumour. A tumour. A brain tumour. Her mother had a brain tumour. She wanted to get out of there. She couldn't seem to focus. She wanted to take her mother and her key of a sister and run . . .she wanted Spike.